Becoming by Jourdyn Kelly

THE CONVERSATION SHIFTEDback to the club, and Rebecca explained to Cassidy how she came to own it. It was almost funny how, looking back, she could see all of the mistakes she made. And, how she fought to correct those mistakes in the years that followed. Perhaps it was a bit extreme to hide her true identity from those who worked for her. Or to vet the patrons of her club so diligently. However, when you come close to losing your life to someone you thought you could trust, trust becomes a rare commodity.

“Why, Rebecca? Why did you stay?” Cassidy asked after Rebecca alluded to being beaten after Samantha found out she had bought the club. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Rebecca interrupted. “It’s a legitimate question. I obviously had the means,” she shrugged. It was a question she knew would come eventually. One she had asked herself many times. One she didn’t know if she actually had an answer to.

“You loved her.”

Rebecca laughed joylessly. “No. I hated her. At least I did at the end. If anything, I was infatuated with her at the most. Her strength and control intrigued me. She introduced me to this lifestyle and I became addicted. It wasn’t bad in the beginning, Cassidy.”

“And when it turned bad?”

“By that point, she had it ingrained in my head that it was my duty as her Sub to do as she commands. Like I said before, I was so naïve and impressionable that she convinced me what she did to me was normal for those who practice this type of relationship. I hate to use that as an excuse, but I really didn’t know that her version of this way of life was extreme. I know that’s probably hard for you to understand.”

“Not really. I did things with you I never thought I would do without questioning it.”

Rebecca frowned. “That’s exactly what I wanted to avoid when I took over the club.”

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way, Rebecca,” Cassidy said quickly. “You’re nothing like her.”

I hope that’s true.“I never want to be,” she said softly. “The moment she took her last breath I stopped being a Sub. Unfortunately, that also meant I was lost. It took the staff fighting over who should take control of the club that snapped me out of it. I took over the club, fired everyone, exhaustively vetted a new staff, and donned the mask.”

“And became Mistress?”

“Yes. Even my staff knows me only as Mistress. They don’t know Rebecca. I needed my control back, and that was the start. Becoming a true Dom was the next.” Rebecca glanced at Cassidy, debating her next words. “Every person I brought into that room was carefully selected in order to build myself up. I know that sounds callous, but I made sure that they all left feeling that everything they did in that room was their decision.”

“Is it normal for a Sub to become a Dom?” Cassidy asked, sounding a bit dejected.

“For some. Some are very set in their roles. Others use the experience as a stepping stone.” She tilted her head again, and her eyebrows furrowed. Why are you so sad, Cassidy? Do you really want to be a Dom? How could I ever go back to being a Sub?

“Why me?”

She let out a sharp laugh. “Believe me, Cassidy, I tried to stay away from you.” The defeat she heard in Cassidy’s voice now showed on her face. Without much thought, she softly touched the back of Cassidy’s hand. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. Before you walked into my club, I had decided I was done. I was getting nothing from it anymore. In fact, there hadn’t been anyone in my room for months.”

“A myth.”

“Excuse me?”

Cassidy looked up from tracing little patterns on the bench. “My waitress that night. When I asked her about the card, she said she thought that it was a myth.”

Rebecca nodded with a little smile. “It had been a long time. But when I saw you walk in with Miranda, I wanted you.”

Cassidy shivered at Rebecca’s words causing Rebecca to feel that familiar hint of desire she now associated with only Cassidy.

“I fought with myself, telling myself to leave you alone,” she continued before Cassidy could say anything. “Next thing I knew, I was buying you a drink. No matter how hard I tried to stay clear of you, my body had other ideas.”

“What was so wrong with me that you tried to avoid me?”

Oh, Cassidy. You have it all wrong. “Nothing is wrong with you. I tried to stay away for many reasons. The biggest one being that I knew things would be different with you in that room.” Rebecca pinched the bridge of her nose. It was as though her mouth had a mind of its own. It was bound and determined to tell Cassidy anything and everything. “I know what you think happened with the others, but you’re wrong. None of them ever saw me without my mask. None of them ever saw me naked. You did.”

Cassidy frowned in confusion.

“I never had sex with any of them, Cassidy.”

