Reconcile by Nicole Dykes

“Baz isn’t too bad.”Audrey tilts her head to the side, like she’s thinking it over even though I didn’t actually voice a question. “But I think I like Jacee better.”

I grin at that as I hold her small hand in mine and we walk into her room with Piper in tow. “I’m still very okay with that.” She plops down onto her pink bed, and I kneel down in front of her, in awe of how similar her eyes are to the ones I see every day in the mirror. But hers sparkle. “Hang on to that.”

“Sawyer,” I hear Piper from behind me, and I can’t stop my laugh.

Today was fun. Really fun.

I always have a good time at Ash and Viv’s, but tonight was different. I got to spend time with Audrey. The kid is a giggler. She laughs at everything. So different from the way I remember Piper when she wasn’t too much older than Audrey is now.

She also hates pickles. And her favorite color is pink.

The kid is an open book, and I took full advantage to get to know her better.

Piper walks to the dresser, it’s white but has rainbow handles. She pulls it open and pulls out a nightgown. “It’s definitely past your bedtime, missy.”

Audrey pouts for a moment but then kicks her shoes off, and then . . . yeah, the kid giggles. Which makes me laugh. “Okay, Mommy.” She looks at me as Piper dresses her in a nightgown. “Can we do that again?”

I nod my head, a thrill shooting through me at her asking. “Yeah. They do that a lot, and I’m usually invited.” I grin. “Which means now, you are too.”

“And Mommy?”

Piper looks slightly uncomfortable as she runs a brush through Audrey’s hair. I face Audrey. “Of course, Mommy too.”

Her smile is vibrant. “Good.”

Piper kisses her forehead. “Get good sleep tonight, baby.”

“Okay, Mommy. Love you.”

“Love you.”

Piper walks toward the door, and I stand next to Audrey’s bed, unsure how to leave it. She can’t know I’m her dad, so I can’t exactly say I love you. But I don’t want to just say goodnight.

Fuck, this is hard.

“Thanks for going with me tonight, kiddo. I’m glad you had fun.”

“Thank you, Swearer,” she says, and I laugh.

“Baz tell you to call me that?”

She giggles. “Yup.”

“Of course, he did.” I ruffle her hair. “Night, kiddo.”

“Night.”

My heart aches in my chest from not being able to tell her I love her. That I’m her dad, and I’m not going any-fucking-where. But I just force myself to leave the room, telling myself I will someday.

God, this kid is turning me into a pussy.

Piper flips on the light switch in her room, and I follow her inside, drawn to her like I’ve always been and feeling the aftereffects of a moment ago. “I like your friends.” She stares absently into the mirror above her dresser, removing her earrings.

“They like you. And Audrey.”

She smiles at that and then sits on the edge of her bed, undoing the straps on her sandals.

It all feels utterly domestic. Tucking our kid in and then undressing for the evening. I’m not ready to let the night end, so I sit next to her on the bed, my feet on the ground.

There’s something that’s been bugging me, and I suppose now is the time to ask. “Did my brothers know?” Her eyes meet mine, and I clarify, “About Audrey?”

It wouldn’t surprise me at all if they kept it from me. Especially Spencer. “No. Of course not.”

“How? You work for them.”

She snorts. “The Rosses don’t give a damn about their employees’ lives as long as they’re bringing in money.”

I suppose that’s probably true and breathe a sigh of relief. “Good. You had fun tonight.”

It’s not a question. It’s an observation that has her tilting her head to the side in slight amusement. “I suppose I did.”

Her hair falls in front of her eyes, and I don’t hesitate to brush it away. But I leave my hand behind her ear, letting it linger.

“You’re really great with her.” She looks almost bewildered, and I can’t say I blame her.

“She’s a really great kid.”

She nods, and then she’s leaning in, her full, red lips are nearing mine and causing my heart to thunder in my chest. I should stop this. It blurs way too many lines. My other hand cups the back of her head, but I don’t pull her to me.

I let her make the decision.

Her lips part as she stares at my mouth, and I think I might actually die if she doesn’t kiss me. Thankfully, I remain alive just as her mouth crashes against mine after so many goddamn years of not touching her.

Her mouth moves against mine, and my fingers thread through her hair. She doesn’t open her mouth, and I don’t force her. I just stay in the moment that I already know is going to be fleeting.

The kiss is way too brief, leaving me gasping for air and craving the connection as it’s severed by her small hands pushing against my chest and away from her.

“No. I can’t do this.”

“Piper.” I don’t move. My body is frozen on her bed, in the same spot as it was when she kissed me. But she jumps up, shaking her head.

“No. Oh my God, Sawyer. This is exactly what I was afraid of.”

“A kiss?” I turn to face her, but don’t stand.

“No. Not a kiss. You.” Her arms flail, gesturing at me. “Your charm. I can’t fall for this shit again.” Her eyes look at the wall she shares with Audrey. “I’m a mother now.”

“Mothers kiss.”

That only prompts an angry glare as she places a hand on her hip. “You need to go. We are . . . Hell, we aren’t even friends. You need to go.”

She’s really freaking out here. I can see it on her face and hear it in her panicked tone. I stand and take one step toward her, but she steps back. I try to not feel hurt. I know she doesn’t trust me. “It was a kiss, Pipes.”

“Don’t Pipes me. I’m not that girl, Sawyer. I’m not.”

“I know.”

She shakes her head furiously. “This shouldn’t have happened.” She huffs and folds her arms over her stomach, but she keeps her voice low when she says, “You’re such an ass.”

“Me? You kissed me.”

Another glare. “You’re still an ass.”

“Fine. Whatever.” I head toward the door, walking past her, not wanting to fight.

“Wait.”

Her voice is quiet, but there’s a desperation in it that makes me turn around. “What?”

“Why?” I search her eyes, trying to find what she’s asking me, and I see the fat tears welling up in her eyes.

“Why what?”

Is she talking about the kiss?

No. She kissed me.

“Why did you . . .” her voice cracks, and then it nearly severs my heart in two when I realize what she’s asking me.

I step closer to her, and she doesn’t pull away as her golden eyes look directly into mine, giving me a glimpse into her pain. Pain I caused. “I . . .”

She holds up her hand to silence me and then steps back. “No. Never mind. It doesn’t matter, Sawyer. None of it matters.”

“Piper.” Her name is barely a whisper, and I know I’m a goddamn coward because my reasons are shit. There’s no good explanation.

“Don’t. It doesn’t matter.”

“You matter though. I . . .”

She glares at me. “Get out, Sawyer. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to revisit the past. Audrey is what matters. That’s it.” She takes another step away from me. “We’ll never be friends.”

I want to argue with her, but I can see just how pissed off she is right now, and I’m not fucking with it.

“I guess I’ll just have to make sure that Audrey and I are.”

“Guess so.”

“Goodnight, Piper.”

“Goodnight, Sawyer.”

I turn and leave, feeling only slightly defeated. I mean, she did kiss me. Even if she regretted it immediately after, maybe she’s softening a little.

I smile when I see the glow from the nightlight in Audrey’s room before I head downstairs.

Piper is right though. Audrey is what matters.