Always Been You by Lily Miller

Seventeen

Parker

It’slate afternoon and Livy and I are strolling the picturesque streets of Seaside. The beach town is bustling with people on bikes and tourists window-shopping, lined with stores and restaurants.

We showered and changed on the boat, then docked at the marina in town to do some exploring and have dinner. Livy’s wet hair is pulled back into a bun and she’s changed into a flowy sundress. Her skin is sun-kissed from our day on the water. She’s oblivious to the stares she gets from other men and it still surprises me how some guy didn’t find her and make her his before I had the chance. She’s so fucking beautiful. Once again, I’m thanking my lucky stars.

Livy pulls me into one of the larger shops along the street, which carries home décor and candles among other things. I follow her through the knick-knacks and watch her browse the store. There’s an area in the corner with jewelry that catches my eye, so I wander over there and leave her to what she’s looking at.

I’m browsing the earrings and necklaces for something that catches my eye and reminds me of Livy, when she finds me. She arches a brow, and the corner of her lips tip up.

“So many pretty things,” she muses. “It’s hard to know where to look.”

“You find anything you like, Liv?”

“The whole store is beautiful, but I don’t need anything, I just like to look. We can go now, maybe get some ice cream?”

“Not yet, you haven’t looked in this section. Tell me what catches your eye.” I reach for her hand and pull her towards the jewelry case.

“Parker, I don’t need anything more from you. This weekend is a gift in itself. The best gift ever. If only it didn’t have to end.”

I am right there with her on that. I wish we could stay here in Seaside forever, just the two of us.

“Just take a peek and then I will take you for ice-cream.”

“No can do. I know you and you can’t help yourself. If I asked you to buy me the entire case of jewelry, you would. How about I let you buy me an ice-cream cone instead. I’ll even make it a double scoop.” I can’t hide the smile on my face. She is right. I would buy her every damn piece of jewelry in the store if it made her happy.

“I promise I won’t spend a cent here today, I’m just curious what you like. How about this red gem? I think it’s a ruby.”

“It’s beautiful, but red has never been my color.” Livy peers into the cases, admiring the different pieces, and stops in front of a dainty white gold chain with a tiny diamond star pendant. I watch her eyes widen as she admires it.

“Do you like that one, Livy? The necklace with the diamond star?”

“It’s so pretty. It reminds me of you.”

“Of me? How so?”

“It reminds me of that night we snuck away. You brought me to the viewpoint, and we laid together in the back of your pickup truck. The night we spent wishing on stars and… well, you know.” Livy’s cheeks flush.

I did know. How could I ever forget it? I made love to Livy in the back of the truck bed. It was her first time and I wanted it to feel special for her under a blanket of stars. I told her that night we were written in the stars and I meant it. I have missed out on more memories with her than I want to admit, but her first time will always be mine. That moment will always belong to me.

“I do know. I’ve never forgotten, Livy.” I slip my arms around her from behind and smother her with kisses, overcome with the love I feel for her. “Now, how do you expect me not to buy this necklace for you?”

“A deal is a deal and you agreed. A gentleman never goes back on his promises.”

“You don’t play fair, Olivia Madden.”

“You just don’t like my terms. Now come on, I believe you owe me a double scoop ice-cream cone and I would like to collect on it now.”

I give in, begrudgingly leaving the store without the necklace that belongs around Livy’s neck, and I make good on my promise.

The afternoon flies by in a flash. After hours of walking, we stop for coffee and decide on a trolley ride so Livy can see more of this small town that has already won her heart. I pay close attention to her, hoping the distractions of the weekend away are enough to help her momentarily forget what’s waiting for her on Monday. I’ve promised to go with her and support her if she decides that’s what she wants. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for this girl. Nothing.

We hop off the trolley at the stop closest to The Wharf, where we have reservations for dinner. It’s a casual spot, people come here as much for the scene as they do for the food. The white painted patio dotted with blue and white striped umbrellas overlooks the pier. It’s best known for its fried clams, lobster rolls and oysters. James and I would make a point of coming here each time we visit.

After giving the hostess my name, we are seated on the patio in a private corner. A live band playing ‘90s music is situated at the far end of the patio with a small dance floor overlooking the pier. Our waiter appears, taking our drink orders. I order myself a scotch neat and Livy orders a glass of wine. I glance at Livy. She sighs, turning her gaze to the ocean.

“How are you doing, my Livy girl?” The sun is shining directly over her and she looks like she’s glowing. She’s breathtaking. Her hair has dried from the hours spent in the sun and she has taken it down from the knot on top of her head, it flows over her shoulder in beachy waves.

