In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

After we arrivedat the second farmhouse, Kale took River and me inside. He shoved River into a room and quickly shut and locked the door. I could hear River yelling and cursing and kicking the door to get to me, but with how hurt he was, he was too weak to kick it down.

Kale opens the door to a bathroom, clicking on the light inside the small room. It’s dirty and looks like it hadn’t been used in years. My eyes widen when he shuts the door with both of us trapped inside. “Strip. You’re a mess, Zora,” he says with the curve of his lip in disgust. “You look like the worm you are, crawling out of the mud.” His eyes squint to slits then as a whisper of a smile pulls on his lips. “Or did you just crawl out of the grave? Because you and I both know you’re as good as dead.”

I flinch as he reaches past me and turns on the shower with a chuckle. The old pipes groan and squeak as water sputters out. I watch as it turns from brown to rust to murky. As gross as it seems to take a shower in dirty water in an even dirtier bathroom, I still ache to clean my body of the blood and filth that is caked on me.

“Get in,” Kale orders. I cock a brow at him, making him scoff. “If you think I trust you in here, you’re crazier than I thought you were. Take a damn shower, Zora. Take the mercy.” Turning my back to him, I start to step inside the olive-green bathtub. “Strip,” he adds. Fighting my need to tell him to shove it, I do as he says, throwing the wet clothes at him. He catches them with a growl, mad that they almost landed in his face.

“So, you’re just here for the show? Typical,” I mumble, ducking my head under the lukewarm water. A shiver runs over my body as goosebumps erupt from my head down. “Will it get any hotter?” I ask, my voice sounding hoarse.

“Your guess is as good as mine. The water was just turned on a little bit ago.”

I don’t question him more on it, instead just try to turn the handle farther to turn up the heat. Regardless, the water feels good. I keep my back to him, my eyes down, watching as the water cascades down my body, murky as it washes my skin clean.

“Is he here?” I ask after a long stretch of silence.

“He’s meeting with someone. He’ll be here soon.”

“Is there soap?”

“You take your chances with that bar there,” he says, talking about the dried-out, dust-covered bar of soap sitting on the rusting dish.

I hesitate and then pick up the bar, rinsing it in the shower to get the outer layer of filth off of it. Soap is self-cleaning, right? Once it starts to suds, I run my soapy hands over my body to clean myself as best as I can, then run the bar against my wet hair in an attempt to wash it. I repeat this a couple times and then decide it’s time to buck up and confront whatever faces me next.

Turning off the water, I stand and pull the excess water from my hair as I look over my shoulder to Kale. “What now?” I ask, turning around to face him. It’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked before, but it doesn’t stop his eyes from darkening as they skate over my body.

“Come on.” He nods his head toward the door, clearing his throat. “I’ll get you a shirt.”

I follow him out of the bathroom, steam trailing behind us into the cold house, making me shiver once again. He takes me to another bedroom, this one beside the one he pushed River into. Nervously, I watch him, waiting for him to hurt me, but instead he just hands me a clean T-shirt. Unfolding it, I can tell it’s his by the size and smell of it.

He moves to leave, to lock me inside I’m sure, but I call out to him, making him stop at the door and turn slightly to look back at me. “Thank you.” He lifts a brow in question at me. “For the shirt,” I smirk. “Definitely not for anything else.”

“Can’t have you dying of hypothermia before he gets back,” he grumbles.

“Kale,” I say his name, taking a chance that the boy he used to be is still in there. The boy who used to be kind and buy me French fries every Friday. “It’s not too late, you know.”

He lets out a choked laugh. “Yeah, Zora, it is.” He closes the door, and I hear the lock turn. Letting out a slow breath, I think about the sad look that passed over his rough face for a second.

A knock sounds on the wall, making me jump and pulling me out of my thoughts. “Zora,” River calls my name from the other side of the wall. “Are you okay, angel?” He sounds tired, and it scares me that I’m not there to watch him and make sure he’s alright.

I walk to the shared wall and lean against it, my palm flat on the peeling wallpaper. “I’m good,” I tell him as a tear slides down my cheek. “Don’t fight, River. Save your strength. Trust me, okay?”

“Easier said than done, angel.”

Don’t I know the truth in that. I sink to the floor, leaning my head against the wall to feel as close to him as possible. “Kale used to bring me French fries every Friday after school,” I tell him but secretly hope that Kale is listening too. Remembering who he used to be. Remembering who we used to be before Slater destroyed us.

“With a name like Kale, I’d have thought he only ate fish and that quinoa shit,” he chuckles, and it makes me smile.

