More Than This by Dominique Wolf
CHAPTER 5:
Isabella
I
tried to talk myself out of going upstairs as soon as I arrived at his apartment. I was suddenly too scared to have to face him and deal with this. I knew that once I did, there was no going back and the fact that I could leave there today without having him in my life was a thought that I didn't want to entertain. I couldn't accept that and yet, I knew it was a strong possibility. I took in one last deep breath before calling on the elevator. The doors opened and I stepped inside. The air around me started to become thin again and I had to focus on my breathing to keep myself from having a complete breakdown.
In and out.
I repeated that over and over until the doors opened to his apartment and there was nowhere else left to go. His apartment always had a particular smell that I couldn't quite identify, but I had started to associate it with home. He felt like home to me and I had always felt so comfortable here. Walking in now, I felt like a stranger. I stepped inside and slowly walked towards the kitchen. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of broken glass all over the floor. I turned towards the counter and there he sat with his head in his hands. There were a few bottles on the counter. Some empty and some still had alcohol in them.
“Giovanni?”
He jerked his head up in surprise and his sad eyes met mine. I had never seen him like this before and it broke my heart. A part of me wanted to throw my arms around him, but I remained where I was.
He ran his hands through his hair nervously. “Isabella, sorry I didn't even hear you arrive.”
He slid off the chair and used the counter to keep his balance. How was I going to have a conversation with him if he was this intoxicated? I walked over to his fridge and grabbed a cold bottle of water. He was leaning against the counter so I stepped closer to him and handed him the bottle.
“I think you could use this,” I murmured.
He took the bottle from me and opened the lid. He leaned back and finished it in one go. I looked around his apartment and it was unusual for me to see how messy it was. He always had everything so neatly kept. There was liquid on the floor dripping off the wall and some amongst the broken glass. I figured that the bottle must have been thrown against the wall.
“Why didn't you open for me earlier?” he asked.
“I needed time, Giovanni. I wasn't going to call you today until Reyna convinced me that we needed to talk.”
“She probably hates me now.”
“She doesn't hate you,” I reassured him.
“Do you?” He looked up to meet my eyes.
“Do I what?”
“Do you hate me?”
Instinctively, I reached out and cupped his face with my hand before I realised what I was doing. My hand dropped and I turned away from him.
“Of course, I don't hate you, Giovanni.” I sighed. “It's because I love you so much that this is difficult for me.”
It was true. I was so in love with Giovanni that the thought of him having a baby with another woman was enough to shatter my heart into a million little pieces.
“I'm sorry about the way you found out, Isabella,” he started. “You know I would never want to hurt you like that. I didn't know that was going to happen.”
I ignored what he said and focused on why I was there. “So, you were with Casey yesterday?”
“Casey rocked up at the hospital uninvited,” he clarified. “Penelope had just gone in and I went to fetch my jacket from the car. On my way back she stopped me on the steps by the entrance. That was the picture you saw. I didn't know the paparazzi was there, but it wouldn't surprise me if she had them there on purpose.”
“On purpose? What do you mean?”
“She's done this before. In order to stay relevant, she sends tips to them herself to make sure they are there to take pictures of her. Usually, it's for events and shit like that, but I wouldn't put it past her to do something like this.”
I wasn't entirely surprised by the possibility. Just from that small interaction I had with her that night at Mala Mía, I got a sense of a spiteful nature to her. But to set Giovanni up like that? Surely not. I pushed that out of my mind and focused on finding out more.
“So, she stops you on the steps and then what?”
“She told me she needed to speak to me about something important. I brushed it off and told her to leave. I knew you wouldn't be happy with her being there, but she ended up blurting out that she's pregnant and the baby is mine.”
It didn't get any easier hearing that over and over again. I wish I could dismiss this entire thing as nothing but a lie, yet I couldn't. Giovanni had a history of a physical relationship with Casey. One she had no problem reminding me of.
“And then you called me,” he continued. “I was caught off-guard by what she had just said. I couldn't wrap my head around it.”
