Forever After All by Kaylee Ryan

Chapter 12

McKenna

I’m not drunk. I am, however, tipsy enough to be a little bold when it comes to Rip. I haven’t been able to think of anything but him since our dinner Thursday night. Then, when Laramie called telling me that we were getting together at his place tonight, well, I might have shaved and moisturized every inch of my body in anticipation. Not that I expect anything to happen between us. However, just the fact that there would be a small chance, I wasn’t going to risk it because I was too lazy to shave my legs or my lady bits.

“I’m good,” he says. His voice is thick and husky, and it’s making me want things that I know I can’t have—namely, him. Slowly, I turn to face him.

“Are you sure you want to share your bed? I can sleep on the couch,” I offer half-heartedly. We both know that I don’t want to sleep on the couch, and he said he wanted me here in his bed, but I still feel as though the right thing to do is to offer to take the couch again. You know, just to be certain. I’m going to be an attorney, after all. If I’m anything, I’m thorough. At least I should be. When I’m working, I’m confident and assertive, but when it comes to Rip, I revert back to that same little girl who was told she was a mistake and ruined everything. He doesn’t remind me of my father, not even close. Maggie tells me it’s because I want him to want me. Well, she said it’s because I want him to love me. Just like I wanted my father to love me. I won’t confirm or deny her theory.

“It’s not big enough for both of us.” His eyes bore into mine, and my body heats from not only his gaze but his words. There is no misunderstanding that he wants me close.

“Okay.” It’s a lame reply, but I don’t really know what else to say. I could ask him what’s going on. I could ask him why all of a sudden, now that I’m home, he’s lavishing me with attention. I could ask him if this is just a game. If I’m someone to just pass the time with, like a shiny new toy. I won’t ask any of those things for fear of the answer.

Instead, I’m going to soak up his time and attention so that when he does decide that whatever this is, is over, I’ll have the memories to keep me warm at night. Rip’s never been what some would call a player, but I’ve watched every girl in our high school practically throw themselves at him. He’s one of the good ones. The type of man that if you have the chance, you want to hold on tight and never let go. He’s going to realize that he can do better than a twenty-four-year-old attorney who is still in therapy from the shit her parents put her through. Granted, it’s every three or four months that I see her, but still. He can do better.

He deserves better.

“I’m going to set the lamp on the bathroom counter but leave the door open. That way, we can see to get to the restroom if we need to,” Rip explains as he walks to the bathroom, pushing open the door and setting the lamp on the counter.

“Do you have a side?” I ask.

“Doesn’t matter when I plan to hold you.” He shrugs and walks to the opposite side of the bed I’m standing on and climbs in.

He has no idea what his words do to me. Then again, maybe he does. Rip Callahan is a man’s man. He’s rugged, and basically the definition of masculine. He works hard, and it shows. He didn’t get those washboard abs from a gym. He got them from hard work and dedication to his family’s farm.

“Kenna.” His deep, gruff voice calls to me as he pulls the blankets back and motions for me to join him.

My knees wobble as I climb into bed and lie on my side to face him. It’s dark, only a tiny glow from the bathroom giving us light. It’s not enough to make out his features or his gorgeous brown eyes. That’s okay. I have them memorized.

“Are you tired?” he whispers.

“A little,” I confess. However, it’s probably going to take me some time to fall asleep with him next to me.

“Rollover, Kenna,” he instructs.

I do as he asks, resting my hands beneath my cheek. There’s a dip in the mattress, and then I’m surrounded by warmth and the smell of sandalwood, along with something uniquely Rip. He slides his arm under my head, and I adjust my position. Not knowing what to do with my hands, I’m relieved when he takes the decision away from me and laces his fingers through mine.

We lie in silence for what seems like hours. I try to keep my focus on his breathing to match mine instead of focusing on the fact that the man I’ve always wanted is holding me in his arms. In his bed. For the second time in a matter of weeks. I’ve heard the saying that you never really get over your first crush, your first love. Rip is that person for me.

Do I love him? Yes. He’s been a part of my life since I was six years old.

Am I in love with him? No. I’m not in love with him, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that if there are many more nights like this one, that could change. It would take very little effort for my heart to be twisted with his. Hell, the way mine is racing in my chest by just being near him, it may have already started to take root.