“But,” Cassidy shook her head as though she were trying to find the right words. Or any words for that matter. “I… we…”

Yep. So very cute when she’s flustered. “It was never about sex. It was about control. For both parties. That’s what I meant when I said I chose them carefully. They were more interested in just giving their bodies over to the pleasure of the pain. That’s what they got off on. I never touched them without some sort of instrument of torture. Touching me was off limits. No exceptions. Until you. I broke all of my rules with you.”

“Not all of them,” Cassidy muttered. “Did you feel anything for me, Rebecca?”

“Oh, Cassidy.” Rebecca scooted closer to her companion and touched her face gently. “I felt too much. It’s why I had to leave. It’s why I should leave now.” She dropped her hand and stood.

“Oh no!” Cassidy grabbed both of Rebecca’s hands and turned her until they were facing each other. Her grip was tight, but not painful. As though she were afraid Rebecca would run if her grip loosened. “I’m not letting you walk away again, Rebecca. You said it was for the best, but didn’t say why. You said it was what was healthiest, but still no reason. I need a reason. A legitimate, concrete reason.”

Rebecca didn’t know whether to be irritated or terrified. Irritated that Cassidy was demanding something of her, and she was considering giving her the reasons. Terrified because… she was considering giving her all the reasons.

“I don’t know how to have a real relationship, Cassidy.”

“I’ve never been in a serious relationship, either. So we’ll learn. Together.”

Rebecca shook her head a little. “I’m damaged. Why would you want to get involved with that?”

“We all have our demons, Rebecca. Yours may be a bit more complicated, but I don’t care. I want to be there for you.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I’m trying to! And, so far, your excuses are feeble. Give me a real reason!”

Rebecca let out an exasperated breath. She’s really going to make me say it. “Fine. You want a real reason? I am technically old enough to be your mother, Cassidy!”

“Bullshit! You know I’m twenty-five, right? You can’t be more than five years older than me.”

“It’s not nice to lie to your Mistress, Cassidy.” Shit! I just called myself her Mistress! Any hope that Cassidy missed that little slip was dashed when her nose flared with a desire that most likely mirrored Rebecca’s.

“I have no reason to lie to you. The most you can be is ten years older than me. And that’s pushing it. Besides my mom is like that much older than my dad.”

Rebecca threw her head back and groaned. Determined to make Cassidy understand that they were probably doomed from the start, she locked gazes with her.

“Cassidy, I’m sixteen years older than you.”

“Bullshit!” Cassidy snickered at herself as Rebecca rolled her eyes a little at the unimaginative outburst. “Damn!”

“Exactly.” Now she gets it. Yeah, it hurt, but what else did she expect? That Cassidy would say ‘fuck our ages’ and whisk her away?

“Uh-uh, nope. You’re not going anywhere.” She spread their linked hands and leered at her Rebecca in a way that made her feel much younger. And aroused. “Well, shit. I just figured out what my problem has been all along. I’ve been dating down when I should be dating up! If this is what forty-one looks like, sign me up!”

Rebecca couldn’t stop the smile if she tried, but it faded as quickly as it appeared. “And when we have nothing in common?” she asked.

“More to talk about.”

Another smile tugged at Rebecca’s lips. “Mmhmm. And when your parents and friends disapprove?”

Cassidy shrugged a shoulder. “I’m an adult, Rebecca. I’ve been making my own decisions for a while now. Besides, like I said, mom is older than dad.”

“Cassidy! I’m probably closer to their age than I am yours.” Ugh! I hate saying that! Her nose wrinkled in distaste.

“I don’t care. It’s my life, and I want you in it, Rebecca.”

She’s relentless!“Okay. How about when you’re thirty-five and I’m fifty-one?” Again, her nose crinkled. Must be a side-effect of their age gap. Or perhaps just her age. She was not a young, naïve woman anymore.

“Then I hope I can keep up with you.”

“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

“When something is important to me, yes,” Cassidy answered, squeezing Rebecca’s hands lightly. “Rebecca, you’re afraid you don’t know how to have a real relationship because you’ve never had one. But even if you had, all relationships are different. There’s no magic recipe. We work at it, and we find our own way. Nothing is a guarantee. Hell, you could wake up next week, and figure out I’m some immature idiot. It would devastate me, but at least I’ll know that I was courageous enough to give it a try. I’ve learned enough in the times I’ve been with you to know that I’m willing to take a risk. I know you’re scared, Rebecca. I’m scared, too. But, please, let me be the risk you take.”

