Holding Her Heart by Melissa Tereze

21

Eden woketo an arm wrapped around her waist. Aster’s light breathing was calming, but Eden’s mind and body raced. Her thoughts…well, they weren’t appropriate for this morning. While she had enjoyed falling asleep beside Aster last night, both of them talking complete rubbish until they couldn’t hold their eyes open anymore, she needed to move. Slowly. Quietly. Without waking Aster.

As she shifted slightly, Aster’s arm tightened around her waist. No, not now. Eden couldn’t lie here while her body craved more. She couldn’t pretend nothing was wrong when she ached to feel Aster’s hands beneath the oversized night shirt she was wearing. Eden never wore clothes to bed, she preferred to sleep naked, but she couldn’t exactly climb into bed with Aster last night wearing nothing but her birthday suit. God, I wish I had.

Eden took Aster’s wrist gently, lifting her arm from her body. And then she slid out of the bed, the chill in the room doing little to help the heat of her body. She fixed her hair, tugging her shirt down her thighs. Then she turned around, watching Aster as she slept peacefully.

Aster lay on her stomach, her legs splayed out across the bottom of the bed. The white sheet that they’d shared as they drifted off last night was crumpled in a ball next to her, her blonde hair dragged up high on her head. She looked adorable as she slept, her tank top riding up her back to expose dimples at the base of her spine. But it was the shorts Aster wore that caught Eden’s attention, tight to her thighs and only just covering her backside. And what a beautiful backside it was.

Eden desperately wanted to reach out and touch Aster. She needed to feel how soft her skin was. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Because if Aster backed away, Eden wouldn’t last another moment in this room. Something definitely could have happened last night when they held one another, but both had been a little drunk after sharing almost two bottles of wine, and Eden never wanted her first time with not only a woman but Aster to be that way. She wanted to remember every second of it. She needed to memorise everything Aster liked and everything her own body responded to. Drink could never be involved during a moment like that.

The sound of buzzing broke Eden from her desire, her phone lighting up on the nightstand. She rushed towards it, hesitating when she saw her mum’s name on the screen. Now wasn’t the best time to talk to her; Eden feared she’d blurt out everything that had happened recently. But if she didn’t answer, her mum would only continue calling.

“Hello?” Eden whispered as she slowly crept out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her as she stepped into the kitchen.

“Hi, love. How’s the holiday?”

“I, um…change of plans. I didn’t go.” Eden rested back against the counter, flicking the kettle on.

“Oh. Well, why?”

“It wasn’t a concrete plan, to be honest,” Eden lied. “And I had to be around for a friend who is having a hard time at the minute?”

“What friend?” Angela asked. “Blair?”

“No. Not Blair. It’s a friend I work with.” She’s not your friend. She’s close to being the love of your life. “But we can rearrange. I’m sure another holiday will pop up soon.”

“Of course.”

“So, how are you? Anything going on?”

“Oh, you know me. Just plodding along.”

Eden stared down at the floor. She hated the guilt her mother made her feel for not always being on hand. “Well, you could go out to lunch with Dad or call some of the ladies from the social club.”

“The weather isn’t great. But I bet it would have been abroad. How hot is it?”

Eden shrugged. “I’ve no idea, but it has to be high twenties over there.”

“Ooh, I could just enjoy some sun.”

“I’ve told you to book a holiday with Dad. You’ve been retired for almost three years, and you’ve only gone away once since.” Eden didn’t understand why her mum constantly warred with herself regarding holidays. She loved the sun, she loved to sit with a book and a glass of wine, so it made sense for them to book a month-long trip to Spain or the likes of and enjoy their retirement. “Did you want me to have a look at some deals for you?”

“Oh, no. Don’t worry. I’m sure I’ll find something to do. Now tell me, how’s that second daughter of mine?” Angela was referring to Blair.

“Blair and Dom are both fine, Mum.” Eden swallowed, wishing she could just come out and say what she wanted to say. But maybe she could just say it. What was the worst that could happen? “Actually, I had something I wanted to discuss with you.”

“I’m sure it can wait. You’re probably busy.”

