Blinded By Love by Reana Malori

Chapter 11

Cade

Less than thirty minutes after Norah went upstairs, I followed. The house was silent, and I was tired. It had been a long day and an even longer night. I’d spent the last fifteen minutes questioning if giving her the letter tonight was the right thing to do.

Norah thought I didn’t know she was running from us, from me.

I knew what was going on, even if I didn’t say anything. I was giving her time to come to grips with our new life. She had to realize that her place was here with us now. Me and Lilly.

But she was a stubborn woman and I know she would think she was betraying Rebecca’s memory to build a life here. I wasn’t asking her to marry me, but I could admit that I wanted to explore the possibilities. Every day she was here with me, my desire for her increased. I tried to hide it from her. Heck, I tried to hide it from myself, but I couldn’t any longer. I realized that now, but Norah wasn’t. She was still fighting her place in our lives, and in our home.

As for me, I was a lost cause. I looked forward to seeing her face every morning. Her laughter made me smile. For a while, I’d forgotten what it felt like to just enjoy the sounds of life around me. But with Norah in the house, it had gotten easier again.

If I was being honest with myself, the few times she left out of town for work had been difficult. I’d called her each night on the pretense that Lilly wanted to talk to her, which wasn’t a complete lie, but I wanted to hear her voice also. I wanted to know that she was safe in her hotel room every night with the door double locked. Until I had that last phone call with her at night, I couldn’t rest. I worried about her so much I couldn’t focus when she was away from home. When she returned, once I knew she was back at the house, that’s when I could breathe again.

“You’re a damn fool,” I mumbled, taking the steps. “You lost your chance to have something with Norah all those years ago when you chose Rebecca. Stop wanting things to be different now.”

But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Life was different now. I would always love Rebecca, but I also knew that I’d never stopped thinking about what could have been with Norah. The question is, am I strong enough to go after her?

Stopping in the hallway outside Norah’s door, I raised my hand to knock. Then dropped it before turning away. What was I going to say? Were there any words that could make this better for her? Easier for her to accept? Just before I made it into my bedroom, I hesitated. Rubbing a hand along my chest, I reversed my steps and came back to Norah’s door. I didn’t know what to say, but that had never stopped me before. I’d think of something. Without giving myself a chance to backout, I knocked.

“Norah. We need to talk.”

A few seconds passed before she opened the door. Her face was dry, but her eyes were red. At least she wasn’t actively crying. I didn’t think I could deal with that right now.

“Hey Cade,” she said in a small voice. My heart clenched at the sound.

“Can I come in?”

She looked over her shoulder before opening the door wide for me to step through. “It’s your house.”

Defensive. Okay, at least I knew how she wanted to play this.

“No, it’s our home. Yours. Mine. Lilly’s.”

“Rebecca’s,” she murmured.

I knew I needed to handle this the right way, or this would never go any further than where we are tonight. “Yes, this was Rebecca’s home but she’s no longer here. We both know this.” Sitting on a chair across from the bed, I leaned over, my elbows on my thighs as I stared at her. Those long brown legs of hers and the painted red toes were in my line of sight. My eyes traveled from the bottom of her feet to the top of her head.

She was so fucking beautiful and there was no use denying how I felt any longer.

Opening my mouth, I began to speak. “When my letter arrived, I had no idea what to think. It was like she was speaking to me from the grave.”

Norah’s hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “You said before that my letter was included with yours. I’m still confused about that and why you didn’t give it to me right away?”

I shifted my gaze to her face. “Well, let’s just say that Rebecca knew more than she let on. In her letter to me, she asked me to wait to give it to you. That I’d know the right moment.”

“I still can’t believe… I mean, the things she said.” Norah looked into my eyes for a moment, then turned her head away. I knew that look.

Shame.

“Rebecca was never one to pull punches. She seemed like one of the quietest people you could know, but she never hesitated to speak her mind. She was tiny but she was like a firecracker when she felt passionate about something.”

Norah laughed. “Without her, I probably wouldn’t have done half the things I’ve experienced in my life. She would challenge me to do these crazy things. For our twenty-first birthday, we took a trip to Vegas. Did you know that?”

I nodded. “I did. She told me it was three of the best days of her life.”

A smile came over Norah’s face and I couldn’t help but grin in return. “It was for me, too. I don’t think we got more than four hours of sleep that entire weekend. She’d always tell me that sleep was for the weak and since we were strong, badass women, we didn’t need no stinkin’ sleep.”

I stayed quiet. Norah was working through some things, and my role right now was to sit and listen.

“We went bungee jumping, did a pole dancing class. Ziplining on Fremont Street. Strip clubs… men and women. Nothing was off-limits that weekend. We were determined to create memories that would last a lifetime.” She looked up at me with those brown eyes and I got lost. “And we did, Cade. I mean, I thought I was going to die a few times, but it was so much damn fun. She had so much life in her and by virtue of being my best friend, she gave me a chance to live.”

She paused, breathing deep, the letter still trembling in her hands. I remembered the words from my own letter and tried to think of something to say to take away the sadness.

