Vik by Belle Aurora

24

Anika

“What a disappointmentyou turned out to be,” said the sneering witch standing in my open doorway.

She strolled into my room like it was her right, and I let her, because… well, the last time I slammed a door in her face, she slammed me into a wall.

Ksenia had always been a hard woman. She had no daughters of her own. Perhaps that was her excuse for treating me so harshly. Her sons were all Bratva stock. I’d only met my cousins once, but they gave off an eerie feel about them. They were proud of the reputation they earned. They were referred to as heartless. Brutal. Psychopaths, even.

Their mother was very much the same, only she managed to hide those traits better than they had.

Now, as my aunt moved closer to me, I swallowed hard as I chanced a look into her eyes.

They were cold. Scornful. So full of contempt.

“I do not know why you are delaying your assignment, but it needs to be done, my flower.”

My heart beat out of time.

She wouldn’t understand. I could never reveal to her why I couldn’t do what she demanded. If I showed my true emotions, it would give her too much leverage over me.

And I’d already lost too much of myself.

What I had left, I cradled close, scared to death that she might rip it from my frail hands.

I couldn’t let that happen.

“I haven’t been feeling well,” I uttered tonelessly.

The closer she advanced, the more rigid my body strung, tight like a bow. Dressed in black, she sat beside me and put a gentle hand to my forehead.

I shuddered.

“You feel fine to me,” she said with an undertone of accusation.

I took my big brown teddy bear off the bed and hugged it to me, holding it close like a protective barrier. “What you’re asking me to do… it’s not going to be easy.”

“I have faith in you. You will find a way.”

My palms began to sweat. I swallowed hard. “It’s impossible. He hates me.”

So, when she stood, unspeaking, then crouched down in front of me, I braced. And when she put her hands to my upper arms, tightening her hold until it pinched my delicate flesh, I remained impassive.

I loathed to show just how much she hurt me. Ksenia got off on it.

She squeezed tighter, and when her nails dug into my flesh, she glared at me, her lip curling in distaste. The thinly veiled threat was clear. “You will find a way.”

My jaw taut, I breathed through the pain as I refused to look away from her.

My aunt. My tormentor.

“I’ll find a way,” I muttered shakily, even if to hold her off a while.

Ksenia smiled then. It disturbed me that it was identical to my mother’s. “See that you do.” She stood and made her way to the door. When she got there, she paused, her expression unreadable. “Do you know what they do to useless animals in Russia?”

My heart jumped in my chest. “No.”

My aunt grinned darkly. “You are very close to finding out.”

The minute she was out of my room, I stood and rushed over to the door, closing it and pressing my back against the cool wood. I couldn’t breathe. I huffed and puffed, and as I stretched my T-shirt to pull it away from my body, my lungs burned.

What was I going to do? What could I do?

If I did as she asked, they would hate me. If I didn’t, she would continue to take from me until there was nothing left.

The panic attack caught me by surprise. I fanned my hands about, pacing, then moaned quietly, internally counting as I tried to take in a full breath and let it out slowly. But it wasn’t helping.

In a last-ditch attempt to regain control, I stumbled into the closet. My trembling fingers working to close me into the darkness. They struggled but managed. And I began to wonder if maybe Nastasia was right.

Maybe I was sick.

Breathing heavily, my brow dampened with sweat, and I put my back to the wall, sliding down until my chin rested on my upturned knees. I closed my eyes. I was so tired.

So damn tired.

Please, God. I want to die. Take me away from this place. Welcome me home.

The prayer should have startled me. It didn’t.

I blinked into the darkness, my body shaking.

More than anything, I wished it to come true.

* * *

Hours later,he found me, and the second my closet door opened, a beam of light hit my face, causing me to lift a hand to protect my squinting eyes. My brother’s lips pulled down. He sighed at the state of me, and I truly felt awful for the worry I caused him of late.

Viktor looked up to the ceiling, closed his eyes, and muttered something inaudible to my ears. And then his hand appeared in front of me.

A lifeline he would never know how desperately I needed.

I placed my quaking hand in his, and he pulled me up.

“Come here,” he uttered quietly, then gave me no choice, pulling me into his warm embrace.

The minute I was safely locked into his hold, my breath hitched, and my body jerked. I cried. Gut-wrenching, knee-weakening sobs. My brother held me up, cradling me, rocking me like a child.

“Jesus Christ, Anika. Open your mouth. Use your words. Talk to me” was his broken plea.

How could I tell him, when his shoulders already bore the heaviest of loads?

I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. But I could take the minor moments of shelter he offered.

Unfortunately, God never did hear my brutal prayers. And because of that, I did what I had always done.

I endured.

* * *

Mina

I couldn’t wait.Even where I was, I could not wait a second longer. My period was a day late, and in the ladies’ room at Bleeding Hearts, I went about the motions, peeing on the test and waiting the three torturous minutes. But when the result came in, I wish I had waited after all.

Staring down at the long, white plastic strip between my fingers, I felt nothing but numb.

Negative.

God, I hated that word.

Another month. Another disappointment. I was too engrossed in yet another failed attempt to get pregnant, when the bathroom door swung open, and Anika walked in with a tired smile. She glanced down at the test and paused midstep.

“Mina,” she uttered, her wide eyes inquisitive, as though wondering whether the news might have been of the good variety.