“Nope, that big fucker only eats sugar and grease.” We stay quiet for a while. My eyes feel heavy, and I start to fall asleep.

I jerk awake when I hear a door slam shut. “River?” Nothing. I yell his name louder.

“I’m here, angel,” he says then.

“You scared me.”

“I’m just tired.” I am too, but I’m afraid he has a bad concussion and needs to stay awake.

But the longer we sit in silence, the harder it is to do just that. Every time I start to nod off, I jump awake, yelling his name. We do this for what feels like hours, but at least we’re both okay and together. For the moment anyway.

* * *

A door slammingwakes me up again, and this time I’m not sure how long I was asleep. Panic hits me as fear washes over me. “River?”

“Yeah,” he says, his voice cracking.

“Are you okay?”

Before he can answer with words, I hear him grunt in pain. “River!” I yell again, standing up and pressing my ear to the wall, hoping to hear more. “River!”

The door to the room I’m in flies open, and Slater stands in the doorway with that fucking smile on his face. “It hurts me when you yell another man’s name, glow worm.”

Not knowing what to say or if I should even bother trying to say anything at all, I stay quiet. Staring at Slater, I don’t dare move either. Not until he tells me to anyway.

After a long minute of him just creepily watching me, he takes the steps to close the distance between us, gripping me by the arm to pull me into his body. His mouth closes down on mine, his tongue pushing inside. The taste of cigarettes in his mouth has my tongue feeling fuzzy and my stomach rolling.

Breaking our gross kiss, he smiles down at me and then pulls me out into the living room of the house. Spotting a pile of sheets in the corner, it’s obvious that they pulled them off the furniture they had been covering to protect them from the dust that years of neglect would hopefully protect. Kale is sitting on a recliner-type chair with his ankle crossed over his knee, a bottle of beer hanging from his fingers as he keeps his eyes on River.

I gasp when I turn my eyes to River, who’s tied to a kitchen chair. His bruised and swollen face looks horrible, and he has fresh blood dripping from his nose. River keeps his eyes on me, but they look cloudy, like he’s either drugged or so fucked up he’s in danger of major head trauma. And there’s a gag in his mouth, keeping him from talking.

My eyes snap back to Kale. “What did you do?” I yell.

“Oh, that was my welcome to him,” Slate says from behind me. He has way too much pride and joy in his voice as he says it.

“Why?” I ask simply, hating that he hurt River more just for sport.

“Because he’s touched what was mine one too many times,” he says in a low voice that sends chills down my spine. And this time they aren’t from the cold air, but from the coldness in Slater’s tone.

He steps around me and bends down to get in River’s face, smiling at him like he’s already won this war, this game that they are all playing.

A loud gasp falls from my mouth before I can stop it when he slaps River across the face, making his head snap to the side. The only good is that it seemed to brighten his eyes and wake him up from the fog he was in long enough to find me.

River moves to fight against the restraints holding him to the chair. “Stop fighting.” My fierce tone takes everyone by surprise—myself included.

I know that if he’s going to leave here in one piece, I need to snap out of my sappy love bubble. I’ve been a fool for believing I could have that and keep us all safe in it. I tried to let myself believe the lie that I could get a happily ever after with River and the boys. But I know the truth. I know what’s in front of me.

Locking eyes with River, I walk to him. Slater takes a step aside, watching me to see what I’m going to do, how I’m going to react. Even Kale leans forward with his arms on his knees, like we’re all hanging on the edge of a cliff, ready to be shoved off.

Snarling my lip, I lift my hand and swiftly bring it down on River’s cheek. My hand stings and I welcome the pain, knowing that I will forever hate myself for what I’m about to do to him.

Slater hoots in excitement behind me. “Oh, fuck, glow worm.” He laughs into his fist. “What’d this one do to deserve that?”

“He tried to love me,” I tell him, keeping my eyes on River. Begging and pleading with him to see the truth behind my cold eyes. To hear my screams at him to trust me and believe that everything before was the truth and everything now is a lie.

Knowing I’ll break if I keep looking at River, I turn my head to look at Slater. I muster every acting bone I might have in my body and smile at him, hoping he doesn’t see the lies in me that are facing him.

Stepping into Slater, I run my hands up his chest to his shoulders. “I’m yours. I’ve always been yours, Slate.” Pressing up onto my toes, I kiss his lips, keeping my eyes closed and willing my body to relax. Slater waivers for a second, questioning if I’m lying, but I just lean into him with my cheek on his chest. “Ask me,” I whisper.

I feel his steady heart pick up the pace against my ear. “Did you miss me, glow worm?” He asks the question that is usually said with sarcasm to piss me off. This time when he asks it, it’s in a low, calm voice, a slight bit of trepidation lacing each word.

