More Than Once by Dominique Wolf

CHAPTER 10:

I

t's been just over two weeks since I had last seen Giovanni. I was proud of myself for walking away from him that day at the beach but I couldn't get him out of my mind. We never made any further plans or exchanged numbers and I couldn't stop the constant disappointment I felt. No matter what though, I was adamant to stay away from him.

Every inch of my body screamed out for him but my mind was the one in control for now. I needed to take those interactions for what they were - a time where I needed to let loose. That was over now and I was focused on moving past this “Giovanni phase” of mine. He wasn't looking for anything and after seeing him with someone else, I had to remind myself that I wasn't the only one and I wouldn't be okay with that long-term. It was only meant to be one casual night with him but now that we had been together more than once, I didn't know how I was going to stop wanting him. He thrilled me in a way I had never experienced before.

I hadn't been with anyone since Nate. I had managed to successfully build walls around my heart to avoid anything like that from happening again. As relieved as I was when Nate ended it, I was still hurt by the situation. He was in my life for so long and the fact he managed to turn it upside down in one swift moment was where the real pain came in. The loss of control was something I hated. I was disappointed and angry at myself and I hadn't quite worked through all of that yet and the last thing I needed was to add any complications that would arise from being around Giovanni.

I was clearing up the last of the dishes in the sink when Reyna wandered in.

“So you know I'm treating this weekend as my birthday weekend right?” she asked, strolling over to the counter and bringing herself up onto it.

“You know that you've been reminding me of this for the last two weeks, right?” I teased.

Reyna's birthday wasn't until a couple of weeks from now but she was heading up to Madrid to visit her family for it. She was turning twenty-four and still got as excited each time her birthday rolled around. Birthdays were never a big deal in my household growing up but to the Cazares family, it was always meant to be a celebration.

“I'm just making sure,” she smiled at me. “I invited Diego to join us tomorrow night.”

Reyna's relationship with Diego had escalated significantly over the last couple of weeks. Typically, Reyna jumped from man to man constantly avoiding her fear of commitment but since Diego came around, that was starting to change. She talked about him all the time and the fact she was letting him in on a personal celebration like her birthday just proved that there was more than just a hook-up going on there. She was very good at keeping her interactions as casual as could be which included avoiding anything that could prompt her to develop feelings for the guy. Having him join her friends and family for something like her birthday was a big step for her. Case in point, Diego was different.

“Have you decided where you want to go?” I asked, hoping that she would opt for a change of scenery and allow me to continue to avoid Mala Mía.

“Giovanni has secured a booth in that fancy private area of theirs and opened up a bar tab for us,” she exclaimed.

Damn

“Of course he has,” I mumbled. “I suppose it's convenient when you own the place.”

“I'm sensing some hostility here,” she mused. “Do you not want to go there?”

“No of course I do,” I answered quickly. “I want you to have the best birthday.”

“But you don't want to see Giovanni?”

I sighed and grabbed the cloth that was hanging up and started to dry my hands.

“It's not that either,” I confessed. “Of course I want to see him but I don't trust myself around him.”

“Who don't you trust yourself around?” Sergio asked as he casually strolled into the kitchen.

Sergio was at the apartment so often now since he and Katrina had finally decided to take their relationship to the next level. They were going on dates now and Katrina was currently getting ready for their dinner date they had planned for tonight.

“Giovanni,” Reyna answered and turned back to me. “Giovanni has never been the relationship type. He gets around Izzy.”

“Take it from me, Isabella,” Sergio started to explain, “Giovanni is a good friend of mine and I've known him for years. If you're looking for something more, he is not the guy for you.”

I already knew that but hearing it again brought on another wave of unexpected disappointment. I didn't want to hear that. I wanted to believe that there was something different between us but that would be naive to think.

I sighed, “I know. I'm not even looking for anything though. I just can't seem to shake him and I know if I don't stay away from him that I am going to end up falling for him and I'm not ready for that.”

“Then staying away from him is probably the best move.” Sergio shrugged.

“Sergio's right. Giovanni is just one of those guys you take for a casual spin around the block. Nothing more.” Reyna said as she reached for a box of cookies we had on the counter and started eating as we spoke. “But you need to not let the fear of getting hurt again, stop you from living your life either.”

She was right but I was apprehensive. There was still so much I hadn't dealt with after Nate left. I hadn't dealt with my parents or the friends we used to have. I hadn't dealt with the fact I left what I thought was my dream job. I hadn't dealt with the fact that I was twenty-four years old and my life was the complete opposite of what I had always imagined it would be. I wanted to be married, living in a nice house, working my dream job… but instead I had none of that. For years it was ingrained in me that my life would only be successful if I had all of that and now look at where I was. I wasn't used to not having control over my life. It was unprecedented territory. The last thing I needed was to fall for a textbook “bad boy” that was going to end up breaking my heart.

“You deserve to be happy, Izzy,” Reyna said, bringing me out of my own thoughts. “You need to allow yourself to find your happiness again. Whatever that may be.”

“What do you think I should do?”

“If you want to go out, then you go out. If you want to stay in then stay in. If you want to kiss every random guy you meet then go for it. Or if you want to just kiss Giovanni then why not?”

“As long as you are fine with it being something casual.” Sergio repeated.

I rolled my eyes, “Trust me, Sergio, I get it. Giovanni is a no-go for anything more than a hook-up.”

“I'm just watching out for you, Izzy. Giovanni is my friend but so are you.”

I smiled at him, “Thank you for that.”

“I think you need to just do what you want without the fear you currently have. Heartbreak is going to happen. You just have to decide what's worth getting your heartbroken over.” Reyna advised.

She was right. Pain was inevitable but I had only just managed to get most of mine under control. I pushed it to the back of my mind and sealed it in a tightly shut box.

“Look at you with your wise TedTalk again.” I mused.

Sergio chuckled.

“Just think about it,” she said, placing her hand on my arm and squeezing it. “You deserve to be happy.”

I smiled at her.

“You're right,” I sighed. “You always are.”