Blinded By Love by Reana Malori
Chapter 9
Cade
Walking away from Norah was difficult. My control was slipping, and my arms ached to wrap around her, protecting her from the hurt she was about to experience. I know what it feels like to get a letter from the grave. When my letter arrived a few days ago, I stared at it for hours before opening it up. The scent of her perfume was on the pages, and I became angry at fate for taking her away from me. From us.
I rubbed a hand down my face before glancing towards the back of the house. I could see Norah reading the letter. A part of me wished I had opened it to see what she’d said to her friend, but I knew that would have been crossing a line. Norah needed this, just as I did.
I’ve read Rebecca’s letter to me so many times, I could recite it from memory.
My dear Cade,
How long did it take you to open this letter? How long did you stare at it before opening the envelope? I bet you’re wondering how I know. Well, it’s because I know you. You’ve been my life partner for eight years. You made my life so magical. From the moment I saw you, you took my breath away.
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for my daughter. Thank you for being such an amazing husband. The man I needed. You made me feel whole.
I know you’re holding on to me when you should be letting me go. We knew the day would come when I wouldn’t be with you and Lilly. We talked about it. Planned for it. You’re a very stubborn man, but even you can’t beat death. All those times you held me in your arms, we had our moments to say goodbye.
I know you love me. I’ve never doubted that.
But I also know that your life could have been different. I didn’t realize until later that you’d been walking towards Norah that night. She was the one who caught your eye. Not me. I was ignorant that night but even after I realized the truth, I couldn’t give you up.
Did that make me selfish? Probably.
Do I regret it? Not one bit.
I have no doubt that had I lived, we would continue to live our lives loving each other until the very end. But I’m not with you anymore. I can’t be, no matter how much I want to be. Sweetheart, it’s okay to let me go. It’s okay to move on. I want you to focus on the life you can have now that I’m no longer around. No longer in the way.
Norah will be there for you and Lilly, but it’s going to take her some time. She would kill me for telling you this, but I see the way she looks at you. And yes, I’ve even seen the way you look at her. I know there was nothing there between you two, but I also have to be realistic about what the future holds.
Don’t hold on to a dead woman. There’s a living woman right in front of your eyes that if you let yourself live again, you’ll find that she’s the one for you. Norah is the one you need to make you happy. And, Cade, I want you to be happy. I want you to smile again. I want you to know that you are so deeply loved. That’s my wish for you.
Please make sure to tell my little Ladybug that I love her so much. When she wants to play dress-up or have a tea party, let down your guard and play with your daughter. Take her on trips so she can see the world. But most of all, be the dad she needs and help make all her dreams come true.
I love you, Cade. I have always loved you and I know that you love me in return. I want you to live, and I want you to be happy. Just open your eyes to what’s right in front of you.
Your 1st wife, Rebecca.
If I had this letter earlier, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so guilty about how much I want to be with Norah. A smile lifted my lips as I thought about everything that happened over the past fifteen months. Even in death, Rebecca knew what I needed.
I still couldn’t believe what she’d written in that letter. In disbelief, I read it every day, multiple times a day. The words made no sense. Well, some of them did. I was glad to read that she’d been happy. Not that I’d questioned if we had a good life, but my heart clenched when I read it in her own words.
I hadn’t always thought that the life I had with Rebecca was within my grasp. In my teenage years, I’d given my parents hell. There was something inside me that rebelled at the good. When I joined the US Marines right out of high school, I viewed it as a way to get my head on straight. I spent eight years being a killing machine and I loved every minute of it. Until I got shot while on a mission, that was when I knew it was time for me to change.
After that, I couldn’t see myself living a normal life. Being a husband, father, with 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence. People like me didn’t get to have a good life. I was meant to suffer because my sins were too many to count.
Then I went out for a drink one night.
I saw a woman across the room and my entire world changed. Her smile beckoned me closer. Her eyes captured mine and I wanted to know how she looked in the morning when she first woke up. My fingers itched to touch her skin to see if it was as soft as it looked. Everything inside me responded to her. Then she looked away for a moment. The next second, another woman approached.
I thought I’d lost my moment. She walked away and when I tried to follow her, the blonde grabbed my hand.
Even as I sat and talked with the other woman, who was beautiful in her own right, I wondered where the other woman had gone. That answer came fifteen minutes later when she approached us. Looking down at the blonde’s hand on my leg and my arm resting on the back of her chair, she plastered a smile on her face.
Then Rebecca introduced us. “Hey, Norah. Where were you? This is Cade,” she said, motioning to me. “Cade, this is my best friend, Norah.”
