Deviant Vows by Anna Widzisz
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Davina
Days blend after the fight. I do the same thing, falling into this awful routine of getting up at five every morning, going to the gym to work out, then attending meetings or sorting through the documents of shipments, finances and orders. It usually stretches into long hours and I end up having long nights and barely any sleep because of ridiculous amounts of coffee I drink to stay awake throughout the day.
Because of that, I moved back to my house for the time being, taking Hellion with me. I can’t be bothered driving back and forth when Macsen has literally left me to deal with everything. Not even William is able to take the heat off of me to an extent I might need. Before, I had no problems since I was only taking care of my own business. Now with the addition of his, it’s become unbearable.
Of course, he does shit, too. Additionally, I have daily phone calls with Theo to make sure everything is running smoothly. We still have strained relations from the time he decided to shit on my involvement in the Firm, but he is holding back, and we limit our conversations to business, not mentioning my brother-in-law or the Seven against the Quarter again. Almost as if it’s on a list of forbidden topics.
I understand that he doesn’t like me and is still not sure whether this marriage was a good idea. I’m right there with him wondering. It feels like every day I’m walking on shaky ground that can collapse at any moment, taking everything with it. And I end up wondering whether Macsen feels the same.
It’s been years since the Firm fell apart, having separated into two different families with their own territories, businesses and finances due to the deal I’ve made with Victor Addison. Now we decided to unite because it was draining us of the resources and people due to mine and Macsen’s hatred towards each other. Though, even as I see the money that we have doubling, it doesn’t feel exciting or thrilling. It’s terrifying.
“We need to figure out something for those additional drug shipments,” I tell Theo as we both sit down at the table in my office. “With the cartels from both of our previous resources, it takes us over a month to get those shipments up and running, trying to settle the time and day of the arrival and all of this.”
Theo nods. As a financer, he realises that this is a challenge from a risk management standpoint. Especially since cartels have that in common that they like to make enemies of one another. Which is also why both Macsen and I have only ever worked with those who have nothing against one another. However, ever since we came to merge our respective drug businesses into one, we haven’t yet disclosed our vendors. The day when they all find out about each other will be one big hot mess.
“We are holding these assets in our books for longer than we’d ideally like,” he adds.
And the mob family ideally is not having it there at all. Or for a very short period of time. Even with double booking, it’s a risk that can cost us everything.
He clears his throat, looking at the books. “You have any idea how to do that?”
I shrug, not knowing whether I should even say it out loud. Especially with Macsen being gone. “The key factor is that we only need to turn down three cartels if we want to have some sort of damage control.”
Fuck, I wish William was here. I can analyse things to the best of my capabilities but he’s the smooth talker. And neither Theo nor Macsen seem to be able to think clearly.
Theo narrows his eyes at me. I pass the file of yesterday's assessment to him and wait for him to go through it. No longer than a minute later he starts laughing.
“You want to cut out two of Macsen’s cartels? Only one of yours?” He shakes his head. “There’s no way my brother is even going to consider it.”
The reaction doesn’t surprise me at all.
“I compared the profits and how they are when it comes to their contact with one another. Both El Salvador and Bolivia are stirring up shit with most of the other cartels, and the profits we get from them both can be easily salvaged by increasing the shipment from Colombia.”
He closes the file, sending it back to me. Then he straightens in his chair, putting his palms flat on the table. His eyes are cold and calculating. “I’m really trying to figure out whether you want to cut them off because of your shitty relations with Macsen, or because of El Salvador taking a liking to female prostitution as well.” He pauses. “Yes, I do know all about how you saved those girls a few years ago when you came to visit them personally and closed a bargain. Though, you ended up stealing girls from them to bolster your sex business.”
His thoughts make me laugh hard. “I’ve never cared about bolstering my sex business, Theo. I’ve done that because I saw how they treated those women. And believe me, it’s going to be a cold day in hell before I let anyone suffer such tortures.”
He doesn’t answer, but his expression shows that he doesn’t believe me.
“I’m still surprised they haven’t refused to work with you when they found out about the marriage.” There’s a shadow of doubt crossing Theo’s expression which I catch up on. He’s not fast enough to cover it up. I immediately know what it’s all about. “They don’t know about the marriage,” I add.
Theo doesn’t answer once again. He’s careful not to tell me too much. As if I’m still the enemy here.
“I don’t care about the reason. Sooner or later, they will find out. News travels fast even there. Which is why we can cut our losses before they even occur.”
I know he’s not going to make that decision for Macsen, even though he can. It’s too big of a deal not to run through those changes with his boss.
I stand up and go back to my desk. “Contact your brother and let me know whether you’re willing to make this sacrifice for the sake of the Firm. Also maybe ask Macsen when he’s planning to return so that I’m not left alone to deal with all this crap.” I point at the stack of documents to my right.
“He’s already on the flight home,” Theo tells me and leaves the office, unhappy with the results of the meeting.
✽✽✽
I can’t sleep. I feel restless, unease scratching against my nerves. Not even the beauty of the full moon and the smell of fresh air alone can chase away the discomfort. My heart is pounding in my ribcage. I have no idea why this night is different but as I roll my body over to the other side of the bed, unable to sleep for the last two hours, I give up altogether.
Looking at the time, it’s almost three in the morning. Hellion is comfortably napping right next to the bed, so I quietly slip out of the room, closing the door. Just because I can’t have any rest, doesn’t mean he can’t either. It’s his last night here anyway as Macsen will probably want him back at the penthouse, and I’ll be probably coming back with him. Though, I wish I could stay.
It’s not like this marriage is real anyway. If we lived separately, it wouldn’t change much. However, if the news about this came out into the world, people might think differently about whether we’re still at peace or preparing for another war.
