Perceive by K E Osborn

 

 

KENZI

 

I can’t keep still, my body is aching, my temperature continuing to burn hot as I pace the room, just waiting for Axel to step back through the door. I know he will. He can’t leave me alone for more than a few hours at a time.

That should ease me, knowing there is someone in this whole place who has my back like he does. But after my visit from one of his men earlier, everything I thought I knew was thrown out the window.

Who is on my side?

Who isn’t?

Who can I trust?

Anyone?

My body jerks, and I spin on my heel as the door lock clunks loudly before sliding open. Every muscle in my body is tight and ready to fight back, just in case my little redneck friend from earlier comes back, even angrier than before.

I can throw a punch.

I know how to fight back.

It isn’t something I remember being taught, but when it comes down to the crunch, it turns out I’m not as helpless as I feel. Fighting back when I was in a bind, it just felt natural. Muscle memory maybe. The way my fist curled in on itself, and how my wrist twisted with the motion as I drove my fist forward.

It just happened.

It just felt right.

“You feel like grabbing some food?” I blink, shaking my head and taking in the model-like brunette beauty leaning against the door frame with her eyebrow raised. Her streaky brown hair is wispy and short, not quite brushing her shoulders. It’s a little messy around her face, but it looks almost intentional. Deceptively unkempt to throw people off and make them think she’s just another pretty, clueless woman you would see walking down the street.

Maybe it would have fooled me too.

But I know better.

She’s one of Axel’s people. I remember her from the raid on the house. She helped hold me down while another of them jabbed a needle into my arm. The uncomfortable memory sends a shudder rolling up my spine, and I narrow my eyes, pressing my lips together in a hard line.

She chuckles softly, folding her arms across her chest. “Still a little bitter, huh?” she teases, rolling her eyes. “Look, it’s nothing personal. I follow orders.”

“You follow orders,” I scoff, echoing her statement. “Well, that is comforting. You always follow orders telling you to inflict pain on others?” I don’t miss the way her jaw twitches, my words obviously cutting sharply through a nerve, though the smile on her face remains perfectly intact.

She takes a step toward me, rolling her shoulders back. “You always hang out with murdering bastards with face tattoos, whose pure intention is to take over the world like some crappy second-rate villain from a comic book?”

A sharp retort tickles the tip of my tongue. I want to tell her to go fuck herself. To jump to Rix’s defense. But if I’m being honest with myself, is she really that far from the truth? “I fucking hate those tattoos.”

“They’re hideous,” she agrees with a nod. “Was he drunk when he got them?”

I shake my head. “Nope.”

Her nose scrunches up. “Even worse.”

I like her.

I can’t help it.

“Come on, let’s eat.”

My body leans forward, but my feet, they’re still stuck to the floor because that skeptical, cautious part of my brain is screaming from its depths. I chew my lip, almost piercing through it as I try to convince myself that this woman is okay.

My gut tells me I can trust her.

But look how reliable that has been up to this point.

“I promise there has been no sedatives added to your food,” the young woman offers, this time, her smile dropping, and her features become softer, more welcoming. Her wall is coming down, she’s letting me in, and I can already tell it isn’t an easy feat for her to do.

I suck in a deep breath, pressing my shoulders back and forcing a smile to curl into the corner of my mouth. “I could eat.”

She steps out of the room, making way for me as I edge cautiously out the doorway and into the hall. There’s a single guard standing a few feet away, his eyes not focused on me but on her. He’s more relaxed than the other men who have been around, his body not so tight, his hair not so sharp cut and army like. The vibe he’s throwing out is a little less threatening.

He allows us some space, which is nice, given I’ve only ever been moved from one place to another with men holding each of my arms and a gun practically pointed at my head.

“My name’s Tanner,” the woman announces, nodding to the glass doors to the left, indicating for me to join her as she moves toward them. I skip to catch up, but her long legs make it difficult. They’re lean and tanned and topped off with a pair of daisy dukes which barely cover the essentials, letting me know Tanner is not just stronger but confident.

It’s admirable.

Movement behind me has my body jerking around. The guy who was leaning against the wall fell into step a few feet behind us. Tanner pauses and follows my concerned gaze, her eyes warming. “That’s Blair,” she explains about the dusty blond male with a flick of her wrist. “You try to run, he’ll shoot you.”

