A Real Cowboy Always Protects by Stephanie Rowe

Chapter Twenty-Two

Logan awoke first,tempted into consciousness by the feel of Skylar in his arms.

She was nestled against him, her hair flung across his chest, her breathing deep and even.

Instinct made him want to reach for his phone, to check and see if anything had happened that he needed to know.

But Skylar kept him still.

He wanted to absorb this moment. Examine it. Explore it.

Waking up with a woman wasn't something he thought he'd ever give himself the luxury of doing. And now that he was in that moment…

It felt good.

Really good.

He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Skylar. He'd said he loved her. He would have bet a year's salary that he wouldn't have known love if it hit him in the face. That he couldn't have felt love, other than for his family. He probably would have been willing to stake his life on it, which wouldn't actually have been a big loss.

He'd never considered his life worth all that much. Never worried much about when his time would come. That was part of what made him good at his job. Wanting to survive, but not worrying about the day when his luck ran out.

But right now, he cared.

He wanted more time with Skylar.

He wanted more mornings with her.

He wanted to keep feeling the way he felt when he was with her.

Quit his job.

He'd have to quit his job.

But…then what? How did he survive that?

He waited, but there were no more answers than there had been last night. A road never travelled was difficult to find.

But he realized he wanted to find it. He fucking wanted to find it. He would find it. He'd find a way—

"Logan?"

His heart leapt at the sound of her voice, and he smiled. "Yes, sweetheart."

"Last night was too much. All of it."

He smiled at the tremor in her voice. He was too well trained in people not to know that she didn't mean it. She was just terrified. "It wasn't," he said gently. "I still love y—"

She put her hand over his mouth and sat up, her blue eyes wide. "I'm freaking out this morning," she said. "I can't get back into a relationship. I can't fall for you. I don't want this. I don't want us." She climbed over him and hurried out of bed. "I dreamed that you left me, and that your family all hated me, and then you got shot and killed by Eugene, who then came after me. My mom had to go to my funeral alone, and she was the only one there, because the CIA had to pretend I wasn't actually dead. She was crying, Logan. All alone. Just like when my dad died, but worse because I wasn't there, and you weren't there, and no one was there."

He swore under his breath. "Listen—"

"No." She grabbed a stack of her clothes from her suitcase. "Look. I love you. I do. But I can't do this. Let's just go back to the original plan." She paused in the doorway to the bathroom, her clothes clutched to her face. Her eyes were wide and scared, like a fawn ready to bolt.

He was halfway out of bed, planning to go to her, but when he saw the fear on her face, he stopped where he was, realizing how close she was to being spooked. "It's okay, Skylar," he said softly. "I won't hurt you."

"I know. I just… Please. Okay?" The panic in her voice made him freeze. "I can't do this again," she whispered. "I can't fall for you and change my life for you. I can't put myself in your hands. I can't."

Son of a bitch. She was absolutely terrified. The sassy, spunky woman who made his heart sing hid a woman who lived in more fear and darkness than he'd ever imagined. What had she been like before her ex had eviscerated her? Bastard.

Logan had a sudden, dark desire to go after Skylar's ex. To hurt him. To make him suffer for what he'd done to Skylar. He knew how to make a man feel pain, physical and emotional. He could do more to that man than he could ever imagine coming for him, and the bastard would deserve every second—

The depth of his sudden anger stunned Logan. Use his training against a civilian? Derive satisfaction from hurting someone?

What the hell? He sat back down on the bed, shocked by the roiling darkness inside him. Darkness that was like the violence that had ruled his brutal childhood. Jesus. Was he still like his father? After all the work he'd done to move past it? Had allowing himself to love Skylar unleashed the very monster he'd fought against his whole life?

Skylar frowned. "What's wrong?"

He held up his hand as he fought to take a breath. To lock down the beast that had sprung to life so unexpectedly. What the fuck had just happened?

She took a step toward him. "Logan? Are you all right?"

"I don't know." He pulled himself together enough to meet her gaze, giving her a reassuring smile. "I think it's not a bad idea to take a step back."

The words bit at him as he said it, and more anger roared through him, but it wasn't anger at her ex. It was anger at his father for making him who he was and forcing him to step back from the woman who had just won his heart, so he could keep her safe from him. Anger at himself for being so weak that he couldn’t defeat the darkness.

Skylar's forehead was furrowed with concern as she watched him, but she nodded. "Okay, then. Agreed." She paused. "Breakfast? I'm starved."

"It's lunchtime, but yeah, we'll go downstairs and eat." He still didn't move. Skylar was too perceptive. She knew damn well he wasn't okay, but instead of calling him out on it like she used to, she was letting it stand.

