Hold Onto the Stars by Tracy Broemmer
Chapter 13
Twelve hours had passed,and CJ still wasn’t sure if she regretted that last kiss or not. Well, not the kiss itself, but where and how she had done it. Because no, it didn’t really matter that people were going to talk, but—yeah, people were going to talk, and she didn’t love that aspect of small-town living. She thought that over on her morning run. Did she dislike living in Oak Bend? Not really. Just because she was feeling twitchy about her life didn’t mean she disliked everything about it.
Mainly, it bothered her that everyone in her life was so concerned about when she was going to settle down. And have kids. CJ would be thrilled to fall in love and get married. But she had no desire to have kids. And in a small town like Oak Bend, you simply didn’t do that. You went to school, you met someone, you married, then you had babies. Part of it was carrying on the family name, sure, but CJ would take her husband’s name if she ever married, so that didn’t apply to her. But carrying on the bloodline was a big deal. Maybe having a child to pass the family business down to.
Then again, if CJ had children, she wouldn’t automatically assume one of them would want to be an electrician or want to run the business when CJ was ready to retire. Maybe if she had children, they would be doctors or botanists or astronauts.
She had fibbed to Peyton last night. When she was very young, not long after her mother had died, CJ wanted to be a nurse. Watching her mother suffer with cancer had been frightening for her, and even as a little girl, CJ had noticed the way her mother’s nurses cared for her. For a time, she longed to be that sort of caregiver for others in need. But then there was her dad. Alone. Lonely. Sad. He hadn’t shirked his parenting responsibilities when her mother died. He hadn’t turned cold and hard with CJ. He’d always been perfect, but as she got older, CJ had recognized the slump in his shoulders and the sadness that lined his face like crow’s feet.
Like other kids her age, she’d played outside. She rode her bike everywhere with Violet when they were younger. She played afterschool sports. And she picked up babysitting jobs through high school. But she spent a lot of time with her dad, too. Because he needed her. So, when she was old enough, she plunged headfirst into the job with him. Not because she was crazy about wiring and electrical currents, but because it kept her close to her dad when he wasn’t close to anyone else.
She’d never given herself time to question her decision. No time for what ifs. She didn’t exactly regret not going to college, though she knew she was smart enough that she could have, and she would have done well. But her thirtieth birthday had been a big wake-up call for her. It wasn’t that she was unhappy, but since March, she’d found herself wondering now and then if this was it. Sharing a duplex with her dad, slogging away eight-hour days—sometimes more—and going out on an occasional date.
She wanted more.
“Hey.”
She looked up from the cookie dough she was mixing when Violet sailed through her front door unannounced.
“Hey, yourself.” She stopped stirring for a moment and watched Violet flutter through her small living room.
“What’re you making?”
“Chocolate chip cookies.”
“Can I have one?”
“Yep.”
“Got any wine?”
“It’s four in the afternoon.”
“Which is almost five, so it’s cool.”
CJ laughed softly as her friend helped herself to a glass of wine.
“So. Guess who called me this morning?”
CJ hoped Violet didn’t see her flinch. She turned her attention back to the cookie dough and started scooping it out to place on the cookie sheets.
“Who?”
“Peyton Quinn.”
“Yeah? What did he say?”
“Well.” Violet sipped from her wine as she climbed up to sit on the counter and watch CJ with the cookies.
“Don’t kick my cabinets,” CJ told her.
“I took my shoes off,” Violet promised. She snitched a bite of cookie dough and then caught CJ’s gaze. “Peyton asked if I wanted to go out with him again.”
CJ wasn’t sure what she had expected Violet to say. She didn’t know how she wanted Peyton to handle the conversation with Violet, but this felt weird. Because what if Violet would have said yes? What would he do then? What would she do? No, things hadn’t progressed beyond kissing, but those were some very intimate kisses they had exchanged.
“And?”
“Well, I don’t.” Violet shrugged. “I told you, I like him. As a friend. I don’t like his eyebrows. Or that scar on his nose.”
“It’s sexy as hell. Hello?”
“Mmm.” Violet drank more wine. “Well, here’s the thing. I was trying to figure out how to say no. How to treat him with kid gloves and not tick him off, because I would like to be friends with him.”
“Of course.” CJ nodded. Because Violet was friendly with everyone. It was her nature.
“Okay, so I’m stumbling around with the truth, botching it up and feeling horrible, when he says that it’s okay. He had a great time on the date, but he wasn’t feeling it either.”
“He said that?” CJ lifted only her eyes to look at Violet.
Violet snitched more cookie dough and nodded. “He said he would like to be friends.”
“Great.”
“And then he said he would like to ask you out, but he didn’t want it to be weird. For you and me.”
CJ pressed her lips together and nodded silently.
“So?”
“So what?” She stilled her hands and looked up at Violet expectantly.
“Are you going out with him?”
“I am.”
Violet considered CJ’s answer over another swallow of wine.
“Are you pissed?”
“Only that you’re not talking to me about what you’re feeling for him.”
“Isn’t it a little early to feel anything for him, Vi?”
“You tell me.”
“What did he tell you?”
Violet shook her head. “I want to hear it from you.”
CJ felt the color drain from her face. “He told you?”
