Inked Devotion by Carrie Ann Ryan

Chapter 14

Brenna

Icouldn’t figure out why I was nervous. It wasn’t as if this were a date. Benjamin was coming over so we could have dinner, try to relax after a very stressful day at work, and make a plan.

A co-parenting not-dating-or-sleeping-together plan.

I probably had to work on the title more.

I looked down at my notebook in front of me, at the very detailed note, and cringed.

“Yes, I have to work on that title a bit more.”

However, it was a start because I was not going to make the mistake of falling for the father of my child.

I swallowed hard and put my hand over my stomach. I was far too early in the pregnancy to feel a bump or even a little kick. The baby was so tiny right now. No one would know I was pregnant, except that it was hard for me to keep food down.

Considering I worked at a bakery and was around cake and sugar at all times, it worried me that I kept getting nauseous. However, sugar didn’t send me over the edge. Meat, grains, vegetables, fruit, or anything healthy, I had to throw up right away. Cake and frosting? Not so much.

Either this baby would come out with a sweet tooth, or they were nice to their mommy at work.

“Mommy,” I whispered, a smile sliding over my face. I was going to be a mommy.

While Benjamin was the daddy. To say that this wasn’t what I had in mind when I planned this part of my life would be an understatement. It wasn’t even close to being any part of it.

Yet, here I was, doing my best to pretend that I was okay.

The doorbell rang, and I pulled myself out of my thoughts and wiped my hands on my jeans. Today was just for planning. The future. Not about what future I thought I would have.

That dream was long gone, and now I needed to focus on what I could change, which meant not concentrating merely on myself. After all, I wasn’t going to be focusing on myself alone when it came to having a child.

I let out a breath and made my way to the front door, looked through the peephole, and I didn’t relax. Instead, a new tension rode me, and I was afraid, not of Benjamin, but of what he represented.

I’d wanted him. Damn it. Even though I told myself I shouldn’t, and it would be a horrible mistake, I did. I had wanted him before, and I wanted him even more now, and with the complications that were our life, wanting him at all would be a terrible mistake. I should know better. Only I couldn’t.

I opened the door, and Benjamin stood there, a single lily in his hand and a bottle of sparkling cider. “You know me and flowers. I usually bring plants over to people, but I wasn’t sure if you’d like the whole thing or just a single flower, so I went with this. And the sparkling cider sounded pretty good. For me. You can get your own.” He winked as he said it, and he sounded as nervous as I did.

I took a step back and blushed as he handed me the flower. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’ve given you prettier flowers over the years, but sometimes the single flower does the trick.”

“I’m sure you know the Latin names of everything.”

“Clematis occidentalis.”

I rolled my eyes. “I could tell you how to bake a cake without having to look at a recipe, so that counts for something.”

“I like cake. That makes me happy.”

“Dinner is in the Crock-Pot. It’s some form of chicken stew that I could easily begin this morning before I headed to work.” My stomach rumbled, and I groaned. “Hopefully, I’ll be able to eat it.”

“Let me stick this cider in the fridge, and I’ll help you set the table.”

“Oh, I didn’t even think about that. I was mostly just thinking I’d eat at the sink like I usually do.”

He raised a brow. “That’s how you eat dinner?”

“I’m a single woman living alone. It’s what I do.”

“You’re not going to be living alone for long.”

For some reason, it took me a moment to register that he was speaking of our child and not him moving in with me.

He must’ve seen the confusion on my face because he winced. “I suppose we should make true plans instead of you thinking I’m just going to move in here. Although I think my house is bigger if that’s the path we take, and I have two extra rooms.”

“Because even Montgomerys like to build big,” I grumbled. “And we’re not moving in together, Benjamin. We’re not even going to sleep together again.”

He raised a brow, and I put my hand over my mouth before setting the flower down.

“I’m going to be sick,” I grumbled. My bare feet slapped against my wooden floors as I ran to the bathroom and threw myself in front of the toilet, vomiting the lunch that I had been able to keep down for longer than usual.

I heard Benjamin moving around behind me, and then he was at my side, holding my hair back and pressing a cool washcloth to the back of my neck. I sighed in relief, even before I threw up again, and cursed at myself. “I hate this. Why is morning sickness not in the morning?”

“Have you been able to keep anything down?” he asked, his voice soft.

“Cake.”

“Brenna,” he muttered. “You know that could be a sign of something wrong.”

My gaze shot to his, and fear filled me.