He missed her challenging him. Making him be better than he was. He missed Skylar.

"Okay." She started to close the bathroom door, then stuck her head back out. "Are you sure you're all right? You don't look okay."

And there it was. The Skylar he loved. He raised his gaze to hers. "I'm not okay. At all," he said honestly. "I don't want to talk about it. But I still love you, and that won't change, so you don't need to question that. Ever."

Her face softened, but she shook her head. "You're incorrigible. You need to stop."

"Loving you? You want me to stop loving you?" He couldn’t keep the incredulity out of his voice. "Because that's impossible."

"No. Stop telling me you do. I need to go back into my cave." Desperation tinged her voice. "Please, Logan. Let me."

He held his palms up in surrender. He wanted to go to her so badly right now. Pull her into his arms. Fix what was falling apart between them. But he couldn’t. Not until he knew who he would become if he let himself love her and all that accompanied it, like quitting his job, which he had to do if he went all in on this. "All right," he said, somehow managing to keep his tone even. "Space it is."

"Okay." She pressed her lips together, hesitating, as if she wanted to say more. But she didn't. She just closed the door, leaving him alone.

He didn't leap to get dressed.

He just bent his head, rested his forehead in his palms, and cursed his legacy.

Skylar was trying.

She really was.

But it wasn't working. An hour later, Skylar could no longer deny the truth that sleeping with Logan and trading "I love yous" with him had not only messed up her relationship with him, but it had also affected her interaction with his family.

Ryder and Zoey were teaching young Liam how to paint, while Frank, Liam's grandfather, still recovering from a broken leg, sat at the breakfast table, chatting with Brody and Keegan. Logan was cleaning up from lunch. Everyone was being nice and friendly, but the tension in the room was palpable, no doubt feeding off the tension between her and Logan.

She was such an idiot. How could she have messed this up? She watched Logan at the kitchen counter scrubbing the frying pan he'd used to grill her a sandwich. He kept looking out the window, and she knew he was surveying the landscape to make sure they were safe.

She wanted to go to him, to hug him, to bury herself in his arms, to let him make her feel safe again. To hear him say the words she'd banned him from saying.

But every time she thought about doing it, tension gripped her. She was so on edge.

"Hey, Keegan," Logan said suddenly. "You still having issues with the design of the bakery?"

Keegan, who had just come in from a tour of the outside of the house nodded. "We fired the architect. He just wasn't getting it right."

Logan nodded at Skylar. "My fiancée is a brilliant architect. Why don't you have her look at the plans? Maybe she can see something."

His fiancée. The words turned over in her belly.

"Damn. Why didn't I think of that?" Keegan looked at her expectantly. "Would you take a look at the plans? That would be great."

Skylar felt herself relax slightly. This was a world she felt comfortable in. "Yes, sure. I'd be happy to."

"Great. I'll be right back with the plans." Keegan jogged out of the room.

Brody started clearing the large dining table. "Let's spread them out here."

Skylar jumped up and started clearing placemats, while Ryder and Zoey moved Liam's painting gear to the family room area. Logan moved the bowl of fruit off the table and wiped it down. His hip bumped hers as he wiped it, and her heart leapt at the touch.

He said nothing, but his hand brushed across her lower back as he walked past, an intimate touch that was too subtle for it to be for public consumption. It had just been for her.

A few minutes later, Keegan was back, and the plans were out on the table. As soon as Skylar saw them, her focus kicked in. She leaned on the table between Brody and Keegan, listening as they explained their goals, what they'd done so far, and what the problem was.

The plans were good, but she could quickly see the issue they'd run into. She bent over, explaining to Keegan and Brody, when she felt Logan's gaze on her. She looked up, and saw him leaning against the opposite counter, arms folded, watching her with a smile.

She realized then that he'd suggested showing the bakery plans intentionally, knowing that doing design work would help her settle, like it had yesterday with Leila. She smiled. "Thank you," she mouthed to him.

He nodded and tapped his heart with two fingers.

Heat flushed her cheeks, but before she could start to freak out again, Keegan asked her a question, drawing her attention back to the designs. She shot one last glance at Logan, then let herself be drawn back into the discussion, into the world that she knew, in which she felt in control, at peace, and competent.

And happy.

Design work hadn't made her feel happy in quite a while, but standing there in the kitchen with Keegan and Brody, helping shape their dreams felt deeply satisfying. This was why she'd become an architect. To bring dreams to life. Not to design impersonal office buildings.

This was what she loved. And Logan had given it to her.

What was she going to do?