The Wrong Wife by Maya Alden

Chapter 40

Esme

Iwished Declan was with me, I thought as we evacuated everyone from the building. The fire had started in one of the bedrooms, and the fire Marshall suspected it was because of faulty wiring. The building was old, and there were no funds to update the infrastructure.

"Where will we put everyone?" Patricia worried.

"We'll find a way." I didn't know how we would. Maria, I knew was working on it. I didn't have a network in LA. If this was Seattle, I could make something happen. However, I knew someone who did have a network here. Someone I was dying to talk to.

But it was obvious that he and Viv were back together. The media was all over their renewed relationship. There had been no comment from the Hartley and Knight PR teams. There had been some headlines that wondered: Where is Esme Knight?

Esme Knight was in Skid Row trying to put out a fire. And spending way too much time on media websites, which she never ever did before.

I took a deep breath and walked away from the noise to the side of the building, where it was slightly quieter. I called Declan. As the phone rang, I wondered if I should've texted him first. But I didn't have to speculate over that for long because he immediately picked up.

"Esme," his voice was a whisper.

"I'm so sorry to bother you, Declan. Are you busy?"

"For you? Never. What can I do for you?"

His words made me feel warm; his cool tone dampened that warmth effectively. "I…do you have some contacts…ah, well, there was a fire at Safe Harbor, and we need a place to move everyone. I… don't know for long, and I wondered if you knew someone with space for us."

He was quiet for so long that I panicked. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called. I…this is not your problem. I understand."

"Esme," he tried to interrupt me, but I was on a roll.

"I know I have no rights. And… I'm going to…"

"Esme," he called out again. "My father is on his way. Maria called me earlier and he has a building on Spring that I think will work well for Safe Harbor. It's in pretty good shape, and he will work with the Knight Foundation to ensure everyone has everything they need to get through the first few days until you can get settled in."

"Oh." He hadn't called me to check up on me even though Maria had told him there had been a fire. I remember when he'd stayed the night with me in the ER with my mother. How he’d carried me when Billy had hurt me. I guess, those days were in the past.

"I'm glad you called me Esme."

"Why?" my voice was hoarse. My heart ached.

"I'm glad I can do something to help you."

"Why," I asked again.

"Are you well, Esme?" His voice was butter soft, almost a kiss.

"Yes." No. No, I'm not. "And you?"

"I'm hanging in there.” I heard someone call his name and he told me he had to go.

It was the first time we had spoken in three weeks. And almost immediately I wanted to call him again and hear his voice. Viv was going to have him as a husband. Couldn't I have him on the phone just once in a while to soothe my aching heart?

Gerald showed up at Happy Mother with sandwiches, water, and cookies for everyone, along with a project manager from the Knight Foundation, a no-nonsense woman who took over the transportation and settlement of everyone from Skid Row to the building on Spring street.

It took all day and a good part of the evening to make Safe Harbor semi-functional in Gerald's building. It was bigger than Safe Harbor and had more amenities. For example, the Wi-Fi worked like a dream. The kids loved the TV room, which had a massive television and video games. The kitchen had a functioning dishwasher, which made Gina and Betty tremendously happy.

I was exhausted at the end of the day and grateful for Gerald. He was more like the Declan I had gotten to know during the past six months than the man I thought he was when I watched him from afar as Viv's boyfriend and then-fiancée.

"Esme, I feel like a big steak. And I think you need some food. Have you lost weight?" he thundered.

"I like food too much to lose weight," I countered, but I knew I had stopped eating and drinking wine.

I had also not gotten a decent night's sleep in three weeks. I worked and grieved the end of my marriage. There hadn't been much inclination on my part to eat or even open a bottle of wine.

I wanted to turn Gerald down, but he had spent the day helping out, and I didn't want to be ungrateful, though what I wanted to do was go to bed and recount my conversation with Declan this afternoon. Go over it word by word to determine how he still felt about me. Would he still call me my love as he used to? Or was that what he called all his bedmates, I thought sadly.

Gerald's driver took us to Chi Spacca in Hollywood. The maître d' seemed to know Gerald, so I deduced that he was a regular at the steakhouse.

He ordered a bottle of Bordeaux, one of Declan's favorites. I remembered the evening he'd opened the bottle to serve along with steak with truffled potatoes that he'd cooked. That night, we'd made love on the dining table, high on good food and wine.

"Your pussy takes my cock so well, sweetheart. I've never had this with anyone."

"No one." I gasped as he pounded into me.

"No one, my love, just you. Just us."

I set the wine down before I could start crying. I shifted my glasses to read the menu and didn't feel like ordering anything. But I'd have to, or Gerald would worry. I went for a beetroot salad. Gerald ordered a 36-ounce Costata alla Fiorentina with red wine sauce, truffled potatoes, and seared baby artichokes.

I rubbed my hands on my jeans to warm them. The restaurant was cold, and my cotton t-shirt wasn't much protection. Or maybe I was tired due to lack of sleep, too much grief and my body wanted to slide into a fetal position and stay that way.

"I have a question for you?" Gerald drank some wine as if considering his query.

"Okay."

"Why are you leaving my son?"

I blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Didn't you hear me?"

I nodded. "I… I'm not leaving him. This was always temporary, and… he can now go back to Viv as it should've been from the start."

"He doesn't want to marry her. If he did, he'd have the same fucked up marriage as Nina and I do. Do you know why I travel eleven months of the year?"

I waited for him to tell me.

"Because I can't stand my wife. If he married Viv, he'd also get there. Maybe we could travel together."

"Then why not get divorced," I suggested.

"I don't feel married; I live my life, and she lives hers. I used to show up for celebrations, but now I only come when there's a Knight Tech board meeting. I don't love my wife, and she doesn't love me. You, however, love my son."

