All the Wrong Choices by C.A. Harms
Chapter One
Danielle
Standingin front of the full-length mirror, I look over myself from head to toe. I'm almost unrecognizable; the stylist has my make-up done perfectly, my hair styled in a fancy updo, and the long gorgeous veil that hangs around me gives off an angelic feel. It's surreal that it's me looking back.
The entire wedding is my mother's creation, frankly, I would have been happy with a beach wedding where I could dig my toes in the sand and feel the sun warming my skin. I'm not, nor have I ever been, the type who needed extravagant things and the top of the line anything. I'm happy with the basics, and I love pajama days where I don't even have to fix my hair. But my mother is all about the image, and my father makes the big money to which she has no problem spending.
I love my dress; I picked my dress. But the rest, everything my mother felt I needed, none of it feels like me; this day is not mine. It's my mother's. She's controlling, and at times it's easier to allow her to maintain control so the rest of us can keep our sanity.
Yet at the end of the day, I'll be married to the man I've spent just over the last four years loving, and this circus I'm playing a part in, will all be worth it.
Matthew and I have been together for more than four years. We met during a night out with some college friends, and afterward, we spent hours talking. Everything fell into an easy flow, and from there, he became my life. Granted, he's a little selfish, he likes to feel important, but don't most guys want to feel like they rule the world?
"You look beautiful," Addison, my best friend and savior, steps before me, blocking my view, and places her hands on my shoulders. Offering me a little hug just before shifting to my side, where she too looks at my reflection. "Your mother is running around barking orders, and just a little warning, I think she's moving this way."
My mother is one of those completely unappeasable women unless, of course, you are my little sister. Cathryn, or Kitty cat as my mother calls her, never does wrong. It used to bother me that no matter what I did, it would never be enough to make my mother look at me the way she did my sister.
Now I don't care.
The thing is, Cathryn is a mooch. She's a twenty-one-year-old with no dreams or aspirations. She lives with my parents, and they financially support her as if she is still a teenager. They're enabling her childish and irresponsible behavior, and I'm the one out on my own, never asking for a thing. That alone feels incredible, so I don't need them looking at me like I hung the moon; Cathryn can have it. She needs it.
The door to the room I getting ready in opens and my mother steps inside, wearing the same charming look she always wears. When I say charming, I mean she looks as though she has itching powder in her panties and is doing all she can to hide her discomfort. My bridesmaids scramble around in a hurry, attempting to appear busy. Addison, who has always been unfazed by my mother, doesn't budge an inch.
"Danielle, it's almost time." She moves in my direction and immediately begins looking over my dress. She still wasn't pleased with my choice; apparently, it is not extravagant enough. "You really should have gone with the satin embellished gown." She makes a tsk sound shaking her head with a disapproving scowl, and I roll my eyes, making Addi snicker.
No way am I going to be walking down the aisle looking like the female version of the marshmallow man.
I've gone with a simple mermaid trumpet wedding dress. The plunging neckline gives off a bit of an edgy, sexy feel my mother despises. I fell in love with it the second I saw it on the rack in the bridal store; nothing else appealed to me after that.
"Maybe if you pull this around the front," She gathers the side of my veil and drags it over my shoulder, trying to hide the front of my dress, and I move it right back. "Danielle," she says in warning, attempting to do it again, and I place my hand over hers.
"Mother," her annoyed glare meets mine. "I let you plan this day; I didn't argue when you chose the color scheme or the date, and even the time I would get married. But I will not let you continue to pick apart my dress."
We stand in the middle of the room, her staring and me refusing to back down. I guess that's why she tends to lean toward my sister more. Cathryn has no problem letting my mother call the shots with everything.
"Fine," she huffs in her spoiled way and turns around to look over everyone else in the room. "Where is Cathryn?"
It's the first time I notice my sister isn't in the room with us. Being heavily persuaded to include my sister in my wedding party, reluctantly, I've added Cathryn as one of my bridesmaids. Frankly, she's been an absent party throughout everything, only showing up when ordered to, so her absence hasn't been noticed. Her lack of participation is acceptable to me; it's less worry and irritation in my opinion. But with it now being my actual wedding day and fifteen minutes before the start of the ceremony, you'd think she would have enough decency to be here.
"I'll go find her," Addison backs away and I almost reach out for her to make her stay. The rest of the girls in my wedding party are friends, but none are Addi. She's my lifeline, the only person I can and have ever been able to count on one hundred percent since we were five years old. She found me sitting alone at a table in the cafeteria our first year in a big school. She walked over to me, placed her lunch bag on the table, sat down, and insisted that we share the cupcake her mother sent for her. From that moment we've been inseparable. I need her here, at my side, not running around trying to find my flighty sister who thinks the world revolves around her.
Before I have the chance to stop her, she slips out of the room, and I'm left alone with my mother and the displeased once-over she offers as if I'm wearing a tube top and booty shorts.
I spend what feels like forever giving my mother all the reasons I've chosen to wear the shoes I have on, versus the Jimmy Choo’s she wants me to wear. It's exhausting; she's exhausting. We roll from one conversation or argument to the other. Instead of the pearl studs, the teardrop earrings, the light pink shimmering lip gloss, instead of the deep rose-colored lipstick.
It's never-ending.