He cursed again. “I know that there’s something that women can get where morning sickness affects you more than others. If you aren’t able to keep anything down, Brenna, you should tell your doctor.”

“You don’t have to growl at me and order me around.” I knew I was pouting then, but when he wiped my face with a wet cloth, I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m not an invalid.”

“You’re not, but you’re not feeling well, and it’s partially, or perhaps mostly, my fault at this point. Let me help.” He paused, his throat working as he swallowed hard. “Let me help.”

I wanted to cry or pout or scream. Were the hormones this severe so early in the pregnancy? “I wanted to do everything on my own, but I don’t think I’m going to get to now.”

“You weren’t going to have to do anything on your own before. We would all have been there for you.”

“This isn’t exactly how I wanted to be having this conversation. This isn’t exactly how I wanted any of this to work out. I wanted to be a mom. And here I am, having to deal with the fact that I’m going to have to share.” I put my hand over my mouth and nearly gagged on my own self-indulgence. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. We screwed up the curve,” he grumbled. “I’m the one who got you pregnant. While we were both there for the adventure, because damn straight, it was one fucking amazing adventure, you’re going down a different path. Yes, you’re going to have to share.”

“It just sounds so selfish.”

“You’re allowed to be selfish for a minute. And then you’ll do what you do best and make some plans, and we’ll figure this out.”

“It’s not just a road trip. It’s a future. It’s a life.”

He held out his hands, and I slid mine into his as I let him help me up. “See right then? You let me help you up. Let me help you.”

“How about I just brush my teeth, and then I figure out what I need to do.”

“We figure out what we need to do.”

“I stand corrected.”

He let me have some privacy, to clean myself up and brush my teeth. I let out a breath, my hands clinging to the edge of the sink. I needed to be better at this. I needed to focus on what I was doing and set boundaries. Boundaries would help with everything. Mainly because every time he was near, I couldn’t breathe. When had this happened? When had I started looking at Benjamin that way? I needed to stop. Even before getting pregnant, I needed to stop thinking about him this way. Only I couldn’t.

And now I was afraid that everyone had been wrong when they had said I had fallen for Beckett. That they had gotten the wrong twin.

And now I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

I made my way out to the kitchen, where Benjamin stood, spooning bowls full of white chicken stew that I hoped to keep down. He also had a massive plate of crackers next to the bowls, and I grinned. “Crackers, I hope I can do. If not, I’m going to have to feed this baby solely cupcakes.”

He shook his head as he set the ladle down. “I don’t think cupcakes are going to do it for long.”

“Cupcakes are the best. I’ve been thinking about which ones to make for Archer and Marc.”

“We should be seeing them this weekend if you take my parents up on their offer.”

I cringed as I sat down next to him. His parents had called me that morning to ask if I wanted to come over for a family dinner, one where we could talk peacefully, and I hopefully wouldn’t throw up everywhere.

They were going to have a separate engagement dinner for Marc and Archer, so that way each person had their special celebration.

It still felt odd to me that I felt like I was part of their family after all this time, and yet things were completely different now.

“You think you can eat something?” he asked softly.

“Maybe. Annabelle doesn’t get this sick; I’m kind of annoyed at that.”

“Well, that just means Jacob doesn’t get to hold her hair back like I’m doing for you.”

I stirred my soup with my spoon and looked up at him, shaking my head. He took a big bite of soup and groaned. “This is amazing. I mean, I know you’re the best baker out there, but I always forget that you’re a damn good cook, too.”

“There are better cooks out there, Colton for one.”

“He’s cooked for you?” he asked as he ate another bite.

“He’s tried a few different recipes on Paige and us. Mostly for girls’ night. I’m surprised he hasn’t done one for guys night with you guys.”

“Our guys’ nights are usually at Riggs’, or if it’s at one of our houses, he and Marc don’t always show up. It’s weird, but I feel like we Montgomerys might stress them out.”

I snorted. “You stressing out a guy? I am shocked.”

“Hey, we’re not too bad.”

“You are, but it’s fine. I’m used to you. Well, at least I was comfortable until I got pregnant by one of you, and now I feel like I’m the one invading the Montgomerys.”

“You know it’s not like that. Yes, the family has questions, but we are doing things a little unconventionally.”

“Is this where we make plans?”

“It can be.”

“I know we said we’re going to be friends first,” I muttered. “And I want to keep that. But what are we going to do?”

“Let’s start with the basics, and then we can get to all the complicated things that we’ll probably change a thousand times.”

