Waste My Time by Kelsey Clayton

Truth be told,I'm not okay. I knew the second I made up my mind to leave Easton that it wasn’t going to be easy, but I don't think I ever expected it to be this hard. I can't even count the number of times I've picked up my phone, ready to call him and tell him that I was wrong. That we can work through it. That I don't want to be without him.

I sit on my floor and find a small amount of comfort in the loneliness, with my arms wrapped around myself. I'm not sure if Easton is still standing on the other side of the door, or if he gave up and left the second I shut him out. Being as he hasn't tried talking to me again, I assume he left.

Probably on his way back to Tessa.

Squeezing my eyes closed tightly, I will the monster in my mind to go away.

Anywhere but here.

Any time but now.

It's been two days since I've had a single bite to eat. And I know what my mother would tell me. She'd look me in the eye and tell me that I shouldn't let anybody have such power over me, much less a boy, and then she’d make me my favorite meal. But my mom isn't here to do that, and I don't have much of an appetite.

I was going to eat something. I had even gone to a restaurant downtown that I've been to before. Ordered something that made my mouth water and waited for it to be ready. As I was walking out, however, I spotted Easton across the street.

He didn't see me, of course. Why would he when he was so focused on where he was going? Or who he was going to, for that matter. For a second, I almost called his name. Seeing him for the first time since I left him in his bedroom, my heart hurt. The only thing I wanted was to be wrapped in his arms again. But the second he went inside and I saw him take a seat at a table across from Tessa, everything I had put back together over the last forty-eight hours had shattered again.

I couldn't help but stand there like a creep for a moment, watching as he laughed with her, seemingly without a care in the world. Like my leaving didn't affect him at all. He was with the girl he wanted to be with, and there was no getting in the way of that. And when I finally managed to pull my eyes away, I handed the bag of takeout to a stranger passing by.

My appetite was gone.

Everything he said, every word that came out of his mouth, it was everything I've always wanted to hear. The verbal equivalent of ripping his heart out and handing it to me. But every syllable is tainted with the image of him and Tessa laughing over drinks while I break down on the sidelines.

Once again, another piece of me was chipped away at the hands of Easton Donovan, but as I sit here on the floor of my empty room, I make a promise to myself.

That will be the last piece he ever gets to take.

THE CLUB IS PACKED, even more than usual for a Saturday night. There's a bachelor party wreaking havoc in the back corner, and a few of the regulars all chose tonight to bring a bunch of their buddies to the bar with them. And to top it all off, Tye decided to stay in Miami for a couple extra days, leaving Amelia and I to fend for ourselves.

“I'm not telling you to give him another chance,” Amelia continues to press. “I'm just asking if you really want to throw the last year with him away.”

I focus on pouring the glass of beer just right so there isn't too much foam. “Leave it alone, Amelia. Please.”

She sticks her bottom lip out, pouting. “I can't. I just don't understand. You two just woke up in the middle of the night after headboard-banging sex and decided you weren't happy together anymore? How does that happen?”

A part of me knows I should tell her the truth—admit all her brother's wrongdoings and let him deal with the aftermath. But I can't. It's not that I think she would take his side, but the opposite. I've seen her ready to punch him in the face because he didn't get me what she considered to be an adequate birthday gift. If she knew what he did, there's no telling what she would do.

“It just does, babe,” I tell her. “I love you, but you need to move on. He and I are. You should, too.”

Taking a deep breath, she lets it out in a huff. “You were supposed to become my sister.”

“I already am, Meelz. Whether I'm with your brother or not, I already am.”

IT'S HALFWAY THROUGH MYshift when Amelia shrieks and switches one of the TVs over to E!. Within a second, I realize how much the universe actually hates me. There, front and center on the screen, is none other than Tessa Callahan. She's sitting next to her quarterback boyfriend, Asher Hawthorne, in an interview about his comeback to football. After winning the Super Bowl not just once, but twice in a row after coming back from what should have been a career ending injury, you end up under the spotlight.

Still, perfect fucking timing.

I'm not going to lie; the girl is gorgeous. It's no wonder she managed to score one of football's favorite bachelors. Her long brown hair and brown eyes both match Easton's, and I'm sure when they were together, they made a beautiful couple. And honestly, that makes me hate her even more.

