Perceive by K E Osborn

 

 

AXEL

 

I’m a biker.

It’s who I was born to be.

But for the last six years my life has taken a different path. I’ve made another family and become part of another brotherhood. The SO7 aren’t just my team, they will always be a part of me, even though I’ve chosen to leave them. Just because circumstances change, it doesn’t mean I care for them any less. I love each and every one of them, but the end result was always Kenzi, and I have to stay true to that.

But sticking true to my end game doesn’t mean I abandon my team when they need me the most, which is right now.

My chest aches so fucking hard as I stand with Kenzi by my side. Kace is to the left of me with Lily. Luca with Everly. Noah with Annamae, and Blair and Tanner are standing together. Jack is at the front in military uniform as the minister speaks words, singing Eli’s praises.

His huge Italian family of women sit in the front row, wailing uncontrollably. All his sisters and nieces. His mother inconsolable.

The sight tears my soul to shreds—we weren’t able to protect him.

He was the guardian of his family. Now those women have no one to look up to, and that’s on us.

We failed him as a team.

We have to live with the guilt of losing one of our own.

I grip hold of Kenzi a little tighter, knowing she must be feeling rough right now too. She was there. She lived through Eli’s death. I can’t even imagine what she’s feeling right now. All I know is it’s not her fault. And I hope she knows that.

A lone trumpet plays as Eli’s mother stands and Jack walks over, handing her a folded-up American flag—a tribute to a fallen soldier. Even though Eli’s mother doesn’t know just how important to the government Eli’s contribution was, we all know just how much he sacrificed. The trumpet continues its somber tune as Eli’s casket is slowly lowered into the ground. My stomach rolls so dramatically, I want to hurl. The soldiers lining his grave salute him as seven gunshots round off in the distance.

My right hand twitches as do the rest of the SO7’s.

Wanting more than anything to give Eli a farewell salute, to thank him for his hard work and always having our backs.

To thank him for being the best fucking friend we could have asked for…

… but we can’t.

We’re not supposed to be military, and we’re not supposed to have any ties to each other. Standing in the rows near the back and all of us simultaneously saluting would be a dead giveaway.

So instead, we stay as we are, trying to keep our shit together and not let everyone know we’re dying inside too.

Eli was quiet, reserved, but always there when you needed him. He was the Hulk of the team, the bulk and the brawn, but he was the kindest soul you’ve ever met, and he’ll be deeply missed.

The coffin lowers completely, and his mother and sisters all walk to the edge, throwing dirt into the grave, followed by a red rose. Kenzi tightens her grip on me as they start their slow walk down the aisle to head off to the wake.

I lean down, placing a gentle kiss on Kenzi’s head as she cuddles into my side, then I turn to face Kace. His eyes are deep red like he’s been straining them. Losing a member of the team is difficult. Losing a member of your team is harder. I feel for him, as team leader, he’s got to be really feeling this. I reach out gripping his shoulder, his eyes meet mine, and he blinks rapidly. “You hear about leaders losing their men all the time… I just…”

“Wasn’t ready,” I answer for him.

He nods, and Lily wraps herself around him for comfort. “Losing you, Axel, it’s not the same. But at the same time, it kind of is. You’re not dead obviously, but…”

I turn to face him, looking him dead in the eyes. “I’m still here. I might not be on the team, but any time you need me, you call. You hear me?”

Kace bobs his head but sighs. “It’s not the same…” It’s all he replies before turning and walking off toward his father.

My chest squeezes as Lily slumps her shoulders and reaches out grabbing my arm. “Don’t take it personally, Axel. All this change… Kace is just, well, he’s just trying to figure out how to run a team that’s different now, you know? The dynamics have shifted. The thing with his mom, Eli being gone, you leaving, it’s just…”

“A lot.”

Lily nods. “Yeah… he’ll be okay once he’s back in a routine. You know how he is. He likes structure and organization. All this chaos is doing his head in.”

I exhale. “Lil?”

She glances over her shoulder to look at Kace, then back to me. “Yeah?”

“Look after him, won’t you?”

“Always…” She smiles wide. “And you make sure you come back and see us at the house. It’s not many people outside of the Seven who know where we live.” She winks, and I chuckle.

Lily walks off to find Kace, and Kenzi turns to me, her face long and sad.

I frown. “You okay?” I ask.

“This is all my fault. Eli, Kace feeling like this, you leaving the Seven, this is all because of me.”

I grip her shoulders forcing her to look at me. “Mackenzi, listen to me. What happened to Eli was not your fault. It was Brandon’s. Eli’s job was to protect, and he sure as shit would be happy knowing he died doing the one thing he was meant to be doing. Don’t for one second carry that guilt with you, you hear me?”

“Eli always was very protective,” his sister, Marissa, steps up to us with a small smile, but tears stain her face.

I widen my eyes.

Kenzi pales in shock. “You’re one of his sisters?” Kenzi mutters.

Marissa nods. “The youngest… the smartest… I always knew Eli wasn’t in the Army, or if he was, it was some special unit. I knew he would go out doing something amazing. If Eli died to protect you, then he would have done it for a reason. Eli never did anything without a purpose…” She pauses, letting out a sigh. “Look, I don’t know you, but you must be important, and if you were important to Eli, then you’re important to me.”

