Alpha Theo by C.J. Primer

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Theo

“Dude, your dad’s here,” Jax remarks, nudging me with his elbow.

“What?” I turn to follow Jax’s gaze, and sure enough, my old man is walking through the gate of the squad complex.

If I wasn’t seeing it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it. I’m not sure my dad has ever been up here to visit me at the complex- and even now, he looks totally out of his element.

Physically, he appears like he could belong here. He doesn’t look his age and he works out and stays fit. A lot of people say that I’m his spitting image, which I’m sure irritates him to no end since he thinks I’m a colossal fuck-up. I’ve got his square jaw, the same nose and brow line, and his height- but while his eyes are dark brown, Quinn and I both have our mom’s hazel eyes.

As I stare at my dad standing by the gate, I can’t help but wonder what the hell he’s doing here- and if he’s here to see me. Then it hits me that Quinn probably let the cat out of the bag that she’s planning on joining the squad.

Fuck. One more thing for him to blame me for.

Dad looks around for a moment- most of the squad is out on the field for practice- then his eyes land on me and lock there.

Yep, he’s definitely here to see me. Fuck.

I groan, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Guess I’d better go see what he wants,” I mutter to Jax.

He gives me a sympathetic look, clapping me on the shoulder. “Good luck…”

I’ll need it.

I take off in a jog toward where Dad’s standing at the gate, weaving through the groups of squad members as they run drills and spar. My heart’s thumping in my chest when I skid to a stop in front of my father.

“Hey,” I breathe. “What brings you out here?”

Dad folds his arms across his chest, his jaw stiffening. “I was hoping we could talk.”

I nod slowly. “Sure. Uh…” I look around, unsure of where to go. I don’t really want the squad looking on while my dad reams me for taking his precious daughter away. I knew he’d probably be a little miffed that we recruited Quinn, but for him to come all the way out here? He must be royally pissed.

“Do you wanna go for a walk or something?” I ask.

He grunts, giving a curt nod.

I step past him, gesturing for him to follow as I start toward the main path out into the forest. He catches up to me in a couple of strides, until we’re walking down the path side by side. I glance sideways at my dad, but his eyes are fixed on the ground, his hands shoved in his pockets.

I blow out a breath. “Look, if this is about Quinn…”

“It’s not,” he says quickly.

My brows shoot up. “Really?”

Dad shakes his head.

“Okay,” I sigh. “Then why are you here, Dad? Is it about what happened the other day?”

“Yes.”

Fuck. My heart sinks. He wouldn’t punish Brooke for what she said in my defense, would he? A long pause settles between us as we keep walking up the trail and I wait for him to go on. When he doesn’t, though, my nerves get the best of me and I speak up again.

“Look, that whole thing was my fault, not Brooke’s. If you’re gonna…”

“No,” Dad cuts me off, shaking his head. He looks over at me for the first time since we started walking on this trail. “It was my fault.”

“What?” I stop short, furrowing my brow.

Dad heaves a sigh, stopping and turning to face me. “You heard me.”

Did I, though? I couldn’t have heard that correctly.

“Listen, son, I might not have appreciated the way Brooke spoke to me the other day, but afterwards, I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. I…” he trails off, raking a hand through his hair. “I had no idea you were so involved with the squad lately. I mean, you’d told me about some of it, but I guess I just wasn’t really listening.”

I shove my hands in the pockets of my gym shorts. “Yeah, I’ve been trying to tell you. To show you…”

Dad holds up a hand, shaking his head. “Let me finish.”

I swallow hard, biting my tongue. Even when it seems like he’s apologizing, he won’t let me get a word in edgewise.

Dad shifts his feet, looking profoundly uncomfortable. “I think what bothered me the most about what she said was that I’ve been blaming you for the past. Is that… do you feel that way?”

Damn, I can’t remember the last time my dad and I had a real talk like this, if ever. I’m not equipped to handle these types of emotionally-charged conversations. I’ve never been very good at confronting my feelings or laying it all out there- and even though I swore I’d stop bailing when things got hard, there’s a small part of me that wants to right now.

I stare down at the dirt, kicking at a rock. “Yeah, Dad. I mean ever since Mom died, it’s like you…” I swallow hard, my voice low. “It’s like you never forgave me.”