“Did you sleep with him already?” Violet jumped down and hurried around to stand beside CJ. “Seriously? Spill! I wanna know!”
“I thought you weren’t into him.”
“Not for me, no.” Violet shook her head and lunged for CJ’s hand. “But for you? Yes. You guys will be perfect together.”
“I didn’t sleep with him,” CJ told her.
“No?” Violet visibly deflated. “Why not? He’s into you.”
“Because you went out with him, and I’m not gonna blow our friendship no matter how hot he is or how into me he might be.”
“So, you’re waiting to sleep with him until you get my blessing?”
“Kinda.” CJ nodded.
“Eeny meeny miney mo.” Violet made the sign of the cross in CJ’s direction. “Just give me details when you do.”
“We’re not kids anymore. You know that, right?”
“Does that mean when we’re married, we’re not gonna share this stuff anymore?”
CJ laughed and rolled her eyes. “Who’s getting married?”
“Well, you’re dating him.”
“We’re going out for dinner tonight,” CJ admitted. “Don’t go ringing any church bells.”
“Don’t you want to get married?”
“Of course, I do, but he’s not the one.”
“And how do you know that?”
“You know I don’t want kids, Vi. Period.” CJ shrugged. “It’s a hard no for me.”
“And he does?”
“He’s a teacher. Don’t you have to love kids to be a teacher?”
“Okay.” Violet nodded. “But loving kids doesn’t necessarily mean he wants kids of his own.”
“What man doesn’t want children? Sons? To carry on his name?” CJ picked up a full cookie sheet and spun around to put it in the oven. “And besides, it’s what people do here. Grow up. Get married. Have babies.”
“He’s not from around here.”
“Violet.” CJ groaned. “We’re just going out. It’s just a date. It’s not serious.”
“But it could be,” Violet sang the words softly.
“He is a good kisser.”
“So you said.”
CJ peeked at Violet with wide eyes.
“Oh. More kissing?” Violet leaned over the counter with a sly smile. “Do tell.”
“I’m surprised you haven’t heard that I laid one on him last night in the street when I left his house.”
“Okay, one? You apparently got lucky, and no one happened to be looking out the windows at that time. And two? Why were you at his house last night?”
“Um. He asked me to stay for dinner. When I called it quits for the night.”
“So, tonight is a second date.”
“Last night wasn’t a date,” CJ argued.
“There was kissing, so it was a date.”
“I was dressed in cargo pants and steel-toed boots. It wasn’t a date.”
Violet took a drink and studied CJ over her glass. “What’re you wearing tonight?”
“No idea.”
“Oh, goody!” Violet rubbed her hands together around the stem of her glass. “Let’s go. I get to dress you, Crosby.”
“Cookies in the oven.”
“The oven has a timer. March.” Violet nodded her head toward CJ’s bedroom.
CJ wiped her hands on a dishtowel, tossed it on the counter, and followed her friend to her room.
“Ideas?” Violet asked her.
“Jeans. Cute top.”
“Nope.” Violet stepped into CJ’s closet and pushed her hangers around. “Ah. This is perfect.”
“No way.” CJ eyed the wrap-around dress when Violet flashed it at her. “Too fancy for a casual date.”
“I’m not letting you walk out of here in jeans.”
“Okay, but not that dress.”
“Fine.” Violet dove back into the closet and crashed more hangers around. “This one?”
CJ considered the simple, sleeveless green dress. Casual but cute. And comfortable, but she wasn’t about to say that out loud. Violet would veto it for sure.
“Maybe.” She shrugged and slipped past her friend to get a better look at the interior of the closet.
“Heels?”
“Please, no.” CJ found a purple dress and pulled it out to show Violet.
“Nope. The green one makes your eyes pop.”
CJ looked the purple dress over, wondering what was wrong with it. But she shrugged and hung it in the closet again. Violet hung the dress of choice on the doorknob and squatted down to pick through CJ’s shoes.
“What kind of underwear are you wearing?”
“Plain white cotton,” CJ answered with an eye roll.
“No wonder you haven’t had sex lately, girlfriend.” Violet snatched a pair of brown mules from the shoe rack and held them up over her shoulder.
“Okay.” CJ took them and tossed them over by her bed. “I’m not gonna sleep with him tonight, so it doesn’t matter what—”
“It always matters, because you never know, Crosby.” Violet stood and gave CJ a look that seemed to say are you kidding me? “You’ve already done some hot and heavy kissing—”
“How do you know it was hot and heavy?”
“I’m guessing. The guy’s got a mouth made for dirty things.”
CJ nodded hesitantly and tipped her head. “And why aren’t you going out with him?”
“I don’t know. Yes, I have eyes. I get it. He’s hot. Sexy as hell. And he’s nice.” Violet threw her hands up and shrugged dramatically. “I just didn’t feel it.”
CJ blew out a quick breath and shook her head. “Okay.”
“Maybe it’s fate, CJ,” Violet said simply. “Maybe some outside force brought him here to be with you.”
“Vi, if fate brought that guy here for a purpose, it’s to be with you. You’re made for each other.”
“Why would you say that?”
CJ was saved from further argument when the oven timer beeped.
“You go get the cookies.” Violet waved her out of the room. “I’ll pick out your underwear.”