Holding Her Heart by Melissa Tereze

22

Aster staredout the window of her dad’s hospital room, the air humid and sticky. She hated hospitals, they’d always made her feel a little uneasy, but her dad was here so Aster was, too. And Lily was due back in the next ten minutes, so Aster didn’t need to hang around much longer.

“You seem to be in your own head, my love.”

Aster turned, smiling at her dad. “You know I told you about the woman I’m dating?”

Ted nodded, no longer wearing his oxygen mask. Seeing the lack of mask instantly calmed Aster when she arrived. Her dad looked brighter today, and he definitely had more life in him.

“Well, she turned up last night at my door. She decided not to get on the plane and came back to be with me instead.”

Ted smiled, his eyes bright. “I’m glad you told me about her. I’d love to meet her someday.”

“I’m sure I can arrange that.” Aster eased into the seat beside her dad’s bed. “But I need you to promise me you’ll keep taking your medication. Because what you’ve been doing isn’t good, Dad. What if we’d lost you?”

“I’m sorry, Aster. I was having a bad time. I promise to take whatever I’m prescribed.”

“But I mean, really promise me? Pinky and all?” Aster held up her little finger.

Ted lifted his hand, holding out his own. “Only if you promise me that you’ll fall in love with this woman who seems to be very fond of you.”

Aster blew out a shaky breath. Ted may already have his wish. But…something felt off. “I think it’s already happened.”

“Well, only you’ll know when it has. And if you feel this strongly about her, I want to meet her sooner rather than later. Because I have to be sure she’s good enough for you. What would your mother say if I didn’t do my research?”

Tears welled in Aster’s eyes. “Mum would have loved her. I know she would. They’d probably go to lunch together and stuff. And have their hair done afterwards.”

“I don’t doubt that, sweetheart.”

“It’s just…she left suddenly this morning. She stayed over last night, and we watched films together. But when I woke up this morning, she’d gone.”

“Maybe she had something to take care of…”

Aster wrung her hands. “I thought so, but it feels like more than that. Like…she’s backing away maybe. I’ve tried to think of anything I did wrong last night, but I can’t recall a single thing.”

“Have you called? Sent her a message?” Ted clasped his hands in his lap, his face not as pale as it had been when Aster arrived here yesterday afternoon. He definitely had more colour in his cheeks.

“I called her this morning, but she wasn’t available to answer. She texted me back to say she’d speak to me this evening.”

“Don’t panic. I’m sure it’s nothing. She could have been called into work or had a family emergency.”

Ted didn’t need this. If he knew Aster was worried, he’d stress himself out. “You’re right.” She turned her watch towards herself. “I spoke to Lily a few minutes ago. She’s trying to find a space to park.”

“What time does your ticket end?”

“I’ve got fifteen minutes before I’ll have to put another tenner in. Greedy buggers in these hospitals.”

Ted laughed, coughing as he did so. “You sound like your mum more and more lately. You go, love. You’ll probably bump into Lily on the way down.”

“You’re sure? I’ll be back tomorrow to see you.”

“Do me a favour?” Ted asked, sitting up better in the bed.

Aster nodded. She’d do anything for him.

“Go home and have a look for a last-minute break. Take your girlfriend away and treat her. That was a big thing she did by cancelling her holiday for you. I’m sure you’d both enjoy some time together.”

“I can’t. I need to be here for you.”

Ted took Aster’s hand. “You’ve always been there for me. And I know you always will be. Just for a few days. I’m not going anywhere.”

Aster chewed her lip. She’d love to disappear for a few days with Eden, but she needed to hear from her first. If Eden didn’t contact her, there was nothing Aster could do. Realistically, Eden’s head was probably up her ass.

“I’ll have a look when I get home.” She got to her feet and bent down to kiss her dad’s cheek. “But if you feel unwell at all, you call me, okay?”

“I’m okay.”

Satisfied that her dad was on the mend, Aster took her jacket from the back of the chair and draped it over her arm. She’d text Eden on the way down to the car and hope for the best. If it came to nothing, she’d give her some time. Aster had to remember that this was all still a big deal for Eden.

Once she’d said her goodbyes, Aster slipped out of her dad’s room, strolling along the hallway as she took her phone from her pocket.

A: Hey! Need some company?

E: I’m busy right now. Sorry.

A: Right, okay. Did you decide to sneak off and get a flight to join the team?

E: No. I’m at home.

A: Well I can totally be invisible while I sit and watch you just being beautiful.

E: Can we do this another time? Today isn’t great.

Aster frowned. Eden was speaking to her as though she was a colleague. How had they fallen asleep in one another’s arms last night, but Eden was giving her the cold shoulder today? None of this made sense.

A: Is everything okay? Did I do something last night to make you feel uncomfortable?

E: No. You’re perfect. Always.

A: Then I will go home and just see you when I see you. Sorry again for ruining your holiday plans.

Three dots appeared…until they faded out. And then her phone vibrated in her hand.

E: You didn’t. And I had an amazing time last night. Thank you.

A: It can’t have been that amazing if you left before I woke up. But you know what, it’s fine. You have a life of your own and stuff to work through. I’ll…see you soon, hopefully.

