Alec by Margaret McHeyzer
Stretching my arms over my head, I’m temporarily lost as to where I am. Opening my eyes, I search the room for anything that might tell me my location. Last night’s, or should I say, this morning’s events all come flooding back. The break-in, the confrontation, what could’ve happened, and what actually did happen.
Alec brought me back to his house, and right now, I’m in his bed, but Alec is nowhere to be seen. The room is dark, too dark. Is it night time already? Did I sleep the entire day away? The window dressings are heavy, blocking out any light from coming into the room. I guess firefighters need to be able to sleep during the day, especially with their work schedule.
I push the sheet and the thin blanket back, and stretch once more before I sit up in bed. My bladder wakes and encourages me to use the bathroom fast.
As I wash my hands, I splash water on my face and look at myself in the mirror. There are dark rings circling my bloodshot hazel eyes. My limp light brown hair falls lightly over my shoulders as it’s managed to come out of the towel I wrapped around my head last night.
I look down at the clothes I’m wearing, and shake my head. How sweet, Alec must’ve put me in his clothes. I don’t recall much from when Alec brought me back to his house. I rub at my eyes, and yawn as I open the door to the bedroom, and head out to see where Alec is. “Alec?” I call. I’m met with silence. “Alec?” I walk out to the kitchen and find a note on the counter.
Aww, he made me oats. I can’t help but smile at how sweet he’s been. I open the cupboards looking for where the mugs are, and when I find them, I grab one and pour myself a coffee.
Leaning against the counter, I close my eyes and appreciate the coffee. There’s so much I have to do, including finding somewhere else to live. I know Alec’s been trying to get me to move in here with him, but I don’t think that’s appropriate. Especially considering I’ll need to have somewhere safe for Jordan to come home to.
I hear someone at the door, and I instantly freeze. I’m being transported back to earlier this morning. As quietly as I can, I place the mug on the counter, and tiptoe back into the bedroom so I can grab my phone.
“Hey,” Alec says, startling me. “You’re awake.” I grasp at my chest as I take several deep breaths in and out, trying to calm the fight or flight instinct that kicked in. “Are you okay?” He drops the grocery bag on the counter, and rushes over to me. “What is it?”
“I heard you at the door, and I panicked. Truthfully, I was ready to climb out the bedroom window to get away.”
“You’re safe here, Serena.” He envelopes me in a massive hug. I can’t help but wrap my arms around his torso, taking deep breaths as I close my eyes.
“I’m such a mess,” I say.
“You just had something traumatic happen, of course you’re going to be on edge. But, you’re safe here,” he repeats before pulling back, to place a soft kiss on my lips. “Did you have the oats I made you?”
“I only just woke up about ten or fifteen minutes ago.”
He links our fingers and walks us out to the kitchen again. Opening the fridge, he grabs a small bowl, and then opens a draw to retrieve a spoon. “Here.”
“Thank you.”
“Come on.” He heads over to the small kitchen table, and pulls out a chair for me. The moment I sit, he leaves and goes to pour himself a coffee. “How are you feeling?”
“Um...” I puff my cheeks out with air, then let the breath go. “I’m, um.” I can barely think. “Surreal. Everything feels surreal.”
“You can’t go back there.”
“I know,” I agree with him. “I just need to find somewhere to go.” Alec draws his brows together, and shakes his head. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looks down to his coffee, before lifting his gaze to stare at me. “What?”
“You don’t need to find anywhere. You live here now.”
“As sweet as that gesture is, Alec, it won’t work.”
“Why not? I have a bed, it’s comfortable, right?” he asks with every ounce of seriousness.
I smirk, and nod. “Yes, it’s comfortable. But, that’s not really the issue.”
“Then what is? Whatever you think is a problem, we can fix it.”
I pick the spoon up, and have a small bite of the oats. I’m not really hungry, but I suppose I should eat something. “In less than three months my brother will be out of rehab, and he’ll need somewhere to live. I can’t let him go back to the way he was, and nor can I expect him to fend for himself yet. He needs to integrate back into society. But let’s face it, he’s been antisocial for a long time.” Alec patiently listens as I speak. “See, I can’t move in here, because I need to find somewhere he can be with me.”