My father takes a step toward me, setting a hand on my shoulder. I look up and my eyes meet his- and for the first time, it feels like he’s really looking at me. Really seeing me.

“Did you think I blamed you?” he asks, his voice gravelly.

My throat’s tight- I can’t get words out. I just nod.

Dad heaves a sigh, shaking his head. “Theo, I never blamed you. I blamed myself. I was just so angry at the world after your mom was taken from me, and…” he trails off and shakes his head again, harder. “Damnit I never meant to make you feel that way. I just didn’t know what to do, raising two kids. Your mom was always the patient one, and it just seemed like no matter what I did, I couldn’t get through to you. And I think after a while, I just gave up trying.”

My eyes sting with the threat of tears. This is too raw, too real. So many years overdue.

I’ve never seen the kind of vulnerability in my dad’s eyes that I’m seeing right now, as he parts his lips to speak again. “I think it took that little girl putting me in my place for me to realize that I’ve never been much of a father to you,” he says hoarsely. “I failed you.”

I shake my head. “You didn’t fail me. You just… expected more from me than I could ever give.” I chew on the inside of my cheek, staring at the ground again. “I didn’t do myself any favors, either. I mean, mom’s accident might not have been my fault, but everything I did after that was. I just went through the fucking motions, bailed whenever things got hard. Didn’t take anything seriously.”

“But you are now.”

My eyes fly up to meet his.

“I asked around about the security system, heard how sophisticated it was and that it was all your idea. And to do that on top of everything else you do to help manage the squad… it’s impressive, son. You deserve a lot of credit for all you’ve been able to accomplish here.”

Damn. I’m not sure my dad has ever delivered a compliment like that to me. I’m stunned- all I can do is stare at him, frozen in place.

He draws a breath, eyes still trained on me. “That kind of initiative is something that’ll make you a great alpha. Brooke was right about that, too. And to go toe to toe with her alpha and say the things that she said, well…” he chuckles softly, shaking his head. “That girl must really care about you. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I don’t think I need to tell you that she’s a good one. A keeper.”

My lips tip up into a smile. “Yeah, she is.”

Dad returns my smile, setting a hand on my shoulder again. “Look, I know I’ve been harping on you about settling down, finding a mate, but… that’s not what makes an alpha. It’s taking initiative, stepping up and taking the lead, like you’ve been doing with the squad. An alpha has to lead with a strong hand but know when to be gentle. Has to be firm, yet fair. Has to be reliable. And I’m not saying that all of that comes overnight, but I think with time, you can be all of those things. Be the alpha that this pack needs.”

“Yeah,” I breathe. “I can, Dad. I just need you to teach me. And I need you to accept that even though I’m not like you, that doesn’t mean I’ll be a crappy alpha.”

He chuckles, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I wasn’t so different from you when I was your age, you know. I had a wild phase. I think we’re more alike than you realize, which is probably why we can’t seem to get along.”

My lips curl into an amused grin. “Please. You had a wild phase?”

“Oh yeah,” he snorts. “It took me meeting your mom to settle down, realize what was truly important.”

I nod, my smile fading. “I miss her.”

Dad presses his lips together tightly. “Me too. Every day.”

A silence settles over us, save for the rustle of the leaves and the sounds of the forest.

“You know…” Dad grumbles, breaking the silence, “I won’t tell you how to live your life, but the way Brooke looked at you the other day… your mother used to look at me like that. If I were you, I’d hang onto her.”

I can’t help but smile at the mention of Brooke. I reach a hand up to pinch the bundle of nerves at the base of my neck, slowly exhaling. “Yeah, I’m planning on it.”

He gives me a little nod, clapping me on the shoulder. “Should we head back?”

I grunt in affirmation, turning around to start down the path back to the complex. Dad falls in step beside me, and for once, the silence between us isn’t tense, it’s comfortable. Like we’ve finally come to some sort of understanding. Like things will be better from here on out.

I’d like to say that I got here on my own, but I owe so much of it to Brooke. After it felt like I’d been asleep for years, she woke me up, brought me back to life. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, and I need to tell her, show her.

As we make our way back to the complex, I start setting a plan in motion in my mind; a way to show Brooke how much she means to me and show her that I want this bond between us to last forever. I just hope I can pull it off.