Safeword: Mayday by Candace Blevins
Chapter 26
Kyle and Marcus seemed deep in a discussion, talking at the fence while Heather put Phantom through his paces. She wanted to know what they were talking about, but didn’t feel like she should interrupt.
She tried to ignore them though, because Phantom needed her undivided attention, so she sank into that place she went when she and Phantom became almost one — horse and rider so in tune with each other that all Heather had to do was think of an instruction, and Phantom did it.
When she finished, she dismounted Phantom while still in the ring and walked to his head, keeping her back to him so he could lean his face down beside hers. She reached up with her arm to rub the right side of his muzzle, and he rubbed the left side of his face against her head. They nuzzled each other a moment, and then she turned and they looked into each other’s eyes. She kissed the top of his nose and said, “C’mon, boy, let’s go untack you and rub you down, does that sound good?”
He headed towards the barn, which was all the answer she needed.
Jonah was rubbing Zeus down when she reached the barn, and she told him, “Kyle should be doing that. He’s been out here with me enough to know how to do it without supervision.”
Jonah kept his focus on the horse. “I offered to do it, since it sounded like he and Marcus needed to talk, and Marcus was wanting to watch you on Phantom. Speaking of which, two guys, Heather? I’m very happy for you. No judgment here, and I now understand what’s been keeping you so busy.”
Heather’s face went hot, and she knew she must be blushing. “What... what do you mean?”
Jonah chose his words carefully. “I’ve always seen you as asexual. I could never get a handle on straight or gay. I’ve seen you date guys, but it never really seemed right. Even with Kyle, until today, I couldn’t see the two of you — you know — together. But today, you’re practically oozing sexuality, and it’s focused on both of them, not just one of them.”
She worked at removing the saddle as she talked, since that kept her from having to look at him. “Is it that obvious?”
“Only to those who pay attention to such things. Call it part of my gaydar if it makes it easier, but my subconscious picks up on little looks and touches and signals. I guess I’ve programmed myself to automatically pick up on what is sexual and what isn’t. Nothing you’ve done has ever hit my radar as sexual before. Ever. Which I’ve always seen as incredibly odd, but never felt it was something you’d want to talk about. But today? The way you look at both of them, the way you leaned backward into Marcus’s arms, the way you talk to Kyle, the way you fed him sausage this morning — and, by the way, that was hot. There almost seemed to be a bit of...”
He trailed off, and when he didn’t continue, Heather asked, “A bit of what?”
“Nothing. I’m sorry I said that part. It would’ve been out of line. You and I’ve never talked about this sort of thing, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
She sighed. “I promise I won’t hold it against you. I just need to know what you think you saw.”
“Power. Control. It seemed as if he was allowing you control over him.”
Remembering what Marcus had said about Jonah, she said, “Hmm, you mean something only another Dom would notice?”
Jonah gave her a great big mischievous grin, and she decided there was no sense in denying it, so she rolled her eyes and said, “I told him he wasn’t allowed to feed himself any meat this morning, that any he ate would come from my hand. I thought we were being circumspect about it, though.”
“You were. If I wasn’t a Dom myself then I’d have just thought it romantic. So, can I ask what the deal is with Marcus? I’m pretty sure he’s a Dom, and I’m pretty sure you aren’t a sub. Though, I guess I could be wrong about that. It seems I’ve been wrong about everything else about you.”
She shook her head and then tried to figure out how to explain without embarrassing herself. He took that to mean she didn’t want to talk about it, and said, “Sorry, that was too forward.”
“No, it’s fine, I’m just trying to figure out how to explain. You know I don’t feel pain, so maybe I’ll just start there and say I’ve never enjoyed sex for the same reason I don’t feel pain. Actually, Marcus says it’s for the same reason I do extreme sports. He says I just needed extreme sex, not the romantic stuff everyone kept thinking I needed.”
Jonah nodded. “Makes perfect sense. So, he’s doing the stuff that would hurt most people, but it just feels good to you, is that it?”
Heather jumped a little at Marcus’s voice, behind her. “Yes, that’s it. Perceptive of you to figure it out so easily. I take it you aren’t going to be judgmental about us being in a three-way relationship?”
Jonah stopped working on Zeus and turned to face Marcus. “Heather’s never been judgmental of my sex life, and I’m happy to return the favor. I’m thrilled she seems so happy with the two of you.”
Heather hadn’t realized how tense she’d been, but at Jonah’s simple words, she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, and her knees went a little weak.
Phantom nudged her with his head, as if he were giving her his support, too, and Heather rubbed him from nose to ear. “Thanks, Jonah. I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be to talk about this. I have no idea how I’m going to answer my mother’s questions.”