He runs his hand through his sandy brown hair and nods. “I know what you’re saying, and I understand it’s important to you to have your brother close by. But, for how long? He’s an adult, Serena. You’ve been so strong for him, but he also needs to be his own man.”
My back straightens as I shake my head in disbelief. “I can’t let him fend for himself yet, Alec. He needs me.”
Alec wets his lips and nods. “I want you here with me, Serena.”
“I’m responsible for him.”
“He’s not a child,” Alec counters.
“I know that, and I know he’s going to have to learn to do things on his own.” I sigh, frustrated with the whole thing. “Look, I know I can’t baby him forever, but these circumstances aren’t exactly ordinary. I want him to succeed and stay away from drugs, but I also know I can’t watch him forever. And you’re right, he’s a grown man who needs to look after himself. It’s just...” I look down at my barely eaten oats, then lift my chin to look at Alec. “I’ve worked my ass off to get him into rehab, and I can’t just wash my hands of him now and say my job is done. Because it’s not.”
“Let’s try and find a solution that fits all of us. Because you living somewhere else, isn’t even an option. It’s not going to happen. You and I.” He points to himself, then me. “We’re together in every sense of the word.”
Chuckling, I say, “You make me laugh, Alec. You’re so sure we should move in.”
“There’s nothing funny about it at all,” he says with a deadpan expression. “What if we look for somewhere that has either a in-law apartment, or maybe a detached guest house for your brother?”
I’m temporarily stunned and speechless. “But this is your house.”
“It’s the right size for the two of us, but it’s not if we’re going to...” he draws the sentence out, struggling to say whatever he’s thinking. “It’s a good starter home,” he finally says. “But, it’s not so good for more than two people.”
My forehead crinkles and I’m a little lost on what he’s saying. Until it dawns on me like a lightning bolt. “Wait, are you talking about a family?” He lifts his hand in gesture, opening and closing his mouth without actually speaking. “Alec?”
He opens his mouth again, then lifts his shoulders slowly. “It’s a natural step in a relationship,” he says with an unusually high pitch.
I rub at my forehead trying to piece together what he’s trying to say. “Wait, you want kids?”
“Don’t you?”
This is not how I saw this conversation going. “I suppose, one day. But not yet. Not for a while.”
“I didn’t say now, but one day, I’d like children. And I’ve never met anyone who I could imagine carrying my baby...” he pauses for a few seconds. “Until I met you. And now, all I can think about is having a future with you.”
“Alec,” I start saying, but he holds his hand up to me.
“I know, you have to think about Jordan. And although I’m not overly keen on having him live with us, I know how important he is to you. So, I’m willing to rent my house out, and we’ll find somewhere bigger for us that can also accommodate your brother when he’s out of rehab.” My mouth falls open and I gape as I sit staring at Alec. I’m not sure what to say or do. “Say something.”
“This is all overwhelming, Alec. You’re willing to change your whole life, move out of here, and buy a house with me, just so my brother can live with us?”
“That’s exactly right. Because I don’t want to wake up and not have you beside me ever again.”
Damn it. He’s incredibly beautiful, and so accommodating. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Is a four bedroom home big enough for us?” he asks.
I chuckle at the absurdity, yet absolute sweetness of this conversation. “I can’t ask you to give up your home, Alec.”
“You’re not. I’m volunteering, because I want us together. And this is the only way I know we can both be happy.” I feel my eyes prickling with tears. I wipe at them hoping Alec doesn’t notice. “Why are you crying?” Obviously, he does.
“Because,” the words get caught in my throat. “You’re this amazing guy who’s willing to unsettle himself just to give me the world. And I’m feeling so much guilt over it. I feel like I’ve cornered you into making this massive life decision.”