When her brown eyes met mine, I felt my heart stop beating in my chest. It was her. The woman I’d been approaching when Rebecca stopped me. Just my fucking luck. I could feel my hands become sweaty as I sat there staring at her. “Hi Norah. Nice to meet you.” Stupid words but they were expected.
When she’d turned to me, all I wanted to do was shift away from Rebecca and make my interest known. Something in Norah’s eyes stopped me, holding me in place. “Cade, is it?” At my nod, she continued. “Nice to meet you as well.” She looked at Rebecca and smiled. “Well, it’s a good thing I left. Seems like you’ve been busy.” Then she ignored me for the rest of the night.
The moment had been so fleeting. It was like I’d been struck by lightning. My entire world had been focused on Norah, until it wasn’t.
Over the years, I thought I’d hidden my attraction to Norah. She wasn’t the one I fell in love with, she wasn’t the one I married, or who had my child. Rebecca had been a good wife to me, and I’d been a good husband to her. But that doesn’t mean sometimes, when I’m alone in that big bed, knowing that Norah was right down the hallway, that I didn’t think about what would have happened if I hadn’t allowed Rebecca to stop me that night. What if I kept going after Norah? What type of life would I have? Would I be happy?
Just the thought of a different life with Norah was almost too much to bear. There was no going back. The past could not be changed, but does that mean I couldn’t change my future?
Does she even think of me that way? I know Rebecca’s letter said she saw the way Norah looked at me, but that could have been imagined. We could hardly be in the same room without arguing with each other. I know my reasons, but what were hers? She’d never given any indication that she was attracted to me. Hell, she’s been living in my home for three months, and even before that, she was with us every weekend for an entire year.
If she felt something, anything, wouldn’t I have seen it already?
I know I was attractive, so that wasn’t the issue. Before Rebecca, my entire focus had been on having as many women as I could. Commitment was a bad word to me. Being connected to just one woman wasn’t something I wanted for myself. Playing the field was what I preferred, until Rebecca made an honest man out of me. Even now, once word got out that my wife had passed, women seemed to be coming out of the woodworks. I had no interest in any of them. My dick wouldn’t even get hard for them.
But it reacted to Norah. It had been doing that for months now. She’d walk into the room in leggings and a baggy shirt, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. We’d be sitting in the family room, she’d be wearing shorts and a tank top, and it would take everything in me not to grab her up and fuck her right on the couch.
Those were the feelings coursing through me every time I looked at her.
We were building a life together, even if both of us were reluctant participants. Now that we’d been forced to adapt to each other, to stop the fighting, to live with each other under the same roof, and proximity had shown me that there was more to this life than grief.
Thinking about Rebecca’s letter, I sighed in defeat. Was she really giving me permission to move on, with Norah of all people?
Did I want to see where things would go between the two of us?
There was nothing I wanted more.
Glancing up, I looked back at the door to the backyard as Norah walked inside. Her steps were tentative and slow. The envelope was pressed close to her chest and Norah’s eyes were downcast. Her look wasn’t giving me much, but I figured Rebecca dropped some bombshells in the letter to her best friend as well.
“Norah? You okay?” I couldn’t help but ask as she walked inside as if in a trance.
Lifting her head, she stared at me with glistening eyes. Nodding, she folded the letter and placed it in the pocket of her shorts. “Um, I’m fine.”
“Did you read the letter?” I wanted to know what Rebecca had said to her but knew I didn’t have that right. When she’d asked me about my letter, I told her it was private. It would be foolish of me to demand she share the contents of her letter with me. I wanted to know what it said, but I’d have to depend on her to tell me willingly.
She looked off to the side before glancing at me again. “I did.”
“Did she share the secrets of the universe with you?”
Norah was looking shell-shocked and out of pocket. This wasn’t like her at all. This shit was starting to worry me.
Pouring out her beer in the sink, she threw the bottle away, and came in my direction. Why did anticipation flare-up inside me? What was I expecting her to do?
Norah smiled. “No secrets of the universe. But she had a wicked sense of humor. Then again, she’d always been that way.” She stepped around him. “Hey, I’m gonna go up to bed. I just need to lie down.”
Now I was worried. “Are you sure you’re okay? Anything I can do to help? You know I’m here for you, right?” Her eyes got wide at my words, and I had an eerie feeling that I knew precisely what Rebecca had placed in that letter.
“Thanks, Cade, but I’m okay. Just a bit of a headache. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay. ‘Night, Norah.”
“Goodnight, Cade.”
As she walked away, why did I get the feeling I was missing something? Was this one of those moments that would define my future? My mouth moved but no words came out. Even if Norah’s letter did say what I think it did, she was just now processing it. Now wasn’t the time for me to say anything. Then again, when was the right time?