They were all the right words. Everything she had wished she could have heard years ago. Yet, if she had, they wouldn’t mean as much as they did today. Rebecca searched for any signs of malice or dishonesty. She didn’t think Cassidy had it in her to be that cruel. Trust didn’t come easy for Rebecca, but for some reason, she trusted this woman. A woman she barely knew. A woman she had the overwhelming desire to…

“God, why can’t I stay away from you?” She pulled her hands from Cassidy’s and wrapped them around her neck. Taking a chance, she lowered her lips to Cassidy’s and kissed her.

REBECCA SAT INher Mercedes trying not to hyperventilate. After kissing Cassidy, she agreed to come back to Cassidy’s place. Now, as she sat in front of the cute house, she wondered if she could go through with what Cassidy proposed.

“Go somewhere with me,” Cassidy murmured against Rebecca’s lips.

“Where?” God, it felt wonderful when Cassidy continued to feather kisses across her lips and cheeks.

“My place. Yours. Anywhere but the Pink Room.” She cupped Rebecca’s cheek. “I want to know what it’s like with you outside of that room, Rebecca. I want to make love with you.”

“I don’t know how,” Rebecca whispered with trepidation.

“Would you like to learn?” Cassidy asked, reminding Rebecca of their first time together. “We could teach each other.”

“Yes.”

Make love. How in the hell was she supposed to know how to do that? She was a virgin when she met Samantha. Lord knows the two of them never did anything that was anywhere close to loving. Making love to Cassidy meant shedding every defense she had. There was no mask, no control, no lifestyle to hide behind. Just her and Cassidy. Shit. Rebecca closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She trusted you, now it’s your turn to trust her.

She stepped out of the car, grateful that Cassidy hadn’t hovered or pressured her. The younger woman simply waited, then held her hand out to Rebecca when she was ready. Rebecca took Cassidy’s hand and squeezed it lightly. A silent thank you. The fact that Cassidy was trembling just as much as she was, made Rebecca feel a little better.

“This is a beautiful home.” She said it to get their minds off of why they were there. But, it was true. The modern design seemed to suit Cassidy, though it was much bigger than Rebecca expected from someone so young. No biased ideas, Rebecca. Go into this with an open mind. And heart.

Cassidy shrugged, still trying to get the door open. “It’s not much…”

“Cassidy, it’s beautiful,” Rebecca repeated forcefully. She never wanted Cassidy to be anything but proud of what she had and who she was.

“Thank you.” Cassidy finally got the door open and ushered Rebecca inside. “Would you, um, like something to drink?”

“Water is good,” Rebecca answered, taking in her surroundings. The main living area was open and airy. Filled with natural light from the oversized sliding glass doors that led to a private patio. Nice. And clean. She didn’t know why that surprised her.

“I have something stronger if you like.”

Oh, yeah. She’s definitely nervous, too.Time to be an adult. Rebecca smiled and traced a finger down Cassidy’s jaw. “I want to be completely sober for this, Cassidy.” She kissed Cassidy softly and stepped back.

“Be right back.” Cassidy gestured around them. “Make yourself at home.”

Rebecca took that as an invitation to snoop a bit but was completely distracted by the mural on the far wall. It was mesmerizing and impeccably done. The beach scene featured a mermaid in the crest of a wave. She walked up to the wall, feeling compelled to touch the creation. As she drew closer, she realized that the mermaid was faceless.

“It’s not quite done. I—I just couldn’t find my muse for the mermaid.”

“You did this?” Rebecca asked in awe.

“Yeah.” Cassidy smiled proudly and handed a bottle of water to her guest. “I do murals all around the city. You know, hospitals and stuff. And, my friend’s an interior decorator. If her clients want something a little special, she calls me.” Another shrug. “Drives my parents insane, but it pays the bills and I love it.”

