Becoming by Jourdyn Kelly

TEN HOURS, THREEminutes, and twenty-two seconds. A tear splashed onto the screen of Rebecca’s cell phone. She should call. But what if she interrupted something? Another tear. God, what if she interrupted something? She shook her head vigorously. No. Cassidy would never do that to her. Rebecca’s heart knew that for certain. Now, if her head would just get a hint.

Problem was, she had been sitting at her place, alone, for what felt like years instead of hours. Stupid, fucking scenarios kept going through her head and she hated each and every one of them. Her stomach was churning too much to eat. As much as she could use a drink, she needed to keep a clear head. Hell, the only thing she has done since she left the club was change into pajamas and plop her sad ass down on the couch. She didn’t even turn on the damn TV out of some stupid fear she would somehow miss Cassidy’s call. The call that never came. Jealousy was a fucking asshole.

“This is bullshit!”

Unable to stand it any longer, Rebecca decided that Miranda Daly was not going to keep her away from Cassidy no matter what kind of trauma she may or may not have been through. Cassidy was home to Rebecca. And she needed to be home. She strode to the door with purpose, tears still in her eyes. Picking her keys up from the side table, she opened the door and nearly fainted with relief and happiness.

“Cassidy.”

Cass had a split second to take in Rebecca’s tear-stained cheeks before crushing herself to the smaller woman. “I’m sorry!” She repeated the apology over and over, kissing Rebecca’s entire face as she did.

“Come in,” Rebecca managed after a particularly deep kiss.

“Where were you going?” Cass allowed herself to be pulled inside and guided to the couch. Honestly, she wasn’t altogether sure her feet worked anymore. She had been on autopilot all the way here. Now that she was with Rebecca, autopilot switched off.

“Home to you.”

Those three little words caused a dam inside Cass to break. She had always thought that the only three words that could ever mean so much to her were “I love you.” She was wrong.

Rebecca held on tightly as Cassidy sobbed in her arms. She cooed unintelligible words, stroked her hair, and wondered what she could have said that caused such a reaction. Or what could Cassidy have done?

“Talk to me,” Rebecca whispered.

“You were right,” Cass mumbled against Rebecca’s bosom.

“Right?”

Cass sniffled and looked up. “You didn’t believe her.”

“I never said…”

“You didn’t have to, I saw it in your eyes. I couldn’t understand it at the time. But now… How did you know?”

Rebecca shook her head. “I didn’t know. That’s why I didn’t say anything.” She sighed when Cassidy looked at her expectantly. “There were a couple of things that made me doubt.”

“What were they?”

“You told me that Miranda had accused Connor of using his dominance over her to abuse her. But, honey, Connor isn’t the dominant one. Miranda is.”

Cass sat up further. “Why didn’t you tell me? And don’t say it was a privacy thing, Rebecca. This was important.”

“It wasn’t just that. I could have been wrong. I don’t know what they do in their personal lives, Cassidy. For all I know, they could have left the club and changed roles. We have.”

Cass took a moment to let that sink in. “Okay, what else?”

“There were no marks on her. When she came downstairs, nude, you turned away. But I saw her. There were no marks indicating abuse.”

Cass stared into Rebecca’s eyes. “But you thought that didn’t mean she wasn’t being abused so you kept quiet?”

“I thought I was reading into things. If I had been wrong, I would be the jealous girlfriend that prevented you from helping a friend.” She pushed Cassidy’s long bangs out of tired eyes. “What happened? Did she tell you she was lying?”

Cass twitched. “I tried getting her to open up, but she refused to talk about that. At some point, I just became too exhausted to keep trying. I wasn’t in the greatest state of mind since I wanted to be with you and you hadn’t even called me.”

“I was giving you space. The phone does work both ways, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know, but I was afraid you wouldn’t pick up. Stupid, I know.” She exhaled heavily. “Anyway, long story short, she insisted on sleeping upstairs…”

“Wait. You may want to make this the long story and explain that little tidbit.”

“I slept on the couch, baby. She made up this bullshit thing about being too scared to sleep near the front door. I’d been having this weird feeling all night that something wasn’t right with her. I kept attributing it to the trauma. When she would talk about the past, I thought she just wanted to think about simpler times.” Cass shook her head. “It wasn’t until she came back downstairs that my gut started screaming at me.”

