Swallow Your Pride by Sarah Blue
DEAD PEOPLE CAN BE ANNOYING
Zach Kemper can fuck allthe way off. I never truly understood how the little prick was Collin’s son. I guess the fact that Collin had a secret child all these years changes how I feel about the man. But at the same time, I still consider Collin a mentor of sorts. I don’t think Zach liked how close his father and I became over the years. He certainly doesn’t like that he has a sister he didn’t know about or the fact that I just gave her a job.
But I also know it’s what Collin would have wanted, and truthfully, she is filling a position that we need. It’s not a pity filled job offer. I was impressed when I looked at her portfolio. She’s genuinely talented, unlike another Kemper offspring I know.
He came in here demanding that I fire her… well, to not hire her in the first place, despite the fact that she was given a significant portion of the company. Zach is just bitter because we’re not equal anymore. I own more of the company that holds his namesake. But the truth is, I was a massive part of making this company what it is today, while he just inherited it. I won’t deny that he’s a decent sales person, but a leader he is not.
He’s too busy seeing Jessa as a secret, as a flaw in the father he looked up to. I suppose I don’t blame him for having conflicting feelings about his dad. But to project that anger onto Jessa isn’t fair or right.
Jessa seems… sad, or broken in a way. I got the sense that the cottage, these shares, the job, are the lifeline she needs. I have a penchant for helping broken people, and I can’t help myself when I know some of her history. There’s a huge part of me that knows that this is what Collin would have wanted. He didn’t give her those shares and disrupt his family for nothing. If he were still here, he would have wanted Jessa to be taken care of, so in his stead, I will make sure that Zach doesn’t push her out and she has a place to work.
There’s a light knock on the door frame and I look up to see Jessa. She looks anxious as she fidgets and tugs down her sun dress.
“Come in.”
She takes her seat from earlier. Bouncing her knee as she looks around my office again. “Is this where you tell me it isn’t going to work out?”
“No.”
“Okay,” she says in a breathy tone.
I push over the papers to her with her employment contract. “Take your time to look over this, what your duties will be, and the salary. If you have any concerns, let me know. It’s a combination of marketing, design, and administrative duties.”
She looks over the paper, carefully reading. Her mouth parts as she looks up at me. “That’s the salary?”
“Yes, if you have any issues, I can discuss with Huck, but you will also need to consider dividends from your shares.”
“No, this is far more than I anticipated.”
“Should we bring it down then?” I ask. She blinks at me a few times before smiling and shaking her head.
“No, this… this is good.”
“Take the evening to look over it and bring it in tomorrow. For now, would you like a tour and rundown of the company?”
She smiles and it’s odd, when I first saw her I didn’t think she looked much like Collin. But when she smiles, I can definitely see it. Collin was an optimist, a dreamer, and a friend. I sigh as I look at his daughter and remember the man who treated me like a son of his own. I rub my jaw and nod my head. “You’ve already been around the office, let’s go to the warehouse.”
She stands up straight, rubbing her face before following me out the door to my car. “The warehouse is only ten minutes away.” She nods and I have to temper the urge to get her car door for her. She’s quiet and contemplative as silence fills the cab of the car. I’m not sure what to say besides things that pertain to the company. I have to push back this nagging feeling that wants me to ask her if she’s okay. It’s honestly not a question even worth asking, of course she’s not okay. I don’t think anyone would be in her situation, so I bite my tongue as we pull up to the warehouse.
“Kemper’s is a wholesaler, so we basically provide sports equipment, merchandise, and memorabilia to retailers, schools, and a few professional teams.”
“So you don’t have any chain stores?” she asks, and I realize she’s taking notes on her phone.
“We have two in Florida, but other than that, it’s all wholesale.” She makes a noise of agreement and continues following me through the warehouse. “We deal with manufactures across the world to get the gear made and we distribute it.”
“What about large chain stores?”
“Those would be our biggest competition, we will never be able to compete with Nike or Under Armour. That’s why our main focus has been on the athletic equipment itself and offering American made products.”
“What are some of the things you make in house?”
“Baseball bats, skateboards, surfboards, and water bottles are the biggest ones we can manufacture.”
“So you started this company with Collin?” she asks, and I keep my face blank as she references him by his first name.
“No, Collin already had the company up and running, but it wasn’t growing as he wanted. I had money to spare and wanted to stay in athletics so it worked out for the both of us.” She tilts her head like she wants me to continue, but I don’t. Mostly because I don’t know how much I want to give her in reference to my history.
“You cared about him?” she says softly and I clear my throat.
“Collin and I were close.” I almost say he felt like a second father to me, but swallow that down really fucking quick.
She sighs, but doesn’t ask me any more questions as we walk through the warehouse and I show her different goods. “We would be looking for you to possibly do some re-branding on our USA line, as well as emails to our current clients and marketing to potential clients.”
