In Death I Live by Lindsay Becs

ZORA

After Slater beatRiver half to death—like a coward would when River couldn’t fight back—Slater stabbed a knife into his leg. I can still hear River’s roar, a mixture of pain and anger. He started to curse at Slater, but I looked at Kale, begging him to show mercy.

Thank fuck, the big guy still has some sort of heart inside him, because he lifted his fist and knocked River the fuck out before he could anger Slater any more to the point that he would kill him.

Slater had ordered Kale to take his body out to the van. While Kale listened, Slater gripped me up harshly from the couch where I hadn’t moved, pulling me behind him outside. I didn’t fight. I didn’t even say a word or yell in protest. I just stumbled after him as he practically dragged me to the van with him.

Pulling handcuffs from his back pocket, he cuffed one of my wrists to the floor of the van and then climbed up in the front seat next to Kale.

I fought everything inside me not to look at River or show that I cared that he was beaten and bleeding beside me as we drove. Biting the inside of my cheek to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill out, I stared forward and tried to shove all my emotions into that black box in the back of my mind.

After a while, Slater climbed in the back as Kale slowed some but kept driving. Slater slid the door open and then, before I could understand what he was doing, he kicked River’s body out of the moving van like a bag of trash.

“There,” Slater said, smiling over at me. “Now we can get on with the real fun.”

* * *

Two days.It’s been two days—I think—since they dumped River. Since we came back and Slater tied me to a bed where he’s used me like he always has. As nothing but a hole for his disgusting dick.

Kale brings me food and water and lets me use the bathroom a couple times a day. I can tell his loyalties to Slater are shifting. I just don’t know why or how much.

The door opens and I close my eyes, praying to whatever deity will listen, and hope that it’s not Slater. Relief washes over me when I see Kale’s shaved head instead of Slater’s long, greasy hair in the doorway.

Without a word, he unties my body from the bed and helps me to slowly sit up. I don’t ask any questions or say anything. Not until we reach the bathroom and he closes the door, after I looked down the hall and saw Slater wasn’t in the house with us.

“Help me leave,” I beg him as I sit down on the toilet and let my full bladder go, not caring that he’s standing next to me. I’ve been degraded enough in my life not to feel ashamed to use the toilet in front of someone.

“Zora…” He says my name in a frustrated groan.

“You don’t agree with him. I can tell, K.” It’s weak, but it’s the only string I think to pull. “What’s he doing that’s so bad you aren’t on his side completely?”

His eyes slice into me. “Don’t,” he grits through clenched teeth. He tugs on my arm, pulling me up to stand and gets in my face. “You’re still a worm.”

“And you’re still salad,” I scoff. He yells through his teeth in my face, angry at me, I’m sure. What else is new? Pulling from his grip, I move to shove past him, but he doesn’t budge—because he’s huge. Crossing my arms over my naked chest, I look at him and try another approach. “If you won’t help me get away, then just kill me. You and I both know that he’s going to do nothing but use me until he fucks me to death,” I tell him, knowing my fate. “Please show me more mercy than that, Kale.” My voice cracks and tears fill my eyes.

He doesn’t move or say anything for the longest time. He just stares at me. Then, “He’s your kid, right?”

My throat goes dry, and my stomach bottoms out. “W-what? Who?”

“Remi. He isn’t your little brother. He’s yours, isn’t he?”

“He can’t know,” I whisper as a tear falls down my face. “Slater can’t know.” Panic sets in as my biggest secret is said out loud.

Kale’s big, rough hand comes up and swipes it away. “He already does, Zora.”

I bend to puke in the toilet, making it just in time. “I’ve failed him in every way a mother could,” I cry, shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut.

“He was moved to a new home yesterday,” Kale says, and my head snaps to look up at him. “Slate had eyes on him, but then he was moved unexpectedly last night and he lost him.”

My hand covers my mouth. “Oh, my… Dom?” I ask, hoping—praying—that I’m right and seeing the smallest sliver of hope for my little boy.

He lifts a shoulder. “Dunno. But Slater is losing his shit that he doesn’t know where the kid is now. He was his golden ticket with Swan. Without the kid, Slater is useless to Swan.” I stand up slowly, feeling lightheaded. “Zo…” Kale starts, reaching out to take my hand, but I pull away. His brows dip like he’s hurt by my reaction, but I don’t exactly give a fuck right now about hurting his feelings.

“What?” I close my eyes, afraid of what he’s going to say next.

“Who’s the kid’s father?”

Sinking my teeth into my lip, I bite until I taste blood on my tongue. Slowly, I open my eyes and shrug, giving him his answer without having to say anything. Because I don’t know.

There are two possibilities for who fathered Remi. Neither are good, but one is looking at me right now, and he’s the better option. At least he used to care a little about me.

“He can’t know, Zora.”

I snort a laugh. “You think I don’t know that? I wasn’t just trying to protect myself and Remi. I was trying to protect you too.”

This time, when I move to push past him, he lets me. Back in the bedroom, I curl up on my side as my body begins to shake. A moment later, I feel the bed dip as Kale sits next to me.

“Here,” he says, handing me a shirt. I stare at it in defiance instead of taking it, but he lifts a knowing brow at me. With an eye-roll, I snatch the shirt and pull it on to cover myself.

