More Than This by Dominique Wolf

CHAPTER 8:

Giovanni

I

woke up with my face against the cold floor. I tried to open my eyes, but the blinding light from the sun shining through forced me to shut them closed again.

Where the fuck was I?

I slowly rolled over, the throbbing headache reminding me that this was alcohol-induced and completely self-inflicted. I finally managed to get my eyes open and I stared at the ceiling of my bathroom.

Well, at least I was home this time.

Not like the last few days where I had ended up passing out on whatever bar counter I could find. Okay, it wasn't always on bar counters - some were other people's couches and sometimes even floors. I couldn't remember one person I had seen this week - everything was a blur since she walked out of my life.

I didn't want to think of her. That was the whole point.

I dragged myself off my bathroom floor and slowly moved through my room. I stopped in my tracks as I noticed two females in my bed.

Fuck Giovanni, what have you done?

I walked downstairs to find sleeping bodies scattered across my apartment. I was the only one awake and I didn't recognise a single person, but judging by the copious amounts of empty bottles, the party had moved to my apartment last night.

I opened my cabinet doors in search of another drink, but was out of luck.

“Mierda,” I mumbled.

This agitated me more than I realised and I suddenly needed everyone out of my apartment.

“Hey, get up,” I said as I started tapping the sleeping bodies. “You need to get out of here.”

I was greeted by a chorus of groans, but I didn't give a fuck. They needed to leave.

“Party's over,” I announced. “Get out!”

Slowly they started dragging themselves out of my apartment. I turned to go back upstairs to the two females occupied in my bed. I was thankful that they were both at least clothed.

Did I sleep with them?

I couldn't have, and yet, the holes in my memory were making it impossible to confirm that.

I strolled over to my bed. “Hey, you guys need to leave.”

The blonde one rolled over and reached for my hand. “Come back to bed.”

Fuck. Was I even in bed last night?

“No, you guys need to get out. Now!”

The brunette one sat up and gave me a dirty look. “You're a dick!”

“So I'm told.” I shrugged. “You know where the exit is.”

They both mumbled insults as they made their way out of my room. I followed behind them to make sure everyone else had left. After they stepped into the elevator, I was left with nothing but the thoughts in my head to keep me company. I strolled into my kitchen for one more inspection of the bottles scattered across the counter. I managed to find one with some alcohol left inside and I lifted it to my lips as my phone rang from the other end of the counter.

Days ago, I would have thought it was Isabella calling to tell me she made a mistake, but I stopped wishing for that when I realised that was never going to happen.

She wasn't coming back.

The ringing stopped for a moment, but started up again. The piercing tone was driving my headache fucking crazy.

“Joder,” I muttered and grabbed my phone to answer. “¿Qué tú quieres?”

“There you are,” Casey's nasal tone greeted me. “I've been trying to get a hold of you.”

I rolled my eyes. Casey was the last person I wanted to speak to right now.

“What do you want?” I snapped.

“Giovanni, I've given you some time to come to terms with the news,” she said calmly. “But we need to talk now. You can't avoid me forever.”

“Unfortunately not,” I muttered.

She ignored my comment. “We need to talk about this and how we're going to move forward as a family.”

I scoffed. “Casey, we are not a family.”

“Well, not yet, but once the ba-”.

I interrupted her. “Stop. I don't want to hear anymore talk of family. I agree that we should probably speak about what we're going to do about this situation.”

“I can come to you,” she suggested. “How about tonight?”

“Fine. Meet at my place.”

I didn't bother to wait to see what else she had to say as I ended the call. Casey was fun for a hook-up back then but there was nothing more to her. I had never been into her in the way that she was into me. I always made my intentions clear, but that never stopped her from trying.

I never wanted more with her - I never wanted more with anyone until Isabella. I took another swig from the bottle when I heard my elevator open. I wasn't expecting company so who the fuck was here?

“Giovanni!” Sergio's voice boomed through my apartment.

I turned to face him as he walked around the corner, coming into view.

He stopped and looked around my apartment. “¿Qué carajo?”

I shrugged and turned back to my bottle. I didn't feel like the company right now.

“What the fuck happened here?” he asked, walking around to the other side of the counter so he was directly in front of me.

“I had a party.” I shrugged.

“This place looks like a shithole.”

“No one asked you to be here, Sergio,” I snapped. “Why are you here?”

“I've been trying to call you for days. Did you not get any of my messages?”

I shook my head. That was a lie, but he didn't need to know that. I got his messages, but I chose to ignore them. I chose to ignore everyone.

“What the fuck happened?” he asked. “You got Casey pregnant?”

My blood boiled every time I heard that. It reminded me of the fuck up that was my life right now.

