Team Changes by Erin R Flynn

17

Jaxon

We broke Inez. As much as I blamed James for what happened, he was right and we all did it. I had a huge hand in it for how much I’d missed.

Gods, I’d missed so fucking much.

I’d missed that I was failing my princess and my marriage from the moment we gave our vows. When Inez pointed out that I didn’t spend time with her for much more than sex or coven stuff, I felt small. I felt… Cliché. I was that guy, and I’d thought myself a better man.

But she hadn’t told me. She hadn’t simply pulled me to the side and told me what she wanted. Then she didn’t want it when I did as she said. I didn’t like the games. It felt like a game. She was playing that court crap where princesses demanded attention only to enjoy rebuffing advances.

That wasn’t the Inez I’d known.

She was also different with Cerdic and Kristof. She wasn’t really like my Inez. The wedding happened, and in some ways, she was a completely different person. She played the games and then was completely confident making huge, bold moves. I kept staring at her and wondering where my Inez had gone.

Then she retreated into herself, clearly something going on that she wouldn’t share with us, and I thought it more games.

No, it was worse, and she took over a coven without telling us. She killed a princess with the help of Vitor and Petre—who were nobles not vowed to her—and inherited a bunch of nobles. One of whom was Cerdic’s twin, so I understood how he spun out.

I felt the same, and it wasn’t my family. It was like I’d never seen her before. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what she’d done.

Father tried to smack me upside the head, and I was so upset, I finally admitted how I’d been feeling. I just wanted to say it out loud and try to figure out what was going on.

Instead, Inez heard me, and the betrayal and devastation on her face was something I would never forget. It would haunt me forever and was all I saw when I closed my eyes. She had been destroyed.

And I realized maybe it wasn’t games. Maybe I didn’t understand women like I’d thought. Maybe I was seriously the asshole here and I was missing a lot. I just didn’t know how to figure it all out.

That was what I was going to try to do when the attack happened. I had been hunting to try and help with what was going on, but also work out my demons so I could think with a clear head and not my Irish stubbornness. I had barely gotten back to the site to drop off kills in time to hear the messenger sent to tell us. I’d never run so fast in my life as I had that night.

I pushed my limits to the point I hurt the next day in a way I hadn’t since I’d started feeding. I ran as hard as I could to get there. I wounded and killed as many as I could every minute she was in danger. The moment we got the word reinforcements had arrived and were taking up the fight, I raced to the castle, not caring I was covered in guts and more.

All I needed more than my next breath was to see she was okay.

She was slumped against Darius when I arrived, and I thought I would die. My legs went weak, and my heart stuttered as a sob built in my throat.

“She’s fine,” Darius promised. “She lost consciousness just a moment ago from using too much of her new power.”

“Oh, thank bloody fuck,” Cerdic said from beside me.

Yeah, I seconded that.

All I wanted was to hold her, check for myself, but she didn’t so much want us to touch her when she regained consciousness. When she couldn’t even look at me and flinched away in the shower we all tried to share with her, my heart shattered.

And I realized none of it had been games, but I’d done damage to the woman I’d loved. I didn’t understand though. I was missing so much. She seemed so different and I couldn’t… I didn’t know what to do.

But clearly, I did still love her and want to be with her. I wouldn’t feel this way if we were growing apart or I regretted my choice.

The amount of what I’d missed didn’t hit me until Inez confessed she loved James. I knew there was some flirting, and shifters were good with touching, but she hadn’t wanted to cross that line. He wanted to bed her, that was clear, but nothing more. I had been shocked and pissed he’d talked her into sleeping over the night of her bachelorette party, and she’d been drunk.

I’d genuinely thought it was his taking advantage of the situation, and she knew it was the one place we wouldn’t look.

Apparently, I was really wrong and did not pay enough attention to the woman I said I loved, my wife. That was the moment I realized this was all on me. I had failed her.

And then we lost her. I failed her again, as one of her biggest fears was losing herself, and I let it happen. Hell, I had a front-row seat to it happening. Panic clawed at me as I saw her eyes go unfocused and basically, an emotional bubble popped around her as she just gave up.

Being able to hurt someone she loved with her power because she was upset pushed her too far when we’d been pushing her more than she was ready for from the moment we met her. It was all our fault.

