Inked Devotion by Carrie Ann Ryan

Chapter 8

Benjamin

Iwas up before dawn, mostly because I hadn’t slept the night before. They put me in the guest room on the other side of the hall from Brenna’s room. One of the brothers had mentioned it had been their room before they had moved out, and they glared at me as they had said it. I had a feeling it had more to do with being near their baby sister than taking their old room. Brenna was in her old room, which still had the same twin bed she had slept in for years, but had been updated to fit another twin bed, and to make it look like a guest room versus her childhood room. And for that, I was grateful. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see the childhood room of Brenna Garrett. I had problems enough with my complicated feelings towards her without seeing more of her past.

I crept down the stairs, unable to hear anyone else. Maybe I would make myself some coffee or see if I could stick the cinnamon rolls or monkey bread in the oven. I wasn’t the best baker, but Brenna left good instructions.

I made my way into the kitchen and rolled my eyes. Of course, I wasn’t the first person up.

Brenna was there, her hair piled on the top of her head, her glasses perched on the tip of her nose, and an apron around her waist. She had her earphones in and shook her ass as she worked on the dough in front of her. I swallowed hard and did my best to ignore the way her butt moved.

I needed to stop thinking about Brenna this way. It wasn’t like I had done it often before. She’d always just been Brenna. I had thought at one point she had feelings for my twin, but that hadn’t been the only thing stopping me from thinking about her as anything else other than my friend. Sex and relationships complicated things, I knew that. But we had already had sex, and we were quite literally changing our relationship with every moment we were near one another, despite how hard we did our best to resist that.

“Are you just going to stare at me oddly?” Brenna asked as she pulled out an earphone.

I winced. “Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you, and then I didn’t know how to get your attention.”

“Well, you’re lucky I don’t scare easily.” She shrugged and gestured towards the coffee maker. “I already started the first pot, though I’m pretty sure I’m going to need more than one cup to get through the day.”

“Thank God,” I mumbled as I went over to the coffee maker. I poured myself a cup and looked down at her half-empty mug. “Refill?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Thank you, but no. It would affect my sugar to cream ratio, so I’m going to wait until I finish this cup.”

“You’re up early.” I took a sip and I nearly groaned. It was made perfect, and I knew Brenna had been the one to make it. And not just because she was the only one around, because it could have been on a timer. No, it’s because Brenna knew how to make damn good coffee.

“I would say you’re up early as well, but it seems that neither one of us could sleep, and frankly, I have a lot to do today.”

“The family isn’t helping?” I asked with a frown.

“There’s going to be a lot more than baked goods today at the reunion, and the family each has their roles. Mine happens to be oddly labor-intensive right now—and features actual rolls. If I had gotten here earlier, I’d have more time, but this is fine.”

I frowned. “Did our night at the hotel hurt your timeline?”

She blushed, and I could’ve kicked myself for bringing it up, but it was a legit question. “No, I was going to get here yesterday anyway. Maybe I’d have had a couple more hours, but not really. We didn’t stop for anything on our last day, and I had scheduled that in. It’s more of the fact that I had work to do, so I wasn’t going to take time off early to get here, and I wanted the road trip to think. It’s not like I can make anything but the cake itself early, and my mom didn’t have space in her fridge for me to do so. Either way, it’s going to be a lot of work right now.”

“Tell me what to do.”

She nodded and gestured towards the two large metal bowls. “Wash your hands and get kneading. It needs one more proof, and then we’re going to do some baking.”

“After I knead, do I need to shape it?”

She raised her brow, and I grinned.

“What, I watch baking shows. The second proof is after you shape things.”

“You’re right, and I’ll do the shaping just because they want one of them as a plait, but the cob you can do.”

“I don’t know. Isn’t that just a sphere of some sort?”

“No, a sphere would be circular all around, Benjamin,” she teased.

“Okay, fine. You’re right. I’ll get to kneading, is there anything else?”

“Cinnamon rolls are in the oven, and now we’re going to work on everything else.”

“Good, because I’m starving.”

“You’re lucky I made an extra batch, because my family can eat their breakfast sweets like the Montgomerys eat cheese.”

“I’m not even going to touch that,” I said with a laugh.

She just grinned, shook her head, stuck her earphones in the pocket of her apron, and both of us went to work quietly.