“So good. I love it here. Do you think we could come back here again this summer? I mean, if you aren’t too busy with Cape May.”

“We definitely can. And we will.”

The waitress interrupts us, arriving with our drinks, and has just taken our order when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I dig it out and read the screen.

Shit. It’s Nelson. I continue to read the text, my face falling as my jaw tightens. He needs me in Cape May first thing Monday morning. The project can’t move forward without me signing off on the changes to the site plans. There’s no way around this. I have to be there. Livy notices my disappointment. Her lips press into a straight line, concern on her face.

“What’s wrong Parker? Is everything okay?”

I drag my hands through my hair. This couldn’t be worse timing for a whole bunch of reasons. I don’t want to cut this weekend short with Livy and I really wanted to be there for her when she faces her dad. I feel gutted having to break this news to her.

“Livy, it’s work. I’m so sorry. They need me in Cape May on Monday morning. If there was any way I could get out of going, I would. I swear.”

I watch her face, see the happiness fade from it and the sparkle leave her eyes. Fuck, I feel like such a jerk.

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault. I completely understand.”

“I feel awful, Livy,” I stumble. “I wanted to be there for you on Monday. This isn’t how this was supposed to go.”

“It’s fine, Parker. Honestly. I need to do it on my own anyway. I had already decided. I just hadn’t told you yet because I knew you were going to fight me on it.”

Fine. Does she mean that? Is it ever really fine when people say it’s fine? The need to protect her tugs at me. I reach for her hand and hold it tight. I want to get out of my chair and pull her into me. I wish I could take her pain away, carry it myself so she no longer has to.

“Livy, are you sure?” In an instant, I decide, fuck it. My voice is clear when I tell her, “You know what, forget it. I don’t give a shit about the hotel. You are more important to me than anything else in this world. I’m not going.”

“Parker, no! You need to go, and I need to face this together with my family. I need to be there for my sister. She’s going to need me, and I want to be there for her. I want you to go. I need you to go. You do what you do best, and I’ll be in Reed Point waiting for you when you return.”

I search her eyes, needing to know she is okay with her decision. “But then who will be there for you? Livy, I know you are strong. I’m not doubting that for a minute, but you shouldn’t have to face this alone.”

“The three of us will do this together. My mom, myself and Kate. I promise I’ll be okay. I can call you as soon as I leave them if it will make you feel better. Let me do this so I can give you everything. All of me. I want to finally put this in the past so we can move forward together.”

Our eyes meet. I lean in closer. My mouth opens, wanting to tell her she isn’t alone. That she never will be again. Instead, I lower my mouth to hers and kiss her. This girl has quickly become everything to me. My whole world. I pull back and reach for her hand.

“Dance with me?”

“I would love to.” She places her small hand in mine, and I guide her to the dance floor. I pull her in to me, happy to have my arms wrapped around her body. Her cheek against my chest. We sway to the music sharing the dance floor with three or four other couples. I’m not much of a dancer but I can get by.

“Remember the last time we danced together, Parker?”

“Senior party. I stepped all over your toes. I was a mess.”

“You looked better than you danced. You were so handsome all dressed up in your suit. I think every girl in the room must have hated me that night, watching us together.”

“I doubt that. They just felt sorry for you and your sore feet that I was trampling all over. I felt like the lucky one. I still do.”

“Look at us now. We’ve come a long way. We could give Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers a run for their money.” I laugh and inhale her, kissing her temple. I notice the sun is setting, leaving ribbons of red and purple across the horizon in its place. I never want this night to end. I want to burn it in my mind, to never forget a single second.

The song ends and we make our way back to our table. The waiter brings us our entrees. I ordered the sablefish and Livy ordered the scallops. We finish our dinner and split a chocolate chip skillet cookie with vanilla ice cream for dessert.

I pay the bill and we head back to the boat to cruise home under the stars. The sky is jet black and blanketed with stars that appear to go on forever. We both seem to have moved on from our conversation at dinner, wanting to make the most of our time together in Seaside before I have to leave her.

We hop onto the boat and I grab her a blanket and a glass of wine. We slowly cruise back to the house, eyeing the homes that sit on the ocean’s edge. We play the game of choosing our dream home. Turns out we both like gigantic homes with pools overlooking the bluffs. Go figure.

It’s been the perfect weekend with Livy, but it’s killing me that I have to leave her on the one day she needs me the most. It’s also killing me that I’m going to have to leave her when I move to Cape May. There’s no way I will be able to live that far away from her.

There has to be another way.

I can’t be without her.