But I still lashed out at James and tried to get him out of the picture… To which he quite aptly called me on my part in it all. I was so shocked the mostly chill shifter went to the mat with me like that. I’d seen him be completely cool under pressure and understood why he rose through the ranks in the human military.

That was the first time I saw the firstborn of a powerful shifter line that was now head of the clan, a fierce predator who would kill to protect what was his and had the strength to take on as many as he needed to. It was impressive, and I honestly respected him for taking ownership of his part but not the crap of more.

I wished I could be so self-aware.

I didn’t know how to help after the doctor filled us in. Everyone started debating, but James went right to acting. Part of me wanted to do the same, but a bigger part of me was frozen after I’d done so much that had made things worse.

Except if I hesitated this time, everything could fall apart before there was any chance to stop it. We’d been lucky a lot with several close calls. We wouldn’t always, and we needed to be smarter.

Which was why I went to Kristof and gestured for him to come with me. At first, he gave me a look like I was nuts to think he would leave Inez right then, but then he relented. We went to the floor with her safe room, going right towards the middle and leaning in close. That was next to perfect with all the soundproofing in the tower and how quietly we could talk.

“I think we need to tell my mother.” I shook my head when he went to object. “We know people will be spying after Inez took out Bahati. Even one whiff of something up, and they could stupidly make a move. Inez was scared that Aether didn’t hurt Safie when she clearly had plans. If Ceawlin saw the flaw there, so will others. Mother does not want to take this over.

“We need the strength here. Hanna is distracting many over there starting tomorrow, and Matilda will help. Let Mother come here for a visit and say it’s to give my sister some time to take the reins and get practice since she’s so confident in her abilities. It will also give the perception all of the covens in the alliance aren’t worried about the threats.”

He didn’t disagree but then sighed. “I will send Cerdic up and see what he says. I am out-of-date with court, and my answer is to always take heads which can do more damage in the long run.” He didn’t wait for me to respond, taking off and moments later Cerdic was in his place.

I told him exactly the same thing, but he was more receptive.

“How close is your sister to taking over? Is it a likely ploy?”

“Not close at all,” I admitted. “But yes, because Mother already laid the groundwork saying she was thinking of doing it soon in case we needed her for some reason. Inez might snap out of it tomorrow, but she might not, and I think we need to hit the panic button. We were too close with that attack, and we cannot risk another one.”

He nodded. “I agree, and the Sisters of Earth showing up to protect Aether’s champion is an exceptionally good reason for Nora to visit as well. I’ll send up Darius, but I want to speak with your father and get his opinion. He has a lot of valuable insights from both sides of this.”

And then he took off before I could respond.

Fucking assholes. Really.

Things moved fast once Darius got on board and Kristof talked with Father. Father seemed visibly shaken to learn the state Inez was in and agreed he should quietly leave immediately, but if anyone asked, he was personally informing Mother about the Sisters of Earth arriving.

And that was a whole other, very large, can of worms we were going to have to deal with soon. My head ached at the very idea they had shown up.

I went back to Inez and found James still talking to her. Kristof hit his limit and took her from the shifter. I wanted to do the same and join them, but I kept seeing how she had turned from me, covered herself when naked before me. I walked out of there and almost went right for the bar, but that had led to us doing so much harm, from Darius to Cerdic’s bender to my own drinking, and missing so much.

Instead, I went outside in the heat and stared out at what was to be the hope of the future.

“Are you okay?” Hope asked from behind me after I’d been out there for a while.

“No, no I am not,” I rasped, wiping my eyes and just plopping down on my ass. I sat on the ground and moved my hands over my head. “She’s gone.”

“She could come back.”

“As our Inez?”

“Do you even know who that is?” she threw right back.

“I don’t need a fucking lecture right now of how badly I’ve fucked up, Hope,” I snapped.

“That’s not what I was giving you,” she said gently before coming to sit next to me. “I’m trying to lead you to something you’re missing, but you’re being an idiot, so I’m going to give you the gift of telling you. You can’t know who Inez truly is because she doesn’t. You met her after she found out she was a vampire. You have to know that would change her.”