“She wants you to still live. She’s not here but you are. There’s a whole life ahead of you, ahead of Lilly. You were her chosen one. And no matter how much we’ve had to adjust to a new way of living, we’re still here. Alive.”

“What are you saying?” She frowned over at me.

“I’m saying it’s time for us, both you and me, to stop focusing on our pain. That’s not what she would have wanted. She wants us to live. Whatever that means to you, it’s time.”

“Are you ready to start living again, Cade?”

I leaned back, not sure how to take that question. “I don’t know what you mean?”

Her head tilted and she looked at me with a smile. “You’re so busy working your business and taking care of Lilly, that you’ve become like a robot. You lost a part of yourself when she died.”

Everything she was saying was true. For months, I walked around in a fog, angry at the world. Only when Norah came to live with us did I begin to come out of it. “Work is what kept me moving forward. Focusing on my business and creating the partnership with Overwatch Security was how I got out of bed every morning. That won’t stop. Living comes in many different forms. My focus is on keeping my little girl happy.”

Norah took a deep breath. “But what does that mean to you?”

This was something I was comfortable answering. “It means showing Lilly that she’s loved. Giving her space to grow. Creating an environment where she can thrive. Stepping back when she needs you more than me. Giving you space to love her as a mother should.”

Norah would be the only living Mother Lilly would know from this point on. Being with someone other than her was not an option for me. Even if Rebecca hadn’t given her blessing, I had a strong feeling that I would have made my way to Norah on my own. Other than Rebecca, no other woman had called to me the way Norah did. When she was angry with me, I wanted to make her smile. Every time she was here at the house for those weekends, I’d wanted to ask her to stay. I just didn’t think I had the right to take that step.

“I’m supposed to leave in three months.” Looking around the room, she gave a low laugh. “I was scheduled to go back to Baltimore. How can I be there for Lilly and live so far away again?”

Glancing down at my hands, I took a deep breath. “There’s no reason for you to leave. The two of us, we’re co-parenting at this point. It’s not good to have you so far away from Lilly. She needs you here. I… need you here.”

“Um… you want me to stay here with you?” She stood from the bed and began pacing.

I stood in return, because I wanted her to look me in the eyes as we continued talking. This was a moment of no return for us. “Norah, I want to ask you something.”

She paused, looking up at me. I almost smiled but managed to hold it in. She was still so tiny compared to me. Standing six feet three inches and well over two-hundred-fifty pounds, I was a big man. Norah had to be no more than five feet six. I liked that she wasn’t slim. No, she was curvy in all the right places. Hips. Ass. Breasts. Those plump juicy lips that I dreamed of at night.

“Cade? What did you need to ask me?”

Stepping closer, I looked down at her. “What would have happened if you’d been the one I talked to that night instead of Rebecca? Did you feel it as strongly as I did?” She went to step back, and I reached out to grab her arms. “No. Don’t pull away. I just… I need to know.” Talking to her now; being in front of her, I realized that I needed her answer.

Norah shook her head at me. “Cade. No. It’s not fair of you to ask me that.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” she paused, biting her plump bottom lip. “Because you already know the answer.”

Closing my eyes for a moment, when I looked at her again, I could see her pupils dilated. Her breathing was heavier, her chest heaving with exertion. My gaze traveled down to her lips when her tongue peeked out to lick the dry flesh.

“I didn’t know.” Not sure if she understood what I was saying, I started over. “That night, when I lost sight of you, I thought it simply wasn’t meant to be. Then I saw Rebecca.”

Norah nodded her head as I spoke. “You made her happy.”

“She made me happy, too. I don’t regret marrying her.” I wasn’t going to disrespect my late wife by denying what I felt for her. That didn’t mean I wasn’t conflicted.

“The two of you made sense. That moment… it was just that. A moment. You and Rebecca had something real and I’m happy you were able to give her the life she wanted.”

Shaking my head, I wanted her to stop talking. I didn’t want to talk about Rebecca right now. This was about us, me and Norah. No one else. “I was faithful to my wife.”

She nodded. “I know that Cade.”

“Once I married Rebecca, I put aside thoughts of any other woman. I focused on my marriage. No matter how much I felt torn before I spoke my vows.”

Norah’s eyes widened but she kept on looking up at me. My hands were still wrapped around her upper arms. I could feel my dick hardening in my sweats. Her scent was tantalizing—a hint of her perfume from earlier today combined with her unique musk. No matter how much I fought it, I couldn’t help leaning my head down towards her neck. Inhaling deeply, I groaned. “Fuck. You smell so good, Norah. I’m trying to resist it. I need to give you time.” I knew she wasn’t ready for everything I wanted.

It felt like I was pleading with her to pull me closer or even to push me away. I wanted her to do something that would give me a sign of how she was feeling.

“Forgive me.” Exactly who I was apologizing to, I didn’t know. Leaning down, I captured her lips with mine. The moment we kissed, I knew this was what I wanted, who I wanted. No matter how long it took, Norah would be mine.