Always Us by Lizzie Morton

 

 

 

Seventeen

 

 

Abby

 

 

“I’ve never been so happy to be off a bus.” Leaning back in my chair I take in some of the hot afternoon sun, loving how it feels against my skin.

After Shaun got on the bus, the journey got a bit rowdy with him and the band. The girls and I spent the rest of the journey to Arras in France, trying to block out the sounds of Amanda’s high-pitched squeals once again.

I’m looking forward to a break from all of this and don’t know how much more of the rollercoaster summer with Jake I can take. Thankfully, we only have two more stops on the tour before we have a two-week break. I’ve yet to decide what I’m going to do with my time off, but what I do know is thatwhatever it is, I’ll be making sure Jake is nowhere nearby.

“I’m just happy to finally be somewhere that doesn’t make me feel like I’m in the live version of the Sound of Music,” mutters Zoe to herself.

“I see we’re still throwing out the stereotypes.” Shaun approaches from behind and shakes her gently, knowing it will piss her off. She hates unnecessary physical contact.

She flips him off in return. “I see you’re still being an ass-hat.”

“Loving as always, babe.” He blows a kiss at her. “We’ll see if you’re this bitchy later tonight.”

His tone and words are playful, but if you look close enough, there’s something amiss in his expression, and he’s staring at her far too intently for it to be considered a joke. After what he said when he first got on the tour bus, I don’t know what to think about the two of them anymore, it feels like there’s more to their relationship than meets the eye. When he doesn’t get the reaction he wants from her, he backs down and walks over to where the band are.

I pick up my coffee, wanting to move on from their little drama. The fresh aroma hits my nose, and it smells like heaven. Zoe is still squirming in her seat, and I watch her closely over the rim of my cup.

Eventually she looks up and snaps, “What?”

“Nothing,” I reply with a musical ring to my tone.

“Bullshit. You’ve got that I know something you don’t know look on your face. Spill it, now.”

“Sheesh, calm down will you. I just found it interesting how Shaun was being with you. It’s not the first time he’s acted a bit, strange. Plus, you’re not exactly your normal self around him. Has something happened between the two of you?”

“No, and it won’t either.” Her reply is far too quick.

“Some would call it sexual tension,” contributes Sophie.

I snort when Zoe’s face turns beet red.

“Leave it guys, seriously. There is nothing going on, I promise.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes until Sooz comes bumbling over, a frantic sweaty mess.

“Oh Em Gee. I tried to get here as fast as I could. Hot rocker alert.” I look at her confused. “God, you are so oblivious sometimes. Dan’s heading this way. Your Dan.”

I giggle. “He’s not my Dan. We’ve not even been on a date yet.”

“Minor details, but what you’re not listening to is what I’m actually saying. He’s heading over here, like now. I bumped into him and he asked where you were. I couldn’t not tell him.”

It dawns on me what she’s saying.

My eyes widen. “Now? Holy cow, I look like crap. He can’t see me like this!”

“Too late, he’s already found you.” Zoe straightens up and starts fluffing her hair, while Sophie sits twiddling her hands nervously.

Even from a distance I can see how gorgeous he is. Why does he have to look like that when I look like this. I’m regretting not taking the trip to the restroom with Zoe to freshen up, I was too focused on getting my first caffeine fix of the day.

Dan and his band quickly approach our table and he smiles in my direction. It’s the kind of smile that reaches the eyes and makes them crinkle at the sides, showing someone is genuinely happy. The way my stomach churns at seeing him proves he’s not the only one feeling this way.

I was apprehensive that I may have blown my feelings for him up into something bigger in my mind, that I’d built him up to be something he’s not. It’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve seen each other, but as he stands in front of me again, I feel like I need someone to pinch me to convince myself this is real. It’s hard to believe this gorgeous, genuinely nice guy is interested in me, out of all the women he no doubt has throwing themselves at him.

“Abby West,” he says.

“Hi Dan.”

I feel awkward and unsure of myself even though I know I have no reason to as he’s never done or said anything to make me feel this way. It helped the first time we met that I didn’t have a clue who he was. The second time, I was so starstruck and overwhelmed the whole night became a blur.

“How’ve you been?” he asks.

His band and the girls are staring back and forth between us, making me feel embarrassed.