“Of course, but not her personality or—”

“You don’t think immortality would change someone’s personality?” She snorted. “I’ve seen it when shifters mate humans. You’re being naive. More than that, Inez fully believed she was some messed up human who could be the key to maybe solving what was going on with the corrupted. She wasn’t wrong, even if it wasn’t what she thought. That’s quite the mind fuck.”

“It is, but she—”

“Isn’t nice anymore? She isn’t sweet?”

“No, she is but—”

“Isn’t fair? She stopped being bold and hunting corrupted like she did from the moment you met her? What exactly has she changed?”

I opened my mouth but then slowly closed it, trying a few more times. “I never saw her pushing to hunt or do better as being bold, but you’re right that it was. She wasn’t extroverted and pushing to include people, scared and distrusting so—”

“That sounds very much like Inez still, Jaxon,” Hope drawled. “She didn’t go to take over Bahati’s coven to have more people. She did it to save us. She’ll shoulder the fallout because it kept us alive. I don’t think she’s changed much at all, but everything she does is simply on a grander scale. You liked things smaller and simpler. That’s all that’s changed, and it’s not her fault it did.”

It was mine. That was what she wasn’t saying. It was mine and Darius’s and all of ours as we’d pushed Inez to form her coven and build it. Fuck, it was Aether’s fault for choosing Inez as Her champion and pushing her constantly.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” I whispered. “I don’t know what to do. I thought I was so lost before her, but that was nothing, and now I’m lost without her.”

She patted my shoulder and used me to push to stand. “You do better than you did yesterday. You realize you broke it, and you commit to fixing it like Darius. He knows full well that she might not ever take him back, but he’s made it clear that he won’t ever stop trying. Do you take the vow you made that seriously or not? Because you made it clear you regret her from what I heard.”

“That’s not what I said,” I argued weakly.

“I’m not sure there’s a difference when it comes to how she felt hearing what you said.”

I couldn’t argue that, muttering a thanks for the advice. A few minutes later, there was activity going on towards the front of the castle, and I knew there was something up. I pushed to my feet and headed that way, knowing I was at least going to handle my role as a noble of the coven, especially since that seemed to be the only one I could get right.

Or at least I hoped I was getting something right.

James was directing people to help get layers of fencing up around the castle and construction so we had a better last line of defense should we need it. We might, and it was smart of him to keep his head in that way. I jumped in and pushed myself to do what I could. There were a few people who could set concrete, so that gave us a jump.

We also decided to do two layers of the chain link attached to the metal poles. It wasn’t like we were doing this to be pretty but for the most security. Which was why we were adding a lot of barbed wire.

Like a fuck ton. We had it wrapped over metal sawhorses we put all over the place in front of the outermost fence. James planned on having four fences circling the castle with only one way in or out now. It was four gates to put up all together, which seemed silly, but corrupted couldn’t climb.

I was impressed with how he had more barbed wire sawhorses laid out in between two of the rows of fence. After a moment of thought, I went over to him and waited until he was done talking. “What would you think about a storage shed of landmines? One of us could have raced around and laid out a bunch in front of the first layer of fences, especially now with more people staying here.”

He debated a moment but then nodded. “We need to designate who would do it and work with them on how to. Plus, let them see the range. They put them too close, and all they’ll do is blow a hole in the fence. Also, we need to paint them bright colors like before so we don’t risk anyone stepping on them after the dust settles. They are only for a last resort. They’re too dangerous.”

“I agree. I simply agree we need more layers.”

He nodded and told me where they were and how to get started on the project. Fair enough. The fences were almost done, and I wanted to keep working.

After I checked on Inez.

I had a moment to be relieved when I saw her sitting up eating when I arrived, but then I saw she still had that distant, vacant look. Kristof filled me in and said she’d slept for a bit but still didn’t respond. She went to the bathroom on her own after waking but didn’t ask for food or eat until they put her very favorite in front of her.

I blinked back tears and tried to remind myself that it was still better than her being fully catatonic, but that was not exactly the bar to set things against in life. I updated him and got back to it, sitting by her side when I needed a break or to eat.

One of the times I went there, I was shocked that Kristof was gone. I found him outside kneeling at the back part of the castle just before sunrise.

Praying.