“I’ve missed you.” His husky whisper causes goose bumps to break out against my skin.

I feel his lips press against my shoulder, and my mind immediately goes to our kiss. Just a peck, but I wanted more. I still want more. Maybe it’s the alcohol making me brave. Maybe it’s just him, and maybe it’s that I’ve missed him too. Whatever the reason, I turn in his arms, placing my hand against his cheek.

“Rip?” My voice is barely a whisper.

“Yeah, baby?” His voice is velvety soft.

“Kiss me?”

No more words are said as he leans in and molds his lips to mine. He’s not in a hurry as he nibbles at my bottom lip, soothing the ache with his tongue. His large, calloused hand slides under my T-shirt and presses against my back, moving me impossibly closer to him and his warmth. I release a moan that I can’t hold in, and he takes the opportunity to slide his tongue past my lips. I expect him to move things along, but he does anything but. Instead, his tongue lazily explores my mouth while his hand traces up and down my spine. It’s the slowest, most sensual kiss I’ve ever received in my entire life.

I never want it to end.

He kisses me until we’re both breathless. I want more. I want all of him. I’m just about to make my move when he pulls back and guides my head to rest on his chest. He wraps his arms around me and presses his lips to the top of my head.

I try not to think of this as a rejection, but it’s hard not to. Neither of us is drunk, so I can’t blame it on the alcohol. I want to ask him why he stopped. I want to move to straddle his hips while his hands roam over my body. Then I remember this is Rip Callahan. My best friend's older brother. He can have any woman he wants, and I’m sure the way I was kissing him back, he knows that he could have me. Yet, he stopped us.

Hot tears prick my eyes, but I will them not to fall. The teenage girl in me just can’t seem to let him go.

I don’t say a word, lying still until his breathing evens out, and I know he’s asleep. As carefully as I can, I slide out from under his arm and crawl out of bed. I want nothing more than to wake up next to him, but this is a foolish game I’m playing. I was lying to myself when I said I wasn’t in love with him.

I’ve always been in love with Rip Callahan.

But I’m a grown woman who deserves more than just a few stolen kisses in the dark of night. If he wants me, he needs to be all in, and that’s not Rip. I’ve never known him to be serious about anyone. His love is for the land that his family will one day pass on to him. That’s a truth that I need to learn to face.

As quietly as I can, I grab my clothes and change back into them. Folding his T-shirt neatly, I place it on top of his dresser. Blindly, I make my way back downstairs to the living room and settle on the couch. Pulling the throw over me, I silently let my tears fall.

* * *

The sudden hum of the refrigerator wakes me up. Glancing around, I see the sun starting to rise through the window as memories of last night rush back to me. I should get up and leave. My car is here and facing Rip, and his rejection, doesn’t really sound like a good time. Sitting up, I stretch my arms above my head, then stand to fold the blanket and return it to the back of the couch. That’s when I feel someone watching me. Turning my head, I see Rip. His hair is tousled, and there are still sleep marks against his cheek. He’s wearing the same low-hung basketball shorts, and with no shirt, his chiseled upper body is on display.

“You okay?” His voice is laced with sleep and so damn sexy.

“Yeah. I’m uh… just going to head home.” I mess with the pillows, rearranging them to have something to do with my hands. That’s why I don’t see him approach.

“Come back to bed, Kenna.”

“I should really go.”

“Please?”

I want to. More than anything, I want to go back to his warm, cozy bed and let him hold me, but I need to preserve my heart here. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Are you mad at me? Is this about last night?” He places his hands on my hips and turns me to face him. With one hand cupping my cheek, he uses the index finger of the other to wipe the tears under my eyes, he then lifts my chin so that we are face-to-face. “I’m sorry if I went too far, but damn it, McKenna, a man is only so strong. You were drinking… and damn it, I’m sorry. Please come back to bed.”

“Wh-What?” I ask as my brain tries to comprehend what he’s saying.

“Come on. It’s still early.” He laces his fingers through mine, and I follow him back upstairs and into his room. He closes the door, and the audible sound of the lock clicking in place has my heart skipping a beat.

