Inked Devotion by Carrie Ann Ryan

Chapter 6

Brenna

Iwoke up pressed against a very naked Benjamin, his warm body hard and yet so comfortable I was afraid to get up.

Of course, that wasn’t the only reason I was afraid.

My head ached, and my mouth was dry, and Benjamin’s hands were on my breasts and between my legs. He wasn’t even moving, his chest slightly rising in a deep sleep.

He was sleeping and touching me intimately, and he wasn’t even aware of it. Something was wrong with me.

I had slept with Benjamin Montgomery. Willingly, knowingly, and I had liked it. Dear God, it had been the best sex of my life.

What was I going to say when he woke up? What time was it? Were the roads okay? And why was his hand still on my pussy?

I knew the moment that Benjamin was awake because he stilled, his body stone. Then oh so carefully, he removed his hand from between my legs, his other hand from my breast. However, his cock was still hard on my lower back, a thickness that scared the shit out of me because I could still remember the taste of it, just the barest taste before he had practically broken me.

Dear God, now I had entered my own Penthouse letter, and there was no getting out of it.

“Brenna?” he asked, his voice a growl.

I cleared my throat. “Hi.” I desperately needed water. My throat ached. Everything ached.

I knew I was probably bruised, and I was going to be sore, and we were going to most likely make it to my parents’ house tonight if we left early enough.

I had no idea what time it was, or if we should continue the charade, or if I should find a hole to bury myself into. That would probably be the best idea.

I had been taking hormones because of the prep with my fertility clinic, and now they were rampaging in me, freaking the fuck out. I hadn’t had sex in over a year, and the first time I did was drunken sex with one of my best friends? My actual best friend’s twin brother?

Dear God, what was wrong with me? Why did I keep making the worst decisions over and over again, and why did I want to do it again?

“Are you okay? We should talk.”

I looked over at him then, and he was covering himself with part of the sheet, and I hated that. I wanted to see all of him, even though that would be another mistake.

I was doing very well at making these mistakes.

“Are you going to take a shower now?” I asked.

When he sighed, I did my best not to look at him too hard. Because I wanted to look at him, and that would continue to be a mistake.

“I’ll be quick. Can I get you anything?”

“I’m just going to get ready to shower.”

“You can go first.”

“Please stop. Just…do your thing.”

He gave me a look, growled something under his breath, and turned to pick up his stuff to head to the bathroom.

I put the pillow over my face and screamed into it softly. Of course, the pillow smelled like him, and I needed to curse.

Why had I slept with him? Why did I have sex with one of the few people I should not ever think about having sex with? There’s a whole list of people I shouldn’t have sex with in my life, and Benjamin was near the top of that. Hell, everybody thought I was in love with his twin, but no, I had to go and fuck Benjamin instead.

What the hell was everyone going to think if they found out?

They could not find out I had slept with Benjamin. It would just make things so much more complicated for them.

Hell, for me too.

Hi, my name is Brenna, and I live in complications. That’s sort of what I do.

I rolled out of bed, searched for my clothes, and pulled out an old T-shirt of mine that barely covered my ass but thought it would have to be enough for now. I got the rest of my clothes to change into once I showered because I needed to shower. My legs were sore. I vaguely remembered getting up to deal with the after. Well, that was good. We had used a condom. We had been safe. And that was as good as it was going to get.

Because I had slept with Benjamin.

The shower went off quickly, and I braced myself. Benjamin walked out, duffle in his hand, a towel wrapped around his waist.

It wasn’t fair. His dark hair was wet and slicked back, his blue eyes vivid. Not a single cloud of hangover or regret in them.

And maybe I just wanted to see something.

What, I didn’t know, and that should worry me, but all of this worried me.

Water dripped down his body, and the towel was almost too small for him. I nearly groaned as the slit went high on his thigh, showing all muscle, tan muscle.

“When did you have time to tan your thighs?” I asked, and he blushed as he looked up at me.

“I have a pool. But I still have a decent farmer’s tan if you look at my arms against my legs,” he said, and I looked up to see blush over his cheeks.

“Oh. I don’t know. I was picturing you standing naked in the sun or something, and now I should not picture that.”

He let out a chuckle, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Maybe we should talk about the fact that you’ve seen me naked.”

“Did I? Maybe I don’t remember. I’m going to go quickly shower.”

“Brenna.”

“Shower first. Thanks for coming out so I can shower.”

“Don’t know why I brought the bag in any way,” he muttered. “I’m not firing on all cylinders right now.”

“That’s the title of my memoir.” I scampered into the bathroom, closed the door behind me, and caught my reflection in the mirror. My hair was tousled and looked like I had just had sex. Delicious sex. I had a hickey on my breast, and I could only see part of it with the V-neck on my T-shirt. I stripped myself down, and I saw another bite mark on my hip, another bruise that had felt so good at the time, and still did, right below my breast.

That had been the roughest and hottest sex of my life, and while I remembered every bit of it, I kind of wish I didn’t. My girl parts wanted to do it again. Every other part of me knew it would be a mistake. And hell, so did my breasts. They wanted to do it again too, but every other part of me knew I shouldn’t. So I wasn’t going to.

I quickly showered and then spent the time to blow dry my hair after getting dressed in a decent outfit. I was going to see my mother later today, and she would know I’d had sex. She always did. However, she thought I was dating Benjamin, so maybe she wouldn’t overthink it.

I know I wasn’t dating Benjamin. No, I had drunken sex with him, and now we were going to have to forget about it.

I’d never had a one-night stand in my life, and of course, my first had to be with a man I saw weekly.