“Aether, I beg you to let her find her way,” he rasped so quietly I could barely hear him. “She is too young to bear all you want her to. Please, please let us take some of her burden as her husbands. I beg you, Goddess. The visions. Give us the visions at least. She is so strong and worthy of being Your champion, but she needs more time and help. Let us be that help. I accept it all. Burden me, not her.”

I couldn’t have agreed more. I was shocked he would reach out to Aether like that and after a moment, I joined him, noting how he flinched as I did.

A few moments later, Darius joined us and then Cerdic. We were definitely unified on this, even if we couldn’t get our own shit together. That was something at least.

I dozed on the floor of her room for a bit but then showered in my own room when I got word a plane was landing at the airstrip we used at the castle.

The others knew I was leaving, and we assumed it was my father with good news, but we were on guard just in case. I couldn’t hide my shock when it wasn’t only him, but my mother already. I had expected her to act fast—as that was her nature—but within twenty-four hours was more than I had thought.

I moved in to greet her after she walked down the stairs, but instead of her normal hug and kiss on the cheek, she slapped me across the face with all she had. I almost fell over from the force of it and the fact my mother had struck me. That had never happened before besides cuffing me upside the head or spanking me as a boy.

“Never have I been disappointed in you, Jaxon,” she rasped. “Not once in my life until your father told me what has happened. You misbehaved as children do, but that is how children grow, and I had faith in you that was right to have. I was never disappointed in my children for tripping because they always got back up. But this? What you have done here, I am ashamed you are my son.

“I never thought you would be one of the horrible nobles that do not keep their vows and love their princess. It never crossed my mind that you would neglect the woman you swore you loved because she changed after you pushed her to. We all did. We do not become like this because it is fun. Princesses are not born as we are. It comes from being forced to make the hard decisions.

“It comes from people shaping us, child. I have never hidden the dark side of that from you. You know of those in my court who have betrayed me. You saw who pressured and tried to manipulate your sister. Everyone calls them court games, but there are lives on the line. It’s not fun and games, but survival. You survived to reach the age to leave and have a life, grew up as you did, because of how I am.

“Because of how princesses have to be. We are the shields who protect the coven. We bear the brunt of it all so you may live and be as stupid as you have turned out. Do you now understand that?” The disgust in her eyes killed me, but still I bobbed my head. “No, you don’t. She is twenty-three and doing what I cannot.” She nodded when I gave her a surprised look. “I could never shoulder what she does.

“Never. She has built her coven from nothing without any real support. It’s a hodgepodge that is held together most days by sheer determination and the stubbornness of good people. She’s had no training or guidance. It’s a miracle she’s made it this far. I would have cracked months ago. Aether sends the poor lass visions. Visions. The memories I have hurt my brain sometimes, and that was long ago.

“I would have been crushed under visions. I would have been squashed by the pressure of being Aether’s champion and a new house. Any of what she has been through by itself is a weight most would fall under, and yet she’s been carrying all of it together for this long. She impresses me like none other, and to think my own son was party to breaking her guts me.

“I thought I raised you better. I thought you were a better man. She is who she is because we all pushed her. We needed her to be more and step into her destiny. And you hold that against her? If you still carried the name of our coven, I would strip you of it. I have trouble even looking upon you and knowing you helped break Aether’s champion, who we all love.”

I stood there in shock as she stepped around me and headed to the awaiting vehicles. My mother had never spoken to me in such a way, certainly not with tears in her eyes like that. She’d yelled when I was younger, all mothers did. I’d never seen her show so much emotion when not in her protected room that suppressed noise. There weren’t many people with us, but we hadn’t even been alone.

Father moved up next to me and patted my shoulder. “I feel mostly the same. Your mother cannot ever understand the pain and trials of being one of several. I do. I know how hard it is to balance your love for her and duties to the coven along with stepping aside for the others who love her.

“Your mother feels this from the place of a princess who has been hurt. We are on the other side of the coin, and it’s not easy either.” He waited until I looked at him. “But you are a better man than this, Jaxon. I know you are. You’ve fallen, and now it’s time to get back up. You can do this and be the man you should, the one we know and love. I have all the faith in you.”

I bobbed my head again, almost saying that I appreciated that when clearly mother didn’t, but I wasn’t sure that was what she’d said. I really wasn’t sure I wanted to have clarification either way and risk more upset.

