All the Wrong Choices by C.A. Harms

Chapter Eighteen

Danielle

I knowthe minute I open my eyes, I'm not in my own bed. I freeze, looking around the room without alerting Jonah I'm awake. My muscles are sore, and I swear I can still feel him in the most intimate places. We tore at one another last night, and what he did to me on the hood of his car was insanely hot.

But even after all that, I've broken one of the few rules I set for myself. No sleepovers because it’s something couples do and we are not a couple.

With one strong arm tossed across my midsection, I know the chances of escaping unnoticed are going to be difficult.

Shifting my body away from his inch by inch, I have just about succeeded when he squeezes my hip. Again I freeze, closing my eyes tightly. I remain silent, and yes, I may have prayed a little.

When I feel it's safe once again, I continue to slide over, and when he's no longer touching me, I roll off the bed and begin looking around for my clothes. The room is empty. I only had two articles of clothing due to the fact my dress wasn't really one you should wear a bra with.

Stepping out into the hallway, I see a flash of red on the landing halfway down the steps and remember Jonah taking my dress off the rest of the way when he took me on the stairs before finally carrying me up to his room.

Tiptoeing, I grab it and lift it up and over my head. After further inspection, I find my shoes in the garage in front of his car and my clutch on the ground near his tire.

Hurrying to search for my phone, I open the side door and step outside. This is ridiculous, I know, but I'm panicking. The idea this could mean something more than a hook-up is more than I want to deal with right now.

My legs are shaky, and I know it isn't just because I'm sneaking out of a man's house at seven-fourteen in the morning.

I'm a mess. I just hope no parents of any of my students live anywhere near Jonah. I can imagine the conversations, and I cringe at the idea of how uncomfortable they would be.

"It's so early," Addison complains when she finally answers her phone after my third call.

"I need you to come to get me."

I'm already halfway down the driveway when I look back at the house to see if there is a number anywhere on it. I have no freaking idea where I am.

"Why?"

"Because I broke a rule, and now I'm stranded, and I need you to get your lazy ass up out of bed, stop asking me questions, and save me." I'm starting to freak out a little bit.

"You broke a rule?"

"Yes," I practically growl at her, and all she does is laugh. "It's not funny Addi, I spent the night, and that blurs the lines. Absolutely no staying over, just sex and gone, that's what I agreed to."

"Is that what he agreed to?"

I take in a deep breath, knowing again she is hoping for something more, and I really don't have time to do this with her again.

"Where are you right now?"

Hanging my head in shame, I mumble my next sentence. "Walking down Jonah's driveway and turning onto the main road." I'm met with silence. "Just come and get me."

I'm already regretting my choices, but it's too late to go back now. I've made my bed, and now I’m forced to face the humiliation it will cause.

Thirty minutes later, I spot Addison's car, and I wave my arms as if she won't see me in my red dress doing the walk of shame down the sidewalk. I ignore the inquisitive glare she offers as I tuck myself inside and close the door behind me.

We drive in silence, and I know Addison won't say anything because she is always on my side. Even if I'm wrong, I'm right. But this is wrong. I know that.

"I should've stayed," I could have said; we can't let this happen again, blah blah, but I snuck out like an idiot instead. "He's probably still sleeping and when—"

"He's awake," I look over at her and just stare. "He called Tony as I was walking out the door."

Shit!

"And?"

"What do you think Dani," she doesn't look at me? "He's confused, and frankly, so am I."

"I snuck out because I didn't want things to be awkward and now all I've managed to do is make them impossible."

For the first time in our friendship, Addison doesn't try to make me feel better, so I know without a doubt in my mind that I've really screwed up.

It was good while it lasted!

* * *

Four daysand two text messages later, and I still don't feel any better about what I've done.

I've apologized for being an idiot. I even made a joke about remembering my comfortable shoes for the next time I decided to sneak out and walk my ass home, but still nothing. I can't say I actually blame him. I think I'd ignore me too if I was him.

I've been dreading the upcoming weekend, knowing it would be another kick to my confidence or lack thereof. I want to back out, I want to fake an incurable disease that is highly contagious, but I know I can't.

Great Grammy Jean will only turn ninety-five once, and to be honest, I'm not sure how much time we have left with her. The problem is her celebration is at my parents' house, which means that Cathryn will most likely be there, and Matthew too. I'll be forced to see them, which is something I’d prefer to go without.

I know they are together, and no, I'm not still pining over my ex, but seeing them together, especially right now, just brought my current situation to a head. I'm alone. Even my bang buddy has decided enough is enough. I also know being alone is my fault, my choice, so there is no one to really blame but myself.