“Mum, it’s fine. I’ve only just climbed out of bed.” Eden wouldn’t usually do something like this over the phone, she hated that kind of thing, but she couldn’t deal with the uncertainty in her mum’s eyes. “You know how Blair is ridiculously in love with Dom…”

“I do. I’m so happy she found the love of her life. But don’t get me started. You know how I feel about that…thing, she used to be married to. Don’t start me off because I won’t stop. And I’ll swear. That’s never a good look.”

Eden grinned. She loved this side of Angela. “Mum, calm yourself down. We all know how you feel about Barrett.”

“Don’t say his name, love. He doesn’t deserve to be spoken about.”

Eden lowered herself onto the couch, running a hand through her hair. Maybe she should have done this last night when she felt brave and confident as she sat comfortably between Aster’s legs.

“Anyway, do you have a few minutes to stay on the phone? I need at least three coffees before I even think about getting ready.”

“Okay, if you’re sure it’s not eating into your day.”

“I have plenty of time. Don’t worry. You know I’m only on the end of the phone whenever you want to talk. Don’t forget that.”

She got to her feet and prepared a coffee. Once she had some caffeine in her, she would feel better.

Eden chewed her lip, tugging at the hem of the shirt she was wearing. She’d felt so positive and confident as she lay in bed this morning, enjoying Aster’s warmth. Now, she just needed to build up the courage to be honest with her mother. That was easier said than done.

Eden cleared her throat. “So, about Blair and Dom.”

“Like I said, I’m thrilled for them both. And Dom, she’s wonderful. She has lovely manners, and she certainly takes good care of Blair. You know I love her like a daughter of my own.”

“I know, Mum.” Eden and Blair had been inseparable as kids, teens too, but recently, not so much. “So, you know Dom plays football?”

“I do.”

“Well, one of the players on the team, Grace…her best friend comes to watch. Turns out she’s a photographer, and I hired her a few months ago. Her name is Aster. She’s lovely.”

“Aster…” Angela tried the name out. “Does her mother like to garden?”

“She did actually, yes. But that doesn’t matter right now.” Eden sipped her coffee, sighing lightly as the intense aroma overpowered her senses. “She was supposed to go on holiday with us, but her dad took ill while we were at the airport.”

“Oh, poor love. I know you’ll be there for her, especially if she’s your employee. You take wonderful care of your staff.”

“I’m dating her.” Eden spoke with an excitement in her voice. Now that she’d said those words, she realised just how much she wanted this to work out for her. “You there, Mum?”

“I’m sorry, the line went funny. I thought you said you were dating her.”

“I did say that. I’m dating Aster.”

“But…she’s a woman.” Angela grew confused, that much was clear in her voice and how it wavered. “You don’t like women.”

“I’ve recently discovered that I do. Well, not women, just this one woman.”

“Oh, love. Don’t be so ridiculous.” Angela barked a laugh. “You’re 42. Try acting like it. You’ve never dated a woman before, so I find it hard to believe that you want to now.” Angela sighed. Every word she had just spoken broke Eden’s heart a little bit more. “Is this because you feel left out? Jealous, perhaps?”

“Jealous?” What did she have to be jealous about?

“Blair. She’s happy. You see it and you want some of it, too? Because life and love doesn’t work like that.”

Eden stared down at the coffee table, tears in her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled, devastated that her mum could say that. “No, it’s not like that.”

“I beg to differ. Get these daft thoughts out of your head. When you visit, we’ll discuss this silly idea of you turning gay.”

“I’m not turning gay, I—” Eden looked at her screen. Her mum had ended their call. “Wow.”

Every thought she’d had about her future had just been obliterated in a matter of seconds. She knew her mum would be surprised and shocked, but Eden never for one second thought that she would have reacted the way she did. It didn’t make sense; Angela had always wanted Eden to be happy. She didn’t force her into dating, expecting her to conform by a particular age. And while she didn’t imagine her mum would jump for joy, she didn’t expect her to find the idea of Eden dating a woman so ridiculous. This was a blow. One that felt like a punch directly in her gut.

Blair could do no wrong in her mother’s eyes, but Eden? She was absurd.