Kenzi’s bottom lip trembles, a fat tear rolling down her face. “I… I don’t deserve that.”

Marissa reaches out, grabbing Kenzi’s hand in hers. “He believed in you enough to die for you. So, do him the honor of believing in yourself. He deserves that much.”

A slow smile creeps over my face. I don’t know how Marissa hasn’t come up on our radar before now, but she is smart.

We should look into her.

But there is no we anymore.

I’m a biker now.

A momentary sense of loss washes over me for the family and life I’m leaving behind. But then I look up and see Kenzi smiling, and I realize it’s all worth it.

She’s worth it.

“Thanks, Marissa, I needed to hear that,” Kenzi replies.

“It was nice to meet you. The family is having a wake, Mom’s making Eli’s favorite meatballs if you guys want to come back to the house?”

We both weakly grin.

We have somewhere else to be.

“Thanks so much, Marissa. Thanks for cheering Kenzi up, but we have another wake to get to, more of an Army pals one,” I tell her.

“Ah-huh… Army pals… gotchya!” Marissa winks at me overzealously. “Kenzi, if you ever need to talk, look me up. I’m sure your Army pals will be able to find me.”

I smirk as Marissa turns and walks away.

Kenzi spins to face me raising her brow. “Eli totally spilled the beans to her.”

I tilt my head wondering if maybe Kenzi might be right. “C’mon, we gotta get back to the house.”

Grabbing Kenzi’s hand, we walk over to Luca and Everly. “See you back at the house?”

Luca bobs his head. “Yeah, man, we’re leaving now.”

Kenzi and I head off in the opposite direction to the rest of the team as they step off for their cars. Kenzi and I walk to where my bike is parked. I have to admit I’ve missed riding her as often as I can. Stepping up to the chrome, I grab the helmet and hand it to Kenzi, she pulls it on, and I lean in doing up the strap for her. She smiles, so I lean in quickly pecking her on the lips before sliding my leg over my ride. Grabbing the handlebars, a sense of home washes over my soul. Feeling the power beneath me always brings me back to my roots.

Kenzi moves into position behind me, her arms gripping tight around my waist, just like they should have never left, and I start the engine. “You ready, pretty girl?”

She giggles. “Oh, yeah.”

I kick back the stand and hammer down, taking off at breakneck speed. The wind of the overcast sky hits my face, and I feel like the weight of the day is finally starting to lift a little from my shoulders. Riding always clears the mind. It’s like a detox. I can’t explain it, but it’s a natural relaxant. I drop one hand back to rest on Kenzi’s leg as I ride, just needing to feel her. My fingers gliding slowly back and forth against her black pants. I might be more relaxed, but I’m still in mourning. Needing to be close to her is what’s helping right now. She tightens her arms around me, letting me know she needs me too but not so much to restrict my movements.

We’re a well-oiled machine.

We fit perfectly together and are made for riding this bike together.

The two guards stationed at the gates to our tiny community are meant to be discreet, like any normal security guard that might be hired to keep this kind of place safe. Though, I should probably mention to Jack that security guards don’t usually carry semi-automatic weapons. Kenzi leans with me as we pull into the cul-de-sac that is the SO7 commune, and ride up to my home, which will only be mine for the next week or so, then I will have to move out. Parking my ride, I pull over and take in a deep breath, taking in the street where I’ve lived for the last few years.

It’s going to be strange not being here, living with these guys in my space. Actually, it’s going to be weirder living at the clubhouse again and sharing that space with everyone. I hope Kenzi is up for it.

She slides off the bike, then I follow. She pulls off her helmet, and I smile as I take her hand and we make our way over to Kace’s house for Eli’s wake.

The other cars pull up, and everyone starts walking toward Kace’s home, though I notice Noah is sans Annamae.

I furrow my brows as we walk up to him. “Where’s Anna, Noah?”

He exhales, slumping his shoulders. “Thought if we’re gonna celebrate Eli, it should be with those who know him best, and I want to be able to talk about him properly, not have to restrict what we say, so I took her home. Told her I needed to be alone tonight.”

I grip his shoulder. I get it. It’s hard having a relationship with a person who’s not on the inside. You have to keep them out of everything. I just don’t know if Annamae is the type of woman to be okay with that. “You did the right thing, man.”

He nods. “I know, she didn’t think so, though. She’s upset with me, but what can you do?”

Kenzi grimaces. “She’ll come round. She just wants to be there for you. She probably thinks you’re shutting her out when you need her the most.”

Noah exhales. “Isn’t that exactly what I’m doing?”

He runs his hand through his hair and takes off ahead of us.

Kenzi glances at me. “Poor guy.”

“It’s hard having a partner on the outer.”

“Can they read her in?”

I snort out a laugh. “Annamae? No, there’s no way she can keep sensitive government secrets.”

Kenzi frowns. “That’s too bad for Noah then.”

I exhale. “Yeah, it really is. Anyway… let’s go celebrate Eli.”

Kenzi smiles wide, seeming brighter after talking to Marissa. “Yeah, let’s remember how amazing he was.”