My Unexpected Family by Harlow James

Chapter 6

Silas

I glide my hand over the wood, smoothing the grain, preparing it for stain while classic rock music blares from the speakers. Out in my shop is the only place where I allow myself to think or relax because when I’m working, I have to be on all the time. There’s no room for letting personal matters cloud my mind—so that’s what my shop time is for.

And tonight, as I sand the pieces of wood I just cut in preparation for my next piece, my mind is wandering aimlessly.

Chloe is officially living with me—an idea that I know will pay off in the future in terms of being a father to my kid—but I don’t think I thought the entire thing through.

Last night when I came down from my shower and saw her sitting on my couch, shoving buffalo wings into her mouth, I realized that inviting her here meant sharing space with her, my life—and that’s not something I do with just anyone. And it’s not like she’s just a roommate. No. She’s carrying my baby and an incredibly sexy woman who is now in close proximity, making her even more of a temptation.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” I mutter to myself before glancing at the clock and taking note of the time. Usually I’ll set a timer on my phone to make sure I’m not out here until one in the morning since that’s happened a few times before. But tonight I just felt the need to get lost in cutting and sanding slabs of wood that will eventually become something meaningful in a few months.

As I stare at my sketch and then move to clean up, I think about how proud Nonno would be of this piece. He’s the man that taught me everything I know about working with wood, and when Nonna offered his equipment to me after he passed, it took less than five seconds for me to decide to take it. Being out here in my shop, getting lost in creating something, not only helps me process my life but it allows me to feel close to him again, since this was something he intently taught me once my dad fully took over the company and he had the time to do so. I guess my dad knew how to construct things too, but the pressure of running the company didn’t leave much time for the hobby.

Now that I’m in charge, I use this as a stress reliever and a creative outlet, something that’s only for me. And that’s exactly how it has to stay even though Chloe is living with me now. She may be in my home, but I can’t let her completely into my life. I have to maintain some boundaries—it’s what I do. It’s how I refrain from getting hurt.

And Chloe has the ability to be the train that wrecks me if I give her the chance.

* * *

Why on earth do they make shorts that short? And why does Chloe have to wear them in front of me?

I’m currently mesmerized by her heart-shaped ass in my kitchen as I watch her pour her coffee. She insisted on doing some things for herself during this doctor ordered limited activity—not bed rest as I stand corrected—even though I was fully intent on waiting on her hand and foot when I’m home. However, I got a phone call that pulled me away for a moment, and when I returned to her room, she’d already left and made her way out to the kitchen.

“Good morning.”

“Holy shit!” Chloe spins to face me with a hand over her heart, her curls fanning out around her as she turns. “You almost gave me a heart attack, Silas!”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Getting some pointless decaffeinated coffee and desperately attempting not to piss myself right now. What are you doing?” Her green eyes are wide and her hair is a wilder mess than usual. She’s beautiful even this early in the morning, a detail that keeps becoming more apparent to me now that she’s in my home—a detail that I should be ignoring, but am failing miserably at doing so.

I’m headed back into my office today after being here with Chloe for the past four days, and by the way I keep imagining pinning her up against a wall and kissing her breathless, I’m fairly certain it’s a good thing I’ll be getting some space from the woman finally.

“You need to sit down,” I declare, hoping she senses how serious I am about her resting. I’m nervous now that she’ll be home alone that she’s not going to take this seriously. I might just have to make Valentina come and check on her, although they haven’t officially met yet, so I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I bet I could get Shayla to do it. She was here this weekend helping Chloe unpack, but we didn’t cross paths too much. However, I know that she seems to think us living together was the right decision and I know Chloe will listen to her. I make a mental note to call her later.

“I was on my way to the couch before you scared the shit out of me.” She grabs her cup, lifts her chin in the air, and steps around me, heading for the couch and tucking one of her legs underneath her as she takes a seat. “So, happy to go back to work today?”

“I never really stopped working, but yes, being in my office and on site makes some things much easier to accomplish.”

“The restaurant in Goleta?”

I nod. “Yup. The inside is almost complete, which means the fun truly begins now.”

“Fun?” She brings her cup to her lips and blows on the liquid, but all I focus on is the purse of her lips, those lips that looked forbidden, yet right wrapped around my cock.

Focus, Silas.

“Hiring management, setting up supplier orders, making sure our company policies are being followed…”

“Sounds like a lot of work.” She smiles at me while tilting her head.

“It is, but I honestly love it. This business has been around since 1950, when my grandfather opened the first restaurant in San Diego. And it has grown astronomically since then. Not many people can boast that a family owned and operated business has turned into a billion-dollar company.”

“That is true. So do you run it with your dad now?” she asks, and my heart skips a beat. Chloe doesn’t know about my parents, and I guess this could be the time to tell her. She’s going to find out eventually, especially when I take her to meet Nonna and my sisters.

But I just can’t yet. I don’t want her sympathy. I can’t show her that part of me right now, especially when I have to leave soon. “Uh, my dad isn’t really around,” I reply as my pulse pounds on the side of my neck.

