Waste My Time by Kelsey Clayton

Staring at my bedroom door,a part of me is convinced she'll walk back in. Tell me she's sorry and that she didn't mean it. But with every hour that passes, as sunlight starts shining through the blinds, I realize that's not going to happen.

She's gone.

I lost her.

Drove her away at lightning speed.

I don't even know how long it's been since she left. I've been sitting on my bed, unable to move. Unable to think of anything other than her. Memories of the last year play through my mind like my own personal torture chamber. I can't escape it. All I can do is sit here and drown in my failure.

My heart lurches at the sound of a knock on my door, but when it opens and Zayn peeks his head in, it's as if it breaks all over again.

“You still coming with me today?” he asks.

Fuck, I almost forgot I promised Z I'd help him pick out an engagement ring. With Amelia in class all day, it's the perfect time to ditch. She'll never realize we were gone.

I stare down at my lap and nod. “Yeah. I'll be down in a bit.”

After giving myself another minute, I get up and go into the bathroom. The water runs cold as I cup it in my hands and splash it onto my face. It's a sobering feeling, knowing this isn't a bad dream or sick joke. I'm used to the nightmares, and they still send a wave of emotions through me, but at least I can wake up from those. This is worse.

As I get downstairs, I can hear Amelia talking Zayn's ear off in the kitchen. Something about Carter being a moron for messing things up with Tye, and how she loves them both. I make my way into the room and immediately go over to the coffee pot—though it's not like I'm tired.

“I swear, we better not have to choose between them,” she says. “I won't do it. I refuse.”

He chuckles and presses a kiss to her forehead. “No one is making you choose anything.”

“You say that now.” She turns around and pushes herself up to sit on the island. “Is Kennedy almost ready? She's supposed to help me go over my presentation before class.”

My stomach twists into a knot. If I wasn't so out of it, I'd probably be able to come up with something, but what good would that do? She's going to find out eventually.

“She's not here,” I tell her.

My sister's brows furrow. “Well, where did she go? She was here last night. Don't think you're quiet in there. Your headboard is going to end up going through the wall one of these days.”

Everything she says is only making it worse. She doesn’t have to worry about that anymore, because there's no more Kennedy and me. She finally figured out that I don't deserve her to even look my direction, let alone be with me. I will forever kick myself in the ass for fucking this up.

“We broke up.”

The second the words leave my mouth, everything goes dead silent. Even Zayn, who was mid-sip into his coffee, freezes. Amelia's jaw hangs slack for at least a solid thirty seconds before she starts to laugh.

“Okay, don't play with me like that. It's not funny.”

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. “I'm not kidding. She left in the middle of the night, right after we ended things.”

Without a second thought, Amelia jumps off the counter and smacks me in the arm. “Have you lost your mind? That girl is the best thing to ever happen to you! Hell, she's the best thing to ever happen to me!” She spares a quick glance at Zayn. “No offense.”

I try to ignore her. To act like the conversation isn’t happening. But I should've known she would never let me get away with that. I can practically hear the gears turning in her head.

“Oh no,” she groans. “Please tell me I'm not going to have to choose between the two of you, too!”

“No one is making you choose between anyone, Meelz,” Zayn tries.

She scoffs. “You say that now, but then next thing you know, Tye and Kennedy won't be in the same room as Carter and Easton and I'm going to have to choose between them! It's going to be a disaster!”

“Okay, stop,” I demand. “There's no way in hell Carter will let this be the end of him and Tye. He's way too fucking gone for that girl. They'll be back together by next week, I'm sure.”

“And you and Kennedy?”

Dropping my head, I look away. “That's different.”

“How?” she presses. “What the hell happened?”

I fucked up. “It just wasn't working anymore.”

She comes closer and dips down, forcing me to look at her. “If that's true, then why do you look so damn sad?” I roll my eyes and turn away from her, but she obviously has no intentions of letting up. “E, if you don't want this, then fight for her. Win her back. She loves you!”

“Drop it, Amelia.”

“No way,” she argues. “You two are perfect for each other. I can help you! It's probably all a misunderstanding anyway.”

I grip the edge of the counter as I try to reign in my frustration, but it's not working. The more she talks, the worse I get, until finally, it breaks.

“It's not going to happen!” I snap. “We're done. Broken up. Over. If I have to accept that, then so do you. So for the love of fuck, just leave it alone.”

The tone of my voice, paired with my words, are enough to shock her into a momentary silence. After a second, I realize what I said was harsh, but before I can apologize, she exhales.

“Okay,” she says with a nod. “I have to get to class. I'll see you two later.”

She kisses Zayn goodbye and puts a sympathetic hand on my back before heading out the door. Once she's gone, I spin back around to find my best friend looking at me cautiously. Zayn sighs and crosses his arms over his chest.

“You okay?”

I shrug, trying to seem indifferent but failing miserably. “I just never thought she'd actually leave me.”

I STARE UP AT the small cafe, making sure I'm at the right place before going inside. After spending all yesterday looking for the perfect ring for Amelia, we finally found one. And while I'm more than happy for my sister and my best friend, maybe ring shopping while fresh off a breakup wasn't the best idea either.

Then again, neither is this.