He leaned down to pet Scout, who’d come in with Marcus, and then went back to working on Zeus. “Going against what society defines as acceptable isn’t an easy road to travel, but if you’re happy, then you all three owe it to yourselves to figure out a way to make it work.” He paused, and then spoke a little slower, as if once again choosing his words carefully. “You asked about a few new pieces of furniture in the basement, and I told you I’d brought them in to do some work on my sculptures. However, when you see them again, you’ll likely realize what they truly are. Sorry I had to lie to you, but I’m thrilled I can be honest now.”
Memories of the pieces flashed into her mind. “The sawhorse thing is probably to... right. And that arched ladder would be... well.” Heather figured her men were probably grinning behind her back, and she kept rubbing Phantom down, glad she had something to do so she didn’t have to look at them.
Marcus chuckled behind her. “You okay, Spitfire?”
“Spitfire?”
Heather couldn’t help but laugh at Jonah’s surprised, almost scandalized tone. “Yeah. Marcus kind of does what he wants, without asking permission first.”
“What’s wrong with Spitfire? It’s a little airplane with attitude, right?”
Heather figured if she didn’t answer, Jonah would, and he didn’t disappoint her.
“Heather doesn’t do nicknames, especially a diminutive one, or anything referring to how small she is. I’ve seen her happily take a rather large man to the ground for calling her short stuff, and the man who showed up to check out the facilities for his horse who kept calling her ‘little lady’ was quoted a price three times what we normally charge.” He shrugged. “She’s generally more tactful with paying customers, but she always finds a way to nicely let them know their cute little nicknames aren’t appreciated.”
Marcus was quiet for about two seconds before saying, “Hmm. I think she’s stuck with Spitfire, but I suppose I could refrain from saying it around outsiders, if she asked nicely.”
Heather worked on Phantom’s mane, careful so she didn’t hurt him. “I’m standing right here, Marcus. Don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room.”
“Remember our conversation, the one about it being your responsibility to tell me if something made you uncomfortable?” Marcus sounded aggravated.
Heather kept her voice calm, though that was more for Phantom’s benefit than Marcus’s. “Do you think for even one second I wouldn’t have told if it bothered me? When you say it, the name isn’t about my size, it’s about my being a flyer. Remember when you first used the name and I asked about it? You’d been calling me Birdie, but changed it to Spitfire, and said it was because I’d flown you around, and that with my personality, it fit. You said nothing about my size.”
“My mistake,” said Jonah. “I made a wrong assumption.”
“No, that’s okay,” Marcus responded. “I’m glad you did, because others might make the same assumption, so it’s possible I should refrain from saying it around other people.”
Heather turned away from Phantom to look at Marcus. “I think we’re over-analyzing it, is what I think.”
Marcus chuckled again, and smiled. “The lady hath spoken.” He looked at Jonah. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Heather turned back to Phantom and continued brushing him, and answered the question even though Marcus had asked Jonah. “No, but what were you and Kyle talking so seriously about?”
“Two things — how well he’d done on the wall, and then discussion about the conversation we’ve agreed to wait until dinnertime to hash out.”
“Living arrangements.” Heather didn’t know how irritated she was about possibly being forced to make a decision she wasn’t ready to deal with until she heard the way she said it.
“It’s not such a bad conversation to have.” Kyle was using his easy voice, the tone someone would use to calm a frightened horse. He’d come in, taken a seat, and made it his job to pet Scout while the others had been talking. “Between your place, my place, and Marcus’s place — and now if you’ll be staying out here once a week…” He breathed out in an almost-sigh. “We’re just saying it might not hurt to simplify things.”
“And that means me giving up my own place and moving my things into your house, right?”
“It doesn’t have to mean that,” Kyle said, still using his careful voice. “That’s why we have to talk about it, to see if we can find a better option. Maybe there isn’t one, but we won’t know if we don’t toss some ideas around.”
Heather wasn’t going to talk about this now, so she changed the subject. “Jonah, I watched Ziggy and Woodstock together while I was out there, and I see what you mean about Ziggy. It’s like he’s too aggravated to remember how to finesse things, and Woodstock just keeps making him even more aggravated. When I get done with Phantom, I’ll talk to Zig and see what I can do.”
“I’d appreciate that. It’s been killing me to watch them this week.”
“What would you do with Woodstock, if you had him for an hour?”
Jonah shook his head. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do for him in an hour. Ziggy has let this go so far, it’ll take days, maybe longer, of positive reinforcement for good behavior, and getting down off him and leaving him alone for hours when there’s bad behavior. I’m thinking we offer Zig another horse to train while Woodstock is misbehaving. See if it bothers Woodstock for Zig to leave him and pay attention to another horse.”