We worked for about an hour before Brenna’s mother walked in, her hair and makeup already done for the day, but she had on comfortable pajamas still. “I was going to see if I could help, but it seems like you brought your own helper with you. I love it. I’m going to start working the eggs and bacon if that’s okay, if you don’t mind having an extra person in the kitchen.”

“Of course,” Brenna said as she moved closer to me. I did my best to ignore the heat of her. “Everything else for breakfast is just about ready.”

“Perfect.” Teresa leaned down, kissed her daughter on the cheek, and then narrowed her eyes. “You’re going to shower, though, because that hair, Brenna, honey. And you don’t even have your contacts in.”

Brenna just rolled her eyes and gave me a look that I didn’t share, mostly because I did not want to get put on Teresa’s bad list.

“I’m going to shower as soon as I’m done with this. I have flour in my hair from this morning alone, so I figured showering after might be good.”

“You’re right, you’re right, but we still need to look like a respectable family.”

“I know, we can’t let the cousins outshine us,” Brenna said, teasing.

“You think I’m joking, but it’s the truth.” Teresa met my gaze. “My sisters-in-law are wonderful people, but they’re very competitive when it comes to their children. I need my grandkids and my house to look spic and span. By the end, once we’re done with the field games and cakes, we’re going to be a little disheveled, and that’s fine.”

I froze, my hands covered in dough. “Games?”

Brenna met her mother’s gaze before both of them laughed. “Oh, didn’t I mention that?”

I shuddered. “You certainly did not.”

“Oh, just you wait, Montgomery,” Brenna said with a laugh. “If you thought Montgomery reunions were wild, just wait until you meet the Garretts.”

Frankly, that was what I was afraid of.

I grabbed a cinnamon roll and a slice of bacon before I headed back up to my room to get ready. Brenna had done the same, and her parents and siblings and the rest of her immediate family gathered in the house to eat the other goodies.

I didn’t find it weird that I wasn’t eating with them, considering I wasn’t family, and I did need to get ready. I figured Brenna would show up a bit later after getting ready, but I wasn’t sure. I needed space to think, and I couldn’t do that with Brenna or her family around.

By the time I came back down, things were in full swing. The family was milling about, and I was introduced to the spouses, the kids, and I knew I would never remember everybody’s name. As it was, I could barely remember my cousins’ and their children’s names. Brenna, however, knew everyone and constantly reminded me as she ran around, helping everybody with everything.

She was a force. Bright and bubbly and sarcastic, just like the rest of her family, and they all seemed to get along. Yes, they sometimes dug in a bit about wanting Brenna to settle down, but her immediate family was friendly. They cared about her.

Her cousins, though? Her cousins made me want to gouge out my own eyes.

“I still can’t believe you aren’t married and pregnant yet,” one of the cousins said, point-blank. While everyone else had been alluding to it, I tightened my jaw and didn’t miss the way that Joseph, the eldest Garrett brother, glared at his cousin.

“You know me, work before family. I mean, what is a relationship? It’s like I’m going to die a virgin,” Brenna joked, rolling her eyes.

Her cousin just glared before she stomped off, her husband and three kids in tow.

“I’m going to punch Carol one day. Just out of the blue, one day, I’m going to hit my cousin, and I’ve never hit a woman in my life,” Joseph grumbled.

Brenna shook her head. “You hit me when we were kids.”

“Because you hit me first.”

“No, I hit you back first,” she said on a laugh, and I just shook my head, wondering how they could joke and laugh so quickly after people were just passive aggressive and downright rude to her.

About an hour into the festivities, when the games started up, Brenna looked at me, and I held up my hands. “I’m not playing the three-legged race. You’re one of my best friends, Brenna, but I’m not.”

“Need to get you a man who cares,” another cousin said as he wrapped his leg with a tie to his wife. His wife just beamed and kissed the top of his head. “You see, it’s all about love and compromise. It’s a little ridiculous that we’re playing this game as adults, but we need to win.”

“They’re just egging us on,” Brenna said.

I growled. “They’re about to get what they want and have me kick their ass.”

Brenna snorted. “No, don’t even think about it. I’m not playing. I have to deal with the cake. They can go see who’s the best at a game for children on their own, but I want nothing to do with it.”

