Deviant Vows by Anna Widzisz
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Macsen
I can barely think or reciprocate in any way when Davina finishes sharing her past. A past that she has repressed for so many years that is still alive, haunting her even today. My throat feels dry like sand as words escape my mind.
Davina has been suffering since the night that fucking bastard ripped away her innocence. She neither deserved the pain nor the ignorance. None of it.
Pain like I’ve never experienced before starts to prickle every inch of my soul while my mind keeps painting a vivid picture of my Nyx living through a nightmare. Now I wish Taylor was alive. How badly I want to torture him every second for daring to lay his dirty hands on her pure soul. How much I am falling into despair that I can’t take away the nightmare for her but instead I made her unveil it all because I am a fucking moron. If only I had the chance, I would have shown the fucker what actual hell feels like.
Nyx turns to look at me with those same emotionless eyes – empty and blank. But I can sense her mind racing as if anticipating for me to look at her the same way her family did when she revealed her horror.
But I won’t do it because I know what happened to her was wrong and unforgivable. It was the truth.
“Go ahead and call me a lying, spoiled bitch. That’s what everyone thought of me when I told them the truth,” she whispers in a broken tone before a hard, serious look shrouds her face. “But keep in mind I will still be the strongest leader of the Firm. I won’t let you use my past as a weapon to make me weak just so that you can take over,” she warns. I remain still and calm, letting her lash out at me. Not because that sixteen-year-old girl within her is seeking protection, but because she is preparing herself for the worst.
“That was the first and last time I ever felt helpless and weak. I will certainly not allow you–” her words are left unfinished as I plant a gentle kiss on her soft lips, pouring out my emotions for her. My hands cup her face with my thumbs caressing her soft cheeks. She kisses me back as her plump lips touch mine, making my blood roar. Her arms slowly tangle around my neck as she deepens the kiss, feeling the same kindle of passion burning between us. I break the kiss and rest my forehead against hers, our eyes closed as we both breathe heavily.
“You will never be weak, Davina. Not to me or anyone else. After what you’ve shared, I am certain about one thing,” I tilt her head slightly, “You are the strongest and bravest woman I have ever laid my eyes on. If anything, I respect you more than my own self.”
The corners of her lips pull up slightly with gratitude written all over her face.
To think that I once believed she’s a mere pawn in this game we call the Firm. That her father is actually ruling through her and that she has nothing to say besides ‘yes’ and ‘of course.’ And not to mention my stupidity to have even thought she’d be this fragile and weak woman by my side whom I’d be able to manipulate easily into giving me the power. Those are no longer my aspirations.
“And fuck your family or anyone else. The truth is what you make it, and everyone is your subject right now. So you literally spit in their faces while holding your middle finger up.”
She glances up at me. “You pity me,” she states.
I shake my head with a small smile. “Not pity. I just regret that I wasn’t there to kill him for what he did. I would have made him wish for a quick death, letting him suffer until he had nothing left within him. He wouldn’t have been honoured and buried in a grave, instead, his head would have been cut off from his body and thrown in the sewer.”
“Such a romantic gesture,” she jokes, making both of us chuckle lightly before silence falls upon us again. “But I took care of him myself, and others as well.”
That’s right. Now I really understand the whole reason behind the Seven against the Quarter.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Davina,” I whisper. She looks up at me with this blank stare.
“I’ve heard this before. I’ve heard those exact same words from the one who later went and hurt me the most.”
“But I will help you take your pain away,” I add.
She frowns. “How?”
I don’t answer her with my words. Standing up, I offer my hand, waiting for her to accept it. She slowly takes it and stands up, looking up at me with uncertainty but still with a glimmer of hope for things to be different this time, shining behind her eyes. I bend slightly and put my arms underneath her and carry her like I should have done on our wedding night.
Her hands wrap around my neck for support as I start walking to the lounge. I stop near the fireplace before gently guiding her down. She stands in front of me.
I will take your pain away, Davina.