I nod my head, my cheek rubbing against the leather of his jacket. “I missed you, Slater.”

His hand goes to the back of my head, gripping my nape to make me look up at him, his eyes searching my face for something to show him I’m lying. “Zora, if you’re playing me…”

“I’m not,” I say, pulling my brows together to prove my point more. “You told me to go with them. You engrained in me what to do and what to say. I did it, Slater. Everything you told me to do, I did. Wasn’t it enough?”

He runs a hand over my head, brushing my hair back from my face. “Yeah, glow worm. You did good.” He smiles down at me.

Fuck, I should get an Academy Award for how easily he’s falling for my bullshit. But I have to keep going. I have to keep on this path until he lets River go and I know the boys are all okay.

That Remi is okay.

“I need inside you, Zora,” Slater says gruffly. “Right fucking now. Show me how much you love me.” He pushes my hand down to his hard cock between us. I don’t take my eyes off of him as I smile and undo his buckle. Once his pants are open, I push my hand inside, sliding against his hard cock and watching as his eyes roll back slightly with a hiss.

Grabbing a fistful of my hair, he brings his mouth down on mine. It’s so hard our teeth clash together and I feel my lip get cut from the force. Then, with a groan, he pulls me to him, falling back onto the sofa with me straddling his legs.

“Ride me. Prove it, Zora. Prove that he doesn’t matter. That you’re mine and no one else’s.”

My chest rapidly rises and falls as I stare down at Slater. Kale moves to leave, but Slater snaps at him. “Sit your ass down.” His smile spreads wider then as his hands come up to grab hold of my breasts through the shirt I have on. “Don’t act like a prude now. I know you get off on watching the worm get stuffed full of me.” He chuckles, then looks at Kale. “Maybe we can both fill her, like old times. What do you say, K?”

“Have your fun, Slate. I’ll make sure this fucker doesn’t move,” Kale replies, and I’m both surprised and grateful for his answer.

Slater looks back at me and pulls Kale’s shirt off of me, leaving me naked. “You’re loss.” Then he slaps my ass. “Up.” I lift up on my knees and hold my breath while he positions himself at my entrance and then pushes my shoulder down, forcing himself inside. “So tight,” he grunts. “I’d have thought you’d be more stretched out from those boys using your pussy, Zora. We all know what a greedy cunt you have.”

He leans forward and bites at my breast as he moves inside me. Like Pavlov’s dog, my pussy begins to get wet for him. Closing my eyes, I try to let myself get lost in that place in my mind I often ran to when I was with Slater.

Without warning, he lifts me off and turns me around to face out. To face River. Slater fills me again as my eyes lock with River’s. Tears and anger and disgust and murder are there.

Slater’s hand comes up the front of me to grip onto my throat as he pounds up into me and I push back down on him. “Let him watch you. Let him watch you as you come all over my cock. Because now he’ll know who owns you, Zora. And it’s not him.” Slater says the words in my ear, but they are loud enough for River and Kale to both hear.

An unwanted moan escapes my lips when Slater’s fingers go to my clit and draw circles as he keeps punishing me with hard thrusts. River’s nostrils flare, and his hands are white-knuckled fists.

I knew I was going to orgasm, and as much as I hated myself and my body for betraying me like this—betraying River like this—I let go. I let go while I stare at River and hope and pray he knows it was him. It was him that I was remembering being inside me. It was him that I was with in those moments of pleasure and peace my body gave me.

It was short-lived, like I knew it would be. It always was with Slater. Lifting me, he forces me to my knees in front of him and roars as his cum coats my face. Degrading me like he always does. Because when he does that, it’s to prove a point. That I wasn’t worth more than a used condom.

In another time with someone else, it could be an act of pleasure, of enjoyment. But not here. Not now. Not with Slater. Not ever. And I know that.

Without a word, Slater grabs Kale’s shirt and wipes it down my face before tossing it at Kale. “Throw that shit away.” Then he stuffs himself back in his pants and walks outside, leaving me on the floor, naked and cold and wishing to die for the thousandth time in my life.

The sound of his car engine turning on rumbles through the walls and broken windows that are covered by cardboard. And then he’s gone. At least for a little bit.

I can’t look at River. I stay on the floor, holding my knees to my chest, my cheek on my knee, staying silent as I stare at the pattern of the fabric on the sofa.

I don’t know how long passed before Kale came back and handed me another shirt. Looking up at him in surprise, his face was pulled tight. “Be careful, Zora” was all he said as he left me and went outside.