I don’t appreciate having an audience like we do, which is why, rather than answering his question I ask, “Want to go for a walk?”

He nods. “Sure.”

When I stand, I notice Jake and his band in the distance also watching the exchange. I give them a small wave, letting them know they’ve been caught out. To Dan and his friends, it will seem like I’m just being friendly with the people I’m working with, but to everyone else who knows what’s going on, they know that the meaning behind the wave is a big fuck you to Jake. It’s unbearable how he’s staring as I move around the table to walk away with Dan. I know I’m going to pay for this later on.

I wait until we’ve made our way down the street and out of earshot of the others before I turn and say, “Sorry about that. It was getting a bit uncomfortable having an audience. What were you saying?”

He shrugs. “I didn’t notice they were all there to be honest. I was only focused on one thing.”

My heart begins racing at his words, and his English accent almost has me swooning like a character out of a romance novel. There’s something about it that’s just so sexy. I’m beginning to feel a bit hot and bothered.

“Abby?”

Embarrassingly, I’ve gone into a daydream. I’ll be lucky if by the end of this exchange, he thinks I’m normal and even worthy of a date.

“Sorry … I …”

God this is getting awkward, and I’d like to put it down to him being the hot shot singer of a world-famous band. It’s not that though. There’s something about him that I definitely didn’t notice back in Barcelona. Now, seeing him here again, he’s affecting me in a way only one other person has before, and to be frank it’s freaking me out.

He looks at me warily and asks, “Are you sure everything is ok? We can head back to the group. I thought by the way things were in Barcelona, and the texts, that you’d be happy to see me. I’ve been looking forward to this, but if you’re not feeling it and I’ve misinterpreted anything I really am sorry.”

He’s so polite and understanding that I want to scream at myself for acting so ridiculously.

His blue eyes look uncertain. You’d never know he stands on stage and sings in front of thousands of people, that he has millions of adorning fans. Right now, he looks like a normal guy putting a bit of his heart on the line with a girl that has become a blundering wreck. The way he’s looking at me worried makes me pull my act together.

I give myself a quick mental pep talk and finally find the courage to speak properly to him. “This is so awkward. It’s been years since I’ve acted like this, but I promise, you haven’t misread anything. I’m just a little bit … shy?”

His face relaxes and his torn expression is replaced by a grin that lights up his face and is so infectious it has me beaming right back.

“Good to know,” he says, a cockier tone is creeping in. It suits him, with his rock star image, but it doesn’t put me off, not when I know that there’s a whole other side to him. It merely adds to his sex appeal.

Laughing awkwardly, I finally answer his original question.

“So, how’ve I been? Hmm, want the perfect answer or the honest answer?”

“I’ll go for the honest one. That’s what I like about you.”

“Things have been a bit crap is the honest one, but it’s a long story. It doesn’t matter anyway as they’re suddenly looking up.”

I glance up through my eyelashes and notice he’s blushing slightly, meaning my words are affecting him in the same way he does me.

“And that would be because?”

My body hums at the fact he’s flirting, even I can’t misread this situation.

I hope I’m not too forward and it doesn’t put him off when I say, “Well, there’s this really hot guy in a band that’s been texting me. I think he might want to ask me on a date, which would be really fun.”

“Is that right?”

He comes to stand closer, and that’s when the butterflies take off and start fluttering away again, a reaction I’m starting to associate with him. He places a hand on my hip, taking me by surprise, as his move is more confident than I would expect, but I don’t complain. Having his hands on me again is nice and reminds me of our almost kiss the first night we met in Barcelona.

“Well then Abby West, how would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I think – wait, I know – I’d really like that.”

Any cockiness he was trying to portray before is gone, and he’s back to being the Dan who is starting to grow on me, which I prefer. It feels like we’re a normal guy and a girl just having a normal romantic moment, without any pressure or history confusing things.

“When are you working?” he asks.

“The band have their set tomorrow afternoon and we have a few bits we need to do to get ready today. I’m free tomorrow night?”

“That would be cool.” He backtracks. “What do I mean cool? I sound like some American douche. Shit. Not that being American means you’re a douche.” He groans. This time it’s his turn to do the blabbering and all I can do is laugh. At least I’m not alone in making a fool of myself today. After taking a moment to consider properly what he’s going to say, he continues, “What I mean is that would be great and I’m looking forward to it.”