“Basics? Like what?”

“Well, we’re very good at being professional about this and acting like adults and not freaking the fuck out. So let’s start with the easy thing. Work.”

“What, you expect me to give up my job?” I growled.

He held up both hands, his eyes wide. “No. We both own our businesses, meaning taking time off isn’t easy. But you said you were working with your assistant?”

“Yes, but I’m still making sure everything’s going to work out with that. I need someone to take the reins for me when I’m unable to be there. I’m not going to have a full maternity leave, I know that, because I am my boss, but there are some things I can hand off to my crew.”

“I can help, too. I mean, I don’t know if paternal leave will work for me because I do own the business, but Timothy and Kennedy both have been taking up more responsibility on the job. So if I do need to take a couple of weeks off, I can, and I want to.”

“You’d do that?” I asked, my voice soft.

“Of course. I want to help. And help isn’t even the right word. I want to share in the responsibility and share in everything that happens. Like childcare? I have an answer to that.”

My eyes widened. “Are you going to bring the baby to work? Just hang out with them out while you’re shoveling?”

“I do more than shoveling, but that was what I was thinking. Yes, when they’re younger, we can bring them to our offices, but the family and I were thinking, since Annabelle’s going to be having twins, I’m having a baby with you, and Eliza and Beckett are thinking about it, and who knows what’s going to happen with Paige, and then Archer, our family is growing, so we’re going to add a childcare part of Montgomery Builders.”

My eyes widened, even as I blinked back tears. “Just like that. As a family, you’ve decided to what, take a room and make it a nursery?”

“For now, with childcare professionals with us if we can make it work. Eventually, it will be a daycare center for the Montgomerys and anybody that works there. We’ve been trying to get it to work for Clay, even though his kids are a bit older. It just hasn’t worked out yet because Clay hasn’t needed it. If he does need it, we want to be there. Annabelle is already on that, though, so therefore childcare, we’ve got.”

“That would be amazing,” I said, stuttering. “Even though I’m going to be kind of sad that I’m not going to be there.”

“You don’t work too far away from me,” he muttered.

“Maybe not, but it’s going to feel that way, isn’t it?”

“Then we’ll make a plan. I’m not saying we have to hide our child in Montgomery Builders, and you’ll never come over and visit. But it’s an option. When you’re ready to get back to work, it’s an option.”

“It’s a wonderful option, and I feel like I’m going to cry.”

“Don’t. I’m here for you.”

“You are, aren’t you,” I whispered.

“Yes. I am.” He moved over and pushed my hair back from my face. “Are you feeling better?”

“Maybe. I don’t know if I can think about anything else. Like where to live or schools or names or anything. Just that is a weight off my shoulders, and yet it’s terrifying at the same time.”

“We keep talking about this as if it might be that road trip,” he said after a moment, and I looked up at him.

“What?” I asked.

“We’re so polite with one another, making sure that we don’t step on each other’s toes as we try to find a path that works for this co-parenting thing. I’m scared, Brenna. We’re having a fucking kid, and I know we have so much to do and yet all I can do is think about the fact that I want to kiss you.”

I blinked up at him, shocked. “Right now? That’s what you’re thinking about?”

“Yes. I’m a fucking asshole. Brenna, I’ve wanted you for a long damn time, and yet I’ve never really thought about it like that because I wasn’t supposed to.”

“Because you thought I was in love with Beckett.”

“That, and you’re my friend. I’m not supposed to want you more than I already do, and yet if I were to kiss you right now? It would be the exact wrong thing to do.”

“Completely wrong. As in, we shouldn’t. Ever.”

I was sitting on a stool in my kitchen, with him standing between my legs, and I knew if I kissed him, it would be wrong.

Very wrong.

So I slid my hands up his chest, cupped his face, and I kissed him.

He groaned into me, wrapping his hands around my hips. “We need to stop. This is just going to complicate things.”

“Very much. This is going to be such a stupid fucking mistake,” I mumbled against his lips as I kissed him harder. He lifted me into his arms, and I wrapped my legs around his hips, grinding into him. I didn’t want to think. Nothing was going the way that I wanted it to or how it should, so why couldn’t I just feel for just this moment? We could make this work. We could just have fun, and we could make sure we focused on our responsibilities. We were good at this.