“That was when you lied and said you were with no one,” I reminded him, even though that was not the biggest problem we were dealing with right now.
He averted his eyes. “I know that I shouldn't have lied to you, Isabella, but Casey had just told me she was pregnant. I was in shock.”
I walked over to his couch and sat down. I needed to moment after the constant nausea rushing over me. He remained standing against the counter.
“How could I have told you over the phone?” he continued. “I couldn't bring myself to do that.”
I remained silent for a moment. I understood his reasoning behind it, but I would have much rather heard it from him than the way I did find out. It was humiliating.
“And then what happened?” I managed to get out.
“I didn't believe her. I told her to leave, but she said I was the father and that we had to talk about what we were going to do.”
“You slept with her while we were together.”
“No, don't say it like that, Isabella,” he objected. “You and I weren't together at the time. I would never have betrayed you like that. When I realised I was falling for you, I stopped seeing anyone else. It was only you.”
My face remained unchanged as I tried to process what he was telling me. I was so angry. I was angry at the blurred lines of our relationship. I couldn't believe this was happening. I didn't want to accept it. I wish I could believe that this was all a lie, but I couldn't. Giovanni slept with Casey - those were the facts.
“How far along is she?”
“I don't remember what she said. I think either six or seven weeks along.”
I tried to rack my brain with the timeline of our relationship and the overlapping of theirs. How long have Giovanni and I been seeing each other? Surely it was a few months now? The more I thought about it, the more I realised how little time had actually passed. Our relationship took an unusual trajectory and the intensity of it made me feel like we had been together for years. I struggled to put the pieces together and it was frustrating me. I was angry at the inconsistencies in the timeline. I was angry at the consequences of such casual relationships and that I was caught in the middle of this.
“Isabella,” Giovanni murmured softly. “Please say something.”
I kept my gaze on my hands in my lap. “What do you want me to say, Giovanni?”
“Anything. I need to know what you're thinking.”
“You want to know what I'm thinking? Where do I even begin?” I laughed. “I'm thinking that this whole situation is fucked up. I'm thinking that Casey was right that night at Mala Mía when she said you guys always find your way back to each other.”
“We don-,” he started, but I interrupted him.
“I'm thinking that you're a liar because suddenly the timelines of your relationships don't make sense. You said it had been a while since you had slept with her, but clearly it wasn't as long as you thought cause now there's a fucking baby on the way.”
“Isabella, I didn't-”.
“Oh, would you stop?” I snapped. “I feel like such an idiot now. You were the only one I was ever thinking about and that wasn't the same for you. You were sleeping around and I was nothing more than a stop to you.”
“That's not fair, Isabella,” he objected. “I didn't know I was going to fall in love with you. When I told you how I was feeling, you were the only one I had been with.”
I remained silent.
“I know I have fucked up, okay? I fought my feelings for you for so long because that's what I always did. I ran away from any commitment and I fucked things up. I shouldn’t have slept with Casey, but how was I supposed to know what was going to happen between us? I fucked up. I am telling you that I know I fucked up and-”.
“I told you I never wanted to be a casualty of your fuck up!” I snapped. “If I had known that this was going to happen, I would have stopped seeing you a long time ago.”
His face fell. “You don't mean that.”
I was saying things I didn't mean, but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't hold back anymore. Everything I was feeling consumed me and I gave into my emotions.
I felt bad for what I had said so I softened my tone. “Bottom line is that you're having a baby with another woman, Giovanni, what does that mean for us?”
He walked over to the couch and sat down next to me, careful to keep some distance between us.
“I don't know what it means, Isabella, there is still so much that I don't understand right now,” he said, exasperated. “But we can work through this. We can figure it out together.”
This time he reached for my hand and I couldn't stop the tears that escaped my eyes. I couldn't see light at the end of this tunnel. What did he expect from me? Was I supposed to be a step-mother? Was I supposed to watch him have this constant connection to Casey for the rest of my life?
