Becoming by Jourdyn Kelly

“DO YOU WANT me to go in there with you?” Rebecca unnecessarily smoothed Cassidy’s collar. Yes, she was being overprotective, but she was concerned about how talking to Miranda was going to affect Cassidy. Rebecca had dealt with women like Miranda many times over the years, starting with Samantha. But this entire situation was testing Cassidy’s faith in humanity.

“I do. But I think I should do this myself.” Cass shrugged. “Gotta learn sometime, right?”

“I’d rather you stay the sweet, happy-go-lucky woman I fell in love with.”

Cass smiled down at her girlfriend. “I’m always happy when I’m with you.” She dipped her head and gave Rebecca a quick kiss. “Let me get this over with. I still owe Eve a couple of canvases.”

“I’ll be right here if you need me.”

“Good thing since I always need you.” Cass winked saucily. Of course, her good-natured bravado was all an act. She was aware that Rebecca knew that as well. Cass silently thanked her for not calling her on it. She squared her shoulders and nodded at the guard standing at the door of the room she would be talking to Rand in. Here goes nothing.

Rebecca watched the door close behind Cassidy and sighed. She had spent many, many years learning how to keep her emotions in check. With Cassidy, all that learning flew out the damn window. If Miranda hurts Cassidy any more than she already has, there would be hell to pay. She eyed the guard. Manipulation isn’t hard. Especially if you found a gullible enough victim.

CASS SAT INthe uncomfortable metal chair and waited. Her knee bounced in rhythm to some random song she had in her head. It kept her from overthinking what she was going to say. Rebecca had told her to speak from the heart. She just didn’t know if her heart was involved any longer when it came to Rand.

“I knew you’d come to see me!”

Cass looked up as Rand came through the door, a guard at her side. She couldn’t comprehend this sight of Rand. White scrubs, white slip-on shoes were a sharp contrast to her fiery red hair. The paleness of her skin was highlighted by the lack of makeup. Which was weird in itself. Cass couldn’t remember the last time she saw Rand without makeup. Cass shook herself. She wasn’t ready to have compassion for the woman in front of her.

“I’m not here to see you, Rand. I’m here for closure.”

“I told them you would be here,” Rand continued as though Cass never spoke. “You know me being here is a mistake, right? He forced me here.” She let out a short laugh. “He abuses me and I’m the one…”

“Stop! I know exactly what happened, Rand. I know what you’ve done to him. I saw the pictures.”

Rand’s eyes widened slightly before they turned cold. “He made me do that to him. Now I know why. He…”

“You can’t stop lying, can you?” Cass held up her hand, cutting off Rand’s response. “I didn’t come here to listen to you. For once, you’re going to listen to me. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out what happened with you. Recently, I was reminded of the time you stood up to your parents for me. At the time, I thought it was genuine. Even yesterday I thought it was the last genuine thing you did for me. But now?” Cass shook her head. “Now I think it was all selfish. It wasn’t me you were standing up for. It was you. I did something you couldn’t do yourself.”

Rand scoffed. “You think I’m gay?”

“Yeah, I do. And, while I’m no professional, I’m pretty sure you have some sort of personality disorder. Maybe they’ll figure that out while you’re here. I’m almost hoping that’s the case, Rand, because I don’t want to hate you.” Cass leaned her elbows on the wobbly table that separated them. “The other night when you insisted on reminiscing, I realized that you and I have very different memories about the past. I see who you are and what you were doing very clearly now. You used me. You came to me every time you had a problem. And if there wasn’t one, you would make one up. Maybe it helped you pretend I was your girlfriend, I don’t know. Even after you hooked up with Connor, it was still me you came to for help. Hell, maybe you did what you did to him because he wasn’t who you wanted to be with. If so, that’s even shittier, Rand. How dare you punish someone else for your inability to be true to yourself.”

Cass faltered slightly when she saw Rand’s bottom lip quiver. And despite the hateful look on her face, there were tears threatening to fall. Cass didn’t even know if she was on the right track. Rand never confirmed she was a lesbian. On the other hand, she didn’t deny it either. Either way, nothing excused her behavior with Connor. Cass sighed wearily.

“Like I said, I don’t want to hate you, Rand. So, I’m saying goodbye.”

Rand sat back in her chair with a scowl. “Fine. Throw away years of friendship, and what I know you feel for me.”

“See? That’s where you mess up. I don’t have those feelings for you. I never did. Why do you think I couldn’t sleep with you? There wasn’t anything there like that. And I certainly didn’t like being used as some token lesbian experience.”

“You couldn’t sleep with me because you felt too much,” Rand countered defiantly. “I’ve seen you with other women, Cass. Don’t forget that. I see how you kick them to the curb when they try to get too close. You were afraid of your feelings for me.”

Cass shook her head. Delusional. She found herself feeling sorry for Rand, convinced now that there was a deeper reason for her delusions. “You’re wrong on so many levels. And if that is what you think I did, you obviously weren’t paying attention. Most of those women were looking for one thing only. The ones that stayed longer thought they could change. Not me, themselves. But mostly, the chemistry was never right. I never “kicked them to the curb,” Rand. It wasn’t until recently that I found someone I clicked with on all cylinders.” A lightbulb went off in Cass’s head. “Which is why this all started with you, isn’t it? You saw me with Rebecca and you couldn’t handle it.”