Saturday comes, and I still have not heard from Jonah. I've managed to screw up even a non-relationship.

"Why don't you come over after the shit show?" Addison has spent the last hour giving me a much-needed pep talk. I've tried to leave a few times only to find yet another reason to stall the inevitable. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No," I smile for the first time in days. "I'm thinking you, Matt, and Cathryn, all in close proximity to one another, will be a bad thing. Toss my mom in the mix, and I see flying cake and chairs being smashed."

"Don't forget balls being kicked."

"Who's kicking whose balls?" Tony asks from the opposite end of the line, and she covers the phone saying something to him before coming back to me. "Come over when you're done."

"I'll be alright," I will be anything but okay; I know that. "I'll just get some junk food and add another ten pounds to my forever growing ass." This week I've managed to eat my body weight in junk. I'm not proud of myself, but desperate times and all that.

"The girls are coming over for beer and burgers." It has been a while since I've seen everyone. "Put on your pale pink wrap dress, the one with the low-cut V in the front. Match it with your peep-toe heels, I love. Go with the rose gold dangle earrings and walk into the party like you're on top of the world."

"But I'm not," I feel like I'm dragging the bottom of the barrel.

"Don't let those bastards see you as anything other than the gorgeous person you are." I love Addi, but she is a bit biased when it comes to me. She does, however, give me a little boost, and I walk back into my bedroom, seeking out the outfit she's just directed me to wear. It is a much better choice than my Capri pants with a silk blouse.

Thirty minutes later, I'm parked out front of my parents' house, reading over the text from Addison one last time.

Addison: You are beautiful. He never deserved you. But there is no time better than now to make him regret being a douche. He'll be sorry he ever let you go!

Tossing my phone in my purse, I climb out of my car, closing the door, taking one last deep breath. Squaring my shoulders, I walk up the driveway and around the side of the house, toward the gate that leads to the backyard. My parents have gone to the extreme as they always do, with a canopy that shades the main area where Gram sits and several smaller canopies over clusters of tables and chairs. It's decorated in blues and silvers and a big banner which says happy ninety-fifth across it.

It's impossible to miss the moment when everyone notices my arrival. There’s a hush of quietness instantly falling over the entire yard when each person turns to face me. All eyes shift between where I stand and where my sister and my pig of an ex sit.

I avoid making eye contact and remember Addison's words. Make him regret it! Squaring my shoulders, I walk ahead and offer everyone my strong, confident smile.

"Good to see you could set everything aside and be mature," I ignore my mother’s words and continue past her as if she didn't just once again choose my whore of a sister over the daughter who had her heart broken.

I have one purpose for being here, and as far as I'm concerned, no one else matters. Grammy looks up, and the dull look in her eyes is hard to see. I know our days are numbered with her. This time may be the last real moment I'll be able to share with her, so I plan on taking every single second I'm gifted.

Leaning in close, I press a kiss to her cheek, and for the next hour, maybe more, I talk to her and only her. We share memories of her younger years, we talk of my grandpa, and I suffer through those of my sister and me growing up. Even the mention of Cathryn makes my skin crawl. But for Grams, I deal with it, but only for her.

When it's time to leave, I stand and turn around just in time to see my sister lean in and kiss Matthew, his arm wrapping around her waist as he holds her close. For a few seconds, I'm lost, feeling the familiar ache of betrayal hit me. Then I quickly recover and begin walking.

I ignore my mother and don't even show my father an ounce of my attention. He is as bad as my mother, and they are prime examples of a couple that should never have more than one child. They don't have the ability to love each one equally.

I'm proud of myself. I've made it to Addison's house and to her front door without shedding a tear. But that all falls apart when the door opens, and there she stands, looking back at me. There is no reason to speak, she knows.

Taking me into a hug, we both share a few silent seconds before I clear my throat and pull back. Realizing Tony and Molly are watching us closely.

"Hey," Tony dips his chin, and I force a smile.

"I just need a little space, okay," I offer a reassuring squeeze to Addi's hand, trying to step around her.

"Do you need me too?" Addison's loyalty almost breaks me all over again.

"No, you stay," I step around her and kiss her cheek. "I won't be too long."

Moving through her apartment, I open the slider door and walk out onto her patio. I am resting my hands on the railing. I take in one breath after another, moving through the shit that is clouding my strength. I fight the tears until I can no longer fight them anymore, and then I let them fall freely.