I feel like at any moment I'll lock her in a closet to gain a break and feel no remorse for doing so. As if Addison knows how much I need her, the door opens, and she walks inside the room. Relief washes over me, then I notice the look on her face, and the calm leaves me in a rush.
Sometimes knowing Addi so well is a bad thing, like now. I see before she even speaks that something's wrong. The look on her face says so much. She looks at me and only me, ignoring the whispering going on around us.
"Um," she hesitates, glancing around the room at all the curious stares in her direction. My mother's forgotten all about me and has turned toward Addison. Her hands on her hips, waiting for Addi to speak.
"Did you find Kitty cat?" My mother’s pet name for my sister is annoying on a typical day, but right now, it is infuriating.
"Can I uh," Addi locks eyes with mine once more, and my stomach feels as though it hollows out instantly, making me feel nauseous. "Would you all mind stepping outside for a minute?"
"What's happened," my mother moves forward in a hurry, "is it Cathryn? Is she okay?"
"Dani," I notice the way her saying my name or the short version of it sounds more like a plea, and I know without a doubt whatever it is she has to say, it's going to hurt no matter how or when she says it.
"Just say it," I already know my sister is fine.
"I think I should—"
"Say it," I fist my hands at my sides, trying my hardest to hold it together.
"Cathryn is gone," she whispers, not taking her eyes off me. Even when my mother asks her what she means, she continues to hold my stare. "And so is Matthew."
My legs give out, and without any hope of stopping myself, I crumble to the floor. Sitting down where I stood only seconds before, I never looked away from Addison, not even for a second.
"Dani," Addison hurries around my mother and immediately joins me on the floor. Reaching out, she takes both of my hands into hers. "Say something," she whispers.
What am I supposed to say?
Did I know my sister and fiancé had something going on behind my back? No, but I did suspect it at one point. I approached Matthew more times than I can count, but he always made me feel like I was irrational, and after a while, I felt like it might be true. I mean, what kind of man would have a secret affair with his Fiancée’s little sister? And what kind of woman would run off with her sister's future husband on the day of their wedding.
"What are you saying, Addison?" My mother's snarky tone grates on my nerves, and it snaps the last ounce of control I have left in me.
Looking away from my best friend, I glance up at my mother. "What she is saying is your perfect little girl has run off with the man I'm supposed to marry. What she is saying is Cathryn isn't so perfect after all, because who would consider such a traitorous bitch to be perfect."
"Danielle, that is your sister."
I stand, Addison quickly following suit to stand at my side. Addi is loyal and trustworthy, my friend and the one who's more of a sister than the one I share a bloodline.
"No, that's where you're wrong." I hold my mother's stare, feeling the anger boiling inside of me. How can she be on her side after this? "She's not my sister; she's just the tramp who's been screwing Matthew behind my back."
And with that, I leave the room and walk right out of the church without looking back. Leaving behind the hundreds of guests my mother invited, I climb into the passenger seat of Addison's SUV, and she drives away, holding my hand securely in hers.
I have no words, and my heart feels shattered. I feel like the entire ground has fallen out from beneath me, and I'm free-falling into a burning pit of hell.
Arriving at my apartment, I walk up the path to my front door in a daze. Everything feels so different now, like the last four and a half years of my life have been nothing more than a lie. Addison unlocks my door and pushes it open, allowing me to step inside. The train of my wedding dress dragging along the ground, gets caught on the doorframe. I don't even bother to hold it up, not caring if I stain it or it's shredded along the way. It doesn't matter, I'll never look at this dress again.
Scanning over the living room, I'm faced with the remnants of a wedding, planned only to fail quickly. So much time lost, years I've given to a man who didn't deserve an ounce of my time. I've been used, for what I don't know, but I feel filthy.
Images of what is most likely going on between Cathryn and Matthew right now haunt me. I feel like I can no longer breathe as I pull off my veil and begin tugging and pulling on the bodice of my dress. I need it to come off; I need to be free. My mind is racing as I begin to panic in my current state. I'm entirely too irrational to find the easiest way out.
"Dani," Addison whispers my name and places her hand on my shoulder.
"Off," I gasp, still gripping and pulling on every possible piece of material I can grasp. "I need this off," my voice is erratic, my breathing fast and uncontrolled.
Addison hurries to help me, unzipping the back and the material beginning to pool at my feet. Still gasping for air, I hunch over and feel bile start to rise in my throat. Practically tripping over the dress as it pools at my ankles, I hurry down the hall toward my bathroom. Crashing to the floor, I lift the lid just in time to expel everything I've consumed throughout the day into heaving fits of heartbreak.
I'm a fool. I was blind when it was happening right under my nose, I continued as if my life was perfect. I'll be the butt of everyone's jokes, the topic of conversation as everyone I know whispers behind my back.
Poor girl.
She wasn't enough for him. He ran off with her sister, the sweeter, prettier one.
How can I face my family and friends when everyone knows what has happened?
Pushing back from the toilet, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and let my head rest back against the wall behind me.
Never again!
I will never be vulnerable. I will never allow a man to outwit me. I will remain in control. I will call the shots.
I vow that I will never, and I do mean never, allow myself to be in this predicament again. No attachments, no expectations, I would never be made a fool of again.