"How do you know?" I squeaked.

He smiled. "I may not be in love, but I know what it is."

"He doesn't want me, Gerald."

"How do you know that? I've known my son his whole life, and he wants you with a degree of desperation that would've unsettled me if you didn't feel the same way.”

The waiter came with our food and saved me from responding to him. But I heard every word he said, which echoed in my mind. He wants you with a degree of desperation.

It was easier to have no expectations because then you never got disappointed. I couldn't and wouldn't let myself build castles in the air as my father had warned me not to do. I was going to start fresh. Maybe I’ll move back to Seattle. There would be no memories there.

"Is that all you're going to eat?" Gerald was not impressed with my food consumption, and I didn't want to tell him that I was in so much pain that there was no room for anything else inside me.

"Thank you for coming to our aid today, Gerald. How long can we stay in your building?" I asked him.

"How long? It's yours. Didn't I tell you?"

I froze. "What?"

"Declan said you needed a bigger place, and I said fine. He said that Vega will ensure the deed is transferred to you."

"Carolina Vega?" The general counsel for Knight Technologies.

"Hmm." Gerald ate steadily, and I was halfway through my salad when he finished his steak. He also consumed three glasses of wine while I was nursing the first.

"But…" I didn't know what to say. Declan gave me a building. He had mentioned that he'd give me money at the end of the contract, but I had not abided by the agreement, demanding an annulment. I signed the document first.

"He can afford it, my girl…actually, it’s my building so I can afford it," Gerald said dryly, leaning back on his chair with his glass of wine. "What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything."

"If we could protect your mother, would you return to Declan?"

I was taken aback. "My mother is no danger."

Gerald nodded. "Is this what you tell the women you talk to who are being used like punching bags by their husbands? To lie and pretend it doesn't happen?"

"Gerald, this is a family matter and—"

"Stop defending that father of yours." He raised his hand to silence me. "Esme, you're twenty-three years old. If you turned around and said you didn't want to be in a relationship, it's alright. You're young. You have a lifetime ahead of you. So, I want to ask you, do you want Declan?"

I licked my lips and worried my upper lip with my teeth. "Want him?"

"Yes, do you want him to be friend, lover, companion, champion, husband…all the things they promise us marriage will be but seldom is?"

Declan had been all those things to me. In a short time, Declan had been a friend, a lover, a companion, and when the chips were down, he helped me, like right now, like making sure Safe Harbor was taken care of. Yes, I wanted him, but why would he want me? What did I give him? Nothing. I wasn't as beautiful as the women he usually went with. I didn't have a high-power job. I didn't know how to wear designer clothes. I didn't wear makeup most of the time. I wore glasses, and my ass was the size of Greenland.

"Wanting something doesn't mean you can have it."

"How would you know?"

I looked up at him.

"When was the last time you fought for something?"

"I've had to fight for everything," I responded. "Everything."

Gerald shrugged. "Really? You got this job by talking to Maria and navigating around Nina and Julien. The only reason your father lets you work here is because it's connected to the Caruso family. You didn't demand your inheritance or even support from your family for your education because—"

"I took care of it myself. And how do you know so much about me?" I let my irritation show.

"You think I'd let my son marry someone without knowing everything about them?"

"You weren't even at the wedding," I protested.

The waiter came then to ask if we'd like some dessert.

"No," I snapped.

"The chocolate mousse, please, and I'll have a cognac, bartenders choice."

Gerald grinned after the waiter left. "Dessert is the best part of the meal. So, coming back to how you only get some of what you want is because you're not ready to fight for the rest."

"You're being unfair. You don't even know me." I felt tears prick my eyes.

"I know enough." Gerald's eyes softened. "Esme, if you don't believe you're worthy of love and respect, why would anyone give it to you? We teach the people around us to treat us in the manner they do. My wife treats me like some trust fund baby, which I am, but I never objected to how she treated me and thought of me—so here we are. The same goes for her. How have you taught your family to teach you?"

I felt sick. He was right, but…I didn't have a choice, did I? I had to protect myself and my mother. My childhood was a dance of being quiet, not making a nuisance of myself, being conciliatory, curbing every desire, and expecting nothing from anyone. I'd gotten so used to not believing in anyone that whenever someone did something nice, I was genuinely surprised.

When Mark or Maria remembered my birthday, or congratulated me when I got a paper published, I was grateful for their attention. But they were my friends; wasn't their support something I should expect?

Having given me food for thought, Gerald smartly changed the topic to his travels in Asia, regaling me with stories about a monkey in Thailand that he'd befriended. When he dropped me off at Mark's place, he hugged me.

"I'm going to tell you something you don't know," he whispered as he held me. "You're kind, beautiful, and good—and worthy of friendship, love, and everything else you want."

Mark had the night shift, so the apartment was empty. I went straight to my bedroom and took a shower. As I lay in bed, I thought about what Gerald said. He was right. I always wondered if I was imposing on someone, taking up too much time, or asking for too much. I’d never fought for what I wanted. I’d flown under the radar and been happy with the crumbs.

I picked up my phone on impulse and texted Declan: Thank you so much for everything today. Gerald is a prince.

He responded immediately: It was our pleasure to help. All settled at Safe Harbor?

Me: Yes. I had dinner with your father. Did you know he has a pet monkey in Thailand?

I waited for his response, and when it came, I smiled: Yes. He has a large photo framed in his home office.

It took all my courage, but I decided it was time to say what I wanted without worrying about what could go wrong: I'm sorry about how I left. I should've talked to you first.

It took nearly ten minutes to get his response, which said. Thank you.

He didn't elaborate. He didn't give me hope.

The next day I saw pictures of him with Viv at a Hollywood party, and I realized he'd been with Viv when he'd responded to my messages. I didn't know how to feel about that.