Brutal Boxer by Naomi Porter

24

Aspen

It was pitch out at almost eleven o’clock. We’d been driving for hours in silence. Zach stopped for gas once, took me to use the bathroom, got some snacks and a few other things. We were back on the road.

I had no idea where he was taking me. Nor did I care.

My best friend died today because of me. Nothing else mattered. How would I live with her death on my hands?

How would I enjoy life after stealing hers away?

And my gosh, my heart was broken for Wolf. That giant Russian teddy bear. To hear a man whimper and sob… His grief-stricken cries were seared in my memory. I didn’t think I could ever face him again.

How many more people would die because of me?

A shudder worked through my head to my toes. I didn’t dare imagine what might come next.

“This looks like a good place to stop for the night.” Zach pulled into the parking lot of a creepy motel. It appeared like something you’d see in a horror movie where ghosts or a deranged serial killer ran the place.

On the fritz, a Vacant sign flashed. Not a good omen, if you asked me.

My eyes went wide as I turned toward him. “Here?”

“Yeah. Can I trust you to not run away? I’d take you in with me, but it’s better if you don’t show your face everywhere.” He stared at me with tired, languid eyes.

I scanned the dark parking lot. “I won’t run.”

He took my hand and placed Ricky in it. He’d cleaned his blade when we stopped a couple of hours ago. “You’re safe, I promise. But I don’t want to leave you defenseless.” He brushed his nose across mine.

There wasn’t a single car out at this time of night. I watched Zach enter the lobby and locked my eyes on the glass doors, waiting for him to exit.

Would he get adjoining rooms? Did a place like this even have them?

Double beds, at the very least. There were only four cars in the lot. I assumed the front desk clerk owned one.

I wasn’t sure what to make of all the affection Zach gave me. Our first kiss, then lots more after, the hand holding, calling me baby… I felt like the other woman. With all the shock we went through, I didn’t have space to process his intentions. If he could be this way with me, maybe messing around on his old lady was normal. That made me feel bad for her.

He trotted back, jumping into his seat. “We’re set. Everything okay?”

I nodded as he moved the Jeep to a different parking spot.

Surprisingly, the room was clean and didn’t smell as funky as I expected. It appeared to have been updated in the last century. No green shag carpet or burgundy bedding. It would be sufficient for our short stay. Except for one thing…

“They didn’t have two beds?”

Zach set the duffle bag full of money on a chair. “I’m sure they did.”

I twisted my lips, staring at the king-sized bed. “So then, why didn’t you request two?”

He came to me and pinched my chin, raising it. Our eyes connected, making my stomach feel funny. “Why do you think? I wanted to sleep with you.”

I gulped as sensations bloomed inside me that shouldn’t. What did I say to that?

“I’m going to shower. Unless you want to first? Or with me? Do you wanna shower with me?”

I slowly turned toward the glass shower along the back wall, a vanity next to it. The toilet appeared to be in a room off to the side. There was also a jacuzzi tub in the corner.

Wait.

Was this a honeymoon suite? Did cringy motels have such things?

This one seemed to.

“What’s wrong, Aspen?”

“This doesn’t feel right,” I told him honestly. My gosh, he had a woman. How could he behave like he didn’t? “We haven’t seen each other in over a decade.”

The corner of his lip curled. “You weren’t modest when we were together.”

“Seriously? We were a couple then. It’s different now. You’ve changed, and so have I.”

“All for the better.” He kissed my forehead. “You shower first. Maybe it’ll help you relax. I’ll call Storm.”

Zach totally blew off the fact that we weren’t a couple anymore. I felt like a fool standing there with a bag of toiletry items he’d bought at the convenience store. Stuff like toothbrushes, a comb, and deodorant… and pads. Why was he so thoughtful? To even think about how I must be bleeding.

I turned the shower on, gathering what I needed. Stripping out of my clothes nervously, I kept my eyes on Zach, sitting on the bed with his back to me. I appreciated his consideration. He could’ve been a dick about it and gawked at me, but he’d never treated me that way.

Darting into the shower, I closed the glass door and exhaled. The steam fogged up the glass, making it difficult to see through. I soaked up the hot water, losing myself in this moment of solitude and peace.

Releasing a deep breath, the flood gates broke open. I cried, burying my face in my hands, keeping quiet to not get Zach’s attention. No question, he was devastated. He hid it well, being Mr. Tough Guy, but I felt his loss as if it were my own.

Because it was mine too.

I’d lost my baby and best friend. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I wanted this all to end. No more running or hiding. I just wanted to be free.

I cleared a spot on the fogged-up glass door to peek at Zach as I washed my hair. He seemed stressed, moving his hand around. Probably angry and sad, talking about what happened at the cabin.

He loved Jill, no question. Would protect her at all costs. They were all they had left after losing their parents.

I wished I could turn back time to when I stabbed Baldie. The whole time he held the gun to my head, Zach hadn’t taken his eyes off me. He’d seen I had his switchblade in my hand. I thought for sure he’d given me the go-ahead to stab Baldie. Zach had even yelled, now.

