My Ten-Year Crush by Olivia Spring

Chapter Thirty-Three

That wasn’t right.

My key wasn’t working. I tried it again, then noticed the colour of the door was different. I took a step back. It wasn’t working because this was the wrong bloody building. I’d been in such a daze that I’d completely walked past my own block and wandered up the path next door.

I turned back and opened the right gate this time.

‘Bella!’ a voice called out. I turned around.

‘Mum? What are you doing here?’ She walked up and wrapped her arms around me. ‘You haven’t been answering my calls or messages. I needed to make sure you were okay.’

She squeezed me tighter and I started to sob.

‘Mike’s leaving.’ I rested my head on her shoulder and breathed in her sweet perfume. It was the same one she’d worn since I was a little girl. I still found it so comforting.

‘Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. Let’s go upstairs and you can tell me all about it.’

Whilst I cleaned my face, Mum prepared the tea. We sat down and I told her everything. About the course, Mike, and him inviting me to Vietnam and not knowing how I could make it work.

I also told her how Dad made me feel stifled, and although I knew he didn’t like Mike, I said I was convinced he’d find fault with any guy I brought home. He wasn’t keen on the few boyfriends he’d met and in hindsight, with good reason. But Mike wasn’t like the others.

‘He’s not just overprotective with me, he is with you too. Don’t you miss not going to see your family in St Lucia or going anywhere abroad? Don’t you get tired of going away to the same place every year?’

Before, I’d thought that having a routine was a good thing, but lately I’d been questioning it. Maybe variety was good.

‘I’ve just got used to it. Most of my family have either moved to other places around the world or passed, so it’s not so much of an issue now, but yes, in the past I did find it difficult.’

‘Why did you put up with it?’

‘I know you find it hard to believe, but your dad is a very emotional and sensitive man. He doesn’t like us going abroad not because he’s controlling. It’s because he’s afraid. He used to be a lot more adventurous. When he was twenty-one, he went travelling around South America with his friends. But then…’ She paused, went to talk, then paused again, like she was debating whether to continue.

‘Tell me. Please,’ I pleaded.

‘But then, his younger sister came over to visit one summer and they made plans to travel to a nearby island. She wanted to get a boat, but he insisted on flying, and the plane crashed. It was hours before anyone found them, and both his sister and the pilot died. It really hit him hard. She was only nineteen. He blamed himself for taking the plane when she hadn’t wanted to and feels guilty that he couldn’t save her. He’s been afraid of flying ever since. And I don’t mean just getting nervous or sweating a bit. I mean full-blown panic attacks. He didn’t want you to see him like that. He was embarrassed by it. That’s why he doesn’t like flying and why he’s afraid for us to take planes too—because he wants to keep us safe.’

I shivered. I knew about his phobia but hadn’t realised the full story. His experience was so similar to what had happened to Mike.

That must have been horrific for Dad. No wonder he’d clammed up or left the room when I’d tried to raise the flying issue before. Wish I’d known sooner, though. It explained a lot.

One thing the similarity of Mike’s and Dad’s tragedies showed was how differently people handled grief and traumatic events. Whilst Mike used his pain to motivate him to go out and live life, Dad still lived in fear. Afraid to travel. Afraid to let his loved ones stray too far from him.

‘I didn’t realise. Now I understand why he’s so overprotective about me travelling.’

‘Yes. With his parents gone and the rest of his family scattered in different places, we’re all he has and he worries that something will happen to us. Especially you. Even though you’re all grown up, you’re still his baby. You’re his world. I know he’s terrible at expressing his feelings, but he’s afraid of losing you. I think that’s why he wants you to stay at the school. So he can protect you. When you were away at university, he constantly worried. He was paranoid about you having an accident or someone spiking your drinks or taking advantage of you. That’s when he vowed to always keep you close.’

That explained why he hated Mike so much. After seeing him drunk and then cavorting on the sofa with that girl, he probably thought I was shacked up with a sexual predator and thought his fears had come true.

I knew Dad’s actions were motivated by love, but by trying to protect me in the way that he was, he was actually harming me, both mentally and professionally.

I already suspected that although he hadn’t meant to, he’d passed on a lot of his fears to me. Maybe that was why I was always afraid to do anything adventurous or try anything too different or scary.

‘So he wants me to stay at the same school forever, so he can keep an eye on me?’ I shook my head. ‘He’ll just end up pushing me away.’

‘I know. I’ve told him that will happen if he doesn’t change. Especially if he doesn’t accept that you want to be with Mike.’

‘Well, looks like he won’t have to worry about that anymore.’

‘So that’s it, then? You’re just going to let him go? You’re not even going to try?’

‘I want to, but I don’t know how, Mum.’

‘When me and your Dad got together, it wasn’t easy. We came from different backgrounds. We had different skin colours. People were more close-minded back then. There was a lot of prejudice. Strangers would stare. Call us names and sometimes threaten violence. At times it seemed impossible. Different members of both of our families and even so-called friends thought our relationship was wrong and did all sorts of wicked things to keep us apart. But your dad fought for us. We loved each other. That was the important thing. It was the glue that held us together. We knew we were strong enough to get through anything. If you really believe Mike is the one, find a way around your obstacles. Fight for him.’

Mum wrapped her arm around me and I rested my head on her shoulder again. I knew that it had been challenging for them, but hearing her talk about it now made me see things in a whole new light.

My parents really did love each other, deeply. They’d both sacrificed a lot to be together. Made compromises, and despite their ups and downs and the forces that were against them, they’d found a way to make it work. Thirty-three years later, they were still married and happy. She’d given me a lot to think about.

My phone chimed, jolting me from my thoughts. I lifted my head and reached for it on the coffee table.

It was Melody asking how it had gone with Mike and letting me know she was on her way to the doctor’s.

‘Oh, no!’ I gasped. Andrea had developed a cough and she was worried it had something to do with the mould in the bedroom. ‘Poor thing!’

‘What’s happened?’ Mum asked. I filled her in on Melody’s situation.

‘That’s awful. Such a shame that she doesn’t live closer. I’d gladly help her out. I miss having children around the house. Hopefully if you patch things up with Mike, that could change soon…’ Mum smirked.

‘Mum!’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Stop!’

I’d love nothing more than to give her a grandchild in the near future.

Having a child with Mike would be a dream. But we’d have to find a way to at least be in the same country first…

Even after talking it through with Mum and thinking about all of the valuable insights she’d given me, the reality was that sadly, I was no closer to working out how to make that possible.