“She doesn’t deserve you.” Rand folded her arms in front of her. “You’re such a fucking hypocrite. You judged me when you found out about my membership at that stupid club. Turns out, you’re fucking the owner! I know she’s Mistress. You should have told me you were into that stuff. I could show you things if you would just submit to me.”

Cass laughed mirthlessly. Pity or not, Cass had her limits. “Like you did Connor? No thanks. Besides, there’s not a damned thing you could teach me that my Mistress hasn’t taught me. Extensively. You are right about one thing, though. I judged you. I apologize for that.”

When Rand reached out to touch her hands, Cass sat back. The last thing Rand needed was false hope. Of course, now she was getting a scathing look.

“I thought you were saying goodbye,” Rand spat out.

“I am,” Cass said softly. “I truly hope you get the help you need in here. I hope you come to terms with who you are.” She stood.

“Wait! You’re all I have left! My parents won’t understand this, and they’ll leave me just like everyone else. You can’t leave me, too!”

“Your parents love you, Rand. Yeah, they freaked a bit when I came out, but they got over it. Maybe this will be a little harder to understand, but you’re their child. They’ll stand by you.” Cass looked Rand in the eye, noticing how glassy they were. They must have started her on meds. “I can’t be here for you because of what you did. You tried to manipulate me using a very real issue for the woman I love. You vandalized her house, and you did the unthinkable to Connor. He didn’t deserve that.”

Say what you need to say.Cass received that advice from two extremely smart women. She admitted she was skeptical that she would feel any different. They were right. Despite the guilt trip Rand just tried to lay on her, Cass didn’t owe her a damn thing. She could walk out of here with a clear conscience. That’s exactly what she did.

REBECCA STOPPED PACINGthe moment she heard the door open. With a critical, but loving, eye she studied her lover. No tears, no frown. In fact, Cassidy was smiling at her.

“I take it things went well?” she asked, making her way to Cassidy.

Cass opened her arms, readily accepting Rebecca’s hug. “As well as it could. I’m good, baby. You ready to get out of here?”

Rebecca looked up at Cassidy. One thing she loved about Cassidy was her inability to lie. It was because of that she knew Cassidy was telling the truth now. She was good.

“Give me a minute?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Cass tightened her arms around Rebecca when she moved towards the door. “Are you going in there to kick her ass? Because as much as I’d like to see that, I really do think she has issues this place may be able to help her with.”

Rebecca reached up to cup Cassidy’s face. “You truly are the sweetest person I know. I’m not going to touch her, baby. But there are things I need to say myself.”

“Oh.” Cass frowned at her stupidity. Rebecca was so good at keeping her cool that Cass could sometimes forget how much this situation affected her. “Right. I should have thought of that.”

“Don’t be silly. I’ll be right back.”

“Babe, I don’t think they’ll…”

“Ms. Cuinn?” The first guard Cass encountered looked over his shoulder. “No more than five minutes. I could get fired for this.”

“I only need one.”

Cass shook her head as Rebecca disappeared through the door giving the guard a smile that could charm the pants off anyone. It sure as hell worked on her. Every. Single. Day.

“WHY DO Ihave to stay in here? I want to go back to my room.”

“Sit down.”

“But…”

“This would go faster if you just listen to him, Miranda.”

Miranda turned and scowled at her visitor. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“That’s fine because I don’t particularly care about what you have to say.” Rebecca sat in the metal chair in her Mistress pose. Straight back, crossed ankles tucked beneath the chair, and hands clasped in her lap. “This is about your little threat. You should know that I couldn’t care less who knows who I am. Not even Beverly and Russell. Neither does Cassidy. So, if you were planning on using that to manipulate Cassidy in some way, you can forget it.”

“You don’t deserve her,” Miranda snarled.

“Perhaps. But for some reason, she loves me as much as I love her. Which is why I will not allow you to hurt her again. She seems to think you can get help in here. Make sure you do.” Rebecca leaned forward slightly and dropped her voice to a menacing whisper. “Because if you try to make things difficult for Cassidy when you get out of here, you will have to deal with me. And I’m not nearly as sweet as Cassidy is.”

She stood, smoothing the front of her black slacks. There was a part of her that felt sorry for Miranda. But the part of her that was protective of Cassidy? That part didn’t care one-bit what Miranda was suffering from. Perhaps that was callous of her. Yet, after everything she had endured from Samantha, even a mental illness didn’t make hurting someone else acceptable.

“Be well, Miranda.”

Rebecca walked out of the room, leaving behind Miranda’s angry words. She didn’t listen. There was a time when all she could hear were the angry words. Those times were over. Rebecca smiled at Cassidy when she came into view.

Cass peered over Rebecca’s shoulder and watched as the guard escorted a sullen Rand out of the room.

“Okay?” she asked.

“Mmhmm. Ready to go home?”

“Totally.”