The warning is said with a smile as she reaches for the door and places her hand over the square pad, then punches in some numbers. It flashes from red to green, beeping loudly before the two glass panels slide open.

“Good to know,” I deadpan, not sure exactly what the hell is going on.

“That’s if I don’t get to you first,” she adds, her laughter light and airy. “Which I probably will.”

“Okay, I get it,” I announce, rolling my eyes as I once again lurch forward to keep up with her. “Don’t run or I’ll die. Gotcha.”

“Good,” Tanner sings happily, leading us into a lively area where people in a strange mixture of business suits and tactical gear, seeming to duck and weave around us, like we’re no one important. “Because Axel is my friend, and he’d be really upset if I had to kick your ass.” My eyes don’t know where to look, instantly distracted by the large industrial walkways that leads up to what looks like glass offices sitting high above the busy area.

One in particular catches my eye.

A man watches us from inside, his arms folded tight across his chest. And though I can’t quite make out the look on his face, it still causes a shudder to wash over me like a tidal wave. 

A loud ding drags my attention away to Tanner’s hand on my arm gently edging me toward elevator doors sliding open ahead of us. She rushes forward, holding her hand out to keep them open as I step through with Blair not far behind. Without the hustle and bustle around us, her words now have time to sink into my skin. I purse my lips to keep some smart-ass retort to Tanner calling Axel her friend.

It sparked something.

Something I don’t want to acknowledge.

Since I have been locked up here, I’ve noticed a reoccurring theme—the way they protect Axel. Always sending in someone else before him, like they’re trying to gauge my mood, trying to make sure it’s safe for him to be around me.

Like I’m the villain.

Like I’m the bad guy and he’s the vulnerable one.

It makes me question things, even if just for a second.

It makes me wonder if they are right.

Am I the villain here?

Have I been wrong this whole time?

The elevator dings again and jolts to a sudden stop, causing me to stumble just slightly.

“Come on,” Tanner urges, pressing her hand to my back and moving me forward through the open doors, a sudden blast of fresh air hitting my face. Pressing back against her, I force us both to a sudden stop. My eyes flutter closed, and for a brief second, I revel in the breeze against my skin and the way the sun warms my face.

It’s divine.

If there’s anything I have come to appreciate in this world, it’s this.

Rix and I often spent months and months underground in labs and bunkers, testing and developing while hidden away from the world. He said it was the safest way, where they couldn’t find us, where no one could spy on us or infiltrate. At least, until a few months ago when Axel and his team did just that and sent us on this downward spiral toward a kind of hell I didn’t know existed.

Rix lost his mind, this vendetta and anger taking over him, and in part, infecting me too.

“You like cheese pizza, right?” Tanner questions, breaking me from my daydream and pulling my attention to the table sitting alone in the middle of an open rooftop.

My eyes grow wide, my knees shaking as I turn. It feels like we are on top of the city. Rooftops are scattered around us. The occasional high-rise shooting up past us and into the cloud-streaked blue sky above. I keep blinking, partly because everything seems too bright but mostly because I’m fighting to disguise the tears tickling in my throat.

“Yeah,” I answer, looking back to Tanner who’s watching me, her brow raised and head slightly tilted to the side. Clearing my throat, I try again, “Yeah, I like cheese pizza, but only with—”

“Sweet Baby Ray’s Barbecue Sauce.”

My brow knots, pinched together in confusion. “How did you—”

“Apparently, that’s something about you that hasn’t changed since you were three years old.” Tanner laughs, the melodic sound floating off on the breeze as she heads for the odd-looking table that has a large, oversized pizza box sitting in the middle and two plates either side. “I personally am disgusted. Cheese pizza dipped in barbecue sauce…” She grins. “Who hurt you?”

My head is spinning, even as I take a seat at the small table on the top of a tall building, with this woman who I can’t help but have a strange girl-crush on.

The situation doesn’t make any sense.

The cheese pizza.

The barbecue sauce.

How the hell did someone know to order that?

I’ve only just discovered the strange addiction recently.

My shaking hand reaches for a pizza slice, pulling it from the perfect circle and dragging a stretchy layer of cheese with it, onto my plate.

“It’s okay, you know,” Tanner announces as she does the same, her eyes not focused on me but the steaming hot food in front of her. “It’s okay to be confused. It’s okay to be wary. It’s okay to just not know what the hell is going on.”