“I think I can do something in an hour, though I agree it’ll take longer to make the lesson stick.” She asked the question she’d wanted to ask earlier, before she lost her nerve. “Do you treat your submissives with the same care you give the horses?”
He moved his head to the side and back to center. Not really shaking his head, but Heather took it as a no.
“Apples-and-oranges,” he told her. “Submissive men come to me of their own free will. They want me to own them, and they get to help define the boundaries of how far my Dominance of them can go. The horses we have here are these incredible creatures who’ve been brought to me for training, but they didn’t make the choice to be trained. They’re not here of their own free will. It’s my job to make them as happy with their life as I can make them. We generally only get the ones here who are thriving, the ones who enjoy learning and growing and competing, so we get to treat them like high level athletes in training. We push them as a coach would, but they’re pushing themselves harder than we could ever push them. So, when we have a horse acting like Woodstock, who isn’t happy and is acting out, deliberately not working towards being good, we all have to take a step back and figure out what the problem is.”
Heather looked at Marcus and Kyle, then back at Jonah. “Let me word my question differently. In order to work with the horses, you have to be in charge. Some horses need a strong hand, others need a light touch. All of them need a certain level of intuition for us to know what they may need on a particular day. Do you use that same level of intuition, of being in tune with the horses — do you use any of that when you’re with a partner or a submissive or whatever the hell terminology I should be using?”
Jonah looked at Marcus and Kyle. “Are the two of you comfortable hearing about this? It seems you’re both fine with the fact I’m gay, but knowing it and hearing details about it are two different things. Heather wants details, and since she appears to be finding her way into the lifestyle, I’m inclined to give them to her.”
Marcus gave a bit of a smirk. “Kyle and I have no problems with details, and you’re right, Heather is absolutely finding her way.”
Jonah looked at Kyle, clearly wanting him to speak for himself, and Kyle said, “I’m good, but we should move back to the house for this conversation, to be sure no one overhears.”
Heather pointed to a wall with monitors. “It’s just us in the barn, and we’ll see anyone approaching. There are also sensors that ring a bell if anyone pulls into the driveway. We house expensive horses here, and obtaining insurance meant a state-of-the-art alarm system. We’re good.”
Kyle nodded at Heather and looked back at Jonah. “Then by all means, please continue.”
Jonah walked towards Heather, grabbing a stool on the way and settling it near Heather as she continued to rub Phantom down.
“The gay D/s scene can be a lot harsher than the hetero one. Not saying there aren’t some harsh hetero couples, just that, as a general rule, there’s more action and less emotion when it’s just men in the equation. In a long-term relationship the emotion is there, but guys don’t generally have hang-ups about no-emotion hookups strictly intended to engage our kinks. I have a couple of submissives I can call on who see themselves as slaves. When they arrive, they’re here for my pleasure, and my pleasure can be harsh. In those instances, no, I don’t really think about their needs other than to make sure they have an erection and to see that they eventually get off, assuming they behave well enough to deserve an orgasm. In a relationship, I certainly have to consider how the other person is feeling — but if someone comes to me to be used, I use them.”
“So, you’re saying that guys can be treated harsher than girls?”
Jonah shook his head. “Not at all. There are undoubtably women who can take more than a lot of submissive men, but that isn’t the point. The gay leather scene can get rough from the start, and my understanding is the average hetero let’s-have-a-scene discussion is all about limits and boundaries. The leather scene doesn’t allow for much of that.” He shifted on the stool. “When I play with someone, unless I see true distress, I don’t check in with them to make sure they’re okay. They have a safeword, and if they aren’t using it, I trust they’re good with whatever I’m doing. If it isn’t working for them and they safeword, I release them and they leave. No hard feelings. I tell them my rules before we start, so it’s clear what I expect of them — total submission, but only for the duration of the scene. Nothing after. No strings. If I feel they expect more than I’m prepared to give, it stops before anything happens.”
“And in a relationship?”
“In a relationship, they’ve already submitted to me and been able to handle the basics of what I require. As I take them farther, sure, I keep an eye on how they’re dealing with it. I use the carrot and stick, but my style is to use a lot more stick than carrot, which is the opposite of how I operate with the horses. I see the correlation you’re trying to make between the training of horses and submissives, but it’s completely different for me.”
This would take some more thought, but later. “Thanks for your honesty. I’m done with Phantom. I’ll get him some hay and then I’ll go see what I can do about Zig and Woodstock.”