In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

I fellasleep in Greyson’s arms while Domonic drove us back to the compound. When I woke up, I felt nothing but soft warmth surrounding me. It reminded me so much of the very first time I woke up here in River’s bed.

River.

I sit up quickly, my eyes wide as I try to see where I am in the dark. I pat my hand around the bed to see if I’m alone, and when I feel smooth skin and hear a grunt from me smacking him, I do it again.

“River,” I rasp. I say his name like a prayer that he’s alive and here, but I’m scared that he’s not. That I didn’t do enough. That he did too much. “Where’s River? He’s here, right? I tried to keep him safe, to get him out of there, but he kept pushing even after I asked him not to. It’s my fault. I should have tried harder to stop him. He’s dead, isn’t he?” I keep rambling one thought and question and fear after another until I’m hyperventilating.

“Whoa… Shhh… Baby girl, it’s okay. He’s okay. River is here, and he’s fine. You’re okay too,” Cruz says in a calm voice, pulling me into his chest and rubbing a soothing hand up and down my back. “Just breathe. Nice and easy, okay?”

“H-he’s okay?”

“Yeah, he’s okay.”

My body melts into his as everything pours out of me that I’ve held in for days or weeks or however long it’s been. I don’t even know anymore. But I melt. I cry and sob as I cling to Cruz, my tears soaking his skin as he keeps rubbing my back and whispering calming words in my ear.

When my breathing finally settles and my cries turn to hiccups, I sit back and look at him through my puffy eyes. “I smell bad.”

He laughs, loud and free as he pulls me tighter to him and kisses my dirty hair. “You do. But I don’t care. I’m just so fucking happy to have you back.”

“I need a shower. And then probably another one,” I murmur but not wanting to move from his embrace quite yet.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he stands with me in his arms and carries me to the bathroom. A dim light is on inside, enough to let me see his face fully. He looks exhausted, and I hate that that’s probably because of me too. But at least he doesn’t look hurt, and that’s something.

Cruz sets me down on the counter and walks to turn on the shower. My eyes scan over his smooth inked skin, up to his tired, beautiful face. A grin pulls on my lips as I watch him. He looks like trouble with his tough-guy exterior of tattoos and piercings, but he’s so caring and thoughtful, sweet.

Turning back to me, he walks over, and I lift my arms to help him remove Kale’s shirt I’m still wearing. I don’t miss the flare of his nostrils when he sees the bruises on my body and the marks on my wrists and ankles from being tied up.

“Hey,” I start, cupping his face in my hands. “I’m okay. If this is too hard for you, you can wait in the bedroom.” He just shakes his head. “You guys should have woken me up to shower before putting me in bed. You probably need to burn those sheets.” I try to joke, but it falls flat.

“We tried, but you were out cold. We figured you needed the sleep, so Dom put you in bed and told me to stay with you.” He smirks at me with mischief. “And I wasn’t mad about it.”

I snort a laugh. “Let me shower. Please,” I beg.

Picking me up from the counter, he sets me down at the entrance to the glass-walled shower. I step inside and instantly moan from how good it feels to be in a clean shower with hot water. I feel like I’ve been cold for a lifetime.

I catch movement out the side of my vision to see Cruz heading for the door. “Where you going?”

“I’m going to strip the bed and ask Miss Mel for clean linens. You okay?”

Seeing that it’s hard for him to look at my injuries and know the hell I was in, I let him go. Mustering a smile, I nod. “Okay. I’ll be here.”

“Take your time, baby girl. Take all the time you want.”

And I do.

* * *

After the longestshower anyone has ever taken, Cruz talked me into going back to bed to get more sleep. When I saw it was four in the morning, I decided he was right. It was too early to go in search for River.

The next time I woke up, I could see the sun peeking out from behind the closed curtains, and I realized I was in bed alone. With a frown, I got up to go in search of my boys. I needed to see all of them with my own eyes, especially River.

Making my way from Cruz’s wing downstairs, I find him and Greyson in the kitchen. Cruz smiles wide when he hears me enter. “Morning, baby girl. Hungry?”

Tucking my hair behind my ear, I nod. “Starving.”

“Grilled cheese?”

On cue, my stomach growls, making Greyson laugh. I stick my tongue out at him. Grey reaches for my hand, pulling me between his legs where he sits on a stool. “You sleep well?” he asks as he tilts my face up and kisses my lips.

“So good,” I hum. “What time is it anyway?”

“About two,” Cruz answers.

My eyes widen. “Holy shit.”

Grey smiles down at me, then kisses my neck. “You needed to rest your tired body.” I tilt my neck more to give him better access, welcoming the soft feel of his lips on me.

“Yeah, and she doesn’t need you mauling her the second she’s awake, dickhead,” Cruz grumbles behind me, making me chuckle.

I feel one of Grey’s hands leave my body for a second, and I know he probably flipped Cruz off while not taking his lips from my neck as he peppered my skin with kisses.

“Here,” Cruz says, setting a plate down not so gently. “Eat, baby girl, and then I’ll take you to see River.” I turn to look at him. He softens and smiles. “He’s been asking about you all day since he heard you were back.”

I hurry to eat, scarfing down the two sandwiches Cruz made for me. He even smacked Grey’s hand when he tried to snag a triangle from the plate, saying that it wasn’t for him. Usually I’d yell at him for it and share, but this time he was right. I was starving and wanted every crumb to myself.

Taking a drink from the glass of water that Cruz set down for me, I wipe my hands on my thighs. “Okay, I’m done. I need to see River.”

Greyson gives me a grin while Cruz takes my hand to guide me up to River’s wing. I want to ask questions, but I don’t know if I want the answers, so I stay quiet instead as I walk with him up to see his best friend.

Cruz knocks on the door but doesn’t wait for an answer before pushing it open. “Riv, I found a stray for you,” he jokes as we walk inside.

My eyes instantly fill with tears when I see River. Alive. He’s beat to shit, but he’s alive and breathing. He gives me a weak smile. “Come here, angel.”

I don’t waste any time going to the hospital bed he’s in and climbing in next to him. Wrapping my arms around his middle, I hug him, but his grunt of pain has me pulling away. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

“Don’t be sorry. I don’t mind that kind of pain. Come back.”

I bury my face into his side as I cry, and I hate that I’m crying, but I can’t seem to stop the tears. “I was so afraid,” I tell him when I look back up at him. My hand hovers near his face, wanting to touch him but not wanting to hurt him.

He reaches up, lacing our fingers and placing my hand on his still-swollen cheek. “Missed you, angel,” he whispers.

I lay with River the rest of the day, refusing to leave his side. Cruz had to force me to leave to sleep in my own bed that night. I was so afraid that if I left River, he’d disappear and be gone when I came back.

Greyson and Cruz slept with me that night. I wanted to ask where Dom had been since he came to pick me up, but I knew he was blaming himself for everything that had happened. Just like each of the boys had.

Exactly like I was.