“You’re an artist.” When her preliminary report came back on Cassidy, it said she was a painter. Rebecca hadn’t known that meant an artist. “This is amazing, Cassidy.” She followed each brush stroke with her eyes and almost felt as though she were in that wave. “Freehand?”

“Yeah. I see a picture in my mind, and just paint.”

“Are you in galleries?” Eve needed to see this woman’s work, Rebecca decided. Cassidy laughed but stopped when Rebecca didn’t join in. She wasn’t kidding.

“I have a few canvases, but I don’t think I’m gallery caliber. It’s okay. I like doing murals.”

“This is definitely worthy of being displayed or sold as prints, Cassidy. I have a friend who’s opening a gallery here soon.” She downplayed the significance of the gallery and owner for Cassidy’s sake. If Cassidy knew anything about the art world, she would know who Eve Sumptor was. Rebecca wanted to be sure Cassidy was willing, first. “Would you like for me to talk to her?”

“Um, what kind of friend?”

Ouch.Rebecca smiled sadly. “You should know I don’t become friends with people who have been in my room. Just one more rule I broke with you. Besides, I don’t think there’s a human being alive who could dominate Eve.” Except maybe one.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. I want to.”

Cassidy looked a tad uncomfortable. “Okay.” She cleared her throat. “Would you, um, like a tour?”

Okay, we’re going to have to do something to get her over this nervousness. And hopefully, it’ll help me, too.Rebecca took the water bottle from Cassidy and set them aside. “Maybe later,” she said, pulling Cassidy to her. “Right now, I just want you.”

The kiss they shared was the most passionate kiss Rebecca had ever experienced. Cassidy began unbuttoning Rebecca’s shirt and slipped it off her shoulders. Her hard nipples strained against her satin bra, needing to be touched.

“You’re so beautiful,” Cassidy murmured as Rebecca’s bra joined her shirt on the floor.

Rebecca’s eyes teared up with emotion. All of her life, people have told her she was beautiful. But no one had ever sounded so sincere, so tender. Cassidy sunk to her knees in front of her and began unbuttoning her jeans. She whimpered when Cassidy took her bellybutton piercing between her teeth and tugged gently.

Cassidy hooked her fingertips into the waistband of Rebecca’s jeans and panties. Before she knew it, she was naked in front of a very attentive Cassidy. Her tummy muscles contracted when Cassidy traced her tattoo with a blunt nail.

“I got it after,” Rebecca hesitated. The bird in flight on her hip had significant meaning to her. It took Rebecca a long time before she felt she was worthy of it. “When I became free.”

Cassidy kissed the tattoo tenderly. An act that spoke louder than any words that could ever be said. Rebecca ran her hands through Cassidy’s hair, lost in the way she peered up at her. She didn’t understand how or why this connection with Cassidy happened. But, at the moment, all she wanted to do was bask in the way Cassidy made her feel.

Rebecca’s knees buckled, and she grasped Cassidy’s shoulders when Cassidy’s nose grazed her clit as she breathed Rebecca in. She gasped, digging her fingers into those shoulders when she felt Cassidy’s tongue tasting her. Teasing her.

“I’m going to fall, Cassidy.”

Cassidy responded by gripping Rebecca’s ass. “I won’t let you,” she purred against Rebecca’s extremely wet pussy. Her tongue dipped further inside and dual guttural moans filled the air.

“Baby, please.” Whoa. I’ve never called anyone that, before. I like it. I like her. Cassidy stood, grasping the back of Rebecca’s thighs. When she found herself in Cassidy’s arms, her legs wrapped around Cassidy’s waist, Rebecca’s arousal tripled. Hell, it went through the fucking roof.

She supposed she could have made it easier for Cassidy to carry her up the stairs by not having her mouth glued to Cassidy’s. But, she couldn’t help herself. She was being carried by a very muscular, very androgynous, very gorgeous woman. Rebecca was a woman who knew her weaknesses.

“I’m, uh, sorry about the mess. Maid’s day off,” Cassidy said as she gently let Rebecca down. “But, um, the sheets are clean. I just changed them.”

Rebecca frowned. She had no right to feel jealous, yet color her green. “Not sure I want to think about why at this point.”

Cassidy’s eyes widened. “No! I just meant it was time. Rebecca, I haven’t been with anyone since… well, since I met you.”