As I get inside, Tessa is easy to spot. She's sitting at a table near the window with a cup of coffee, already waiting for me. There's a little voice in my head telling me how fucked up this is. After all, hanging out with Tess was almost every nail in the coffin of my relationship. But at the same time, this girl isn't just my ex. She's one of my best friends.

“You're a godsend,” I tell her, sitting down and grabbing the mug. “Thank you.”

She chuckles. “Don't thank me yet. I'm pretty sure it's stale.”

I'm in the middle of taking a sip when the taste of it makes me immediately feel like I might hurl. It takes less than a second before I'm discreetly spitting it back into the cup.

“Okay, that's nasty. What did you do to it?”

“Antifreeze,” she teases. “It's supposed to be a lot more discreet than that, though. Shame.”

I can't help but smile as I shake my head. “And you wonder why Knox calls you a psychopath.”

“There's something about a guy who literally has a handful of dead bodies to his name calling me a psycho that makes me proud. Not going to lie.”

My eyes widen as I look around the crowded room. “Okay, maybe we shouldn't talk about shit like that in public.”

She chuckles. “Once a pussy, always a pussy.”

“How does Asher deal with you?” I ask her, only half joking.

Tilting her head from side to side, she smirks. “I pulled him in with my charm and made him fall in love with me. After that, he was done for. Plus, I'm good in bed. It's a bonus.”

“You're impossible. You know that?”

“I know,” she answers. “Now stop deflecting. How are things with you and Kennedy?”

Ugh. I was hoping we could avoid that topic for a little longer, but I should've known she was going to call me out on it. Tessa is nothing if not straightforward.

I rub the back of my neck, an old nervous habit. “Things are, uh...nonexistent.”

The smile she was sporting drops right off her face. “What?”

“She broke up with me two nights ago,” I admit. “It blows, but it's not like I don't deserve it.”

“Back the fuck up. She left you?”

“Yes. Keep up.” I snap my fingers. “You're not as quick as you used to be.”

“And you just...let her?”

My shoulders sag in defeat and I can feel my I'm okay facade start to slip. “What else was I supposed to do? Hold her hostage in my basement?”

“You fight for her, asshat!” She pretends to choke me from across the table. “Christ, what happened to the guy who transferred colleges for the girl he wanted?”

I cock a single brow at her. “You really want to go over how that went?”

“No,” she replies without hesitation. “Definitely not. But what we are going to do is ditch this Popsicle stand and figure out how to get your girl back.”

“We can't do that here?”

“Well, we could. But I want coffee that doesn't taste like the dirt Delaney dared me to eat as a kid.”

A small laugh echoes from the back of my throat. “Fair enough.”

The two of us stand up and make our way toward the door. As she stops, waiting for someone to step out of the way, she glances up at me.

“Do you even have a basement?” she asks curiously.

I snort. “No. No, I don't.”

MY HEART POUNDS INSIDEmy chest as I walk down the familiar hallway toward Kennedy's dorm. I stood outside for the last thirty minutes, trying to convince myself to go inside. Everything I'm about to do is my worst fear, but I’m more afraid of losing her than I am of this. I need her.

I raise my fist and knock lightly on the door, trying to tame my nerves while I wait for her to answer. I try to steady myself by imagining the worst that could happen: I lay my broken heart on the line, and she takes a blowtorch to the pieces? Ugh, this is a horrible idea.

Just as I'm about to walk away, the door opens, and Kennedy's bloodshot eyes meet mine. She looks as bad as I feel, like she hasn't gotten a wink of sleep. My heart breaks just looking at her, knowing I caused her suffering. Just like that, I know I can't leave without her hearing what I have to say, no matter what happens.

“Baby.” The pet-name slips from my lips unintentionally.

The second it’s said, she grunts and goes to close the door, but I shove my shoe in the way before she can shut me out. She looks down at my foot and back up at me with an annoyed glare.

“Just hear me out,” I beg. “Please.”

Saying nothing, she crosses her arms and waits for me to continue. I take a deep breath and try to remember everything I want to say to her. I get the feeling this is the only chance I'll get. If this doesn't work, I don't think anything will.

“I've been scared,” I admit. “Of a lot of things, really. To fully let you in. To get too close. To love you. But all of that seems absurd now, because what I should've been afraid of was losing you.” I pause to let out a nervous breath. “I fucked up. Massively. I didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and even worse, I broke your trust. But if you give me another chance, I'll never make that same mistake again. I swear.” I stare deep into her eyes, so she knows I'm being sincere. “Give me another chance, Ken. I'm not the begging type, but I'm begging you for this. Please.”

When she realizes I'm done, she clears her throat. “Answer me something.”

Her voice is wrecked, as if she's spent the past few hours screaming at the top of her lungs. She even touches her neck like it's in pain. I swallow hard, thinking she might actually give me the thing I want most right now.

“Anything.”

She trains her expression to a knowing, stone-cold gaze that fills my whole body with dread. “When's the last time you saw Tessa?”

Fuck. There it is. My heart sinks as the pieces fall into place and it all makes perfect sense.

The reason she's in such bad shape.

The hoarseness of her voice.

The fresh set of tears staining her cheeks.

She saw us.

Just like that, there's nothing I can say. Nothing I could do that would make her hate me any less. So, instead of saying anything at all, I drop my head and stare down at the ground as she lets the door swing closed.

There's no hope for us anymore.