Cruel Surrender by Terri Anne Browning

Bain

With each tickof the clock, I knew Vitucci got closer, and my need to lock Ciana away so that she could never leave me only escalated. Somehow, I controlled myself enough not to cuff her to our bed, but fuck, it was hard.

Two hours after I left her in our room, she finally graced me with her presence. Dressed in one of the designer maternity dresses I’d purchased for her online, and her hair styled as much as the length permitted, she looked achingly beautiful. My cock turned rock hard as soon as she entered the room. The only way I’d been able to keep from constantly touching her over the past few days was by avoiding her.

But even though I knew she was under the same roof as me, the distance was becoming too much for me. I felt as if I would start climbing the walls at any time if she was even in the next room.

Was that love or obsession?

What she’d said earlier came back to me, and I gritted my teeth. It was true. I was obsessed with her, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t in love with her.

I just didn’t know how to show her my love. No one had taken the time to show me how a man loved a woman. My own parents, what little I could remember of them being together, had not had a good marriage. My mother had constantly voiced how much she hated my father. Why they got married in the first place was beyond me. No doubt it had been a power move, the O’Brion family wanting to strengthen their control.

The shadows under Ciana’s eyes were a testament to how poor of a job I’d done taking care of her. When we’d met with Dr. Rose, I’d been hit all over again with just how much danger I’d put her and the babies in. My need to tie her to me with a child had been so selfish that now the four beings who owned my fucking soul were at risk. Dr. Rose’s assurance that everything was going even better than she would have hoped for had been such a relief, I’d nearly wept.

But since then, it seemed Ciana’s health had only gone downhill. She’d been violently ill that morning, and she walked so slowly, it was painfully obvious she was struggling with her energy level. The anger flashing out of her eyes like twin pyres, however, told me to tread carefully.

I regretted everything I’d said to her earlier. I never should have threatened Ryan, no matter how jealous I was of him. But apparently I had no restraint where anyone else was concerned when it came to Ciana’s heart. Hearing her say he was the one she loved most, even knowing that she only meant as a family member and not as a lover, was too much for me.

She was correct in saying I was selfish. I wanted all of her love for myself. The mere thought of any part of her heart belonging to anyone but me and our babies was unbearable. Fuck, the only reason I could deal with her loving our children was because they were equal parts of the both of us, which meant she was loving an extension of me.

“Any word on how much longer before they arrive?” were the first words out of her mouth as she eased herself into one of the chairs in front of my desk.

“Conor said they had an ETA of twenty minutes,” I informed her.

Wrapping her arms around her extended belly, she gave a nod. “Okay, then.”

I grabbed the ring box off the desk and walked over to her. Pulling out the ring, I took her left hand and slid it onto her third finger. Seeing my paternal grandmother’s ring on her finger eased something deep inside me, and I nearly smiled until I saw the expression on her face.

She looked down at her hand like I’d just wrapped a snake around her finger instead of an engagement ring. Her brown eyes were wide, a mixture of hurt and disgust shining out of them as she held out her hand like she was afraid it would bite her if she weren’t careful.

Then she looked up at me, and those flaming pyres only flashed hotter. “You dare to put this ring on my hand?” she demanded between clenched teeth. Suddenly, tears filled her eyes, gutting me. “H-how could you disrespect me like this? Fuck, how can you still have the power to hurt me even after everything else you’ve put me through?”

I didn’t understand anything she was saying. I got that I’d hurt her earlier by threatening Ryan, but how was I hurting her now? “You don’t like it?” I’d wanted to put that ring on her hand practically from day one. This ring was special, or so my da had always said. It was meant for soul mates, and no one else. It was why he had never given it to my mother. His parents had supposedly been madly in love, and his greatest wish was that I found someone I loved as much as his own da had loved his ma.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” she hissed, pulling the ring off her hand and tossing it at my chest as her tears spilled over her lashes.

My hand fisted around it. “Of course I don’t think you are stupid!”

“Then why the fuck would you give me someone else’s ring?” she cried.

“I thought you liked family heirlooms,” I tried to explain.

“You really do think I’m stupid,” she seethed. “There is no way in hell I’m wearing the ring you were going to give to Cori!”

“What?” I bellowed. “You think I would have given this to that cunt?”

“I know you were going to,” she shot back, scrubbing a hand over her damp cheeks. “Sheena showed it to me and told me you were planning on giving it to Cori, when she showed up on the island to let me in on your little game.”

I opened my hand to look down at the ring. “This ring? You’re sure?”

