Holly versus Mr. Ivy by Amanda P. Jones
Chapter 33
Rhett
office on Christmas Eve, my suitcoat draped over the back of my chair, hair messed up from running my hands through it, the top buttons of my shirt undone, and my sleeves rolled up. The pang of missing Holly, for the trillionth time since I’d last seen her, stabbed through me.
Having Holly reject me, Uncle Anthony fire her, losing my promotion, and then having to tell the staff Holly was no longer working at The Boardwalk dive-bombed my depression to a level of despair I’d never reached before. A fierce ache permanently resided in my chest. My head was squeezed by constant pressure. Functioning on a day-to-day basis took a ridiculous amount of effort—effort that exhausted me to the point of debilitation.
It was a darn good thing I’d trained Aaron to take over my job, because even though I forced myself to come to work every day, I stayed in my office staring at my computer screen, doing absolutely nothing but torture myself with bittersweet memories of kissing Holly.
I couldn’t even muster up a smile. My lips had lost the ability to move in that direction when Holly said goodbye. She’d lied to me. She’d said she was all in. That she would be there for me the next time my depression surged.
But she wasn’t here.
She’d turned out to be just like Lexi, and honestly, I couldn’t truly blame her for that. I was broken, and Holly deserved to be with someone whole.
When Holly had left, she’d accused me of erasing her boundaries and claimed that opening up to her employees had ruined her life. But I actually was right in that regard, at least. The staff missed her. Since she’d started talking to them and laughing with them, everyone noticed her absence, but in a good way. She’d made such huge strides in such a short time. If only she were here to see it.
Running my hands through my hair, I fisted my fingers around the thick strands. Why didn’t she want me to help her?
Those awful lies my brain tried to convince me were truth harassed me day in and day out. She never loved you. No one will ever love you. You’re too broken.
I didn’t even know why I’d come into work. Aaron knew what he was doing, and we’d made our goal. We’d increased profits by 10.02 percent. By a hair, we’d made it, but made it we had. I was proud of Holly for all her work and the progress she had made. The staff had embraced the changes we’d made and shown up in a big way. Aaron had nailed our social media campaigns. Every goal I’d set for the restaurant, we’d achieved. For a while there, I’d honestly thought we wouldn’t make it. When I ran the numbers a few days ago and saw that double-digit number, the first person I wanted to run to was no longer here.
Without Holly, the victory was hollow.
The walls closed in around me. My throat seized up, making it hard to breathe. I couldn’t be in this room anymore. It reminded me of every second spent in here with Holly. When I’d kissed her up against the door. On top of my desk. In every chair.
Dots spotted my vision. I had to get out of here. But where would I go? My family was at my mom’s parent’s house forty minutes away. Jack was with Meg. The restaurant was full of strangers enjoying their holiday night with one another.
You’re alone. No one wants to be around you. You have no one to turn to.
I had to keep it together. Snatching my suitcoat and keys, I ran out of my office to Aaron’s down the hall. “Can you close on your own? I’m not feeling well.”
He looked startled at my abrupt entrance. “Are you going to be okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” I lied. “Must be something I ate earlier.”
“No problem. Merry Christmas.”
The only day of the year the restaurant was closed was on Christmas Day. “Merry Christmas, and thanks, Aaron. See you in two days.”
He waved, and I ran to my truck, driving at speeds not recommended in the snow lazily falling from the sky. Under normal circumstances, I’d stop and appreciate the white flakes making the Christmas lights brighter. It always seemed more like Christmas when it snowed.
Tonight, I couldn’t care less.
When I got home to my empty house, the darkness that wanted to claim me clouded my mind. Even though Jack was busy tonight, I needed to talk to someone. Get my mind off Holly and my pain.
Dialing Jack, I put my phone on speaker while sinking onto the couch.
“Rhett, man, what’s up?” Jack said cheerily. “Merry Christmas!”
He sounded so happy. I shouldn’t have called and put a damper on his holiday.
I cleared my throat. “Hey. Uh, just wanted to call and say Merry Christmas.”
“Meg, I’ll be right back,” Jack’s voice mumbled. In a clearer tone, he said, “I’m alone now. What’s really going on? You sound weird.”
I cleared my throat from the emotion lodging there. “Holly broke up with me.”
“Ah.” Jack let out a sympathetic groan. “Rhett, man, I’m so sorry.”
I swiped under my nose. “You told me to stay away. I should have listened.” Why hadn’t I listened? I may have missed out on four amazing weeks with the woman I’d come to love, but I wouldn’t be suffering with this all-consuming pain either.
“What exactly did she say?”
I repeated the words she’d spoken that ripped my heart out.
“Dang it, man, that sucks. But I wouldn’t give up on her completely. Maybe once things settle a bit, she’ll be in the headspace to let you back in.”
That was the problem, though. Instead of pushing me away, why not lean on me? Why shut me out when she’d promised she wouldn’t do that? “So, what, I’m just supposed to wait around for her to decide she’s ready to treat me like a partner?”
I could hear Jack’s smile. “If I had a pen, I’d chuck it at your head.”
I laughed, remembering when I’d done that to Jack. “You needed that wake-up call.”
“Yeah, and you need one now. From what you’ve told me about Holly, she’s never had someone to lean on. You can’t expect her to do that when you haven’t been dating long. In her experience, when life throws her bombs, she handles the explosion on her own. Give her a few days, and then reach out, letting her know you’re there, ready and willing to carry her through her shrapnel. If you offer a listening ear and keep showing up, eventually she’ll see she isn’t alone and you’ve got her.”
“That sounds stalkerish,” I said dryly.
He snorted. “She’s probably going to push you away, but until she flat-out says to leave her alone, do not give up.”
I voiced my biggest worry. “And what if she says to leave her alone? That she really, truly is done with me?” How would I move on?
“Then I’ll be there to help you get through it.”
Jack always had my back. I appreciated his friendship now more than ever. “Thanks, man.” I swiped at the moisture gathering in my eyes.
“Are you going to be with your parents in the morning?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. I don’t want you alone tomorrow.”
As much as I would love to stay in bed all day, it wouldn’t be good for me. Getting up and out of the house was the best way to help me from being sucked into the depths of darkness. “I’ll be at your soft opening tomorrow night, too.”
His tone held a hint of worry. “Are you going to be okay tonight?”
I looked at my ceiling, wishing answers would magically appear. That a fortune teller would show up and tell me Holly would realize she made a mistake. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” At least, fine enough that Jack didn’t need to leave Meg’s family to come sit with me. I’d just take some sleeping pills to stave off the pain.
“I’m calling you in the morning to make sure you’re up,” Jack warned.
He knew how likely it was I’d come up with an excuse to bail on seeing my parents. But then they’d start asking questions I didn’t want to answer. Christmas would be celebrated regardless of the lump of coal my life had become.
“Okay, I’ll talk to you then,” I said.
“K. Hang in there, man.”
Yeah, by a thread. “Thanks.”
Tossing my phone to the side, I let the tears I’d been trying to push back surface. Would Holly really want me to reach out to her? If I gave her time, would she want us to be together? Probably not. She can’t take care of her mom and you.She already said goodbye. Let it be. My life sucked snowballs.