I followed her, shaking my head. “I love my family. We are nosy and always think we want what’s best for one another, but hell, Brenna. I don’t know how you’re doing it.”

“Very carefully. And next time we do a reunion like this, which is every year, by the way, I’ll be able to have a baby of my own, hopefully. Maybe they’ll stop growling at me.”

I frowned. “You’re not having a kid because you want to prove to other people that you can, right?” I asked, and could have rightly hit myself.

“You know I’m not even going to take that as a bad thing just now because I can see why you would think that, but no. I want a child for myself.”

“I want to be a family,” Brenna whispered. “I want that joy. I don’t necessarily want all the complications that come with sharing that joy with someone else.” She winced when she looked at me. “Is that a bitchy thing for me to say?”

I shook my head. “Not in the slightest. You’re allowed to want what you want,” I ignored the feeling bubbling up inside of me.

I didn’t want Brenna like that. Right? We weren’t each other’s futures. We were just friends. And yet, why did I have to continually tell myself that?

We were in the kitchen now, ignoring the shouts and screams of happiness and competition outside. The cake would be served soon, and others seemed just to be enjoying themselves. Now all I could do was be near Brenna and wonder what the hell was I doing here.

“Thank you for coming,” she whispered, and I looked over at her.

“What do you mean?”

“For coming here. I appreciate it. I know my family can be a lot, but then again, so can yours,” she teased.

“That’s true.”

“I’m glad I don’t have to deal with my cousins alone. My siblings are a lot on their own, and I could see from the outside how it could seem that they are too much, but I love them. They’re just all in a baby-haze right now.”

“I don’t appreciate the way that they treat you,” I said, out of the blue.

She shrugged. “They don’t mean anything by it.”

I shook my head, anger coming back harder than before. “What if you didn’t want children? What if you tried and it wasn’t happening? What if you had other issues that people deal with quietly? How is it any of their business?”

I hadn’t even realized I was saying the words until they were already out of my mouth. And while her siblings treated her kindly, they still poked at her when it came to settling down and having a future, at least the future they thought was deemed acceptable. I didn’t like it. My family might joke around, but anything that could cause pain? They stayed clear of.

“I think if it hurt me, they wouldn’t do it.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that I’m doing what I want to do with my life and my business. The others can’t hurt me. They can try, but I’m my own person. I always have been.”

We were so close then I could feel the heat of her, and I did my best to ignore it, but it wasn’t easy.

I looked at her then and swallowed hard. “I should get back out there, go hang out with your dad or something.”

She was so close, her mouth even closer. She was so tiny compared to me, but I could lean down and brush my lips along hers as long as she tilted her head up. But why would I do that? I shouldn’t do that.

Before I could say anything, my lips were on hers, and she was groaning into me. She tasted of sugar and sweetness, and all I could do is remember what she had felt like underneath me the first time we kissed.

I needed to stop. We needed to stop.

I wanted to spread her out over this counter and show her exactly what she meant to me, not that I knew what that was at all.

“Oops, sorry,” a voice said from the doorway, and I cursed before I looked back over at one of her cousins standing there.

“I didn’t realize that you two were an item. So much for being just friends,” she said as she waved before she scurried off to tell the entire family what she had just seen.

“Damn it,” Brenna muttered.

I took a step back, willed my cock to settle down, and shoved my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry every time you kiss me.”

“How about I say sorry for the time and the place?” I growled, angry at myself, but was lashing out at her instead.

“We can never do that again.”

I met her gaze and let out a breath. “You’re right. We can’t. I’m going to go upstairs. Tell them I have a headache or something.”

“That’s going to make sense, considering my entire family probably already knows that you kissed me in the kitchen.”

“I don’t know what to do, Brenna. We can’t keep doing this, but frankly? I’m finding it hard not to.”

Her eyes widened, and I wanted to curse at myself again. Instead, I turned on my heel, and I walked away. I wanted to kiss her, and I shouldn’t. She had her own shit to deal with, and anything that I wanted from her right now would not fit into those plans. They weren’t going to fit into mine either. So I took the shit way out, and I went up to my room, closed the door, and I pretended that everything wasn’t fucked up.

I wanted to kiss Brenna. I wanted to do a lot more than kissing. But I was the last thing she needed.

I would have to ignore what I wanted. Sadly, I was learning to get good at that.