“Is it, though?” I question, leaning forward and picking a piece of stringy cheese from my plate. I touch it to the end of my tongue before dragging it into my mouth, the taste lighting a fire inside my stomach. “And what would you do? If you were me? If you were suddenly being told things were different from everything you’d ever believed. If you desperately wanted to hate someone, but you couldn’t convince your fucking mind to follow through with it.”

“I would stop.” Her answer seems so clear, so concise.

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to pretend like you don’t know the truth,” she throws back at me with a sharp edge to her tone. “Stop pretending like you don’t have the answers. Like you don’t feel them in your gut.”

My fingers curl into a fist below the table. “Because it’s that easy,” I spit, a short burst of laughter following.

Tanner leans back in her seat, her arms folding across her chest. “Let’s just call it what it really is… you aren’t confused, you’re scared.”

“I’m locked in a damn cell, being treated like some kind of criminal! Of course, I’m fucking scared.”

Tanner’s grin grows at my outburst, sending a wave of heat rushing through my veins, burning my skin. “That’s not what you’re scared of,” she argues, shaking her head. “You’re scared this entire time, you’ve been wrong. You’re scared we are actually the good guys, and that for four years or more, you’ve been believing a load of bullshit lies. You’re scared Axel and the club weren’t the ones who hurt you. And you’re scared this whole time that you’ve been fucking the asshole who actually destroyed you, who ripped your damn world apart.”

“Tanner…” a low growl warns from behind me. “That’s enough.”

Tanner’s perfectly bowed lips press together, but her eyes don’t deviate from the challenging stare meeting me across the table, daring me to be the first one to look away. I hold it. Refusing to stand down and admit she could be right—even as tears drip silently down my cheeks, practically a confession without the words.

Blair edges around the table, settling behind Tanner’s chair, not touching her but simply placing himself close. The sharpness in her shoulders settles, her body sinking just a little as her defenses come down. “Sorry,” she whispers, her head twisting a little to the side as if she’s trying to get closer to the body behind her. The man who seems to calm a storm I never expected to feel from this woman. Not when she seemed so calm downstairs, so unaffected by my bad attitude and sharp remarks. “Look, I get it.”

“What do you get?” I press, swiping at the wetness on my cheeks and trying to breathe through pain which has settled in my chest.

It isn’t easy having someone call you out on your shit.

It’s even harder when you know they’re right.

I am scared—fucking petrified of the fact I could be wrong. That I’m wrong. That these people, they aren’t who I should be fighting. That Axel isn’t the monster I wish he was, just so I don’t have to admit I’ve done just what Tanner has said.

I’ve fucked the enemy.

I’ve given myself to the one man who has taken my life from me.

Who has put me in this hell to begin with, and not only that, there were times I enjoyed it.

“We sometimes convince ourselves something isn’t true, just so we don’t have to admit we made a mistake,” Tanner explains softly, her eyes flicking up to Blair as he stands stoically, unfazed by what she’s saying. “We all make mistakes, but the people who love you won’t make you burn in hell for them. You have to trust me on that. It’s okay to admit maybe you got it wrong, maybe you trusted the wrong people. Axel will still love you.”

A sudden, sharp burst of laughter flies from my mouth, and I shake my head. “Really? Why does everything always have to come back to him?”

Her gaze drops back to me, the intensity like a shockwave hitting my chest, forcing me to suck in a deep breath. “I think you’ll find that no matter what, everything will always come back to him. You can try and hide from it, but when someone knows you that deep, running from it will always be pointless.”

My heart hammers against my chest, my hands swiping at the stray hairs being whipped around my face by the light breeze. “You talk like you know,” I murmur, my voice barely above a whisper and crackling with emotion. “So, why are you still hiding?”

Blair’s soft chuckle draws both our attention, amusement clearly on his face as he makes his way back around the table and toward the elevator. Tanner is less than impressed with my accusation, her eyes narrowing not on me but on Blair’s retreating form.

That alone tells me all I need to know.

“Touché,” she growls, picking up her pizza and ripping it with her teeth.

It’s obvious there’s pain settled deep within Tanner. For the most part, she seems to do a pretty fucking good job of keeping it at bay, smothering it maybe with a hard, don’t-fuck-with-me attitude to keep people away. But when it comes to her and Blair, there’s no missing what is going on.