And I knew if I kept lying to myself, maybe it would make sense, but right then, I didn’t care. I just kept kissing him. He sat me down on the dining room table, and I moaned into him, needing him. He slid one hand up my chest, cupping my breasts, and I arched into him, groaning as his thumb slid over my nipple.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he muttered.

“This is very wrong,” I muttered as I tugged on his shirt.

“Very much so, but we’ve already seen each other naked. We’ve had sex. This isn’t complicating the situation because it’s something we’ve done before.”

“Oh good, your rationalizing sounds exactly like mine.”

And I kissed him again. We pulled his shirt over his head completely, and then I scraped my nails down his body, groaning at the sight of him. He was all chiseled muscle in an eight pack, one I wanted to lick. So I did. I bent over and licked my way down his abs, humming along the ridges of his muscles. He groaned again, and when I undid the top of his jeans, he stilled for just a moment. I looked up at him, and blew cool air over his skin, and watched as his nipples hardened.

I was already so wet for him, and I knew that we shouldn’t be doing this. That this would take us down a path that was just going to hurt both of us, but I didn’t care.

I undid the rest of his jeans and slid my hand underneath his boxer briefs. He groaned when I wrapped my fingers around his girth, and my entire body shook.

He was so thick and long, and when I freed him from the confinements of his boxer briefs, I licked my lips and pumped him once, twice, before I swallowed the head of his cock into my mouth.

He slid his hand through my hair, and I groaned again, humming along his length as I sucked him down. His hips began to move, just softly enough that I knew I was the one still in control, even as I hollowed my mouth and let him slide deeper down my throat. He fucked my mouth slowly, and I cupped his balls, rolling them in my hand as I kept going down on him. When he stiffened, I hollowed my cheeks, humming along him, and he pulled away, growling.

Before I knew it, his mouth was on mine, his hand on the back of my neck as he kept me steady. I felt safe, cared for, and I couldn’t think about anything else.

He was who I wanted, even if I shouldn’t.

And then my shirt was off, and my jeans were being tugged down my legs. I was naked, laying on the table, and his head was between my legs as he slowly licked at my pussy, eating me out until I knew I was going to come at any minute. He sucked on my clit, spearing me with two fingers, and I shook, so close to the edge that I knew just one more lick and I’d fall into the abyss. And then I looked down at him, as he looked up at me, and when our gazes connected, I came. He hummed along my cunt, and I came on his face, my nipples hard, my whole body flushing and shaking.

Then he was over me, kissing me, and I was licking at his lips.

“I’m clean, and we both know you don’t need a condom.”

He froze, and then he smiled wide before he bit my lip. “I’m clean, too. I promise.”

“I trust you, Benjamin,” I whispered.

Then he was between my legs, and there was nothing else.

He slid deep, inch by achingly slow inch, filling me. I could feel the heat of him, bare and thick.

“Oh dear God, you’re like heaven.”

He muttered against my neck, and I knew he was fighting for control just like I was.

“I need you to move,” I whispered.

“I’m going to need a fucking minute. You’re way too fucking hot.”

I grinned, even as I shook again.

When he moved, I wrapped my legs around him, groaning when he pumped into me, keeping my hips down onto the table, both of us arching for one another. I came again, clamping around his cock, and he cursed under his breath before muttering my name. He filled me up, and I could feel the heat of him as he spurted into me.

His cock twitched, and my body clenched around him. We both clung to one another, sweaty and shaking, and he looked down at me.

“We’re not very good at being friends, are we?” He whispered as he kissed me again. I looked up at him and brushed my fingers along his cheek.

“I don’t think we were meant to be just friends, not with the choices that we made.” It was the most honest thing I had ever said, and I was afraid that I’d buried myself within more than just what we had begun now. I wasn’t sure what I wanted, yet I knew that Benjamin needed to be part of it. Yes, this could be a mistake, but it felt like this was meant to be.

And it might be wrong, but I wasn’t sure what else I was supposed to do or say. Or who I was supposed to be.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“I am,” I said, needing to touch him. I slid my hands up and down his chest, and he kept touching me, even as I lay on the hard table, his softening cock still deep inside me.

“We’ll figure it out. You and me. Together.”

I knew he was saying the words that he needed to say and the ones I wanted to hear, and I wanted this to be true, because one drunken night before hadn’t been a mistake, but it had been a choice.

Tonight had been a completely different choice, one that could ruin everything, or be the start of something I had never allowed myself to believe or give into.

He kissed me again, and I didn’t care about the consequences.

Even if I knew I might regret that thought the moment I let myself breathe.