“He’ll kill you if he finds out that Remi could be yours as much as his.” I admit the truth we both know after a long stretch of silence between us.

“I took that risk the second I started looking at you as mine instead of his when he was locked up.” Shaking his head, he runs a hand over the short, shaved, dark hair there. “I shouldn’t have ever… We shouldn’t have… Kid or not, I’m as good as dead the second he finds out I ever touched you without him knowing.”

“Kale?” He grunts in response. “Please, let me go. Help me get out of this nightmare.”

* * *

The coverof darkness falls over the house as day becomes night. At some point, I fall asleep, and when I wake up, I’m startled to find Kale picking me up and carrying me outside. “Where are we going? Where are you taking me?”

“I’m getting you out of here.” He pauses a second and looks down at me in his arms. His face is shadowed by all but the glow of the moon, and in this one quick moment, I see the sweet boy who used to care about me. “You deserve better than this life, Zora.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

He sets me inside a car and quickly gets into the driver’s side. I can see his paranoia from how often he’s checking his mirrors and the way his fingers tap against the steering wheel. After we’ve driven for almost an hour, he pulls into a rundown motel parking lot.

“You know their phone number?” I nod because I made sure to memorize them all. He hands me a handful of change and nods toward the old payphone that’s shadowed under the stairs. “Call them. Tell them you’re at StarLight Motel.”

“What about you?” I ask, turning back to look at him. We both know he just bought a one-way ticket to an early grave by letting me go.

“I’ll see you around, Zora. Find your boy and take care of him. And yourself. Alright?”

Biting into my lip, I give him a nod as I step out of the car and shut the door. He takes off as soon as I turn my back on him. Fisting my hands at my sides, I walk to the payphone and pray this isn’t some sick joke or trap I’m walking into.

With shaky hands, I push in a couple of quarters and dial the first phone number that comes to mind. It rings and rings and I start to think he isn’t going to answer, but then…

“Hello?” he answers sleepily, and I know it’s late, but I had to hear his voice and know he was okay.

I gasp and cover my mouth. “Mommy loves you, baby boy. Only a little longer, okay?”

“I’m being a good undercover agent, Mommy. I tell no one about my special phone.”

Tears fill my eyes, and I look up at the moon to blink them away. “Good boy. I knew you were the right one for the job.”

“It was soooo long since last contact.” He says staying in our agent talk before breaking my heart. “I got scared.”

“I’m sorry, Rem. But you are so brave and strong and never need to be afraid, okay? I need to tell you something. I have safe names that I want you to remember, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“River, Domonic, Cruz and Greyson. You don’t trust anyone with any other name but those, you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good boy. I need to go, but I love you to the moon.”

“And back again.”

“Go back to sleep.”

“Night, Mommy.”

“Sweet dreams.”

I hang up and take several deep breaths to calm myself down. Steeling myself, I sniff and then pop more coins in and dial another number.

“The fuck is this?” I can’t help the smile that pulls at my lips from his greeting.

“Zora.”

“Angel girl, where the fuck are you? Are you alright?” Dom asks, his voice sounding both relieved and tense all at once.

“I’m at the StarLight motel. I don’t know how far it is from you.”

“Are you alone?” he asks, but I already hear him moving around, getting ready to come for me.

“Yeah,” I say quietly. “Kale brought me here and left.”

“I’ll be there soon, baby. Don’t move, alright?”

I huff a laugh. “I have nowhere to go.”

“Are you hurt?” he asks softly.

I shake my head, even though I know he can’t see. “I’m okay.” My voice comes out tight as a cry sits in the back of my throat. “Just hurry, please.”

To continue your call, please insert fifty cents.

“I need to go. I’m using a payphone.”

“I’m coming, baby. I’ll see you soo—” He’s cut off as the call drops.

I’m shivering and trembling from both cold and fear. The skin around my thumb is almost gone from me biting it nervously as I wait for Dom to get to me. When an SUV speeds into the parking lot, I know it has to be him.

The headlights shine in my eyes, and I lift my hand to shield my face as I peek out from around the steps. Both the driver’s side and passenger side doors fly open at the same time, and for a second, I’m scared it’s not my boys.

But then I see them more clearly when I run to the front of their fancy SUV. “Dom?” I ask, stepping out more.

He rushes toward me, pulling me into his warm embrace. “Oh, thank fuck.”

I cry. Big fat ugly tears.

“Zo-Zo, you had us scared,” Grey says, pressing his lips to the top of my head as he pulls me into a hug when Dom sets me on my feet.

“You’re freezing. Come on, let’s get out of here and get you home and checked out,” Dom says.

Greyson doesn’t let go of my hand as we walk to the car. He pushes the passenger side door closed and opens the back door, then picks me up and gets inside with me in his lap, pulling the seatbelt over both of us as I curl up into him. “Turn up the heat,” he tells Dom as the car reverses and then quickly takes off.

I hum at the feel of how good it is to be wrapped up in Grey. “I thought we lost you,” he whispers into my dirty hair. “And it was all my fucking fault.”

I look up at him, shaking my head. “No. None of this is your fault.”