More Than This by Dominique Wolf

CHAPTER 7:

Isabella

I

t had been days since I left Giovanni and yet, the pain was like a fresh wound. I wallowed in my own self-pity. I was the one who broke up with him. I didn't want to - how could I have possibly wanted to leave the man I loved more than anything in this world? But I needed to. I didn't have it in me to watch him have a baby with Casey.

For days I followed the same routine of crying, barely eating, and finding what little sleep I could manage. I didn't leave my bed if I could avoid it. I didn't want to face the world. I didn’t even bother checking my phone. I didn't even know where it was. If I unlocked it, I would be greeted by a happier time between Giovanni and me. That time by the fountains where we took our first picture together - that memory was now a snapshot in time that I had made my wallpaper. I would never be able to get over him. I tried so hard to push him out of my mind, but it was proving to be impossible. He invaded my thoughts and my dreams.

For the first time in my life, I felt truly broken.

That evening after breaking up with Giovanni, I couldn't stop crying. I was at war with myself - a part of me regretted walking away from him, but the other part of me was absolutely terrified of him having a baby with Casey. I wasn't strong enough to put myself in that situation. How could I have ever prepared for something like that?

As the days went by, the heartbreak didn't weaken. It intensified with each passing moment without him. I was empty inside. Nothing but a hollow void was left where my heart used to be. Was he thinking about me? Has he gone to see Casey yet? What did they talk about?

By the fifth day after our breakup, I was starting to drive myself crazy thinking about the two of them together and the inevitable joy that came along with having a baby. I constantly felt sick to my stomach. Reyna had tried, unsuccessfully, to distract me, but by the time the end of the week rolled around, she was finally successful in actually getting me to leave my bed. I didn't want to but I had to start doing something more than wallow in my own heartbreak. She was headed to finish off the last few walls at the coffee shop so after a little pep talk between me and me, I dragged myself out of bed and attempted to have a normal day.

“Don't forget to dress warm,” Reyna shouted from the kitchen.

I walked over to my dressing table and pulled out another jersey to pull over the one I already had. I had underestimated how unforgiving Barcelona's winter could be.

Just like Giovanni said it would be.

No. Don't think of him. I pushed that thought away and reached for my hairbrush, focused on getting this hair under control. I pulled it into a high ponytail and stepped in front of the mirror.

A stranger with empty eyes stared back at me.

With dark bags under my eyes and my skin clinging to my cheekbones, this was the first time I had noticed my sudden weight loss. When was the last time I had a decent meal? I couldn't even remember. It surprised me to see myself like that. Not a flicker of life inside of me.

“Izzy, you ready?” Reyna shouted.

I turned away from the hollow girl in front of me.

“Yeah, let's go.”

***

The last couple of roads from the metro, we were forced to huddle together under the one umbrella we brought with us. Thankfully, we pushed ourselves through the door before the storm opened up to the world completely. Reyna dropped the umbrella at the door and I shrugged my jacket off. I looked around and everything was just as it was the last time I was here.

With Giovanni.

I remembered the happiness I felt that day. His contagious energy and the way we moved together so comfortably. The way he danced with me that day just like we had at Mala Mía the first time we met. The way his strong arms lifted me onto the counter and his lips...

Isabella, stop!

I couldn't allow myself to think any further. The tears had already started to form in my eyes and I quickly wiped them away before Reyna could see. I didn't want to cry anymore. I was so tired of crying.

“Okay, so we've got the last few walls to do and then the fun begins,” Reyna announced and escaped to the back.

I pulled the plastic onto the floor and reached for the tray that Reyna came back with. I placed it on the ground as she reached for the rollers and handed me one.

“Thank you,” I murmured and dipped it in paint.

“We should probably start thinking of a name,” Reyna said. “Do you have any suggestions?”

My mind wandered back to Giovanni…

“Have you guys decided on a name yet?” he asked.

“Haven't decided yet. I'm really leaning towards calling it Aroma.''

“Aroma,” he repeated. “That's a great name.”

He took another spoonful of ice cream and passed the tub over to me. I took it from him and continued eating.

“You're the first person I've shared that name with.”

“Well, I'm honored to be part of your inner circle,” he quipped.

I smiled and as I brought another spoonful of ice cream to my mouth, it dripped off onto my chest.

I couldn't allow the thoughts of that memory to go any further so instead, I shook my head and replied, “Haven't given it much thought.”

Every memory with him hurt to think of. It hurt to think of the man I no longer had.