Rebecca bit the inside of her cheek. All sorts of things were running through her imagination, and she didn’t like any of them.

“Go on.”

Cass so didn’t want to say this part. But she refused to keep anything from Rebecca. “She started saying shit like we belonged together. And that Connor wanted you, so he could have you. I think I knew she had really lost it when she brought up something from our past. But she had a totally different version of it than what really happened.”

“Does this have to do with her saying you’d already seen her naked?” Rebecca realized then that trying to talk with clenched teeth wasn’t that easy.

“Yeah.” Cass told Rebecca everything. Every detail of that night and every detail of what happened right before coming here. She also made it extremely clear that she immediately got out of the position Rand tried to trap her in.

“She certainly has no issues with nakedness, does she.” Rebecca struggled to keep that little green-eyed monster at bay. “So, you’ve never had sex with her?”

“Never. I’ve never been attracted to her like that. Despite what she wants to believe. Even if I had been, being used by her like that would have been a total turn-off.”

“I can’t believe she tried to seduce you.” Rebecca stood and started pacing. Seemed like she was doing that a lot tonight. It didn’t help her mentally, but at least it gave her something to do besides finding Miranda and kicking her ass.

Cass shook her head, getting up to interrupt Rebecca’s pacing. “I’ve never seen her like this before. I mean, she’s always been a little outspoken, but this delusion she has? That’s new. And to lie about something like this?”

Rebecca knew better than anyone else how dangerous delusional people could be. She also knew how many times Miranda and Connor have been in the Black Room. It wasn’t that she was afraid of Miranda. She just didn’t like the unpredictability surrounding people like that. “She’s not still at the house, is she?”

“No way. I told her to go stay with one of her friends. I’m done.”

Rebecca studied Cassidy for a moment. There didn’t seem to be any remorse behind those words. She wondered if it would come later. When the shock of everything wore off. Whatever happens, Rebecca would be there.

She snaked her arms around Cassidy’s neck, standing on her tiptoes for better access to Cassidy’s lips. “Do you know what I would like?” Rebecca asked softly.

Cass’s arms automatically wrapped around Rebecca’s waist. “Tell me,” she murmured.

“I would like,” kiss, “to go to the bedroom,” kiss, “and forget today ever happened.” Kiss. “Maybe we could make up for the last ten hours.”

Cass grinned. “That sounds like the best idea ever.” She bent slightly and picked Rebecca up. Beautiful, toned legs wrapped around her, squeezing her. She carried her precious cargo down the hall to Rebecca’s bedroom. Once there, she carefully set Rebecca down on the bed. “I don’t, um, have…”

Rebecca kissed Cassidy again, deeply. “You. I only want you,” she whispered against her lips.

Oh, baby, you have me.“Anything you want.”

They undressed each other, taking their time exploring as though it was their first time.

“I love your body.” Cass emphasized her statement with kisses and nibbles that followed the trail her hands made.

“I’m so happy you do.”

Rebecca giggled when Cass hit a certain spot. It was so different than the one she heard earlier that evening. Rebecca’s giggle sounded like heaven to Cass. She nudged Rebecca back onto the bed and positioned herself on top of her. A quick maneuver found Cass’s arm between the two of them, and she slowly slipped two fingers inside her lover.

Rebecca arched into Cassidy, humming with delight. God, just the sensation of Cassidy’s hard body on top of her made Rebecca incredibly wet. Such a difference from the first time they made love. She couldn’t believe she was ever frightened of being with Cassidy like this.

“Don’t leave me again. Please.”

Even Cassidy’s heavy breathing didn’t mask the fear in her voice.

“I didn’t leave you, baby.” Rebecca cupped Cassidy’s face and looked her in the eye. “I don’t want to be without you.”

Cass moaned. How is it that Rebecca knew exactly the right thing to say at exactly the right time? She shifted her body until the core of her need collided perfectly with Rebecca’s smooth thigh. Rebecca rewarded her by lifting her leg slightly, putting divine pressure on her swollen clit. Then, she felt Rebecca’s fingernails dig into her ass and knew she was getting close.