Walking down the hall, I go into the laundry room where I forgot to take a packet of cigarettes out of my jacket. Then I go to the kitchen and light one up, bringing it in between my lips, taking a deep drag. I only ever smoke when I feel unease as it helps me wind down. I have too much on my mind to wind down. There are so many matters to take care of that until Macsen and I can successfully work together, I’m going to be walking around a bundle of nerves.
I jump on the counter, my feet on the window-sill, staring at the starless night. Living outside of the city centre has its perks of being able to see the stars, but tonight there are too many clouds and only a big round moon peaks out through them. My eyelids are heavy, though the sleep never comes.
My hand reaches to take the cigarette out of my mouth as something smashes against the floor, making me alert. I snap my head back, turning around at once. Before I can get an overview of the situation, I see a fist thrown in my direction and I feel a hit to my nose. Not expecting it, my body sways and I fall to the floor, the cigarette burning my palm when I close my hand over it by accident to shield myself.
The pain rushes through my shoulder, which still hurts after the fight. Without thinking, I get up, facing a hooded person. They are wearing a black balaclava so the only thing I can see is their eyes. With how dark it is in the kitchen, even that doesn’t give me a lot to go on.
They run at me, aiming a kick at my stomach. I move to the side and grab the nearest thing I can find – a glass vase. Taking a swing, I throw it into the air. Unfortunately, with the limited movements I'm capable of and shock still rushing through my veins, I miss it. The anger isn’t lost on me, the burning of my blood making me explode with whatever there is within me.
I duck from another hit, turn and strike them with an elbow in the back. A loud groan escapes their mouth, making me realise that it’s a man. The low baritone vibrates through my body to the very core. My lips thin into a line and I prepare for another blow.
He rounds me, grabbing a fistful of my hair, and yanking me to the floor. His body covers mine, his hands are closed around my arms, knees digging in my thighs, as his legs wrap around mine. With him being much stronger and weighing more, I have no chance of freeing myself. But I still try, shaking, a high note rushing through my lips.
Suddenly, I feel a small pinch on my neck. He injects me with something, and not even a few seconds later my body refuses to move. It almost seems as if I had no muscles and my bones turned into jelly, the prickling overshadowing anything that I might feel. No strength, whatsoever.
Then the worst happens. I hear the tear of my knickers and my nightgown being brought up, exposing me to my attacker.
Everything stops.
I no longer breathe.
I no longer feel as if I’m here. Everything shuts down on me.
Again.
Fucking again.
The tears stream down my cheeks, showing just how weak I am. And I find myself trying to get him to stop. Whoever this is, I need him to stop. But nothing comes out of my mouth. My tongue is tightened into a million knots and I feel his crotch pressing against my lower stomach.
“Not so brave now, are you?” he whispers in my eyes. A shiver travels down my spine. “You shouldn’t fucking rule. Bitches like you are good for one thing only. To spread their legs and take cocks. Crawl and kiss the shoes of men, superior to them. That’s fucking all,” he seethes.
I really want to fight.
I need to fight.
I can’t take it. Not now. Not ever.
The lump in my throat makes me choke as whatever I’ve been injected with flows through me. It’s the worst feeling ever when your body relaxes while your mind screams. Beg for mercy. It’s the fight from within. What is stronger – body or soul. What hurts more – physical pain or mental one. Constant disagreement.
“P-please, no,” I manage to say but regret it at once as I see the man pushing himself to his knees, taking his cock out. He knows I can’t run away. “No, no, no, no.” That’s all I can do.
That’s how the powerful mob boss falls.
This is the ultimate weakness.
And I can hear Hellion’s barks and the scratching of his claws against the door of the bedroom I locked him in. How much stupider can I be? To ignore the unease I’ve felt throughout the night? To feel too at home being here again that I didn’t think it might not be all that safe. Especially since all the guards I used to have here are no longer guarding me.
What have I been thinking?
I cry out. The pain almost palpable.
It’s too much.
I close my eyes, knowing I can’t do anything. I need to survive.
Somehow. Anyhow.
Just survive. That’s what my mind is telling me. It whispers to me to hold on and I wait for this disgust. For that one feeling, I will never be able to shake off.
But it never comes.
And when I hear the sounds of struggle, I open my eyes.
I might hate men. I really, really do. But the moment that I see one of my soldiers – Diego – there’s no hate. At least I know there won’t ever be any hate towards him. Because, I don’t know how, but he’s here. He’s here to save me.
I watch him struggle to get the attacker off of him. Though he’s a skilled fighter and once he backs off to withdraw his gun, there’s one loud shot and the hooded man falls to the floor, drowning in his own blood. A little to my left.
Diego immediately moves to me. “Are you alright?” he asks, taking me into his arms and to the lounge.
“Yes.” It’s a lie. However, my mind refuses to show how vulnerable I really am.
He looks at me, worried. For the first time, I see a different type of expression that isn’t a smirk full of pride and confidence. And not even pity. I see concern. True and pure anguish. He brushes the hair out of my face as I’m lying, unable to move a muscle still. Whatever liquid it was, it’ll take some time to stop working.
“I’ll be right back,” Diego says, pulling his phone out. He moves back to the kitchen. Probably to make sure that the man is actually dead and to call for reinforcement. The fucker needs to go.
Soon he comes back. Now with Hellion by his side. As soon as the dog sees me, he rushes past Diego and lays down by my side. It makes me feel a little better to feel the heat from him as he licks my jaw like he understands I need the comfort.
Diego stays away at a safe distance which I am thankful for. “William, Macsen and the clean-up crew will be here in a few,” he lets me know, though all I want to say is refuse the first two. It’s a nightmare to have them seeing me like this.
What am I supposed to tell them?
How am I supposed to face them?
How the fuck am I supposed to face anyone?
I’m done. I really am.