He reaches across the table to take my hands in his. “Hey,” he says as he scoots his chair forward, brings my hands up to his lips and kisses my fingers. “I can’t help who’ve I’ve fallen in love with.”
I stare straight into his adoring eyes. His lips part and he leans forward to place his forehead on mine. My heart rate quickens, and all the air leaves my chest. “You love me?” I ask. I haven’t heard those words in such a long time.
Alec lifts his hand and places it on my cheek. His warm thumb gently strokes the skin beneath my eye. My stomach flutters with excitement, though deep down inside, I just hope he doesn’t laugh at me. “More than I thought I ever could.”
I throw my arms around his neck, still blindsided by his admission. He loves me. And it doesn’t come with any type of condition. I mean, Jordan would say he loves me after I’d give him a few dollars, but I knew he never meant those words. Not while he was high, or coming down off a high. “I love you,” I whisper. Pulling back, I shake my head, trying to dislodge the doubts and fears roaming around in my head. “I feel like I don’t deserve this.”
“Why?”
“I suppose, it’s been such a long time since anyone said they loved me, that I began to think maybe I’m unworthy of love.”
“Darlin.’” He hugs me again, his warm body completely enveloping me. “You’re so easy to love, it was hard for me not to fall in love with you.” With my head on his shoulder, I smile. “Even when you’re being nothing but a pain in the ass and arguing with me.”
“I don’t argue,” I protest.
“No? Remember when we first met?”
“Hey, you were being unbearable and grumpy. I just had to put you in your place. I wasn’t going to let you treat me like crap.”
Alec laces his fingers through my hair, leaning in, he kisses my lips. He’s shutting me up with a kiss. I smile as he keeps trying to kiss me. “Stop it,” he says against my lips.
“What?”
“I wasn’t being unbearable and grumpy.”
“No, you’re right. You were being an asshole. Totally different.”
Alec throws his head back and laughs while his fingers are still entwined in my hair. “You’re going to be the death of me.” He gives me another kiss on the nose. We’re interrupted by Alec’s phone ringing. “I’ve gotta get it,” he says and pulls away from me. He takes his phone out of his pocket, looks at who’s calling, and shakes his head. “Hey,” he says and smiles at me. “You okay?” Dean, he mouths to me. “Yeah, yeah,” he pauses to listen. His brows draw in together, then he nods. “Yeah, we’re good.” He’s listening intently as he begins to pace. “Yeah, sure. The three of us?” Alec’s eyes widen then he nods again. “Tomorrow is good. Hang on.” He lowers the phone to look to me. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be going out with Dean and Rhett. Is that okay with you?”
“You don’t need to ask me, Alec. I’ll be going back to work. Speaking of, I need to call the hospital and tell them what happened.”
“You don’t think you should take some time to deal with what happened?” He brings the phone up to his ear. “Hang on.”
“If I don’t get back to work, the stress will get to me, and I refuse to give those assholes any more power than they’ve already had over me.”
Alec’s lips purse together. “Promise me you’ll talk to someone about it.”
“I already intended to. The hospital can help me find someone.”
His smile tells me he’s satisfied with my answer. He brings the phone back up to his ear. “Yeah, tomorrow is good. You sure you’re alright?” Alec’s concerned tone tells me something is going on. I just hope Dean, Joanne, and Thomas are okay. “Okay.” He hangs up, and places the phone on the counter.
“Everything alright?” I ask. The distraction from memories of the home invasion is welcome.
“I’m not sure. Dean sounded like something’s bothering him. He wants to talk to Rhett and me tomorrow, so we’re meeting up for breakfast.” He huffs as he looks over to the phone. “You sure you’ll be okay to go to work?”
“Your brother needs you, Alec. And besides, I’ll be fine. I’m quite resilient.”
“And stubborn,” he murmurs under his breath.
“I’m not stubborn.” Alec glares at me, his eyebrows high and he’s shaking his head. “Maybe a little,” I surrender.
“A little?’