But none of this would’ve happened if I’d left his blade in my pocket.

Jill would be alive.

Maybe.

Baldie had said Casso’s men were coming. It would’ve been a blood bath. Zach and his brothers wouldn’t have let them take me without a fight. We all could’ve been killed.

At least I wouldn’t have survivor’s guilt. I’d be with Jill bounding through the clouds. Giggling and singing, feeling no pain or sadness.

I could be with my baby…

I turned the water off. There wasn’t a towel hanging over the top. Didn’t I put one there? Or had I only thought to do it? I wiped my hand across the glass door and saw a stack of white towels on the rack.

Unbelievable.

Zach was still on the phone. I didn’t want to bother him, so I squeezed the excess water out of my long hair and went for it, opening the door. At the same time, Zach stood and turned around. He was mid-sentence and angry as he stared at me. His ice-blue eyes raked up and down my wet body slowly.

Like an idiot, I closed the door and turned my back to him. I covered my mouth, completely mortified. It didn’t matter if he’d seen me without clothes before. We didn’t know each other anymore, not even a little.

I can’t believe he saw me naked!

My skin prickled, feeling chilled. I could turn the water back on. Stay in here forever because damn, my ex-boyfriend just saw me in the nude after ten years. Talk about an awkward moment.

I couldn’t hear him anymore.

“Ah!” I jumped as the door opened.

“Shh, it’s me.” A towel wrapped around my shoulders, his hands rubbing over it like he was helping to dry me.

It was intimate. Tender.

So very wrong.

Zach took it a step farther, kissing a trail down the bend of my neck to my shoulder.

I trembled, heart racing as I registered feelings of desire swimming through me.

“Zach,” I breathed out his name.

“I need you tonight, Aspen. But first, I’ll shower.”

“What? We? I—”

He spun me around, cradled my face, and crushed his lips to mine. He was needy and desperate, kissing me for all he was worth. I greeted his tongue, twisting mine with his. Losing myself in the taste of him. In his strength and control.

I wanted him.

But we couldn’t do this.

We shouldn’t do this.

“Z, please…”

He reared back, his ice-blue eyes full of misery. “Say it again.”

“Z.”

He pressed his forehead to mine. “God, I’ve missed hearing you call me that.” His hands caressed my arms. “I didn’t mean sex, Snow. I need you tonight, but I know we can’t yet.”

“No, we can’t.” I wouldn’t be the other woman. Zach had an old lady. If he didn’t want her, fine. He needed to end it with her first. Even then, what was going on with us? How did we go from hating each other to this?

Wait. We shouldn’t have hated each other or been apart. If Jill hadn’t…

A whimper caught in my throat.

He growled low. “I will have you again, baby. Soon. But tonight, I only want to hold you. Kiss you. Drink you into my soul after the ten-year drought I’ve been in.” He pulled back, running his thumb across my bottom lip. “Okay?”

My stomach flipped. We were two different people now. Could it really be so easy to just pick up where we left off? After everything? I didn’t know, so I nodded my reply.

If we could find our way back to each other, I wanted to try.

Despite the contempt I felt for him all these years, it had been unwarranted. Zach remained in my heart and soul, regardless of my attempts to forget him. I never stopped wishing I could be with him.

Zach guided me out of the shower. He brushed my hair, then braided it like he used to, fastening it with a hair tie I had in my coat pocket. The whole time he stared at me in the mirror.

My heart literally felt like it was in my throat as his hands brushed down my shoulders to my arms, lifting my hands up to inspect my wrists.

Tears flooded my eyes as he placed a gentle kiss on each one. He was tearing down my walls. Breaking me so he could rebuild me from the ground up, wiping out Casso from my memories.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said in a low voice.

I blinked rapidly. Did he know?

“I don’t care how long it’s been, Snow. Where you’ve been or with who. I don’t care what we’re currently going through because of that asshole.” He turned me around to face him. “Nothing matters except having you in my life again. We were meant to be together.” His voice caught, and he dropped his head, shaking it. “I’m so fucking pissed at Jill for screwing with our lives.”

“I’m sure she thought she was protecting me.” Now I’d never be able to ask her why she didn’t give me the letters.

“Bullshit. She interfered where she didn’t belong.” A single tear rolled down his cheek. “Dammit, she should’ve confronted me, then I could’ve told her the truth. Instead, she sent my letters back as if she was you.”

“Did you keep them?”

He blew out a breath, steeling himself. “Every one of them.”

I wiped the wetness from his face, cradling it the way he’d done mine. “I’d like to read them.” I guided him toward me and kissed him softly, stroking my thumbs across his beard to soothe him.

A lot was different about him, brutal and harsh in some ways, but the way he kissed me hadn’t changed. With our lips locked, our bodies pressed together, I was exactly where I always believed I was meant to be… In his arms.