Without saying a word, he leads me to the bed and pulls the covers back with a nod for me to climb in. Like the fool that I am for him, I do as he asks. I watch as he rounds the bed and climbs in, tugging me into his arms.

“Rip… I-I don’t understand this.”

“I want to hold you, McKenna. That’s what this is. Now go back to sleep.”

A little piece of my heart shatters. I’m falling hard and fast, and I don’t know what to do. I know this is going to lead to my heart being torn to shreds, but I can’t seem to stop whatever this is. Rip is a good friend, my best friend’s brother, and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Eventually, I fall back to sleep, only to wake a few hours later alone. Making a stop in the bathroom, I take care of business and head downstairs, where I find Colby and Rip in the kitchen. Colby’s sitting at the island watching Rip scramble eggs.

“Sleep well?” Rip asks.

“Yeah. Where’s Laramie?”

“Still sleeping,” Colby tells me.

I feel awkward just standing here, so I take one of the barstools and sit next to Colby. I’m barely seated before Rip is pushing a cup of coffee toward me. “Black,” he says by way of explanation.

“Thanks.”

“How’s studying going? You excited to get this test over with?” Colby asks.

“Excited, but ready for it all to be over if that makes any sense. I’m glad to be home for good. Missed all of you.” I make sure that I keep my eyes on him and not on Rip. Last night told me all that I need to know where Rip is concerned. He wants me, but he’s not willing to take me. I get it. We have history. Now I know. He regrets the kisses we shared. However, he still held me like I was precious to him. I’m so confused by his actions.

“You barely made it home the last five years. You think you can adjust to country living?” he asks.

“You can take the girl out of the country, but you can’t take the county out of the girl,” I say with a laugh. “I’m not going to have a problem,” I tell him.

“Well, I’m glad you’re home and will be here for the wedding.”

“Is that why you waited to ask her?”

“Partially. I also only plan to get married once. We were young when we started dating, and I wanted to give us both some time to grow up and be certain this is what we want. I want this to be for life. And yes, while I’m aware that’s the plan in regard to marriage, I feel many take it too lightly, and that’s not me.”

“You two have always known what you want.”

He nods. “Yeah, I have. So has she. But the thought of us getting married so young and it not working out, I couldn’t survive losing her as my wife.”

“You—” I point at him, fighting back the tears. “—you and Laramie are couple goals. The epitome of what a relationship should look like. I’d give anything to have a man love me half as much as you love her.” Surprising us both, I lean over and give him a hug. “Thank you for loving my best friend and treating her like the queen that she is.”

“She’s my heart, Mac.” Four words, a simple declaration of love, and I know those words come from deep within his soul.

“Morning,” Laramie says as she drags her feet into the room. She goes to Colby immediately, who has his arms open for her.

“Hey, babe,” he whispers.

“What are we talking about?” she asks, taking his cup of coffee and slurping down a huge drink.

“McKenna being home and her test. We’re going to have to celebrate once she takes this exam.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“Of course it is,” Laramie replies, more alert with some caffeine running through her veins.

“Let’s see if I pass it.”

“You’re going to pass,” all three of them say at once. My eyes find Rip’s, and he nods as if his words are the gospel.

“Fine,” I concede. “Just a bonfire and friends is enough for me. You know I don’t like all of the attention.”

“Tell that to my future wife.”

“You’re marrying her. Can’t you control her?” I tease.

“We all know there is no controlling Laramie Callahan.” He chuckles.

“Hey, I’m right here,” Laramie chimes in.

“Are you really going to dispute this, little sister?” Rip laughs.

“Nope.” She grins, taking another sip of coffee.

“I don’t know, maybe when you change her last name and have a couple of kids, that might do it.” I smirk. Laramie has already told me that Colby is eager to start a family. He says he wants to be young enough to keep up with his kids, not old and gray. At his twenty-five and her twenty-four, they are both a far cry away from being old and gray.

“A man can dream,” Colby remarks.

“Eat up,” Rip says, placing a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of each of us.

“Thank you.” I smile at him, and he nods. I can’t read the expression on his face, so I don’t even try. Instead, I turn my attention to my breakfast and chat with Colby and Laramie about plans they’ve already made for the wedding.