She added another finger inside Rebecca, matching her thrusts with each grind on Rebecca’s thigh. “Jesus!”

“Don’t stop! God, Cassidy, I’m so close,” Rebecca panted.

The sound of glass breaking startled them both, chasing that wonderful peak into oblivion.

“What the fuck?” Mindful of Rebecca’s comfort, Cass slowly withdrew her fingers. Damn it. “Stay here.” She rolled off the bed and picked up her boxers.

“Cassidy put a shirt on,” Rebecca said calmly as she reached for her robe.

“Oh, right.” Cass looked around until she found her shirt. “You’re not going to stay put, are you?” Rebecca merely raised a brow as she tied her robe. “Didn’t think so. Will you at least stay behind me?”

“Come on.” In the interest of keeping the peace, Rebecca pushed Cassidy ahead of her. In the interest of keeping them both safe, she grabbed a bat that she kept near the bedroom door.

Cass walked slowly down the hall with Rebecca hanging onto the tail of her shirt with one hand and a bat in the other. Even as tense as the situation was, the thought of Rebecca getting some swings in on some punk trying to ruin their awesome night made her smile inwardly. She flipped on the light, eyes scanning keenly. There was no sign of anyone in the house, but the large picture window facing the backyard was shattered.

“Cassidy, be careful. You’re barefoot.”

Cass nodded, motioning for Rebecca to stay where she was. She carefully tiptoed her way through the debris and picked up a brick. What the hell? Rage welled up inside her as she peered out the destroyed window.

“What is it?” Rebecca gingerly made her way to Cassidy. Her lover’s rigid posture put all of Rebecca’s senses on alert.

“I thought…” Cass sighed. No use in thinking Rebecca would do anything she didn’t want to do. Grudgingly, she handed over the brick.

I know who you are, Mistress.

Rebecca frowned, jumping when Cass yelled out the window.

“Rand! Show your goddamn face, you coward! You think you can do this to my girlfriend and get away with it?!”

“Cassidy.” Rebecca laid a calming hand on Cassidy’s arm. She felt it quiver with fury. She didn’t like it. “Please.”

Cass turned towards Rebecca and her anger immediately faded. “I swear I didn’t tell her anything.”

“I know.” She ran a soothing hand down Cassidy’s stomach. “Unpredictable,” Rebecca muttered.

“Huh?”

“You said Miranda was acting delusional. When Samantha’s delusions started, she became unpredictable.”

Cass let that sink in. Did she really believe that the girl she grew up with could become someone like Samantha? Looking around her at the mess she knew Rand created, she could believe. She picked Rebecca up and made her way out of the glass.

“Where’s your phone?” Rebecca pointed to the end table next to the couch. Setting Rebecca down on a safe part of the floor that was not littered with debris, she picked up the phone and dialed. “Yeah, I’d like to report vandalism. Someone threw a brick through our home’s window.” She rattled off the address, answered a few questions, and hung up.

Rebecca reached for Cassidy’s hand and pulled her down next to her. “Are you okay?”

Cass shook her head. “I’m sorry about this.”

“You have told me from the very beginning that everything that Samantha did to me was not my fault. Was that bullshit?”

“No!”

“Then blame the person doing this, Cassidy. Not yourself. You taught me that.”

Cass leaned back and pulled Rebecca into her arms. “What will you do if she exposes you?”

Rebecca shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, Cassidy. I hid who I was back then because I thought I had something to be ashamed of. Anonymity helped me hide from myself.” She looked up into Cassidy’s eyes. “I have nothing to hide from anymore.”

CASS ZIPPED HERjeans up just in time to answer the door. That was quick, she thought when she saw the strobe of the lights from the cop cars through the front window. Not even ten minutes had gone by since she called 911 and here they were. Thankfully, Rebecca had been level-headed enough to suggest that they put clothes on while they waited.

“You guys are quick.” Cass scanned the badge the officer held up. “Come on in.”

“Thank you.” He took a step inside, eyes alert. “My guys are checking the perimeter while I take your statement. I’m…”

“Detective Chi?”

