Alpha Gray by C.J. Primer
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
Gray
They say if you love something, you should let it go. So I did. I set her free, and I don’t think she’s coming back.
I still have no regrets.
Those weeks I spent with Fallon were the first time I’ve felt alive- really alive- in a long time. For the past five years, I’ve been numb, frozen in my grief, pushing forward blindly and refusing to let anyone or anything in, refusing to really feel anything. Throwing myself into my duties as alpha and to the security squad to avoid any semblance of an actual personal life. Then Fallon came along and started chipping away at the dam, breaking it down and causing a flood.
Even if she doesn’t come back, at least I had that glimpse at happiness for a moment. I now know for certain that there can be real joy in life on the other side of the pain I’ve been suffering since my family was ripped away from me. She’s both broken and healed my heart in one fell swoop.
When I come downstairs to start greeting the pack members for the full moon run, Deke doesn’t even ask where Fallon is. He doesn’t have to- he knows me better than anyone, and I’m sure he can see the broken look in my eyes. My heart’s so raw that I’m not even sure if it’s still beating in my chest. No matter how I’m feeling, though, I still have a duty to my pack to uphold. I’m still their alpha, I still have to lead the run. Even if I’m breaking on the inside.
I keep my pre-run announcements short and sweet tonight, while Holly just looks on at me sadly. I know how much she wanted this for me, how much hope she held out that Fallon was the one. I’ll feel better once I shift and run, shove my human side back and give myself over to my wolf. Let him take the lead for a while so I can have a fucking break.
The skies are angry tonight. It’s pouring down rain, and I almost find it amusing that the weather is so accurately reflecting my emotions. Maybe it’ll wash all of that away, leave me clean. I lead the charge out the back doors of the packhouse, into the yard as the heavy rain pelts my skin and quickly drenches my clothes. Most of the others will probably stow their clothes inside to prevent them from getting wet, but mine soak through before I peel them off, tossing them into the muddy grass, skin tingling with my shift.
When I’m on four paws as my wolf, I shake droplets of rain from my fur, craning back my neck and releasing a low, guttural howl. My pack members follow suit, shucking their clothing and shifting to observe the monthly ritual of the full moon run. Their wolves bound in my direction and I spin around to face the treeline at the back of the packhouse property, taking off into the forest.
My mind languishes as I make my way through the trees, the adrenaline of the run taking over. My paws slide on the wet earth as I leap over fallen trunks, dodge downed branches. The smell of the rain is so strong that it’s difficult to discern any other scents out in the forest tonight, but that’s alright with me. I’m not looking for my mate. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve already found her. And lost her.
I take my usual route, veering at the border of our territory, traversing the perimeter. The heavy rain wicks off of my fur, my undercoat keeping me warm in spite of the chilly summer storm. My paws pound the earth as I run faster, harder, trying to drown out the last of my nagging regrets.
Suddenly, a strange sensation comes over me- a pull, like a fist clenching around my heart and yanking me back in the other direction. It reminds me of the sensation I felt on the last full moon run, but this time it’s so much stronger, closer. Mud sprays from underneath my paws as I skid to a stop, throwing my head to the sky and inhaling.
Holy fuck.
Fruit. Wildflowers. Honey. Sunshine and ripened vines. It’s the most delectable scent I’ve ever come across, my entire body tingles with excitement as it envelopes me. I have to get closer, have to find it, touch it, taste it. I spring forward again, nose to the air, running to follow it as fast as my paws will carry me.
Fallon
“Hurry up, girls! We’re going to be late!” Mom calls up the stairs.
Brooke looks over at me from where she’s perched on her bed, watching as I pace in front of the window.
“Are you really not going back?” she asks, eyes wide behind her black framed glasses.
I skid to a stop, whipping my head around to look at her. “It’s too late now, isn’t it?”
Brooke looks a little taken aback by the way I snap at her and I immediately soften my expression, sighing and stepping closer.
“Sorry,” I say, shaking my head. “I just… my head’s a mess. I really screwed this one up, didn’t I?”