“I know that you probably don't believe me now, but I promise that when I realised what I was feeling for you, I couldn't even look at another woman. You were the only one for me and I would never have intentionally done anything to hurt you.”
I hung my head in my hands. I believed him. I never believed Giovanni would be the kind of man to betray me. He wouldn't - he wouldn't make the same mistakes his father made, but the inconsistencies and blurred lines of his hook-ups now had consequences. One that I never thought I'd be caught in the middle of.
“Baby, please don't cry,” he murmured and reached for my cheek, wiping away my tears.
His touch burned against my skin. It seemed like forever since I had felt his touch and I never imagined that the next time I felt it, it would be like this.
“Do you see the mess we're in now because of your hook-ups?” I choked. “You slept with Casey and look what happened.”
He averted his eyes. “Isabel-”.
I stopped him. “I don't think I can do this, Giovanni.”
His breath caught in his throat for a second. “We can figure this out.”
“I can't watch you raise a kid with Casey,” I said as the tears streamed down my cheeks. “I can't do that to myself.”
“Isabella, I know what you're going to say,” he choked. “Please, don't.”
Hearing the clear emotion in his voice was breaking my heart even more. I finally looked up to meet his gaze and they were brimming with sadness and fear. I didn't want to say it. I never thought I would have to say it to him, but how could I not? How could I stay with him now when everything has changed? I was so angry with him. I was angry that we were in this situation. My heart has completely shattered now.
“Giovanni, I'm sorry,” I whimpered.
He tightened his grip on my hand. “Please don't leave me.”
My heart ached and the pressure in my chest worsened. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I had thought for so long that Giovanni was it for me. He was all I needed and there would never be anyone else. I wanted a life together. I wanted that with him.
But not like this.
I couldn't put myself through that and I knew there was nothing else that he could say to change my mind.
“I'm sorry, but there is no way I could stand by and watch you start a family with Casey. Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach and I could never watch you raise a child with her. I'm sorry but I ju-”.
“Isabella, please just take time to think this through. You don't have to make any decisions right now. There is still so much to figure out.”
“Nothing is going to change.” I let go of his hand and stood up, pacing past him. “You can't change what's happened.”
“I'm sorry, Isabella,” he murmured. “I never wanted this to happen.”
Neither did I.Never in a million years did I think I would be in this situation. No matter how much I loved Giovanni, everything was different now and there was no going back. I could have never prepared for something like this.
“I'm sorry, Giovanni, but I can't be with you anymore.”
I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break even more, but the pieces that were left of it shattered once again. It was killing me inside to have to do this, but I had to walk away from the situation. I couldn't be involved, not like this.
“Isabella,” his voice cracked and he stopped for a moment. “Please don't do this.”
I couldn't bring myself to look at him. The emotion in his voice was already sending me off the edge and I just wanted to take it all back. I wanted to go back to a time when we were happy. When we were in each other's arms and we didn't have to deal with any of this.
But that would never happen again.
“I can't, I'm sorry,” I said and turned toward the elevator.
He ran after me and reached for my hand, stopping me in my tracks.
Desperation filled his eyes. “Please don't leave like this.”
“There is nothing else to say,” I objected.
“Except that, I love you, Isabella!” he shouted.
“That's not enough, Giovanni!” I shouted back. “It's not enough that you love me. Look at the situation we're in. You're about to become a father and for the sake of that innocent baby, you need to figure out how to be a family, in whatever way works, but I can't be a part of that.”
I pulled my hand out of his grip and he didn't reach for me again. He was defeated. I stepped into the elevator and faced him one last time. Never again would I be welcomed into this apartment. Never again would I be able to throw my arms around his neck and be close to him. Never again would I be able to breathe in that cologne of his that I loved so much. Would this be the last time I saw those deep brown eyes I loved or that dimple that made an appearance any time he smiled? My heart was broken at the reality of the situation and I wondered if I would ever find happiness again.
The elevator doors closed me off from the man I love for the last time.