Cass felt a stab of jealousy when the cop’s face lit up with a huge smile.

“It’s, uh, lieutenant now,” the cop responded with a boyish grin.

Cass scrutinized the older Asian man with a critical eye. How did he know Rebecca? Was he a client? Did cops do that kind of thing? She almost snorted with laughter. Of course, they did. They’re human. There probably wasn’t a human alive that wouldn’t pay for a chance to be with Rebecca Cuinn. And, since she didn’t like that line of thought, she tuned back into the conversation.

“Wow. Impressive.” Rebecca gave the man a hug much to Cass’s displeasure. “I’m happy for you. This is my girlfriend Cassidy.”

“Cass,” Cass responded automatically, shaking the guy’s proffered hand.

“Cassidy, this is Lieutenant Lou Chi. He helped me that night.”

It dawned on Cass then that she was being ridiculously jealous of the man who quite possibly saved Rebecca’s life.

“Hi, um, it’s nice to meet you.” You’re such an idiot, Cass scolded herself silently.

“Likewise,” Lou responded sincerely. “Want to tell me what’s going on here?” He nodded at the brick and listened carefully when the couple explained what happened.

“Did you see this,” he checked his notes, “Miranda Daly throw the brick?”

“No, but I know it was her,” Cass stated with confidence. She went on to explain what had transpired that day as “evidence.”

“I see.” He picked up the brick with gloved hands. “You both touched this, correct? Just want to make sure we eliminate your prints.”

“Yes,” Rebecca answered. She tilted her head in that special Rebecca way. “Why are you here, Lou?”

Lou frowned. “We’re investigating a 911 call.”

“But why are you here. This is a petty crime. You’re a lieutenant.”

Cass watched the back and forth between them like it was a tennis match. Head swiveled from person to person.

Lou sighed. “I heard the call come through on the scanner. I recognized your address and came by to make sure you were okay.” It was the tilt of the head to the other side that had him spilling his guts as though he’d just been waterboarded. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you, okay? I f—screwed up that night when I didn’t lock that bitch up the first time I knew she was hitting you. You don’t know how guilty I feel about the terror you went through because I was too damn selfish to arrest her.”

“I asked you not to,” Rebecca reminded him. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cass’s nostrils flare, and she laid a hand on Cass’s thigh.

“That doesn’t matter, Rebecca. I’m a cop and I should have done my job. If I had, you wouldn’t have nearly died.” He glanced in Cass’s direction. “No way I’m letting that happen again.”

“Me either,” Cass practically growled. She didn’t appreciate being lumped anywhere near the pile of shit that was Samantha. “That’s why I called this in.”

Lou gave Cass a respectful nod. “Good.” He tapped the note on the brick. “About this. I’m assuming you know who Mistress is?” he asked Cass directly.

“Yeah, I do.”

“And will this be a problem for either of you if it were to get out?”

“No,” Rebecca answered. “What’s written on there doesn’t matter. It’s who did it. She needs help.”

“Do you think she’s really been abused by her husband?”

Cassidy shook her head, but it was Rebecca who answered. “It would appear that she just used that as an excuse to get close to Cassidy.”

“Does she somehow know about your past?” Lou asked as delicately as he could. “If this is who you say it is, maybe she feels Cass would feel more obligated to protect her “best friend” rather than be with you?”

“I never told her. I never told anyone.” Cassidy directed the answer to Rebecca instead of Lou. She needed her lover to know that she would never betray her confidence. “There’s no way she could know.”

Rebecca cleared her throat. “There is one way she could know.” She recounted Cassidy’s mother’s visit, leaving out a few details that were for Cassidy only.

“I have so many questions,” Cass said with a touch of disappointment. Rebecca had kept something from her. Why? They would have to talk about this more in depth later. “You told my mom and you think she told Rand?”

“Yes, I told your mom. I needed her to understand who and what you are to me.” She turned to Lou for a moment. “Miranda’s mom and Cassidy’s mom are best friends. There’s a chance that the two had a conversation that could have been overheard.”