“Oh. I’m…I’m sorry, Silas.”

“Yeah, well…what are you gonna do?” I shrug and then stand, eager to get out of the same space as her and away from this conversation. “I’m going to finish getting ready.”

“Okay. I’ll just be here.” She takes a sip of her coffee while watching me, and I know my gaze on her lingers too long. But something about this woman draws me to her, and I’m struggling with how and why.

* * *

“The fourth month of pregnancy: Entering month four of growing your baby can either offer reprieve from first trimester symptoms, or in some cases, those symptoms can worsen.”

I flip my blinker on to turn right at the signal up ahead.

“Some of these symptoms can include nausea and vomiting, gas and constipation, and heartburn.”

“Well, Chloe is already dealing with most of that, I know, but I’ll be damned if I ask her about gas and constipation,” I mutter as the audiobook continues to play over the speakers.

It’s a Saturday and I’m on my way to meet the guys for our monthly golf game. I haven’t made the last two, so I’m going today both out of guilt and because it’s been a while since I’ve seen my friends. The last time I saw them I found out I was going to be a dad, so there is a shit ton to catch up on.

But it’s been approximately three weeks since Chloe has moved in with me, and life is getting more crazy by the day. With my schedule and the opening of the restaurant inching closer, I resorted to an audiobook of What to Expect When You’re Expecting so that I can fulfill my responsibility as the dad to be, hoping that Chloe will read the book too and then we can make some decisions together.

The new medication the doctor gave her seems to be helping with her nausea and dizziness, but she’s still having good and bad days. She seems to be sleeping a lot lately too, which apparently is very common in the first trimester, even though Chloe is now entering her second. We have an appointment in a little over a month to find out the gender, and I haven’t even asked her if she wants to know. But I need to know. I need to know what’s coming and what to plan for, and there are so many choices still to be made once we know if we’re having a boy or girl.

The thought of waiting right now has my heart rate spiking instantly.

I pull into the parking lot of the country club, sliding into a parking spot but not turning off my ignition so the book can continue to play, but my phone starts ringing and my assistant’s name starts flashing across the screen.

“Hello, Erica.”

“Would you like to know what I’m doing right now, Silas?” She’s breathing heavily and I’m not sure why.

“Uh, sure.”

“I’m walking four dogs at the moment.”

I launch forward in my seat. “What? Why?”

“Oh, because the little temp you hired to fill in for Chloe while she’s on limited activity decided she didn’t want to do this job anymore, and Chloe’s clients showed up at the office this morning to drop off their dogs per the schedule.”

My mouth falls open. “Seriously? What the fuck?”

“I know! I swear, Silas, you’d better give me a bonus for this crap. Do you realize how many times a dog stops to piss while on a walk?”

I can’t help but chuckle. “Why are you walking them? You could have just…”

“Let them run around the office? Hell, no! Plus, the owners would know, I’m sure. The one they call Sir Frances is a pretentious little bitch. I’d be surprised if he didn’t squeal on me.”

“You realize you’re suggesting that dogs can talk, right?”

“Yup, which surely confirms that I’m going insane.”

Leaning back in my seat again, I watch a golf cart drive by. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it worth your while. Chloe has an appointment this week, and hopefully she’ll be able to resume walking on a limited basis. If not, she’s going to need to hire someone herself.”

“She’d better be cleared, Silas, because I cannot do this. I shouldn’t have even been in the office this morning, but the menus for the Goleta location were delivered, and I didn’t want them sitting in the mailbox.”

“I appreciate that, Erica. But you know, if you were looking to make some extra money, I’m sure Chloe and you could work out a deal.” I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing at her expense.

“You’re lucky you’re my boss, or I’d be hanging up on you right now.”

Letting the laughter break free, I slide my hand through my hair and peek in the rearview mirror just in time to see Hayes and Wes pull into the spot beside me. “Okay, well, thank you for being the best assistant ever. I will make sure to compensate you accordingly.”

“That’s all I’m asking. Have a good day.”

I end the call with Erica over the Bluetooth speaker, and my book switches back on just as Hayes pulls open my door.

“To help, try a perineal massage to stretch and loosen the muscles around the vaginal opening…”

Hayes stares down at me baffled with a curl in his lip. “What the fuck? Are you getting a sex-ed lesson on audio tape?”

“Plenty of sexual activity can also help prepare the vaginal canal for birth.”

“Jesus,” I mutter, reaching for the volume knob to turn it down, cursing the fact that he had to open the door at that exact fucking second. “No, fucker. It’s a book about pregnancy.”

“But you’re not the one who’s pregnant, Silas. Or…is there something you want to tell us?” He smirks as Wes crosses his arms beside him.

“What’s going on?”

“Silas is learning about another type of hole today,” Hayes replies, grinning from ear to ear. “Perhaps he can share his knowledge with us during our eighteen holes. I could always learn a few new ways to please my woman.”

Wes twists to look at him. “Why can’t you fucking remember that I don’t want you saying shit like that around me about my sister?”

