Tempting Him by Isabel Lucero

21

After leavingAlek’s hotel wearing the clothes he gave me once I was out of the shower, I rush home to change into my own shit, not wanting any reminders of him.

I’m not a guy who gets easily angered, but tonight, he really pissed me off and turned me into something I’m not. I’m not spiteful and vindictive, but I wanted to use him in the way I felt he was using me.

I’m aware of his rules, but like I told him, it became confusing when he was asking me to eat with him, when he shared pieces of his life with me, when he let me kiss him. I thought he was opening up and tearing down a wall. Instead, tonight he basically said I was a hole for his dick and nothing else. I know I was fucked up toward people in the past, but I was never like this. I didn’t tell them they were only good enough to fuck.

I get it. I know why there are rules in place. Don’t fuck your boss because when shit goes south, you’re left in this uncomfortable situation. He has the power. He can remove me from the program and make sure I don’t get hired. I contemplate even showing up on Monday.

My anger fuels me, so once I’m changed, I go downstairs where there’s a party raging, and I drink. I drink until I can forget about Alek, and how I actually started liking him even though I have every reason not to. I drink until I don’t want to call him or send him a message, cursing him out for making me feel like shit.

“Hey, Jay.” A brunette plops down next to me, but it takes me several seconds to see clearly enough to recognize her.

“Oh, hey, Tee.”

I call her Tee, but she goes by Tia, which is just a shortened version of her actual name—Tatiana.

She laughs. “Wow, you’re pretty drunk.”

My grin is slow as she blurs into two people. “Ding ding.”

“You okay?”

I shrug, or I think I do. “Yeah, fine.” I try to scoot up from the bench that’s pushed against the wall. “Was I ever an asshole to you?”

“What?” she questions with a giggle.

“You know, did I treat you like shit when we were hooking up?”

She pushes a curly lock of hair behind her ear. “Uh, no. Why are you asking me this?”

“I just wanna know,” I say, the words stringing together. “I know I wasn’t always the most romantic, but—”

“Jay, you were fine,” she says, confusion marring her face. “You were always nice. Just because we weren’t in a relationship doesn’t mean you were a dick. I was aware of the situation we were in.”

“Yeah, but did you feel used?”

“Did you?” she says with a laugh. “We used each other for sex.”

I sigh. “I know, but it was different.”

She touches my knee, her fingers giving me a little tap. “What’s going on?”

I wave a hand through the air. “Doesn’t matter. Never mind.”

We end up chatting for a few minutes before she disappears and another one of my fuck buddies shows up.

“What is this? Ghosts of hookups past?”

Aiden, someone from at least a year ago, furrows his brows before letting out a chuckle. “What?”

“Nothing. What’s going on, man?”

“Not much. Just checkin’ on ya. You look like you’re pretty wasted, and you’re not out there having fun like usual.”

I groan. “I’m fine. Let me ask you a question. Was I an asshole to you? Make you feel like shit? Used?”

He laughs nervously. “Uhh.”

“Just be honest. I wanna know.”

“You were never mean. We had some good times.”

“I feel like there’s a but coming.”

He snorts. “I mean, I think I liked you more than you liked me, but that wasn’t on you.”

“Sorry, man.”

“Don’t be. I’m fine. It was a long time ago, but why are you asking this?”

“I don’t want to be the guy who made people feel used and dismissed their feelings.”

“Well, I never told you my feelings, so you didn’t have the chance to dismiss them,” he says with a laugh. “And I never felt used. I mean, I guess I wanted more than what I was getting, but that was probably because I liked you a lot. It was just unrequited.”

“Hmm,” I murmur, scratching my head.

Am I only upset because I actually do have some sort of feelings for him? If I had none, I wouldn’t

care as much, right?

“Are you in my position now or what? You like someone who doesn’t like you back?”

I scoff. “I hate him.”

Aiden laughs. “You sure? Whoever he is has caused you to get drunk and be sad in a corner while reminiscing about past relationships. Doesn’t seem like hate.”

“Well, it’s definitely not love, and I’m not sure if it’s like. Maybe lust. But mostly, he’s a selfish prick and I hate him.”

Aiden humors me with a laugh, even though I’m sure what I said makes no sense.

“You’re a good guy, Jay. Don’t let someone make you doubt that. We all make mistakes and bad decisions, and I think everyone goes through a selfish stage, but we’re all capable of change, and we’re not the sum of every bad thing we’ve done.”

I spend the next hour and a half or so, stuck to the wall, drinking myself closer and closer to a blackout. It's unlike me, and I hate that I've allowed Alek to affect me so much. I'm not this guy. I don't mope. Sulking isn't something I usually do.

After a few other concerned friends come over to check on me, I take my miserable ass upstairs. I thought I'd be able to drink Alek out of my mind, instead, it’s having the opposite effect.

Drunk, with my brain as foggy as my vision, I pull my phone out and scroll through social media until I realize I can hardly focus on words or pictures. As stupid and cliché as it may be, and definitely something you should never do while drunk, I bring up Alek's name in my phone. My thumbs hover over the letters, ready to send a scathing text.

I'd only be repeating what I already told him, but the need to reach out, if only for him to respond, is strong. After writing and deleting several different messages, I eventually make the smart decision to not send anything. He's my boss, after all.