He’s more polite with his revised version, which is more fitting to him and how he is.

I can’t hide the cheesy over the top grin that he’s put on my face and don’t try to hide my enthusiasm. “Great!”

“Great.” He looks at me and my breath hitches. I know he wants to kiss me, but I won’t let him here. Not when Jake is close and could be watching. If I let him kiss me now it wouldn’t be because I want him to, it would be revenge and a way of pissing Jake off. When Dan and I kiss, I want it to be all about us, so I really know how I feel about him.

I take a small step back to put some distance between us giving him a smile at the same time, so he knows it’s nothing personal.

“Shall we head back?” I ask.

He pulls out his cell, which must have been ringing while we’ve been talking and reads a message. “Actually, the guys have had to head back to our bus. We have some PR stuff in a little while, so I better get going. Will you be ok walking on your own?”

I love that even though he’s strapped for time he’s still concerned about me. I don’t doubt that if I said no, he would be late for his plans in order to make sure I was ok.

“I’m a big girl, Dan. I’ll be fine.”

“Great. Well, I’ll text you tomorrow about meeting?”

“Sounds good.”

He leans in, pulling me close and places his hands on the small of my back. Everything feels like it stops, it feels like he’s about to try and kiss me again even though I attempted to make it clear only a few moments ago that I didn’t want that to happen.

I should have known that he’s a nice guy and capable of picking up on my signals. He places a gentle kiss on my cheek and pulls away, letting out a ragged breath.

“You don’t know what you do to me, Abby West.” Walking backwards, he puts some much-needed distance between us before one of us ends up jumping the other. “There’s something about you, I don’t know what it is, but I have a good feeling about this.”

“I know what you mean.”

Normally I would avoid being so open and honest with a guy so early on, but like he said, there’s something there and it makes me want to throw caution to the wind. As we both walk away heading to our destinations, I look back over my shoulder to get one last glance at him. When I catch him, the world-famous Rockstar doing the same thing, all I can think to myself is that I have a good feeling about this too.

 

***

 

A wolf whistle comes in my direction.

“Who’s got you dressed up all fancy?” yells Sam, as we make our way into the VIP tent the next day.

When Dan messaged me with the only time he could book a table for food, it didn’t leave any time to get back and ready after the band’s set, so I resigned myself to the fact it would have to be before, which would give the game away. Now, I’ve been caught out, but I don’t care who knows I’m about to go on a date, I’m proud of it.

“It’s none of your business.” I fiddle with the strap to my bag of kit nervously.

“Yeah, yeah. Word on the street is a big shot is hedging his bets with you. Do I need to vet him?”

He’s joking but there is also a seriousness to his expression. I know that even with a world-famous musician, he’d stand his ground to make sure I was safe and in good hands. It’s a shame he can’t do the same thing when it comes to his best friend.

“Are you really going on a date with Dan frickin’ White?” asks Shaun eagerly.

“I might be,” I reply quietly.

I’m not ashamed, but I know Jake is listening and as much as I’d love to rub it in his face, I can’t bring myself to do it. Just being here, dressed like this and him knowing where I’m going is enough.

“Holy cow, Abs, you have well and truly upped your game.” He doesn’t mean anything by it, but we all flinch slightly. He notices our reaction and sheepishly turns to Jake. “Bit too much? Sorry man, I didn’t mean anything by it, but you know I’m a massive fanboy of Dan White.”

Jake doesn’t reply, just walks off in the direction of the backstage.

Letting out a whistle Sam pulls up his brother’s blunder. “Not cool, bro’. If he fucks up on stage, it’s your ass going in the grinder.”

Shaun looks back at me.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it and didn’t mean to cause you any problems.”

I shrug. “It’s not your fault, you’ve not been here all summer so how would you know how things have been? It’s been difficult.”

“Understatement of the century,” Zoe chuckles.

Shaun’s eyes light up mischievously. “You, me, together watching this thing, now.”

There’s no room for her to protest, as he throws an arm around her and drags her away in the direction of the VIP zone which is located right behind the frontstage.

I notice that Sophie is hanging back and haven’t forgotten the conversation we had earlier in the summer. We don’t have long to speak, but this snippet of time might be all we get alone thanks to the group living in each other’s pockets.

“How are you doing? I haven’t forgotten what you said at the beginning of the tour,” I ask.