At least not in my eyes.

He hovers, never too far away, always watching her. Constantly ready to pounce, to protect her at a moment’s notice—whether that be from someone else or as shown just moments ago, from herself.

But yet, even as that beautiful, intense connection swirls around them like a destructive force, they never get too close.

No touching.

No intimate whispers.

Strange.

I pick up my slice of pizza, folding it and dipping the end into the bowl of barbecue sauce that sits just off to the side. I make sure it’s covered, completely back and front before I lean forward and quickly move it to my mouth before any of the sauce can drip off.

I’m not responsible for the noises leaving my mouth as I chew, the flavors all bursting simultaneously. So. Damn. Good.

“That’s disgusting,” Tanner scoffs, forcing me to look up. Her hand is hovering mid-air, her pizza right by her mouth but her face screwed up in revulsion.

I just laugh, repeating the process again and again until I’m five slices deep, and my stomach feels like it might explode. I swipe my finger through what’s left of the barbecue sauce and press it to my tongue, smiling as the tangy taste tingles and burns.

“Feel better?” Tanner asks with a smile, leaning back in her own chair and rubbing at her stomach. We’ve polished off the entire pizza, not a crumb left in the box. She even tried to tempt Blair with a slice, but he’d politely declined.

I nod, pressing my lips together in a tight smile. “Yeah, a little. It’s been nice to get outside for a bit.”

Her head bobs up and down in agreement. “Yeah, we thought you’d probably be missing the fresh air. You have to understand, though, we’re doing the best we can with what we have.” The way her face changes has me sitting a little straighter, her words intriguing me. “The Agency needs information, and trust me when I say, they don’t give a flying fuck how they get it from you.”

For a second, I wonder whether the pizza I just ate is about to end up back on the plate.

“We’re doing our best to protect you,” she continues, her voice lowering and her eyes moving about like she’s scared someone could be listening. Could they? Up here on this rooftop? “Axel can’t fight the system, though, we need you to help us.”

My hands grip the edge of the table. “Help you what?”

Is this just another way they’re trying to manipulate me?

Beating me up hadn’t worked last night so now they’re trying some other bullshit?

Feed me, give me a taste of freedom, then use it against me?

“Help us get you out.” She sighs, sweeping her fingers through her hair and pushing it back from her face. I can see her eyes better, they’re warm and almost pleading. “If you want out, you need to help us, give us something we can use. Because if this goes on much longer, they’re going to take over and Axel is going to get hurt trying to protect you.”

I swallow hard. “What do you mean?”

“I mean if The Agency tries to hurt you to get you to talk, Axel is going to burn this whole fucking building down,” she explains seriously, her voice now barely above a whisper as she leans forward, bracing her arms on the table. “If he does that, he’s done. So, you tell me… are you ready to see him destroy himself and everything he loves just because your buddy with the stupid face tats told you a scary story?”

The air changes instantly.

Like when a storm is coming, and you can feel that shift. Where you know you need to get inside, take cover, before the sky begins to fall to the ground.

But is it because I’m scared of Axel being hurt? Destroying his world for me when I just can’t fucking remember anything about the past he seems to be holding so close?

Or is it because these people are so damn good at what they do, and I’m going to fall into their trap and get caught in the downpour with nothing or no one to protect me.

I swallow the hard lump that’s formed in my throat, trying to keep the truckload of pizza I’ve just consumed in my stomach despite the way it seems to be churning uncomfortably. “You really don’t like his tattoos, do you?” I offer, ignoring everything else she’s said.

Simply because I have no answer for her.

She pushes her chair back from the table, getting to her feet as a grin spreads across her face. “What does his eyebrow say again?”

“Notorious,” I answer, following suit and rising from my chair with one hand on my food baby. When I look up and find her staring at me with a raised eyebrow, I spit out a laugh and shake my head. “You’re right, it’s stupid.”

She nods in agreement as we walk over to the elevator, both of us pausing as she hits the button. “You know whose tattoos aren’t stupid?”

“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

We both step inside and her face lights up. “Axel’s.”

“You’re beginning to sound like a broken record,” I tease, leaning back against the wall to make room for Blair.

“You know who doesn’t have a weird name like Clinton Hendrix?”

I roll my eyes. “Axel?”

“Now you’re getting it.”