“It’s hard to forget seeing the most beautiful ring I’d ever set eyes on, Bain,” she huffed. “Sheena told me how it was your paternal grandmother’s and that you always wanted to give it to the woman you loved. She was particularly gleeful as she flashed it at me, making sure the overhead lighting caught all the diamonds just right. She said you were going to give it to Cori.”

“I have wanted to give it to the woman I love,” I confirmed. “But it was always meant for you, mo chroí. Never for Cori. I would have melted this ring down to nothing before I ever allowed it to touch that bitch’s hand. This ring was in my own personal safe back in Ireland. No one knew the combination except… Declan.” I cursed his name. That motherfucker really had done nothing but screw me over. “He must have gotten it out of the safe for her.”

Hearing his name, she stiffened. “You…really wouldn’t have given it to her?” she asked hesitantly, her gaze locked on my open hand and the ring glittering in the light.

“No, my beauty.” I picked up her left hand. “See?” I murmured softly as I slid it into place once again. “A perfect fit. It’s never been altered or resized. It was meant for you.”

Ciana licked her bottom lip nervously. “What does this mean exactly? Do you…want to get married?”

“Did you actually think we wouldn’t get married?” I asked with a laugh. “I’ve done nothing but try to find ways to tie you to me for eternity, mo chroí. Of course I want to marry you. I love you.”

“You love me, but you don’t want me,” she muttered under her breath.

“What?” I tightened my hand around her fingers. “Why would you say such a thing? Of course I want you.”

She tugged her hand free and leaned back in her chair. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll marry you for the sake of the babies.”

Pain sliced through me like a hot knife through butter, a lump filling my throat. I should have been glad she wasn’t refusing to marry me, but I wanted her as my wife because she loved me and couldn’t live without me, needed me just as desperately as I did her.

“I wonder, though,” she said, rubbing both of her palms over her belly. “What will their last names be? Will we give them the O’Farrell name, or will they be Kennedys?”

I cleared my throat. “It will be safer for them to use the Kennedy name. They will still have to have a security detail, but it won’t be nearly as dangerous for them as it would be for the world to know them as Bain O’Farrell’s children.”

She grimaced. “I’ve lived that life. The security guards who change every year or so. You try not to get attached to them because they are only doing a job, but it’s kind of hard not to when you spend more time with your guards than your own family at times. Worrying about who is watching you, taking your picture. Which tabloid you’ll end up in this week or whose hit list you’ve landed on for no other reason than who your parents are.”

“The guards are a necessary evil to keep them safe, mo chroí.”

“Yeah,” she said with a dry, humorless laugh. “I get it. Really, I do. I just wish I could give them a life of not having to look over their shoulder constantly. One where they get a little more privacy than I had. A chance to grow up without worry or fear of the shadows that will surround them just because they were misfortunate enough to be born into such an ugly world.”

I crouched down in front of her. Taking her left hand, I lifted it to my lips, kissing the ring on her finger. “You’re only thinking of the darker side. We can give them more of the beauty than the ugly.”

“How?” she choked out. “No matter if they are Kennedy or O’Farrell or Donati, the world will always be watching, judging, making their lives miserable. There will always be some nutcase who either has a vendetta or wants to extort money or—”

I pressed my thumb to her lips to stop her flow of words. “I will protect them and you. I just need you to trust me. By this time next year, everything will be in place, and you won’t have to worry about their safety or their happiness.”

Her brows pulled together, but just as she started to speak, there was a hard tap on my office door. “Boss,” Brody called. “They’re about a mile out.”

“Oh God,” she whispered as tears filled her eyes. “I-I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You’re not leaving me!” I snapped, scared that I was about to lose her. “Remember what I said.”

Anger replaced her tears. “That wasn’t what I meant, asshole. But yeah, I remember exactly what you said. Don’t worry. I’ll make Ryan think you’re the love of my life.”

“I am the love of your life,” I told her as I straightened and then helped her to her feet. “You’re just too pissed at me right now to admit it.”

“Do you want to argue with me, or do you want to go out there and convince my cousin that we’re a blissfully happy couple?” she snipped. “I want to get this over with so I can go back to bed.”

I grasped her elbow as she started to turn away from me. “Are you sure we shouldn’t call Dr. Rose?”

“If I thought there was a reason to call her, I would say so.” She pulled away. “I’m fine. Now, do you mind? I don’t want your sniper getting trigger-happy.”

As she walked away, I wanted to tell her that I hadn’t done what I’d threatened. There would be no sniper trained on Ryan. I didn’t want her to hate me more than she already did. But my fear that she would actually decide to leave with Ryan if there was no threat to his life kept my mouth shut.