As surprising as that was, it made Rebecca feel special. And much better than she did just moments before. “Neither have I. Even before, Cassidy.”

“No one wherever you went? You know, breaking in the new club?”

Rebecca sighed. “No.” She could feel Cassidy’s apology in the warmth of her arms as she embraced her. Tell her the truth, Rebecca. Put her out of her misery. “I didn’t lie to you when I said I was leaving for business. But it wasn’t for another club like the one here. I was consulting on a business venture. I just wasn’t able to concentrate.”

“Why?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Great. Geez, what is it about her that makes you spill your guts.

“Is that why you came back?”

Cassidy looked so hopeful, it almost made Rebecca smile. Then she remembered she was completely naked and just moments before they were locked in a heated kiss ready to let their bodies talk for them.

“Cassidy, I’m feeling very vulnerable here.”

It literally took Cassidy two seconds to get as naked as Rebecca was, causing Rebecca to chuckle. Of course, that turned into a gasp when Cassidy pulled her close and their bodies touched. Cassidy’s warm skin on hers was thrilling, but there was something missing. “You’re not wearing it.”

She shrugged sheepishly. “I haven’t had the urge to wear it lately. Since you left, actually. With the way I was feeling, I didn’t need it. I spent most of my time in here, but alone. I missed you. I didn’t want to do anything but sleep. At least then I could dream about you. I had no idea where to find you, or if you were even still in the country. I didn’t even know your name. But I missed you so much that I was dying inside.”

Cassidy didn’t just shed her clothes for Rebecca. She stood before Rebecca, tears running unchecked down her cheeks, and exposed her soul. Rebecca, who fought her own tears, reached up captured Cassidy’s tears with the pads of her thumbs.

“I missed you, too. It felt so wrong in my head to want you, but my heart ached. I couldn’t stand being so far away from you anymore. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, but I needed to be closer to you. You were here, I needed to be here, too.”

“Rebecca.” Cassidy rested her forehead against Rebecca’s.

The two women just let the emotions envelop them. There are just some things in life that can’t be explained. Rebecca, in this moment, had given up trying to explain why this felt so incredibly right.

“Make love to me, Cassidy,” she breathed.

“Do you want me to get…”

Rebecca placed her fingertips on Cassidy’s lips. “No. I want to feel you.”

This is what she wanted. What she had always wanted. Someone who treated her as though she were a gift. Someone who would touch her as though she meant the world to them. So, the fear that crept up when Cassidy nudged her back on the bed and began lowering herself on top of her surprised her. She couldn’t stop herself from pushing Cassidy away even though that was the last thing she wanted to do.

“What’s wrong?”

How do I explain that this position has always been one of pain and submission for me?“I’m sorry. I…”

“Does this scare you?” Cassidy asked gently.

Rebecca looked away, full of shame, and nodded. She doesn’t need this burden.

“Oh, baby, you have nothing to be ashamed of. We can try this another way, it’s okay. I just need you to know I would never hurt you. Never, Rebecca.”

The passion in Cassidy’s voice calmed Rebecca. This is not like it was with Samantha. “Wait, please,” Rebecca pleaded when Cassidy began to move off of her. “I want to feel you on top of me.”

“I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. We can try this another time.”

“I’m okay. I want this, baby. I just panicked for a minute.” She wrapped her arms around Cassidy’s neck, holding her in place. “I’ll tell you if it’s too much. I promise.”

Cassidy hesitated, so Rebecca made the decision for her by pulling her down on top of her. They both moaned at the contact of their bodies. Accelerated breathing and soft whimpers filled the air as Cassidy kissed Rebecca’s neck. The sounds of ecstasy got louder when Cassidy took Rebecca’s nipple in her mouth, and her body moved sensually on hers. All of the earlier fear disappeared without another single thought.

Rebecca’s body writhed under Cassidy. Her hips lifted, pushing her wet, hot center against Cassidy’s thigh. Then she lifted her knee, and her smooth, strong thigh came in contact with Cassidy’s clit. They were both soaked and the sound of them together filled the room with an undeniable erotic charge.

