Blinded By Love by Reana Malori
Chapter 21
Norah
The next day, after Cade kissed me goodbye and Lilly was off to school, I quickly dressed. Dialing the number of the one person I needed to speak with today, I waited for her to pick up.
“Hello, baby.”
“Hi, Momma. You busy?” I prayed she had time for me today.
“I’m just fiddling around the house. What’s up?”
“I’m on the way to you. I need to talk. See you in about twenty minutes.”
I heard her sigh on the other line. “I figured this moment was coming soon. I’ll be here. You hungry?”
This woman was always trying to feed me. Maybe that’s why she and Cade got along so well. “For your cooking? Always.” We hung up and I drove the familiar route to my mother’s home. This situation between Cade and I needed to be resolved. It seemed that I was the only one keeping us apart. He was right, I couldn’t be half-in. If we were going to be together, then I needed to jump in with both feet.
Last night, as we made love—in my bedroom—I almost said the words that would change everything.
Did I love him? Yes.
He made me feel special, unique, loved, and cared for. We slept together every night. When we made love, I felt that not only was my life falling into place, but that he was the only one who could have put all the pieces back together. He whispered seductive words in my ear, told me how beautiful I was every day. Passing each other in the hallway as we simply lived our lives, he’d reach out and touch me, grabbing my hand in his. He’d even stop me for a quick kiss. Not enough to get something started, but just what I needed to let me know he was thinking of me, that I was on his mind.
That’s not to say the man didn’t drive me crazy, because he did. He wanted to control the world around him, which included me and Lilly. To him, our safety was the only thing that mattered. The slightest headache or sniffle had him ready to take us to every specialist in the DC metro area. Not that I didn’t understand, because I did. He wasn’t willing to risk losing anyone else. I felt the same way.
Pulling up to my mother’s house, it took less than a minute to park and walk inside the door. “Something smells good,” I called out.
“Hey honey. I’m in the kitchen.”
Breakfast was my favorite meal of the day, and my mother had never forgotten. French toast, bacon, and eggs were laid out on multiple platters. As my mother grabbed some juice from the fridge, I sat at the breakfast nook. “Mom, you didn’t have to make all this.”
She gave me an indulgent smile. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this conversation. I’m not letting you leave without talking things out. And to do that, we need food.”
Snagging a slice of bacon, I began eating. “What do you mean, you’ve been waiting for this conversation? I just realized this morning that I needed to talk to you.”
She came and sat next to me as she began making a plate of food for herself. “This is about Cade, right? Your feelings for him and his for you?” At the look I gave her, she laughed. “Honey, I’ve lived a whole life, and then some. Trust me, I knew this day was coming. So, what are you struggling with?”
Not sure where to start, I began with the end. “I’m in love with him.” Just saying the words made something squeeze inside me. Even though it was scary to finally put the words out there, it also felt good to share it with my mother. She knew what happened all those years ago, even if it took me a while to tell her. When I picked up and left for Baltimore when Rebecca became pregnant, she was the only one who had any inkling of the real reason.
I was running.
Hiding from my feeling like the worst friend ever.
“I know you do,” she smirked.
That’s it? “What do you mean, you know I do?”
Wiping her hands and mouth with a napkin, she turned to look at me. “I know you love him because I know my child. I also know that you’ve probably been fighting it this entire time, telling yourself that you didn’t deserve to find happiness after your friend died. Norah, love doesn’t care about what makes sense. Love is blind to the foibles of humans. The one person you think you don’t have the right to love, is the one person meant for you. Did I ever tell you about when I first met your father?”
I nodded. “Yeah. You told me how the two of you met in high school. You always told me he was the finest boy on campus.”
Laughing for a moment, she looked at me. “Yes, he sure was. But did I tell you that when we met, he had a girlfriend, and I was talking to a boy everyone thought was perfect for me?” When I shook my head, she continued. “Your father and I never ran in the same circles. He was a jock. I was quiet as a mouse, always with my nose in a book. He was fine alright, but I never thought he was interested in me. Plus, his girlfriend at the time, was the Queen Bee. They were a power couple.”
I’d never heard this version of the story, so now I was intrigued. When my mom paused, I pressed. “What happened.”
“I was clumsy. Wasn’t paying attention and bumped into your dad and his girlfriend in the hallway when we were changing classes. I made her drop her books and I dropped mine also, but that didn’t matter to her. She went all the way off. It was so embarrassing. But in the mess, your father kneeled to help me grab my stuff from the ground. Not hers. Mine. It was something about that moment, our eyes catching as we both tried to ignore the ravings of his girlfriend, that I knew.”
I listened with bated breath; my eyes were wide with curiosity. “Knew what?”