We went back to the castle where mother and father got to see firsthand how bad the situation was. I’d only seen my mother so upset a handful of times, and rarely being so overcome with emotion, she stepped out of a room. I understood it though. I felt the same.

Inez was sitting like a doll in a plush chair on the greenhouse floor of her tower. She was eating but stared at nothing, focused on nothing. Right then, it was a donut because she would pick up and grip food but wouldn’t use utensils very well. The doc said it was as if she couldn’t focus enough to cut into things or cared enough for the effort.

So there she sat, nibbling on a donut, looking out the windows, and seeing nothing.

“She needs more hydration,” Doc Hillier told us, holding up his hands when we all went to jump on him. “She’s not dehydrated. Yet. She’s simply not reaching for her drink. I don’t want to wait until it’s a problem. She can survive for weeks on crap calories and sugars as long as she keeps eating. It’s not the same for drinking, and she needs more liquids.”

“What about her blood needs?” Mother asked, having returned to the room.

The doc didn’t answer right away. “I would advise doing a blood transfer from her knights. We do it now before it’s a problem or she gets thirsty, and their blood is calmer for her. That would help with the hydration as well.”

“Good. What else? What plans do you have to for progress?”

“I have none, Princess.” He clarified when that upset mother. “There are none to be had. We cannot push her. She has to be the one to want to come out of this. We will adjust to what she needs. Forgive the crass analogy, but right now all we can be is the protective parents who fix obstacles or move things out of the path of a toddler stumbling along. Princess Inez has to stumble through this one.”

“I understand, thank you for clarifying,” she accepted before turning to Sisay. “Talk to the head chef, Nick. Maybe ice cream sandwiches and more that can work as liquids too if she’ll hold things.”

It seemed like a good idea, and after she ate a small sandwich for lunch, we tried to give her one. She wanted no part of it though, which shocked us because she loved ice cream.

The answer hit me like a slap. “Cerdic handled the ice cream. She doesn’t want ice cream because it was his thing. He gifted her that for their wedding.”

“That sounds a bit much given her state,” Vitor muttered.

Maybe, but I didn’t think I was wrong. I hurried down to the kitchen and asked Nick for what I wanted, asking him to come with me. It took a few minutes, but then we went over to Inez, and I tried to give her one of her favorite smoothies to drink. She not only wouldn’t take the cup but tucked her hands against her by the chair.

Swallowing loudly, I backed off and nodded to Nick.

He moved closer and squatted in front of the chair. “Hey, pretty princess. I came up with something new, and I was hoping you would try it for me. It’s a slushie made with fruits and juices Moon got from South America. It’s fresh how you like. Will you try it for me?” He handed over the cup, sort of tucking it by her pulled-up knees and one of her arms.

We all waited with bated breath, but after a moment, she leaned in and tried it. She went for more and moved her hands to hold the cup. That was it. That was the only response.

And I was completely gutted even as I was thrilled she at least took it. “She doesn’t want anything from us or that reminds her of us.” I turned and left, remembering she could still hear us and not wanting to upset her.

But I did see that I wasn’t the only one who needed to step out. Cerdic was a mess after learning she wouldn’t eat ice cream because it was tied to him. We all were.

We had no one to blame but ourselves though.

It was obvious that she was getting some of what was going on around her. That night, James tried to lay with her and she rolled over, but when he shifted into his leopard and tried again, she didn’t pull away. She definitely wanted Kristof.

And not any of us. I tried to touch her and she moved her arm. I saw the same with Cerdic. At first, she completely ignored Darius, but like he’d been doing for weeks, he brought her something to try and be nice. That morning, it was flowers, and she actually shoved them to the floor.

“Why does she keep sitting only in that chair and facing that way?” Hope wondered after several days of us trying to figure out what to do and how to help.

Mother had everything covered with the coven and beefing up security. I did what I needed to, but my focus was Inez.

Too bad it hadn’t been sooner.

She gasped and moved in front of Inez. “Do you want to go to the warehouse? Do you want to work more on the project?”

My eyes went wide when Inez reached out and clasped Hope’s arm, giving the barest of nod. She clearly did… Except I had no idea what they were talking about.