After I finished doing my hair, I opened the door, realizing I was hiding from him, taking up space, and looked out to see he had made the bed, packed up everything, and had put all of my things next to my bag. He stood there, looking far too sexy as he spoke on the phone.

“Yeah, Beckett, we’re safe. We’re going to head to her mother’s soon. Don’t worry about us.”

He was on the phone with his brother. And I had no idea what he had said to him.

Benjamin gave me a look and shook his head, and relief poured through me. Something must have flashed in my face, and hurt crossed his, and I felt terrible for it. I shouldn’t make Benjamin feel bad, but I also knew we couldn’t do this again. We couldn’t.

Even if that wasn’t something that would be easy for either one of us to work through.

At least for me, that was.

Benjamin hung up and gave me a look. “I didn’t tell him. Because we should talk first, and I know me telling my brother over the phone that you and I slept together in a drunken haze is probably not the best thing to do.”

“You’re right,” I said. “I have no idea what we’re going to do.”

“Good, I’m not the only one. Are you ready to go?”

I shook my head. “I need to put on makeup.”

“Then we can talk as you do that.”

“Benjamin…” I began, and he shook head. I let out a breath. “Okay.”

I added a little tinted moisturizer, some mascara, and maybe a little bronzer around the edges of my face to make it look like I had more than a few hours of sleep. Ugh, and concealer. Let’s not forget the concealer.

“You know you’re always so fucking beautiful. I sometimes forget that you wear makeup underneath all the flour and baking goods I usually see you in.”

I paused. “I don’t know how to take that.”

“You don’t have to take it at all. I’m letting you know I think you are beautiful.”

Everything felt weird, forced. And it was all on me. “Benjamin.”

“What, Brenna?” He let out a rough growl that did things to me I didn’t want to think about. “We slept together. Do you regret it?”

I looked at him then and winced.

He sighed and let out a breath. “You regret it.”

“I’m not saying regret regret, but more of we really shouldn’t have done that. You know we shouldn’t have done that. We’re friends first.”

“And everybody thinks that you’re in love with my brother.”

“That too,” I growled. “They think I’m in love with Beckett, and now I’m doing my best to dissuade that, we all are. It’s just going to complicate things. We’re in the same circles. My friends are your friends. My friends are your family. Us sleeping together and having a one-night stand or whatever the hell this was will hurt everybody in the end.” I didn’t realize I was crying, my voice going high-pitched, until Benjamin leaned forward and wiped the tears from the cheeks.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered.

“It’s these stupid hormones.”

He raised a brow.

I waved him off. “I’m on hormones because I want to get pregnant.”

“I’m glad we remembered the fucking condom,” he muttered.

I swallowed hard. “You’re already donating sperm to one person. I’m glad we didn’t decide to make it both.” I closed my eyes and groaned. “I suck at this. I don’t know how to talk to humans anymore. I’m awkward as fuck. I’m weird. I’m not very social, and I get grumpy. I don’t even know why I thought I could be a mom. I’m going to be like the worst parent ever because I just suck at being a human being. And here I am hurting you because I don’t know how to be a human being. I’m sorry. Last night was great. Seriously. Best sex ever.”

He just kept looking at me, blinking, and I kept going, knowing I might as well keep digging the hole for me to bury myself in.

“Seriously best sex ever. I’m not a virgin, not like Archer used to think for so long,” I grumbled.

Benjamin snorted. “Didn’t think you were a virgin. And I hope to hell you weren’t, considering what we did last night.”

“Drunk sex for my first time really wouldn’t have been a good thing. No, I’m not a virgin. I’m not in love with your brother. Yes, you and I had sex, but we were safe, and oh my God, I can’t believe that I’m having this conversation. My hormones are making me lose my mind.”

Benjamin leaned forward, gripped my chin, and brushed his lips along mine. I sank into him, sighing before I pulled myself back quickly. “What the hell was that? That’s not helping things.”

“Made you shut up, didn’t it?” he asked, laughter in his eyes.

I pushed at him slightly before I started laughing, this time the tears freely flowing. “I’m losing my mind.”

“You’re adding extra hormones to your system, so of course you’re going to feel like you’re losing your mind.” He let out a breath. “Let’s think about this rationally.”

“I’m not rational. That’s the point.”

“I’m the rational brother. We all know this.”

“We do,” I whispered.

“We had sex. Really fucking good sex. It’s not just on your end, Brenna. Best fucking sex ever. We won’t do it again. We got it out of our systems, and we’re going to be friends. You’re my friend Brenna. I’m the last single Montgomery of my family, and you’re the last single Garrett. We are going to remain who we are, even though I have seen all of your parts.”

“Thanks, that’s so romantic,” I said as I laughed.

He winked. “Well, you’ve seen my part as well.”

“Yes, I have,” I said, drawing out the words until I put my hands over my face and screamed. “See? We can’t do this.” I let my hands fall. “Everyone’s going to know.”

“So, no secrets then.”

“Am I a hypocrite? Horrible hypocrite.”

“I’m so good at messing things up, and I feel like that’s what I’m going to do with this.”

“Then we don’t mess it up. You and me? We’re friends. We go to your family reunion. We make sure your family has nothing to worry about, and then we come home, and we get back to business. I will donate my sperm. You will get sperm from someone else, and I will stop saying sperm in front of you.”

My lips twitched. “I don’t think you can make that promise,” I grumbled.

He laughed then, and the sound soothed me, even though it shouldn’t—damn hormones.

“I like you, Brenna. We’re going to figure this out.”

“And we’re not going to have sex again,” I said.

He looked at me then, swallowed hard, and nodded. “Never again.”

I did my best to hide the disappointment I shouldn’t be feeling at all.