My sister gives me a sympathetic smile, patting the spot beside her on the bed. I sink down onto it, allowing her to lean over and drape her arms around my shoulders and press her forehead against mine.
“It’s gonna be okay, Fallon. And it’s not too late.” Her voice is so soothing, taking the edge off my stress. I’ve been having a complete fucking meltdown for the last hour, vacillating between going to Goldenleaf and facing the music and staying here, preserving the mystery of whether Gray and I are fated.
Brooke pulls back to stare into my eyes with her identical ones, waiting for me to speak.
“Even if he says it won’t end with the full moon, it will,” I say, my voice gravelly. “I’m not that naïve. How could we possibly keep this up if we know we aren’t mates?”
My sister’s lips tip up into a little smile as she shakes her head patronizingly. “Well what’s your plan then, avoid the moon forever?”
Girl’s got a point. I haven’t thought this through- even if I stay here with my pack tonight, return to the complex tomorrow, and carry on with Gray as if everything’s the same- there’s next month to contend with. And the month after that. Not many things in life are a constant, but the moon’s cycle is.
Eventually, the moon will catch up with me. If it confirms that Gray and I aren’t mates, it’ll fucking hurt. What it really comes down to is whether I want to hurt now or hurt later.
“Let me ask you this,” Brooke says, sliding her arms from around my shoulders and sitting up straighter. “If you find out he isn’t your mate, will your feelings for him change?”
I swallow hard, considering her question. Being mates has never been part of the equation for Gray and me- I always assumed he wasn’t my mate, but I fell for him anyways. If the moon confirms we aren’t fated, those feelings won’t just disappear. He says he’s crazy about me, and no matter how much I keep trying to deny it, I’m fucking crazy about him, too.
I shake my head. “No.”
Brooke takes my hand, squeezing it. “There’s your answer.”
She’s right. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. It’s been right in front of me all this time- I didn’t need to agonize over flipping the bird to fate and choosing Gray as my mate because there’s no choice to make, not anymore. My heart has already chosen him.
“Now go!” Brooke laughs, shoving me playfully.
“But… it’s too late,” I croak, shaking my head again.
“Nuh uh, no more excuses.” Brooke rises to stand, taking my hand and tugging me up with her. “Go get your man, Fallon.”
I dart her a mischievous glance, my lips curling into a smirk. I like the sound of that. My man. Mine.
My sister grabs my hand, leading me out of the room, pulling me through the hallway and down the stairs with her.
My emotions are on overdrive- I’m scared and nervous and excited and giddy and overwhelmed, all rolled into one.
“Dad!” Brooke calls as we reach the bottom of the stairs, and our parents peek around the corner at us expectantly.
“You two ready?” Dad asks.
Brooke holds out her hand. “Fallon needs to borrow your car.”
Dad squints his eyes, looking from Brooke to me. “What’s going on?”
Brooke shakes her head. “No time to explain. Keys?”
Mom and Dad exchange curious glances, but Dad reaches into his pocket, fishing out the keys to his sedan.
Brooke snatches the keys from him, whirling around and pressing them into my hand. “Good luck. Love you.”
I close my fingers around the car keys, looking into my sister’s eyes. “No matter what.”
My family stares after me as I dart to the front door, not even bothering to put shoes on. The urgency of getting to Gray is pressing in on me- I’ll be late, but hopefully not too late.
It’s pouring down rain outside, but a little bit of bad weather can’t stop me. I’m a woman on a mission- it’s time for me to go claim my mate. If he’ll still have me.
I slide into the drivers’ seat of my dad’s sedan, tucking my damp hair behind my ears and firing up the ignition. I throw the car in drive, hitting the gas and flooring it down the driveway. The tires squeal as I make a sharp turn at the end, tearing off down the street.
I drive fast, accompanied only by the steady thrum of the rain on the windshield, the squeak of the wipers, and the frantic beating of my own heart. My excitement only grows as I follow the meandering road through the six-pack territory, my anxious thoughts pinging around my brain a mile a minute.