“Casey says she's having my baby,” I clarified.

“Did you seriously cheat on Isabella? I thought you l-”.

“I never cheated on her,” I said through my teeth. “I would never fucking do that. This shit with Casey happened before I realised how I was feeling for Isabella.”

I would never have betrayed her like that. I could never. I could never have made the same mistakes my father made and it angered me that the pattern looked to be exactly the same. I was so angry at myself for the situation we were in. I knew I was starting to fall for Isabella a long time ago, but I ignored it. I didn't want to feel anything for anyone so it was easier for me to push her away, but I couldn't deny it for much longer. When I accepted I was falling in love, there was no one else and there never would be.

“And what's going to happen with the two of you now?”

“Oh, you didn't hear?” I took another sip. “Isabella dumped me.”

The pressure in my chest resurfaced, reminding me of its on-going presence when it wasn't hidden behind copious amounts of alcohol. Sergio was quiet for a moment. I avoided eye contact with him and kept my eyes on the bottle in my hand. I was ashamed of what I had done and how I had destroyed my relationship.

“That explains a lot,” he muttered.

I ignored his comment. “Why are you here, Sergio?”

“I know you, Giovanni, and when shit like this happens, you self-destruct and I'm not going to let that happen again.”

“Just go,” I mumbled.

I didn't need his help. I didn't need anyone's help. I was perfectly capable of dealing with the happenings in my life in any way I saw fit. I didn't need a fucking babysitter.

“Come down to the gym with me,” Sergio suggested. “We can go a few rounds in the ring.”

I was ready to shut down any suggestion Sergio made in an attempt to get him to leave me alone, but boxing actually sounded like a great idea. My pounding headache was begging me not to go, but I was itching to get rid of all this pent-up tension. At least whatever pain I felt in the ring would outweigh what I was really feeling, even if just for a little.

“Fine,” I mumbled. “Let me get my gloves.”

***

One black eye and a busted lip later, I dropped onto my couch in exhaustion. Sergio didn't go easy on me in the ring today and I matched his energy. I finally had an outlet for my emotions that didn't involve drinking myself to sleep. I managed to knock Sergio a few times too. We always pushed each other in the ring. We had been doing it for a few years now. We were used to throwing a few punches around and the small injuries that came with it. Sergio and I met in my final year of business school. He was a late transfer and we hit it off right off the bat. He was always the one who had been there for me when I needed him. When the shit went down with my parents, he let me stay by him until I figured out what my next step was. He was well-aware of my self-destructive tendencies and had always tried to show me there was another way. I often ignored his attempt at help, but today I was thankful for it.

Sergio tried to ask questions in the ring, but my constant physical interruptions showed him I wasn't in a talking mood. I didn't want to talk about anything. I wanted to get rid of the unnecessary amount of emotions that had built up over the past few days. My breathing was still heavier than usual since we finished up. I didn't realize how unfit I had become. I was just thankful that my mind has reached a moment of ease for the first time in days. I clung to that brief calmness for as long as I could.

I checked the clock on my wall and I had a bit of time before Casey was going to be here. I was dreading it, but I had to face her. No matter what was going on, there was a baby involved now and I couldn't escape that responsibility. I had to figure out what the fuck I was going about this entire situation.

I dragged myself off the couch and upstairs to my bathroom. I turned the water on and pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it into the basket. The steam started to surround me as I stepped out of my sweats and into the shower. The hot water hit my skin, burning as it ran over me. I turned it down a bit and leaned my head back, allowing the water to flow through my hair. I closed my eyes and thought about that night in Valencia. Her hands on my body allowed me to focus on nothing else, but her. I didn't want to think of anything that night - I couldn't. Her simple touch set my arousal on course and I was consumed by my desire for her.

“Joder,” I muttered.

I shouldn't think of her in that way anymore, but I miss her body. The feeling of being buried deep inside of her was addictive. Our emotional attachment intensified our physical relationship in a way I had never experienced until her. I had never loved anyone like I loved her.

The pressure in my chest returned and the calmness I was feeling slipped out of reach. I took a deep breath in and attempted to put her out of my mind. I focused on the hot water as I brought the soap over my body. I quickly washed it down and turned the water off. I reached for the towel and wrapped it around my waist as I stepped out of the shower. I needed to gather my thoughts and how I was going to approach Casey's arrival. I couldn't help the unexpected guilt that washed over me at the mere thought of her being here.

Isabella would hate it.

I wanted Isabella to be here. I wanted her to be here with me, holding my hand and assuring me that no matter what happened, we would figure it out together. I looked up at the reflection staring back at me. I was alone now and it would always be that way.

I had no one else but myself to blame for that.