Raging Fires by Candace Camp

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Jake woke up and for a second he wasn’t sure where he was or why he felt so good. Then he remembered, and he smiled. Stretching like a cat, he folded his arms behind his head and thought about last night. At first he’d paced around in the house, tension growing by the minute, while Kelli was out with Tyler.

Rationally, he’d known there wasn’t anything to worry about; Kelli was just trying to make him suffer for acting like he didn’t care if she went out with someone. And Man-Bun was not going to sweep Kelli off to bed. Or hurt her. And she wouldn’t let the guy get her involved in something dangerous. Kelli had a trouble meter that was calibrated to the merest fraction. If she wanted out, she’d call Jake. Wouldn’t she?

Of course she would. Just like she’d called him when her car broke down. She knew he’d always come for her, no matter what.

Then Jake set the scene for their return. No way he was letting Tyler get a good-night kiss. Or think he might have a real chance with Kelli. After Jake picked up the painting and hung it, he’d gone for a run, which didn’t help much, so he’d gone over to the bar, which was no help at all. Then he’d just paced. And thought about how he’d been wrong about Kelli actually going out on a date.

But all the brooding didn’t matter once he saw the expression on Kelli’s face when she saw the picture. She’d fired up, just like he expected. But he hadn’t expected the rest of it. He hadn’t meant to wind up in bed with her. He’d known that would be stupid. But when she started laughing at his silly jokes, suddenly he’d wanted her so much he couldn’t resist kissing her. And when Kelli had kissed him back… well, there was only so much a guy could take before he just had to be stupid. 

The thing was… Jake was thinking that being stupid was the way to go. He hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Suddenly it didn’t seem all that bad playing back-up, and living in this tiny house with his ex-wife wouldn’t be hell on earth. It’d be like before.

His chest turned to stone at that thought. No. Absolutely not. There was no way he was going through that again when the year was up. And the year would definitely be up. They’d own the Blue, and Kelli would divorce him again. His contract would end, and he’d leave for a new team. They wouldn’t have any contact except maybe she’d call him about some business thing or he’d stop by to see Toby when he was in town visiting Gran.

For a moment he could feel all of it crashing down on him. The bone-deep ache. The hollowness inside him. But he pushed all that away. It wouldn’t be the same. This time he knew it was going to end. He wouldn’t be blindsided. He’d be happy because he’d get a better contract somewhere else, actually play instead of being a back-up. Most of all, this time he didn’t love Kelli.

Hell, half the time he didn’t even like her. They argued about everything. He already knew the only thing she loved was the Blue. He already knew she’d leave if things got tough. There wouldn’t be all those messy entanglements of emotions and expectations. It would just be sex. Great sex.

It was perfect really. Now all he had to do now was convince Kelli. She wouldn’t be nearly as optimistic as he was. She was more likely to be regretting breaking her rules and worrying about what would happen.

Kelli didn’t like change. She still drove that same old wreck—only Kelli would have kept it in storage after he bought her the Mercedes. She didn’t buy a new phone until her old one wouldn’t hold a charge anymore. Hell, she wore a pair of Vans that he was sure were the same ones she had back in college. The only thing she’d ever gotten rid of was him.

She was the kind of person who always followed her GPS directions to the letter, who drove the speed limit and used the left lane only to pass. Kelli liked rules and structure. There was no thrill for her in taking a risk. The only times she’d done anything risky had been with him because she’d been sure he would keep anything bad from happening. But she no longer trusted him like that.

Jake swung out of bed and stood up, then looked down at himself. Going out there naked was probably not the right way to approach Kelli. He glanced around and found his pants caught on a drawer pull of the dresser. Pulling them on, he headed into the living room.

He could see Kelli in the kitchen on the other side of the bar, intent on stirring something in a bowl. She was frowning, her mouth pursed. Yeah, she was not basking in the afterglow. She glanced up and saw him, and she pulled in a breath and set her shoulders. Definitely not a good sign. Next she would say…

“We need to talk.” And there it was.

“Okay.” Jake strolled into the kitchen and leaned back against a counter, facing her but giving her a good distance between them. “I have a couple of ideas.”

“I bet you do,” she said repressively. “Jake… last night was...”

“Great?” Jake offered. “Careful. You’ll hurt my feelings if you say no.”

“Of course it was great,” she told him in an annoyed tone. “That’s not the problem. Or maybe it is the problem.” She heaved a sigh. “All I know is it we can’t do it again.”

“Okay.”

Her eyebrows went up and she said, “Okay? That’s it? Okay?”

He shrugged. “There’s not much I can do about it, is there? Takes two of us.”

“I thought you’d be… more resistant.”

“Disappointed?” He grinned.

“No.” She rolled her eyes and turned back to the bowl.

“What are you making?” He strolled over to peek in the bowl. “Hmm… pancakes.”

She turned to glare at him. “Stop grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I make pancakes other times, too.”

“Really? All I remember is weekend sex and pancakes. Lots of maple syrup.” His eyes glinted. “Remember that—”

Her eyes widened.  “Stop.” She raised her spoon warningly. “Don’t even go there. I’ll pour out this batter.”

Yeah, she remembered. Jake raised his hands in an I-give-up gesture and wandered back to the other end of the kitchen. He opened the cabinet and pulled out a couple of plates. “You didn’t listen to my ideas.”