Cass sulked as the two talked. It was childish, yeah, but she still couldn’t figure out why Rebecca lied to her. Okay, maybe technically she didn’t lie, but she didn’t tell her. Same difference, she thought grumpily.

“Sir?” A fresh-faced uniformed officer knocked lightly on the ajar door.

Lou stood. “Yeah?”

“We found a suspect lurking around the perimeter.”

Cass moved to get up when she felt Rebecca’s fingers tighten around her thigh. She looked over and Rebecca shook her head slightly.

“Description?”

“White female, mid-twenties, red hair. Extremely upset.”

Lou looked over at Rebecca and Cass. “Sound like someone you know?”

Cass lowered her head. Fuck. She knew she was right, but confirmation still sucked. “Yeah, that’s Miranda.”

Lou nodded to his officer. “Let her cool off a bit in the back of your cruiser.” He turned his attention back to Rebecca who was gently rubbing Cass’s back. Lou knew what guilt looked like. He saw it in the mirror every day since finding Rebecca close to death. Cass was feeling it right now. “Rebecca? Do you want to press charges?”

Rebecca faltered. She was torn because this was Cassidy’s best friend, regardless of what the younger woman said before. Miranda needed help with whatever it was she was going through now. Rebecca just didn’t know if jail time was the right kind of help.

“Yes.” Whatever Rebecca’s hesitation was, Cass was having none of it. “We’re pressing charges.”

“Cassidy.”

“No, baby. I will not allow this to happen to you again. No one will hurt you.”

“She needs help,” Rebecca tried again. She didn’t know why she was opposing what she knew was the right thing to do. Perhaps it all came back to the fact that she wanted to protect Cassidy from the hurt Rebecca knew would come once the anger wore off.

“Not your responsibility, babe. Nor is it mine. My responsibility is keeping you happy and safe. If help is what Rand needs, she can get it in jail. Or wherever they put her.” Cass looked up at Lou. “We’re pressing charges.”

Lou nodded and felt the weight of a fifteen-year-old burden lift from his shoulders. He no longer had to keep an eye on Rebecca. She was safe now.

“What will happen now?” Rebecca asked.

“She’ll spend the night in jail before we take her to arraignment in the morning.” He flipped his notebook shut. “I’ll keep you updated on all of the proceedings.”

Cass and Rebecca stood, both taking their turn shaking Lou’s hand.

“Would it be okay if we visited Connor and told him about what’s happening?” Cass asked. “I just have a feeling that he’s going to be totally blindsided by this.”

“That was actually my next stop. I wanted to be sure the allegations against him aren’t valid.” He caught Rebecca’s pleading look and relented. He hoped to hell he wasn’t making another huge mistake. “However, it is pretty late. I’ll have one of my officers visit him in the morning to take his statement. You need any help getting that window fixed?” he asked lifting his chin towards the large opening.

“Nah, we can take care of it. Thanks.”

Lou smiled. He definitely liked Cass for Rebecca. “Great. Whatever you do tonight, please be careful. Don’t take any unnecessary chances, yeah?”

“We won’t,” Rebecca assured. “It was nice seeing you again, Lou.”

“You, too, Rebecca. Cass, the circumstances suck, but it’s been a pleasure meeting you.”

Rebecca waited until Cassidy ushered everyone out, receiving assurances that they would do drive-bys until the window was fixed. Once the door was closed, she took Cassidy’s hands in hers.

“I’m sorry. I know it upset you to find out about your mom’s visit like that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because she asked me not to, baby.” Rebecca sighed. Beverly knew Rebecca wouldn’t lie to Cassidy. Since it’s out there now, she needed to tell Cassidy everything. “She came here to try to convince me to leave you.”

“She what?!”

Rebecca held on tightly when Cassidy tried pulling away. “Hear me out before you get all growly.”

“I’m not growly,” Cass growled.

“Mmhmm. Come here.” She pushed Cassidy down on the couch and sat on her lap. Not only did she like it there, Rebecca knew it was an effective way to keep Cassidy’s attention. “She was worried about you, baby. It’s a mother’s job to make sure their child is making the best decisions for themselves. Even if it was a little misdirected, she had good intentions.”

“Making you break up with me isn’t good intentions, babe.”