Aster locked her phone and held her head high. Something was going on with Eden, and she was going to find out what before this day was over. If she had to stand outside her door until she opened it, Aster would do that. Because this, whatever was happening between them, was far too good to lose.

* * *

Aster clenched her hands at her sides, exhaling a slow, steady breath. Eden had been silent since they spoke earlier in the day, and now Aster was done with waiting. She may not look like she’d demand answers, Aster was generally laidback, but she couldn’t sit at home wondering if Eden would ever bother to call her again.

She rasped on Eden’s apartment door, steadying herself and remaining calm.

The door opened. Tired, weary eyes stared back at her.

“You promised me you would always be honest. You stood in front of me and agreed to always speak to me.” Aster’s voice, hoarse from lack of conversation all day, filtered through the silence. “If you don’t want to go any further with me, that’s perfectly fine, but please don’t disappear and then give me nothing. I deserve more than that. You know I do.”

Eden came out into the light, her eyes more bloodshot and swollen than Aster had first thought. “I’m sorry.”

Aster immediately stepped closer to Eden. She held her face in her hands, concern pulsing through her. “What’s wrong? Why are you upset?”

“This morning I woke up feeling on top of the world. I couldn’t wait to spend the day with you, and God, you’ve no idea how hard it was to keep my hands to myself when I felt your arms around me…”

Aster wanted to love everything Eden was saying, but she couldn’t. There had to be a ‘but’ coming. It was inevitable.

“My mum called me. I had it in my head that I could tell her about us. I was terrified, but I was excited, too. I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

“O…kay.” Aster frowned.

“She basically shit all over it and told me I was being ridiculous. That I was jealous of Blair and Dom so now I want to be with a woman. And it’s not like that for me, Aster. I need you to believe me when I tell you that.”

“I-I do believe you. That’s not what I think is happening here.”

Eden lowered her eyes, wrapping her arms around herself. “I thought she would be at least a little bit happy for me. Or that she’d be shocked but not completely against the idea.”

Aster dropped her head, blowing out a deep breath. “But she was. She was very against it, wasn’t she?”

“She put the phone down on me,” Eden spoke barely above a whisper. “She’s never done that before.”

“What does this mean for us, Eden?” Aster completely understood that Eden had her family to think about. But didn’t she deserve to be happy? “I mean, I want to work through this with you, but are you ending this before it’s started?”

Eden looked up at her, her long lashes glistening, tears falling down her face. “I thought about it.”

“Right.” Aster took a step back, rubbing her forearm. She didn’t know what to say or how to change Eden’s mind. Because Aster was just Aster. She was nothing special. If Eden’s mum had reservations about them, she’d be even more disappointed on meeting Aster. She probably wasn’t worthy in Eden’s parents’ eyes. “Well, uh…”

“But I can’t walk away from you, Aster. Not now. I feel like I’m in too deep, and I’m not prepared to see you years down the line and realise you were the one that got away.” Eden reached out a hand, taking Aster’s. It felt safe…wanted. “I have things to discuss with her when I visit, but I can’t end this with you. I don’t want to do that.”

“Y-you mean…you choose me?” Aster was taken aback. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be worth that much to another woman. “If it comes down to it…”

“I think I’d choose you time and time again,” Eden said, pulling Aster against her. “I needed a moment today. I needed to understand what the hell was going on in my life, because everything feels so intense that I don’t know if I’m coming or going.”

“I get that.” Aster lifted a hand, brushing her knuckles against Eden’s damp cheek. “I hate seeing you cry.”

“I’m okay. I was more worried about how much I’d hurt you today. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

“I’m glad I came here tonight. I needed to see you. To do this. Just hold you.”

“I was coming to you.” Eden said. “I just needed to get things straight in my head.”

“And…have you done that?” Aster narrowed her eyes as she stepped forward. This woman…she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep her hands to herself. “And like, are you inviting me in?”

“Y-you want to come in? After today?” Eden seemed surprised by that, but right now, Aster just wanted to lock the door and slip beneath the sheets. “I mean, I’d love you to…but you don’t have anywhere else to be? Out with friends?”

Aster curled her fingers under Eden’s chin, tilting her head and meeting her eyes. “If I want to stay in with a gorgeous woman, I will do that. And if I want to kiss you slowly, while I undress you, I will also do that.” Eden’s eyes fluttered closed, her mouth falling open as Aster pressed her lips to one eyelid, then the other. “So, why don’t we take this inside and get to know one another?”

Eden’s hands trembled as she held Aster’s waist. “Y-yes.”

“You’re sure?” Aster smiled against Eden’s ear, her body begging to get naked with this woman. “No pressure, remember…”

Eden lowered her hands to the button on Aster’s jeans, her breathing laboured. “I’m not sure I can wait any longer. I need to feel you.”

That was all Aster needed to hear. She reached around Eden, pushed the front door open, and guided her inside. Their lips met as they fumbled through the apartment, finally reaching the bedroom door with a thud. But a door wouldn’t stand in Aster’s way. She kicked it open, stumbling her way inside.

As the backs of Eden’s knees hit the edge of the bed, Aster lowered her down, falling on top of her. She stared down at Eden, her eyes black with desire, and whispered, “You are all I’ve ever dreamed of.”