She gave me a side-eye and a tiny smile. “That I would have him. I wanted him to be mine and his girlfriend wasn’t going to stand in my way. To this day, I don’t think he understands just how much I wanted him. And that’s what you have to do.”
I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my juice. “Mom, this isn’t high school.”
My mom shook her head then grabbed my hand. “Listen to me. I know it’s not high school, but it’s time for you to stop hiding behind what others expect of you. I hid my face in books because I didn’t see my value. Being invisible was best for me because if people saw me, they might judge me. We weren’t rich. My clothes weren’t the best. I wasn’t light skinned with long, permed hair. I was dark-skinned, with natural hair, and wore clothes that were purchased at the discount store. But here’s the part you’re not connecting… that boy, your father, he saw me. He didn’t care that other people never thought we should be together. When we walked together, he grabbed my hand and kissed me right in front of everyone else. His focus was on me and making me happy. Letting me know that I was his focus, and he didn’t care what others thought. Even though I’d made a vow that I would have him, I still had to accept that his feelings for me were just as real, that he wanted me just as much. Thirty-five years later, we’ve built a life, a home, a family, that has been a blessing to me every single day.”
I’d never heard any of this and it threw me for a loop. “Mom, I never knew you felt that way when you met Dad.”
“No, you didn’t. It seems like someone else’s story. I don’t even recognize the young girl I was back then. Hiding from the world, not allowing myself to go after what I wanted, letting others dictate if I was worthy of love from the one person who made me feel complete.” She stood up from the chair and took her empty plate to the sink. “Does that remind you of anyone?”
I looked away, smirking. Smart lady. “I see what you did there.” Sighing, I dropped my gaze for a moment. “I love him. I love his daughter. We’ve started to build something together, but I keep pulling away.”
“What does he say when you do that?”
I thought of his words and winced. “That I need to be all in, that he doesn’t care about what others think, we know what feels right.” As I looked across the kitchen at my beautiful, confident mother, I still couldn’t believe people thought she didn’t deserve to be with my father. “There was never anything between Cade and I when Rebecca was alive.”
She nodded at me. “I know that, too.”
“How?” I was truly curious, because with how hot and heavy we’d been going, it was like we’d been in a relationship for years, not just six weeks.
“Because you had too much respect for Rebecca. And you have too much respect for yourself.” Grabbing my hand, she smiled at me. “Norah, it’s okay to find your happiness. This world will judge you no matter what. You can do the right thing every single time and someone will find fault. What you feel for Cade isn’t wrong and you have to come to grips with that. If you don’t figure this out for yourself, you’re going to lose that man. Is that what you want? For someone else to be standing by his side, raising his child, while you stand back and wish it were you? Again?”
I pulled back at the picture she painted in her head. “Mom, Rebecca left me a letter. Apparently, she had it delivered to Cade for him to give it to me. It was so crazy to read her words to me. She told me she wanted me to open myself to love. I think she’s been pulling the strings this entire time.”
My mom laughed. “You might be right. You know I talk to Elizabeth every couple of weeks or so. Told me Rebecca was trying to fix things for everyone even while she was sick. Is that true?”
“It’s true.”
“Did she fix things for you?”
Thinking of the past year, I couldn’t help but smile. “She tried.”
“What didn’t work?”
Closing my eyes, I realized exactly what… or who… the problem was. “She didn’t count on me being just as stubborn as she was.” Gathering my phone and keys, I hopped out of the chair and went to kiss my mom on the cheek. “I have to go. Something important I need to do.”
Laughter followed me. “It’s about time. Oh, Elizabeth and I want a June wedding and another grandchild to spoil.”
If everything went the way I wanted, they’d get their wish. Thinking of all the pieces that I had to put in place, I called Cade’s office. When Mildred picked up, the first part of the plan came together.
This was it. I was going after what I wanted. I’d done all the right things, but I was still holding back, wasting my life trying to be someone else. A person that no one else expected of me, but myself. What I felt for Cade was real. When he held me in his arms at night and I inhaled his scent, I felt safe. I felt loved, even if he hadn’t said the words.
Then again, why would he? Every time he opened himself to me, my mind started thinking of all the reasons we shouldn’t be together. It had been a constant push-pull. If this was unfair to anyone, it was Cade.
Pulling up to the house… our house, I glanced at the time displayed on my phone. I had one hour to get to Cade’s office. He would never expect what was about to happen, but I knew it was time for me to finally claim the man I wanted.
We didn’t need anyone else’s blessing, but he needed to hear me say the words. Cade wanted me, all of me, without hesitation or reservation. It was time to let him know exactly how I felt in return. Just thinking about Cade made me think of my favorite bible quote.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
That was me and Cade, or at least how I pictured us. We’d both gone through hell and back during these past few years, but we persevered. We loved strongly and it burns brighter every single day. I would no longer deny what I felt.
Now it was time to show him.