“That’s all I’m saying.” I hold my hands up. “Anyway, I have to make a call to work, to let them know what happened.” Alec runs his hand through his hair, and turns to stare at the phone again, distracted. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he finally responds. “But something is definitely going on. I’ll find out what tomorrow.”
“Yeah, you will.” Standing, I give Alec a hug before heading into the bedroom where my bag is. Opening it, I see the tin with my family memories. I sit on the edge of the bed, and open the lid.
A tight lump swells in my throat as I lift the picture of the four of us out. Jordan poking his tongue out, Dad with his arm around Mom, me looking goofy. Tears well in my eyes as I sit on the bed, staring at the photo. “I’m sorry,” I whisper to my parents. “I failed.” I drag my thumb over their faces, wishing for just a moment with them.
I’d hold them so tightly, and tell them how sorry I am that I couldn’t protect Jordan. That I put myself in danger, and that I’m trying to be a better person for them. “I’m sorry,” I whisper again.
A tsunami of emotions spreads rapidly through me. “I miss you so damn much,” I say to the photo. My eyes release the emotions coursing through me. The tears are my gateway to how I’m feeling. Damn these stupid tears, why do they have to make me so vulnerable?
“What the...” Alec rushes over to me, and sweeps me up into his arms. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve failed them, Alec. I’ve let them down.”
“Who?” I pull away, and hold the photo out for Alec to take. He sits on the bed, and I sit beside him. “Your parents?” I nod. “You look so much like your mom. She was beautiful.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“And this is Jordan?” I nod. “The drugs really changed him. He looked happy and healthy here.”
“The drugs screwed him over. This box right here is my family’s legacy.” I take out Mom and Dad’s wedding rings, and Mom’s engagement ring.
“How did they die?”
Still staring at the photo, I shake my head at the painful memory. I clutch my free hand to my chest, absolutely dreading that I have to relive it. But Alec needs to know all about it if he’s going to be part of my life. My heart is heavy, and my hands are shaking. “Jordan,” I say with a trembling voice. “Last year of high school, he changed. Started skipping, and hanging out with people he shouldn’t. First it was alcohol, then it progressed into pot. I...um, could see what he was doing to our parents, and our family, and I never wanted to put them through what he did. So, I kept my head down, and worked really hard to get into college for physiotherapy. In the meantime, he went from bad to worse. It was awful. He was awful.”
“Drugs alter people, and even though people think they can stop, they can’t. Not when the drug takes over.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “Ain’t that the truth?” I take another deep breath. “In my first year of college, Jordan just became a statistic. There’s really no other way to put it. Mom would call me crying, saying she’d tried to talk to him, but he’d yell at her, and sometimes he’d lash out and hit her.” I shake my head. “Sometimes I’d even get phone calls from Jordan just rambling about all sorts of shit. He was incredibly paranoid, and thought the world was out to get him. He was convinced everyone was trying to hurt him, especially our parents. Anyway, one night he’d snuck in at home and stole Dad’s car. But my parents knew it was him, and they tried to find him. They um...” I choke up remembering the last phone call from Mom. “Mom called me, and said Jordan had stolen Dad’s car, and they were going to go out and try to find him, so they could get the car back.” The tears are now flowing unapologetically.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” Alec says in a gentle voice.
“No, I do. You have to know.” He nods his head and offers me a smile. I take a shaky breath before I continue. “They went searching for Jordan and the car. Mom told me, they were going to drag Jordan home, and put him in rehab, because they feared that the next time it would be a police officer showing up at their door to tell them Jordan had died from a drug overdose.” I blink rapidly. “It wasn’t even about the car. It was about getting Jordan help.” Sweat forms across my upper lip and my hairline. That phone call I received, that was hell. “I tried calling them to find out what was happening, but they weren’t answering. I decided I had to go home on the weekend to help them.” I weakly shrug. “I had class, and thought I’d leave straight after to go home.” I keep shaking my head in disbelief as I stare at the photo. “My phone was ringing constantly, and it wouldn’t stop. The number was private...” I hate this feeling of powerlessness, and hopelessness. I never want to feel it again. “I had a sick feeling in my stomach that something was happening. I thought maybe my parents had found Jordan, dead. But...” My voice cracks. “I left the lecture theatre and answered the call. It was the police, telling me my parents had died.”