“What ideas?” She was pouring batter into the skillet, and she glanced over at him. “Oh. Those. Jake…”

“Just hear me out,” he told her. “I listened to your plan.”

“Okay.” She sighed and poured three dollops of batter into the skillet, then turned to face him, arms folded across her chest.  “I’m listening.”

“Number one: We’re stuck in this for a year, which is a very long time. Number two: this house is really small. Number three: neither one of us likes the idea of the other one cheating, even if it’s not really cheating. Right?” She nodded. “So are the two of us just going to have an intimate relationship with our hands for a year?”

Surprisingly, Kelli began to blush, which was kind of cute. She turned away and made a big production out of flipping the pancakes. “I don’t know, Jake. I don’t spend all my time thinking about sex.”

“Yeah? How about this last month? You haven’t been wound up tight all the time? On edge? Overusing your willpower?”

“Difficult as it is for you to believe it, you’re not that hard to resist.”

He snorted. “Yeah, right. Every one of your little rules said one thing: ‘Don’t tempt me.’”

“Tempt me to hit you in the mouth, maybe.”

“Come on, Kelli, we both know it’s true. You feel the heat. You’ve been horny. I’ve been horny. The result was last night. You think it’s not going to happen again?”

“It won’t. Last night was a fluke. An aberration.”

“God, you’re stubborn.”

“I gotta tell you, Jake, insulting me is not a great way to persuade me to sleep with you.”

“I’m not trying to persuade you. I’m just pointing out the clear and reasonable solution to our problem. If you choose to reject it…” He shrugged.

“It’s not reasonable. You know that as well as I do. We’re not married anymore.” He raised his eyebrows, and she said, “I mean, not married married. We’re not together.”

“I don’t see anybody here but us.”

“You know what I mean. It’s not the way it used to be.”

“But that’s the beauty of it.” He nodded toward the skillet. “Those are going to start burning in a second.”

“Oh! Damn it. I forgot.” She whirled back around and dished the pancakes onto the plate Jake helpfully handed her.

They were almost charred on one side and close to uncooked on the other. Good thing he’d eat just about anything if it had enough maple syrup on it. He started eating—yeah, definitely burned. He squeezed out more maple syrup.

Kelli poured in another batch. “You and I don’t get along.”

“I know. That’s what I’m saying. It’ll be just sex. None of that stuff about hurt feelings or anniversaries. It’ll relieve the tension, make things easier. We’ll just be friends… you know, with benefits.”

She slapped the spatula down on the spoon rest and whirled around.  “Jake, we’re not friends.”

“Why not? We have a dog. We both like to watch bad horror movies and snark about them. We could do stuff together. Like go to the pool or a party or something. You ever been to one of those rock climbing places? I think you’d like it; I’m sure there must be at least one in Phoenix. I like bouldering but you might prefer the regular kind where you’ve got a harness on. Less risk.”

“Fine,” Kelli said tightly. “That’s dandy. We’ll go climbing. We don’t need to sleep together to do that. And that doesn’t make us friends.”

“We can be.”

“No, Jake. We can’t.” She turned back to the pancakes.

“Why not? You’re friends with good old Toby. How come you can be friends with your high school ex and not me?"

“Toby’s different. He’s sweet and loyal and—”

“Likes a rousing game of fetch?”

“Oh, for—” Kelli turned off the stove with a snap and shoved the skillet off the burner, then whipped around. “I can be friends with Toby because I didn’t love him! Because he didn’t break my heart.”

“Break your heart!” Jake stiffened, old anger suddenly flooding him. “Damn it, you’re the one who left me. I was the one standing there like an idiot, wondering what the hell happened, while you ran off to hide out with my family.”

“Oh, for God’s sake. Are you going to start with that ‘you stole Pops from me’ thing again? You’re acting like a child.”

“Pops didn’t want to see me again. Because you dumped me. Because I made you unhappy.”

“That’s not true. Pops wanted to see you. He watched every one of your games, even when you were playing lousy. He loved you and missed you. You’re the one who never came home.”

“I did come home, and he told me I wasn’t his grandson anymore.”

“He did not.”

“I was there, Kelli. He said, and I quote, ‘You’re not my Jake anymore.’”

“That’s not the same as saying you weren’t his grandson, you idiot. He was disappointed, sure, but he wasn’t telling you he didn’t love you. He just meant that you weren’t acting like yourself anymore. And you weren’t. You were wild. Running around with phonies, drinking and clubbing. Arguing with your coaches and getting into fights. You hit a fan, Jake.”

“That was after you left me!” he shot back.

“You’re blaming me for you messing up your life?”

“That’s why I acted crazy. I was crazy. You broke my heart, Kelli.” Damn it. He’d never meant to let that out. Jake turned away, clenching his teeth tightly, as if he could push down all the emotions that were bubbling up in him. What was the matter with him? All that was over years ago. He was done with it. Past that.

“I’m sorry for that. Truly.” Kelli’s voice was gentle and sad. “But do you think my heart wasn’t broken too?”

“Not that I could tell. You bailed on me. I would never have bailed on you like that.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t have left me physically, but inside you already had. I didn’t know you anymore. Still… I never wanted to hurt you.” Her voice was clogged with tears, and the sound made Jake’s heart twist.

“You’re right, Kelli.” He couldn’t turn to look at her. “You and I can’t be friends.”

He walked away.