“Well, I'm sure we'll come up with something,” Reyna continued and I knew she was trying to keep the conversation as light as possible.

I hadn't spoken much since I got back that night. Reyna knew we broke up, but I couldn't bring myself to share anything more. I just wanted to disappear. I was so distracted by everything that happened with Giovanni that I completely forgot about Nate being in Barcelona.

“I forgot to tell you that I bumped into Nate,” I said casually.

Reyna stopped and turned to me. “I'm sorry, did you say Nate?”

I nodded.

“Nate Cameron?” she repeated. “When? Where?”

“At the airport actually. He's in Barcelona for a project.”

“Joder, what are the chances?” She couldn't hide her surprise.

“Right?” I agreed.

“What did you guys talk about?”

“Honestly, it wasn't a very long conversation, it was right after I saw the...” I stopped for a moment and took in a deep breath. “The news of Casey's announcement so I wasn't really focused on him being there.”

“That's understandable,” she comforted me. “But I'm still surprised. Nate ending up in Barcelona was something I never expected.”

“Me neither.” I shrugged.

“It couldn't have been easy seeing him though.” She eyed me. “He dumped you and then got engaged to someone else.”

I should be angry about that, but it all seemed so insignificant compared to everything else that had happened.

“I didn't really care. I didn't feel anything when I saw him,” I admitted.

I was so wrapped up in what I had found out that there wasn't space for me to feel anything for anyone else. The last thing I cared about was Nate being in Barcelona. He wasn't in my life anymore. We continued painting in silence for a while before Reyna brought her roller back down and turned to me.

“Izzy, I need to know that you're okay. You broke up with Giovanni, but you haven't said anything about it since then and you're worrying me.”

She had given me these few days to wallow in the sadness, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to escape her questions forever.

“I don't know what you want me to say,” I admitted.

That was the truth. What was I supposed to say? The situation was a fucked up one that I was forced to live with.

“What happened that night when you went to him?” she asked softly.

“We broke up.” I sighed and placed my roller on the floor.”I wish I had more to tell you, but I don't. Bottom line is I can’t watch him have a baby with Casey. I'm just not strong enough for that. I just love him - loved him -”.

I had to start talking about us like we were in the past because that's the only place our relationship lived now.

“I loved him too much to put myself through that.”

“Did he cheat on you?” she asked. “Cause I'll burn that apartment of his down right now.”

“You don't need to do that.” I managed a smile. “We weren't together at the time. That's what makes me so angry about this whole situation... I, technically, can't even be angry because we had no obligation to each other at the time.”

Every time I thought about that, it made me feel like even more of an idiot. I couldn't help the connection I had to him from the first moment I saw him, but it wasn't the same for him. I wanted to be angry at him for the situation - hell, I was angry at him, but how could I be? Neither of us thought our relationship was going to become what it was.

“And you never wanted to try?”

I was surprised by her question. “Try what Reyna? A relationship with him? How could I?”

“I'm not trying to fight with you, Izzy.” She reached for my hand. “I've just never seen you the way you were with him.”

I turned and walked towards the counter, pulling myself up onto it.

“I've never felt that way for anyone,” I murmured.

The love I felt for Giovanni was one I never thought I would experience. The all-consuming love that often took my breath away. He was the only man to ever capture my body, heart and soul and now I was left with broken pieces of them.

Reyna came to join me. “And I've never seen Giovanni like that with anyone. You changed him.”

I shut my eyes to keep the tears from falling. I didn't want to be reminded of that. Giovanni was the man everyone warned me to stay away from and yet, we fell in love with each other. He loved me and I had waited so long to hear those words from him. It pained me to know I would never hear that again.

“Could you have done it?” I asked her.

“Done what?”

“Watched Diego raise a child with someone else?”

She remained silent.

“You know Casey told me once that she and Giovanni always found their way back to each other and that I was just wasting my time.”

“You don't believe that,” Reyna retorted.

“I didn't at the time, but I do now,” I admitted.

“Do you know how far along she is?”

“Giovanni said six or seven weeks. He couldn't remember exactly.”

I noticed her deep in thought.

“What are you thinking?”

She snapped out of it and turned to me. “Nothing. It doesn't matter. All I care about now is being there for you and making sure you get through this.”

I reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Thanks, Rey, I could really use you right now.”

“Well, I am here.” She smiled. “But right now, we need to finish these walls cause we have been putting them off for weeks.”

For the first time in days I smiled and for that brief moment, it didn't hurt so bad.