Asher drapes an arm around her, and she preens under the attention. Watching her, I can tell E was telling the truth. Whatever they were doing when they were together was innocent, apart from lying to me about it. It's obvious she has no interest in anyone but Asher. And yet, I think that’s worse.

He knew he had no chance with her. He knew there was no way she would ever do anything to risk her relationship. And yet, he snuck around anyway. Lying to me was worth just being in her presence and confiding in her about things he outright refused to tell me.

I was always second choice.

Fed up with this shit and the pain it spurs deep in my chest, I grab the closest bottle of alcohol to me. Malibu Rum. I pour it into a glass with ice and add a splash of pineapple and cranberry. I'd hardly call it a Bay Breeze, but at least it doesn't look like I'm drinking straight rum.

“What are you doing?” Amelia questions. “You know what happened the last time we got caught drinking on the job.”

I roll my eyes, not giving a damn anymore. “Fuck it. My new motto.”

Lifting the drink back, I down it in one go. The alcohol courses through my bloodstream and warms me from the inside out. I instantly pour myself another and do it all over again.

I'm going to forget Easton tonight, even if it means forgetting my own name.

EVERYTHING IS HAZY, BUTin the best way possible. My body moves to the beat of the music as men stand around watching. Amelia has been watching me like a hawk, but she needs to lighten up. For the first time in days, I'm actually having fun. She should be happy for me!

“Maybe you should take those moves up on the bar, pretty thing,” a guy suggests.

I purse my lips and look over the bar. I'm wearing a tight pair of jeans. It's not like they'd be able to see up my skirt or anything. And besides, imagine the tips I'd get for it. Tye has always joked around about doing it, but she's never actually had the balls.

Walking out from behind the bar, I grab the pole and use one of the regulars to help me up. The DJ, a thirty-year-old named Tim, turns the music up even louder. As I start to sway my hips with more effort, the bachelor party starts to watch and cheer.

“Kennedy!” Amelia shouts. “Get down from there. You're going to get fired.”

I throw my hands in the air. “Then I get fired. Live a little, Mom!”

She tries to grab my hand, but I yank it away. My lack of balance makes me stumble a little and I kick over a few cups of beer. I look down and giggle at the mess I made.

“Oopsie.”

The guys sitting there don't seem to care, though—too busy staring up at me like they're getting their own personal show. And honestly, I don't even mind it. I'm finally letting loose, and I feel fucking great about it.

“For fuck’s sake,” Amelia groans and heads toward the back room.

She's probably going to tell Paul. Make excuses for me and plead temporary insanity. But me? I'm going to enjoy this for as long as I can.

IT'S A HALF-HOURlater when it all goes to shit. I'm dancing with one of the guys from the bachelor party. His hands are on my hips and his mouth is by my ear, whispering about how sexy I am and the things he'd like to do to me. It's not something I'd ever let happen. I'm just not that kind of girl. But it's still nice to hear.

“We should get out of here,” he tells me.

I chuckle and let my head fall back against his shoulder. “I'm supposed to be working. And if I try to leave with you, my friend behind the bar might cut us both.”

Amelia hasn't taken her eyes off me, even while tending the whole bar by herself. She watches me, forehead creased with worry, and makes sure I don't do anything worse than get wasted while at work.

He moves one hand from my hips to my bare stomach, exposed by my crop top. “Then at least let me do a body shot off you. It's like you were made for them, I swear.”

I think it over for a second and then shrug. “Sure, why not? “

The guy, whose name I don't care enough to ask for, grins triumphantly and does a quiet cheer. He leads me over to the table and swipes the drinks right off it. Glasses crash to the floor and leave a mess all over the place. Then he helps me up and then lays me down across the wood.

“I need booze!” he announces. “And salt and a lime!”

He looks around for his friends, but when he realizes no one is really paying attention, he throws the whole idea away.

“Fuck it. Who needs the alcohol anyway?”

Bending down, he licks a strip across my neck, then nibbles on my belly button, but right before his mouth can reach my own, he's yanked back by his shirt. It's all a giant blur as Easton rears back and punches the guy right in the mouth.