“I can definitely do that.”
“On top of that, I may have some administrative tasks throughout the day, so you will report directly to me.” She nods, her thumbs still moving as she keeps notes in her phone. “Do you have any sports you enjoy?” I ask, shifting the conversation.
“I played field hockey in high school,” she says, shrugging her shoulders.
I walk her down the hall to where we keep the hockey sticks, baseball bats, and field hockey sticks. “Here’s our selection.”
She picks one up and touches the handle before putting it back. She doesn’t comment as we continue throughout the warehouse. Warehouse workers introduce themselves, and it’s clear they know who she is. Jessa seems uncomfortable, but takes it in stride. It’s nearly the end of the day, so I drive us back to the office.
It’s only when we’re a minute away that she speaks. “So everyone in the entire company knows I’m Collin Kemper’s bastard child from a one night stand.”
I swallow and sigh. “They just know that Collin had another child. They don’t know the details.”
“But you do?”
“Collin told me some things before he passed.”
“He didn’t reach out to me when he was sick,” she says sadly. It’s confusing, matching up the man I looked up to for over a decade with his actions. It’s a tough pill to swallow, and really there’s nothing for me to say, so I stay quiet. Jessa breaks the silence, “I would have come, had he called.”
“I’m sorry.” It’s the only thing I can come up with. I know it’s not my place to apologize, but I can’t feel anything but disappointment in how Collin handled this situation.
When we pull up to the office, everyone is packing up for the day. We head inside so Jessa can gather her things.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I mostly ask because I’m not sure if she plans on coming back or not.
“Yes, I’ll be back tomorrow,” she says, throwing the strap of her purse over her shoulder and grabbing her portfolio and leaving the building.
I groan and grab the ball out of the top drawer, tossing it in the air and catching it. My hand slightly tenses with each squeeze. After all these years, my hand still fucking hurts. I want to throw the ball through the giant window in my office, but I refrain.
Penny drops off a few documents and looks at me expectantly.
“What?” I ask her.
“She’s nice.”
‘Okay?”
“I think…” I look up at my cousin who rolls her eyes at me. “I think she needs a friend, and I plan on being that for her. I think she’s sad.”
“Of course she’s sad.”
“Maybe…”
“Listen, Penny. She’s an employee, she’s a shareholder. I’ll be kind to her, not just because I’m her boss but because she’s Collin’s daughter. Is there anything else?”
“Damn, don’t chew my head off, or I’ll call Aunt Maggie.”
“Seriously, you’re going to call my mom when I tell you to mind your own business?” I ask.
“Yeah, maybe. I’m just saying. Everyone in the office is already gossiping about her; it’s going to be hard. We have to make more of an effort. I’ll make sure to ask her to lunch.”
“That will be great. Is there anything else?”
She clears her throat and shakes her head as she leaves. She stops at the door frame and looks back at me. “Will you be at family dinner on Sunday?” I really need to make sure that there are no more family hires at this fucking office.
I wave her off and nod my head. She smiles before disappearing down the hall. It takes me a while to get the will to leave the office, to go back home where I feel so alone. I’m leaning in my chair and contemplating going to Avalon. Another night with meaningless sex sounds pathetic.
I groan as I pull the manila envelope from my desk and open the folded document holding the letter from Collin I haven’t read. Nothing like reading a message from your dead best friend to sway you from going to a sex club. With the paper in my hands, I read his last words to me.
Aiden,
We built something wonderful together and I’m sure you’re wondering about my decisions with my children. I hope that you understand I’m trying to right my wrongs. It’s something I should have done a long time ago. You always felt like a son to me, so please, as my last wish, make sure my children are cared for. Be the mentor to them as I was to you. Guide them when they need you, but let them make mistakes too. I know this is a lot to ask of you, but you were my best friend. I trust you with the most valuable things I leave behind in my life. My children and my company. I know you’ll make me proud.
-Collin
I have to resist crumpling up the paper and throwing it in the trash. What the actual fuck, Collin? All these weeks I spent visiting him in the hospital and he never said anything like this. He told me about Jessa, that he wanted to make sure she was taken care of. Not that he had expectations of me. He didn’t even tell his wife and son about Jessica until he was reaching his final hours.
It’s a hard realization when someone you put on a pedestal winds up not being the person you believed them to be. I’m trying to consolidate the Collin I knew: who was my mentor, business partner, and friend. To this man who died with such a huge secret he only revealed in death. I’m trying to have compassion and understanding for everyone, but it’s extremely difficult.
I’m sure the shock is hard for Zach and Abigail, but the pain in Jessa’s eyes is unmistakable.
Part of me hates Collin for putting me in this position, and as much as I want to punch Zach in the face most days, I’ll honor his wishes. Collin gave me a new life, and the least I can do is make sure his children can reach their highest potential, despite their father’s failures.