And I wasn’t the only one. I didn’t get a chance to ask, Kristof going over and picking up Inez, jumping on the fact she had had any reaction or given an indication she wanted to do anything.

I followed after but stopped when Darius did, and I almost bumped into his back. “What’s wrong?”

“The chandelier,” he muttered, looking up.

I glanced at the huge glass chandelier in the foyer as well and frowned. “Did the colors change?”

“It’s a different one,” he whispered. “It’s not the one I got Inez.”

“What?” I gasped. “Who would do that? Why? Inez would freak if she—”

“The one you installed was safely put into storage on her orders,” Petre said quietly. “She asked us to figure out the lighting of this one and have it hung, so we did.”

“Where did she get it?” Darius asked, his tone pained.

“You’re about to find out before she wanted anyone to, so keep it to yourself,” Petre grumbled before taking off.

Okay, that wasn’t ominous. I raced after the group, even more shocked when we ended up just outside Grand Forks since Inez hated that place after what had happened there. We were at the Air Force base though, and it was basically dead there.

Or apparently not, as a lot had been going on in the largest warehouse. It was full of piles and piles, pallets upon pallets, of energy beads of some type. They weren’t anything I could work with, so I had no idea.

Kristof had already set Inez on her feet and was holding her as she settled from the journey. He kissed her hair and muttered he would stay with her as long as she wanted to do whatever she wanted.

She pulled away and went over to one of the worktables and put her hands on it, closing her eyes and focusing. Energy beads started coming towards her, and I swallowed a gasp as I realized they were glass. She was making some sort of glass structure from scratch.

She’d never done that before.

Except she had. What Petre had said echoed in my mind and made sense.

“Did you know she could do that?” Darius whispered.

“No. We’ve missed too much, it seems,” I breathed.

“We stopped watching her,” Cerdic muttered. “I thought…”

“She’d tell us what she wanted or needed, but I don’t think she knows how,” Darius filled in. “She never has. I assumed she would as she got more comfortable with me. That it was just not knowing me.”

“Apparently, she never got that comfortable,” I rasped.

“Apparently, we didn’t know how to listen,” Cerdic corrected, nodding toward Kristof who wasn’t shocked as to what was going on.

He wasn’t wrong. She’d gone to Kristof for things she’d wanted sexually, which was what had been the issue with Darius. I hadn’t been a fan she’d hidden it and not come to me… But maybe that had been part of what made me think she was different than I’d thought. I’d never thought she would hide things from me. I didn’t mean to judge, and I certainly didn’t think of it like Darius had, but it had hurt.

Tears filled my eyes when she finished. The pain she was feeling was clear in what she’d made. It looked almost like a huge geode but obviously made with glass. The reason it gutted me was because it exploded out. It looked as if the sharp glass had imploded out of the casing, and that was obviously her.

She was telling us everything had imploded, and now we would be cut if we went near her. She might as well have written it down from the reaction Darius, Cerdic, and I had. Even Kristof wiped under his eyes as he turned away. We all understood the piece the same.

And how much pain she was in. How much we’d hurt her.

“How do we get her back?” Darius rasped.

Cerdic snorted. “You think we deserve her back after we’ve done this?” He gestured to her art. “I don’t. She was better off without us. We’ve made her implode. We deserve death.” He walked away with tears streaming down his cheeks.

I honestly felt the same, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, even when she was tragically so like right then. She looked so sad and despondent, even as her eyes wouldn’t completely focus. She still wasn’t fully there and yet, that was what she was doing—something so amazing.

Kristof tried to give her some blood or maybe take a break to recharge, but she wasn’t interested, going over to the far wall instead. She closed her eyes again and beads started flying towards her.

Before our eyes, a huge panel formed, and when it was complete, there wasn’t a dry eye in the warehouse because Inez was telling us exactly what had happened to her. It was right there in her art, no interpretation or guessing needed.

There was a cliff.

A woman falling over it.

And a lot of people that had pushed her over it.

They weren’t trying to save her, that much was clear from the colors and tone of it all. The jagged lines and contrasts made it clear there was hurt and despair there.

And that the woman didn’t fight her fate. The only question left was whether or not she would care enough to recover from the fall.

I was losing hope she would even try or would want to come back.

Ever.