“Are you going to listen?”

Ooo, that was Mistress! Cass momentarily entertained the idea of being bad. Then she remembered that there was a fucking broken window, glass all over the damn place, and they still needed to break the news to Connor. Damn it.

“I’m listening, baby. Sorry.”

As a reward, Rebecca gave Cassidy a sweet kiss before continuing. “She did come here to try and convince me that we weren’t good for each other. She was so hung up on age and the problems that could incur, she couldn’t see what was underneath it all. She even worried about our sex life,” Rebecca laughed.

Cass cringed hoping against hope that it was not true. That her mom didn’t talk sex with someone like Rebecca. “Oh, fuck. She did not talk to you about that did she?”

“Yes, she did. However, that’s when she realized how silly she was being and was embarrassed.”

“That’s why you told her about Samantha?”

“What I said to Lou was sincere. I told your mom what happened to me so she could understand the love I feel for you. So she could see that you mean more to me than our difference in age or sex. She still sees you as her little girl. I needed her to see you as the woman who has done more for me—emotionally and physically—than anyone else.” Rebecca wiped a tear from Cassidy’s cheek. “I agreed not to tell you unless asked because I didn’t want to be the reason for a rift between the two of you when there’s no need for one.”

“She betrayed you, though,” Cass said softly.

“Oh, honey. What happened to me isn’t some shameful secret. I don’t mind that your mom talked to her best friend about it. If Miranda heard…” Rebecca’s brows furrowed. “Has she ever lied like this before? Faked something that she saw happening to someone else?”

It took a bit of time for Cass’s mind to catch up to the change in subject. She was just feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, listening to what Rebecca felt about her. Now she had to switch gears and think about the person she’d rather not think about.

“Um…” Cass had the stories that Rand was spewing all night in her head. She sat up suddenly, nearly jostling Rebecca off her lap. “Sorry. But yeah, she has. In high school she would always be calling me, crying over something that happened. It was all pretty mundane, you know? High school problems. But I always listened, whether I wanted to or not. I would even leave dates early because she was hysterical. Oh, and if it involved someone who was in some sort of fight with her, I was the one she would come to for “protection.” I found out a couple of times that she either lied about a situation or didn’t tell the whole truth. Fuck. It never occurred to me what she was doing. How fucking blind and naïve can I be?”

“Hey, stop. You were young, and she was your friend.”

Cass snorted with derision. “What’s my excuse now? You just told me how you convinced my mom that age didn’t matter and I’m here proving you wrong.”

Rebecca moved until she was straddling Cassidy. “What you did tonight by believing Miranda without hesitation was the absolute right thing to do. My first reaction, even with my past, was doubt. One of the many reasons women who are abused don’t come forward is out of fear they won’t be believed. You gave Miranda a safe haven. It is much easier to live with being wrong about believing a liar than doubting what could’ve been a deadly truth. The only one who did wrong tonight is Miranda. And perhaps me for leaving you alone with her.”

Cass hadn’t thought of it that way. Yeah, shit happened tonight because she trusted Rand. Like the damn window. But this shit could easily be dealt with. Rebecca was right. If she had turned Rand away and it ended like what Rebecca had gone through, Cass would never have been able to live with herself. She now understood Lieutenant Chi’s desire to watch over Rebecca over the years.

“Thank you for saying that.” Cass looked over at Rebecca’s shattered window. “I’ll clean that up and have it repaired.”

“I’ll hire someone to clean it and insurance will take care of the repairs.” Rebecca checked the time. “Let’s stop by Connor’s on our way home.”

“Home? You know, if you really love this place, we could move in here.”

Rebecca smiled. “It was never about loving this place. It was about the fear of giving up everything again. Tonight, I realized that I didn’t have to give up anything with you. Because without you, I have nothing.”

“Jesus, baby.” Cass crushed Rebecca to her. “I don’t think I can explain how you’ve made me feel tonight. And I don’t want to say something stupid like ditto.” She looked up. “Give me a little time? I promise I will show you exactly what’s in here.” She placed Rebecca’s hand over her heart, melting a little when Rebecca smiled brightly.

“I’m not going anywhere.”