Attempting to cover up the ache in my chest, I turned away and let out a humorless, “Nope.” I took the test and threw it in the trash. It hit the bottom with a slight ping. “Not today.”

Her expression glum, she blinked desolately and let out a soft, “I’m sorry.”

I shrugged, not exactly sure I wanted to be talking to her about this. After all, she did try to steal my husband right out from under me. “What can you do, right?”

It was hard to feign a measure of calm I did not feel, but I tried. I turned on the tap and washed my hands. When I shook them out, I peered up in the mirror to find Anika standing there with hesitance heavily etched in her fine features.

She looked as though she had something to say.

“Everything okay?” I asked with a frown.

“I…” She licked her lips, then cleared her throat. “I need to tell you something.”

Swiping a paper towel out of the dispenser, I dried my hands. “Okay. Shoot.”

Anika tried to begin but stalled three times until finally, she said, “I know I wasn’t exactly welcoming of you, and I have regrets about the things I did. I’m sure you won’t believe me, but I want you to know that I’m…” She shrugged helplessly. “I’m really happy for you.”

Of all the things she could have said, I definitely did not anticipate that little tidbit.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, I chuckled and said, “Wow. That must have been really hard for you to say.”

But she shook her head, wearing a sad smile. “No. It wasn’t.” She shrugged. “It took me a while, but I can see now that you and Lev are perfect for each other.”

One look at her forlorn appearance, and my heart hurt for her. I awkwardly uttered, “I’m sorry.”

She looked confused. “For what?”

“For winning, I guess.”

Anika took in a deep breath and walked over to me, shaking her head. “You didn’t win him.” Just as my back arched, she added faintly, “You saved him. From me.”

My brow puckered. “What do you mean?”

And just like that, Anika attempted to flee, walking backward toward the door. “I should go.”

But I could see more than she wanted me to. I got the distinct feeling Anika needed this purge. That she needed to have it with me.

“Ani,” I said, and she stalled, peering down at the floor in an attempt to avoid my gaze and the true feelings lurking in her own. “You can talk to me,” I offered. It surprised the hell out of me when I realized I meant what I was about to say to her. “I’d really like to be friends with you.”

Anika looked torn. Her pretty face crumpled, and the response she gave was quiet and full of regret. “You won’t understand. You couldn’t possibly.”

Maybe not, but I was happy to lend an ear. “Try me.”

A long silence settled between us, and just when I was sure she was done with this conversation, Anika picked at her thumbnail, an absentminded look swept over her features, and she began to speak. “We’ve been together a long time, the five of us. We grew up together. We spent holidays together. We were always… together. I guess you could say it was only a matter of time before someone went and fell in love.” Her eyes turned sad as she explained, “I only ever saw myself marrying one man.” As though she revealed too much, she shook her head and uttered, “Well, that’s beside the point. I’m getting off topic.” She then looked up into my eyes and started anew. “When I found out that Lev had impregnated Irina—” She paused a second, and then her voice shook. “—I found hope.”

Lev knocking up Irina gave her hope?

My brow lowered in confusion. That made zero sense.

Anika hands began to tremble as she clarified, “I found hope, because…” a rough exhale left her as she struggled with the words. She blinked rapidly. “Because…” Tears welled in her eyes, and she put on a watery smile that reeked of shame. “Because if he could love a piece of shit like her, then there was hope for me too.”

My chest ached at the unexpected statement. It had stunned me into silence.

Her lips trembled as the first of her tears streamed down her face, and I couldn’t help but notice the way her hands shook. She breathed unsteadily, croaking out, “There are worse things in life than marrying your dearest friend. One of those things being loneliness. I could never have the person I truly wanted, so I decided on one who was kind, and sweet, and dependable.” She took a moment, swiping at the stray tears that lingered on her cheeks. And then she scoffed, rolling her eyes lightly, as if she couldn’t believe she was telling me this. “If I could just get him to love me, I would never be alone, because Lev is nothing if not loyal.”

What she said ran through my mind, and when she was done, her chin dipped, and she lowered her face, covering her mouth with a delicate hand, appearing so utterly humiliated at what she had just admitted to.

And, for a second, my heart seized.

She couldn’t be hinting at what I thought she was.

“What are you saying?” When she braved a glance at me, the frightened look on her face broke my heart. I hated to pry when she was already so down, but I needed clarification. “Are you telling me that you never really loved Lev?”

She sniffled, shaking her head adamantly. “No. I love him very much.” But her expression turned rueful, and her voice became little over a whisper as she confessed, “Just not in the way you think.”

What the hell?

My mind imploded. My brain turned to mush.

One look at the woman and anyone could tell she was being genuine. You just couldn’t fake that kind of emotion.

First things first. “Does anyone else know?”

Anika let out a short, dark laugh. “Yeah, right. Tell Nas so she can kick my ass for trying to acquire her precious Lev? No thanks.”

Silence consumed us.

Anika watched me a moment before she turned and began to wipe away her tears, attempting to fix her makeup, and when my perplexed gaze met hers in the mirror, she offered a hushed, “For what it’s worth, I’ve been sick to death over this. I’m really sorry, Mina.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“I meant what I said,” she muttered as she straightened. “You saved him. If I’d worn him down enough to commit, he would have been miserable with me.”

She attempted a smile, but it came off dismal. As she left, I had the strangest feeling that there was more to Anika than met the eye. And I couldn’t understand how such a beautiful woman could be filled with so much self-loathing.