“Easton!” Amelia and I scream at once.

Bachelor dude is pissed as he recovers from the sudden assault. His friends help him back up and he immediately rushes toward my ex.

Shit!

It's clear Easton isn't about to back down as he stands firmly in place. I watch as his fist clenches and I throw myself between the two of them. The last thing I need is for Paul to come out here because of a bar fight. As much as I didn't care about getting fired while I was drunk and enjoying myself, it would really suck when it came time to pay bills.

“Both of you, stop!”

Easton tries to move me out of the way. “Fuck that. He was all over you!”

The guy snorts. “Not my fault she never mentioned having a boyfriend.”

“Because I don't!” I shout and turn back to Easton. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Amelia was worried about you.”

I turn to my best friend, whose shoulders sag as she realizes she was outed.

Traitor.

Rolling my eyes, I walk away and head to the back room to get my bag. When I reenter the club, Easton is there, already trying to talk to me. I try to push by him but he grabs my wrist and won't let me go.

“Why are you wasted while at work?”

“Let me go.”

He narrows his gaze on me. “No. Not until you tell me what the hell you're doing.”

I throw my head back and groan. “What does it even matter?”

“It matters because I care about you!”

“Then stop caring about me!” I yell.

His brows furrow. “I can't! I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop missing you. And I sure as shit can't stop caring about you.”

“Well, that sucks for you, because the time for you to do any of that expired when you snuck around with your ex-girlfriend!”

“You what?”

Amelia's voice is small compared to the anger that is radiating off him and me. We both turn in her direction, and I realize the secret is out. She heard everything. She knows it all. Easton releases me as he focuses on his sister, but I don't bother to stick around. This mess is his and his alone.

A KNOCK AT THEdoor pulls me from my peaceful slumber. At first, I throw my pillow over my head and try to ignore it, but when it comes again, it's clear the person is not going away. I push the covers off me and sit up. My eyes blink open slowly as I walk toward the door.

“Tye, I told you I'd call you when I wake up,” I groan as I open the door but it’s certainly not Tye on the other side.

Amelia stands there with a sorrowful smile on her face. She holds up a paper bag in one hand and her laptop in the other.

“I have ice cream and HBO Max,” she tells me.

If I had any ability to stay mad at her at all, I'd close the door and go back to bed. But all things considered, there's nothing to hold against her. All she knew was that we split up because we grew apart.

I step aside and open the door further to let her in, wincing from the light in the hallway. “Come in quick. This hangover is a bitch.”

She chuckles. “That happens when you outdrink an entire bachelor party.”

“Yeah,” I wince. “I don't think I'll be doing that again any time soon.”

“Well good, because it took two hours for me to convince Paul not to fire you.”

Plopping back down on my bed, I scoot over to make room for her. “Thank you. I owe you one.”

She cuddles into my side. “No, you don't. I should've known better than to call Easton last night. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be.” I rest my head on hers. “It's my fault for not telling you the truth.”

“Why didn't you?”

Her tone isn’t an accusation, but more something like hurt. It's as simple as the fact that she's my best friend. Not telling her probably felt like I was cutting her out or pushing her away, and I would never.

“I just didn't want you to look at him differently,” I answer honestly. “He's your brother.”

Lifting her head, she turns to look at me. “And you're my sister.”

I cringe. “That sounds incestuous.”

“Don't be gross.” She lightly smacks my arm. “No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” I promise.

I WALK THROUGH CAMPUSwith a forced smile plastered across my face. Hanging out with Amelia on Sunday helped a little, but it didn't do nearly enough for my psyche. Therefore, I'm taking a new route. A fake it ‘til you make it plan of sorts. I'm going to pretend I'm happy and fine without him, until I really am.

I'm turning the corner to head to class when I stop dead in my tracks. I was hoping luck would be on my side today. That I could go to my lectures, pretend to laugh, and make it back to my dorm without incident. But as I stand here, frozen in place and watching as Easton leans up against the brick wall while talking to Zayn, I realize it's not going to be like that at all.

A sharp pain slices through my chest when I realize I still get the familiar urge to go to him. But then I remember how even after I left him, he still went to Tessa, and just like that, I'm stone cold once again.