I will.
Davina
A spicy, fresh smell of his cologne hits my nostrils as Macsen presses his body to mine. Leaning down he hides his face in my hair and I hear him taking in my fruity scent. His hands roam down my back and I try my all not to take a step back. His touch is almost too gentle, too…. unlike him. His behaviour is strange to the point that I’m not sure whether I should hold on to that moment or run as far away as I can.
The alarming sound rings in my head. It’s been years since I’ve last felt any kind of kindness, tenderness. I stopped needing it when I realised feelings make people weak and vulnerable. Susceptible to be taken advantage of.
Macsen Addison is not a person I should ever consider trusting. Our marriage is nothing more than an arrangement. One that neither of us was happy to go through with, yet here we are.
I take a deep breath as our eyes stay interlocked. His shine with something I’ve never seen before, and perhaps that’s the reason my shoulders slump and I relax against his touch. His lips once again rest upon mine with a quick but gentle kiss before he brushes my hair to one side.
“Turn around,” he whispers in my ear, making me shiver. However, it isn’t because of fear but some kind of excitement mixed with anticipation and wonder. And before I can second-guess myself, I do as he says.
We stand like this for a little bit, not touching, not saying anything – simply being. Of course, my mind keeps running wild with questions and whether I should do what I am best at and detach myself once again. Or at the very least take a few steps away from him. Because I never let anyone be behind me if I can help it.
It’s exactly the position I was in with Taylor all those years ago. This is how I got hurt for not obeying orders. For fighting my way through hell. Yet I’m not moving. I feel his breath on my neck, hugging me.
“I know you don’t like having people behind you,” he says out loud exactly the thing I’ve been thinking about. “But I want to be an exception to this rule. You’re safe with me. Even if it might not have come off like that before, I promise you that it’s the damn truth now.”
I stay still, not saying a word.
“Close your eyes,” he continues and I listen. The darkness settles in and I feel the nerves at my fingertips getting irksome.
That’s when he came for me.
That’s how it happened.
I feel something smooth against my face and then the same thing is wrapped around my head, completely disabling me from seeing anything. One of my senses has been limited to the maximum. I am left with four, trying to rely on them for any guidance. But then Macsen’s palm lifts my head while I still feel him behind him. His breath warmer against my skin until his lips close around my throat, exactly at the place of my scar. This hideous defect is a good reminder of where I come from and how far I’ve come. That people will wish me ill no matter who I am, or what power I hold. So I might as well be who I was always meant to be. A queen.
I bite my lip, holding back a moan which fights to get through. Somehow it’s not an unsettling situation anymore. It’s something that I never want to end.
Then Macsen’s hands wrap around my waist and his fingers slide under my dress.
“Focus on the pleasure, Davina,” he whispers while rubbing my pussy. I can feel wetness pooling down my thighs pretty quickly. “It’s not scary. It’s exciting. Repeat after me.”
I moan.
“Repeat, Nyx.”
“It’s not scary,” I choke out, my knees shaking as I get on my tiptoes trying to provide Macsen with better access. “It’s exciting.”
I say it with each move he makes. With each finger he puts inside, whirling and brushing through my walls. His thumb teases my clit at the same time. The other hand closes around my throat. This one position I’ve never thought I’d be able to survive. Every second brings more out of me. I’m way past caring what happens to me. I just need him to continue.
“If I’m ever behind you, it’s because I want you to feel pleasure,” he says, his voice low and hoarse. I cup his hands, guiding him. Almost as if he didn’t know what to do and how to do it, when he knows exactly. I just need more stimulation. I need to feel like I have some kind of power over my upcoming orgasm.
Even if it’s a lie.
“Macsen,” I cry out. My own voice is shaking.
“Or it’s because I want you to feel safe,” he finishes just as I come undone.
My chest heaves while my juices run down my thighs. I find myself no longer needing my sight. At least not at this moment. And it almost feels like freedom.
Almost.