“I’m good, promise.” Her answer is too vague for me to believe.

She normally goes into great detail about anything and everything, which is how I know she’s not telling the truth.

“You still don’t seem like yourself. You’ve been quiet.”

“I’m just ready for change. I feel like I’m at a time in my life where I need to make some decisions, start thinking for myself. There’s only so long you can live off Mummy and Daddy’s money.”

She looks lost and it tears me apart that I can’t help her.

“Are you sure it’s just that? I haven’t seen you try to hook up with any guys either?”

She sighs. “I’m just over the whole dating game. I know we’re not old, but it’s getting old if you get me. I’m tired of chasing guys, only to pushed aside for a better piece of ass, as if I’m second best. I want someone to finally see me for me.”

I get what she’s saying and it’s true. I’ve found being single these past couple of years a shock to the system after I was with Michael for so long. The couple of times I did try and dip my toe in the dating pool was a daunting experience, one I really don’t want to repeat. I can’t imagine having to go through that for years on end like Sophie has.

Before I have time to say anything else, Sam pivots from where he was standing, obviously having listened in on our conversation. He says, “I see you, Soph.”

I stand blinking, not sure what to make of what he’s just said. Is he implying what I think he is? I never knew there was anything even remotely like that between them, but I’ve been gone a couple of years and a lot can change.

It doesn’t appear to affect Sophie, when all she does is laugh. “Whatever, Sam. I know you see me, but I mean really see me. Not just like a friend.”

Something flashes across his face. I can’t tell if it’s hurt or disappointment, but what I do know is that there’s something going on with both of the Riley brothers and they’re up to no good. The guys’ set is about to start and there’s no time to go into it, so I let them know I need to get ready and walk in the direction of the frontstage.

My stomach flips as I get set up, anticipating the night ahead with Dan. It’s refreshing that for once all of these things I’m feeling aren’t related to Jake, and that something positive is happening in my life which isn’t solely focused around him.

Most of the guys’ performance runs smoothly and for once it feels effortless photographing them. It’s one of the first sets where I’ve not had to resist the urge to storm on stage and tear Jake’s head off. It gives hope for the rest of the summer.

I should have known that things are never straight forward, and it was naïve to think Jake would go down without a fight. He’d been unusually quiet after our argument in Denmark, but I thought he’d taken on board what I’d said and accepted that if he wasn’t going to give me the truth, he would have to back off.

Oh, how wrong I was.

There’s only one song left and then I’m a free agent. I’m taken by surprise when a throat clears over the mic. I’d been so centered on getting a shot of Zach that it jolts me away from what I was doing, and I pull my camera away. I look properly up at the stage and realize the person who cleared their throat was Jake.

What the hell? I say to myself.

The crowd remains rowdy, so he clears his throat again, which does the job as thousands of people behind me begin to settle, intent on hearing what he has to say. It’s then that his attention becomes fixated on me. His eyes zone in on mine and my stomach feels like it plummets to the ground.

Whatever he’s about to do, it can’t be anything good.

“I don’t do this very often,” he says awkwardly, and some of the females in the crowd giggle and titter. “But this song is for someone special. It seemed only fitting, as I was the one who wrote it, that I did the dedication. Abs, this one’s for us, because it will always be us.”

A resounding ‘aaaw’ rings out from the crowd behind me, and I can feel myself blushing furiously. I’m not sure if it’s out of anger or embarrassment.

“Mother fucker,” I fume.

This wasn’t the romantic gesture everyone thinks. He knows exactly what he’s doing and knows it will get back to Dan. I can only hope that somehow it gets overlooked and he doesn’t hear about it, at least not before our date, so I can broach the Jake subject myself.

I’m too angry to care about the last song and refuse to stay and photograph him after what he’s done. Spinning around to make my way back into the VIP tent, I stop dead in my tracks. Standing to the side where I didn’t notice him is Dan, with a small bunch of flowers hanging at his side. So much for broaching the subject in my own time.

I approach him nervously and give him an awkward smile, hoping I can brush it all off. A fleeting thought passes through my mind, I try to be optimistic and reason that maybe he wasn’t here the whole time and missed what Jake just said. However, his face is unusually cold, showing he heard every word.

There’s no more room for doubt when he asks, “Is there something you haven’t told me?”