“Kennedy?” a voice calls. “Is that you?”

I turn around to see who it is and my jaw drops. “Alec?”

“Holy shit! How are you?”

Alec is an old friend and former neighbor. We spent years living next door to each other, and our mothers used to joke about us ending up together. It wasn't exactly a bad idea. He's always been attractive, with his dark blond hair and emerald eyes. It's just that nothing ever became of it. I honestly thought I would never see him again after my parents moved away, but here he is.

“Been better, been worse,” I answer. “What are you doing here?”

He smiles the same way he always has, in a way that stretches across his whole face. “I transferred in January for the second semester. Arizona was just not my kind of place.”

“Well, I didn't think it would be. Then again, I didn't think my parents would like it in Texas, either.”

Throwing his head back, a deep chuckle emits from the back of his throat. “Only you would choose a college close to home, only to have your family to move over a thousand miles away.”

“I know. It's like they ditched me and ran.”

The sound of laughter behind me grabs my attention, and before I can stop myself, I glance back to find Easton joking around with Zayn. His gaze locks with mine until he tears it away. He looks Alec up and down as if sizing him up and then goes back to his conversation—grinning like he's the happiest he's ever been.

“Friend of yours?” Alec asks.

I turn back to him and run my fingers through my hair. “He's my ex.”

“Ah.” He nods. “That would explain why he keeps looking over here like he wants to set me on fire and roast marshmallows over my corpse.”

“Ugh!” Rolling my eyes, I put a hand on my hip. “He doesn't get to act all possessive over me. I'm not his anymore, and you and I are childhood friends!”

“Easy, killer,” he quips. “You've got a lot of built-up frustration.”

“You have no idea.”

His brows raise at my answer. “If you're up for it, I could help you with that.”

“I'm not sleeping with you, if that's what you mean.” Maybe it's a little blunt, but rip the Band-Aid off and all that.

Alec chokes on air and starts coughing. “No. That's definitely not what I mean. This is something a little more dangerous, and a lot more clothed.”

Sparing one last glance at Easton, he doesn't even try to hide the fact that he's watching me. It's then that I make a split second decision.

“Yeah, fuck it. I'll give it a shot.”

AMELIA AND I WALKthrough the mall in search for the bathrooms. We originally came here for a bit of retail therapy, but I'm starting to think she only brought me here to talk about Easton. Every time her mouth opens, it always ends up back at him.

“I'm just saying, he lost his shit when you left with that guy,” she tells me. “Even Zayn had a hard time calming him down and keeping him from going after you two.”

I sigh heavily. “I told you already, that guy's name is Alec, and I've known him since I was like fourteen. He took me to an ax-throwing place to let off some steam, but that was it.”

“Well, I hope so.” She pushes the door to the bathroom open and we both step inside. “I mean, I know E fucked up massively, but I'm still holding out hope for you two. You two are so perfect for each other and I...”

She goes off into a tangent, but I tune it out. I've spent the last few days telling myself that I need to get over him, but how can I do that when my best friend is constantly down my throat about it? The answer is simple—I can't. The only way I'm going to be able to move on is by killing any hopes she has about me ending up with her brother, even if it hurts her.

“Oh, I know!” she says excitedly.

“Amelia.”

“What if you two tried couples counseling? I've heard that works for some people.”

“Amelia.”

“I know, I know. It sounds insane because we're so young, but what could it hurt?”

“Amelia!”

Finally realizing I'm trying to get through to her, she stops. “Oh. Yeah, sure.”

She digs in her purse before pulling out a tampon and handing it to me. My brows furrow as I look at it, but she only extends her hand further, getting me to take it.

“We are still synced up, right?” she asks.

Realization sets in and my heart pounds inside my chest. If she has her period now, that means...fuck. I mask my internal panic, not wanting her to see that I'm on the edge of a massive breakdown, and take the tampon from her.

“Yeah, of course.”

Completely oblivious to what might be the biggest crisis of my life, she smiles and starts fixing her makeup in the mirror while I slip into the stall. I slip my phone from my pocket and immediately open my health app. It takes me a minute to find the menstrual section but when I do, the entire world seems to crumble around me.

Your period is 57 days late.