“How?” Alec pushes.
“Mom’s car had flipped several times, then hit a power pole that fell on the car, killing them instantly. Dad’s car was also there, but there was no driver. They said whoever was driving Dad’s car, smashed into the side of Mom’s, sending it off the road and rolling into the pole.”
“Jordan?” Alec asks.
“There were several different fingerprints in the car. Jordan’s was one of them, my parents, and others who were unknown. But whoever was driving would’ve been badly injured, and when they found Jordan, he was strung out, but didn’t have any injuries that reflected he was driving. But someone he was associated with took the car. The police think Mom and Dad tried to stop them, they panicked, and ran my parents off the road. It was probably another drug addict. But Jordan couldn’t say who took the car, because he couldn’t even remember stealing it to start with. He was arrested, and did some time in rehab, he got clean for zero-point-two seconds, and started using again.”
“Shit.”
“I think the guilt of what happened to Mom and Dad keeps dragging him back to the oblivion of drugs. He needs to confront what he did and deal with everything, or he’s only going to keep returning to his safety net.”
“You need to let New Dawn know this.”
“I already have. When I was researching rehab centers, I reached out to them and told them about everything. It’s one of the reasons I chose them for Jordan, because it’s so much more than just drugs. He’s dulling all the guilt with drugs.”
“Darlin,’” Alec says. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing you can say. I just need you to understand why I work so hard, and I’m so focused on making sure Jordan comes through this. Because I’ve already lost the only family I have, and I can’t lose him too. Thing is, as much as I want to blame him for this, I just can’t.”
“I can’t judge you for trying to keep the only family you have left together. I haven’t been in your shoes, and although a part of me wants to really knock some sense into Jordan, I also know he’s under the influence of drugs. And it’s not an excuse, I’m not justifying his behavior. If I’m being honest, I totally agree with you. The drugs are a form of escapism for him because he knows his actions are the reason your parents aren’t here. He’s likely trying to kill himself subconsciously.”
I take several deep breaths, trying to come to terms with what Alec said. He understands now. “This is one of the reasons I never really pursued any type of relationship. I never thought anyone would accept why I fight so hard for Jordan, even after all the devastation his drug addiction has caused.”
“I have a question though, did your parents not leave you their house?”
“I wish they had one. They were blue collar workers on just a livable wage that didn’t allow for any luxuries, including a home. They were lucky though, the house we lived in was one they’d been renting for many years, and the landlord was happy to have them there. But with only a small life insurance policy, two wrecked vehicles, and the little they did have in savings, I had to put every penny aside so I could send Jordan to rehab.”
“Your brother is extremely lucky to have you, Serena. I doubt many siblings would still fight so hard to get them clean, not after everything he’s done.”
I clutch at my belly. “I can feel it in here. He’s going to come out of New Dawn well, and he’ll shine so bright once he does. The universe has my back, Alec.”
“You’re optimistic.”
“Hope is my only option.”
“Even after this crappy hand life has dealt you, you still remain so positive. I’m so impressed by your outlook.”
I pull my shoulders back, and smirk. “I refuse to give up, because I make my own future.” I have to be positive; there’s no other way forward.
“You’re the most headstrong person I’ve ever met. Who happens to be sexy as fuck, too.” He leans in and kisses me on the lips. Sexy as fuck...he’s such a male. Pulling back, he tucks some hair behind my ear. Holding my gaze, he smiles. “We have three months to find a house, so we better start looking today.”
“Okay,” I respond.
“Get dressed, let’s head into Mulberry Point and see what houses are on offer.” Standing, I take myself into the bathroom to have a shower. I had one last night, but I need to wash away those harrowing moments, and look forward to a life of happiness instead of reverting to the bleakness I’ve been living with.
But that’s a lot easier said than done.