“Touch me, Cassidy,” Rebecca breathed close to Cassidy’s ear. She felt the tremors throughout Cassidy’s body and felt a surge of power in her own body. Even in this position, she could have control. Even when giving it up, she could feel safe.

Cassidy slipped a hand between them, and for the first time in two months, Rebecca felt… whole.

“Mmm, you feel so good,” Cassidy moaned.

Rebecca’s fingers clamped onto Cassidy’s ass, squeezing and pulling at the same time. She almost came immediately when Cassidy slipped two fingers inside her and curled them, hitting a particularly sensitive spot.

“I need to touch you.” Truth was, Rebecca had been dreaming of touching Cassidy since that first night they shared together. She couldn’t allow herself before. Touching was as intimate as kissing. Now? Oh, now all bets were off.

Cassidy didn’t hesitate to oblige. She shifted slightly, staying inside Rebecca while she got to her knees. Rebecca scraped her fingernails down Cassidy’s ribs, then dipped her fingers between the lips of her lover’s sex. The moan that came from her was hoarse and needy when she felt how wet Cassidy was for her.

“I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you walk into my club,” Rebecca confessed her earlier thoughts before slipping two fingers inside Cassidy.

“Oh god!” Cassidy’s hips bucked, drawing Rebecca deeper inside.

Cassidy pumped her hand faster and Rebecca matched each stroke with a stroke of her own. As if by some unspoken agreement, they each slipped another finger inside and the cries of ecstasy continued to get louder as they drew closer to that peak. Rebecca gripped Cassidy’s hair with her free hand, their hips pumped passionately in unison. She felt Cassidy tighten around her fingers and there was no holding back any longer.

“Cassidy!”

“Rebecca!”

The rough sound that came from deep within Rebecca came from years of pent-up need. A need for passion. For something other than pain. For something incredible with someone who she felt cared about her. A need for someone like Cassidy. As the climax took a hold of her, Rebecca pulled Cassidy’s hair as she came. She felt Cassidy’s sex clamp around her fingers, tight and hot. And, oh so wet. It was fucking mind-blowing.

“It was you,” Cassidy breathed with amazement.

Panting, Rebecca looked up at her. “What?”

“It wasn’t what we did in that room. It’s you who makes me feel this way, Rebecca.”

It was as if the words turned on a faucet inside Rebecca. Emotions flowed out of her—literally—as she came again. Hard. She may have felt a little self-conscious about that if Cassidy hadn’t followed with another orgasm right along with her. At this point, they were going to need to replenish their fluids if they were going to continue this way.

“You’re the only one that’s ever made me do that,” Rebecca revealed almost bashfully. Of course, that bashfulness turned into a soft laugh when Cassidy gives her a cocky, prideful grin.

Let’s see how long you keep that cocky grin, Rebecca thought, relying solely on her instincts when it came to what to do next. Though she had never had a normal sex life, her imagination never suffered. In fact, it flourished in those times when she had to endure the pain or humiliation. There were so many things she had wanted to try. It should have amazed her that she felt safe enough with Cassidy to do exactly what she’d always wanted.

Cassidy’s cocky grin turned into a whimper as Rebecca pulled her fingers out. Disappointment flashed in Cassidy’s eyes as she pulled out of Rebecca, but that would soon disappear, too. Once she was sure she had Cassidy’s full attention, she plunged her fingers – still soaked from Cassidy – inside herself. Making sure her fingers were nicely coated with both of their juices, Rebecca promptly thrust them back into Cassidy’s greedy pussy.

Cassidy groaned and rotated her hips, but Rebecca didn’t linger for long. She had more in mind. She needed more. She pulled her dripping fingers out, brought them to her mouth, and licked, tasting both of them. She hummed her approval. So good.

Obviously feeling a bit left out, Cassidy dipped her head and sucked Rebecca’s fingers into her mouth, and licked those fingers clean.

When she was done, Cassidy collapsed beside Rebecca with a big, happy smile. “That was incredible,” she gasped.

Rebecca rolled on top of Cassidy and smiled. “Yes, it was.” She gave her a quick peck. “How’s your stamina? Because I’m not even close to being done.”

“Oh, I can do this all night long, baby.”

Oh, this is going to be so much fun! “Good to hear. Why don’t you get your little friend?”