The fifteen-minute drive is tortuous, feeling like it stretches on for an eternity. My heart’s racing by the time I reach the town of Goldenleaf, navigating the streets by memory to find the packhouse. My spirits soar when it comes into view and I speed toward the driveway, whipping in.
I slam the sedan in park, not even bothering to cut the engine as I throw the door open, leaping out into the pouring rain. It soaks through my clothes by the time I make it up the front walk to the big double doors of the packhouse, pulling one open only to find the large interior vacant.
“Gray?” I call, darting inside and looking around wildly. Tendrils of wet hair hang in front of my eyes, obscuring my vision, and I swipe them away with a forearm. “Gray?!”
I dart to the back door, push it open, and step back out into the heavy rainfall.
“Gray?!” My voice is raw, desperate.
My bare feet slap against the wet grass as I run across the yard in the direction of the treeline, pulling my soaked tank top off over my head and nearly tripping as I shove my shorts down to climb out of them. The cold rain pelts my bare skin as I call my wolf forward, shifting and landing on four paws in the muddy ground.
My wolf immediately lifts her nose, every hair standing on end. Something smells different- wild and unusual and fucking delicious. My mind races and I feel completely out of control, frenzied, delirious as I wheel around in circles, frantic to discern where it’s coming from.
Then I see him.
At the treeline, there’s a wolf. A big, beautiful wolf, as black as the night sky. I immediately recognize him, and suddenly, inexplicably, my human side pushes forward again, back to the surface, overpowering my wolf. My bones crack and rearrange, and suddenly she’s gone, shoved back in the recesses of my body and mind as I stand on two legs once more, shaking in the rain.
The air shimmers around the big black wolf with his shift, Gray’s human form crouching where he stood. He slowly rises to his feet, his drenched hair clinging to his forehead and droplets of rain cutting paths down the muscular planes of his chest.
Before my mind can even make sense of the intense feelings and emotions flooding my body, my lips move and a single word slips out: “Mate.”
Gray
It doesn’t feel how I expected it to. Mom and Dad tried to describe the fated mate bond to me, saying that it’d feel like an intense warmth, an overwhelming sensation of bliss. It doesn’t feel like that.
It’s better.
Every nerve ending fires at once, all of my senses are heightened and multiplied as the mate bond snaps into place. Fallon’s a goddess standing naked in the rain across the lawn, the water lapping at her suntanned skin. It’s like I can actually perceive all of my feelings for her intensifying, crushing me with their weight.
My mouth moves on its own accord, repeating the word back to the most beautiful female I’ve ever laid eyes on.
“Mate.”
The soles of my feet slap the muddy grass as I bound across the lawn in her direction, nearly slipping as she rushes to meet me halfway. When our bodies collide, it’s like a bolt of lightning crashes down through my body. It sucks all the air out of me. I smooth her wet hair away from her face, staring down into her eyes, so wide, so blue.
“You came back.”
She laughs- the lightest, most beautiful, musical sound I’ve ever heard- throwing her head back, the rain splashing her face.
“You didn’t think you’d get rid of me that easy, did you?” she asks, arching a brow as she reaches up to stroke my cheek. “You’re mine, Gray.”
“Mine,” I growl, threading my fingers into her soaked hair and pulling her face closer, claiming her mouth. It tastes sweeter than ever before, our tongues twining as our rain-slick bodies come crashing together. I kiss her hard, like my life fucking depends on it.
I don’t stop kissing her as I slide an arm under her naked ass, picking her up off of the ground. Her long legs part for me, her bare pussy gliding across my dick as I lift her to wrap them around my torso. She clings to me with her arms and legs as I relinquish her kiss to stride across the lawn in the direction of the packhouse. I have to get her inside, have to get inside of her.
My mind can’t even process the intense emotions and sensations I’m feeling right now. I’m still in disbelief that fate has confirmed what I now realize I’ve always somehow known- Fallon is my mate.