He playfully smacks his head. “Oops, sorry. I forgot.” Wes huffs and turns to walk away as Hayes leans closer to me still sitting in my car and whispers, “No, I didn’t. I love making him uncomfortable. That vein in his forehead pops.” He winks and I just shake my head at him. Sometimes I wonder how the man grew up enough to save his marriage to Waverly.

I cut the ignition and stand from my car, making sure to grab my phone before I lock it up, and then it hits me—the panic.

“Are you ready?” Hayes asks, watching me stare at my phone in my hands.

“Uh, almost. Just gotta send out a few texts.”

He rolls his eyes, but relents. “I know, man. I know. It’s your…thing. Just make it quick, alright? And then shut it off. You know the rules.” He questions me with his gaze, and I simply nod before he walks back over to Wes, who’s checking out our golf cart right now.

I type out the customary texts I do each time I have to turn my phone off.

One to Valentina, one to Bianca, one to Mia, and one to Nonna, letting them know I’m off the grid, but if they need me to call my assistant and she can get through to me on the burner phone I keep for instances like these.

Hayes doesn’t know that, and neither does Wes, but the idea of something happening and me not being informed about it makes my skin crawl and my stomach flip.

I copy and paste the message and send it off, but then my eyes find Chloe’s name in my text message app. Without thinking, my thumb presses on it to open up the thread, and then I’m typing out a message.

Me: Chloe, I’m going to be silencing my phone during golf. I forgot to tell you that before I left. If you need me, call me directly at (909)-685-4790 and I’ll answer in case of emergency. Please be careful until you hear from me again.

With a deep breath to calm my anxiety, I turn off my phone and shove it in my pocket, striding toward my best friends for a day of relaxation and catching up. I know this time is important to keep, and will probably be even more limited once the baby comes, but it always puts me on edge at first—the idea that in a moment everything can change and I might not be there when my family needs me.

And now that circle of people has grown to include Chloe and my child—two people that will always need to come first. The pressure in my chest mounts, the adrenaline in my veins spikes, and all of the fears of why I’ve avoided relationships come crashing to a head as I realize that this all-encompassing fear is what I’ve always evaded, and now there’s no turning back from it.

I now have two more people I could lose, and that’s exactly what I was afraid of.

* * *

“So, how’s it going with Chloe living there?” Hayes asks as he lines up his next shot. With ease, he swings and propels the ball down the course, watching it sail through the air.

“It’s uh…going fine.”

“Uh oh. He used the f-word, Wes.”

“Fine?” Wes asks for clarification.

I exhale and run my hand through my hair, wiping sweat from my brow in the process. I forgot my visor and now I’m paying the price. “It’s fucking weird, but also kind of nice knowing there’s someone there when I get home.”

“I felt the same way about Waverly when she first moved in,” Hayes replies.

“Yeah? I mean, we don’t really speak much besides, about how she’s feeling because she’s either sleeping or I’m working, but so far so good.”

“That will get better. It’s like, you didn’t realize how big and quiet your house was without that other person inside.” I nod in agreement. “So have you two boned yet?”

I cough, instantly choking on my spit. “What? No!”

“Why not?” Wes says, which has me twisting my head to the side.

“What? Why would I?”

The two of them roll their eyes and then rest their hands on the golf clubs in front of them. “Do we really have to spell it out for you?”

My gaze bounces back and forth between the two of them. “I don’t understand.”

“Silas, Chloe is your person. Wes found Shayla, I found Waverly, and now you have Chloe.”

“Chloe is not my person. She just happens to be the mother of my child and the best friend of Shayla. That doesn’t automatically mean we all have to pair up because we’re the only two single people left in the group.”

“Let me ask you this?” Wes interjects with a smirk now on his face. I swear, I’m about to punch these fuckers and their idiotic ideas. “Why did you sleep with her in the first place?”

“I’m sorry, but am I not allowed to have sex? And I believe the two of you were harping on me to get my dick wet anyway, as you so eloquently put it.” Placing my hands on my hips, I prepare to fight the notion that there’s more going on between Chloe and me. I can’t be that transparent, can I? I definitely know the woman has some sort of hold on me, but Wes and Hayes are married now, so naturally they want to set up their only remaining single friend. Married people do this shit all the time—it’s fucking infuriating, and something I never thought I’d have to deal with coming from the two of them.

“You are, but you’re not the type to do the one-time thing. So why Chloe? You knew you were going to see her again given she’s Shayla’s best friend and now she’s Wes’s wife.”

“I—I was taking shots. We were talking. One thing led to another…”

“Yeah, but Chloe wanted your dick long before Aruba. So why then?”

Narrowing my gaze at them, I ask, “What are you trying to get at?”

Hayes sighs and rolls his eyes. “I swear, he’s stupider than I was.”

“That’s still debatable,” Wes mutters out of the corner of his mouth.

“Then I guess I’m the stupid guy that’s fucking your sister,” Hayes replies, grinning from ear to ear.

“Dude!” Wes smacks him on the shoulder. “Shut up!”

“We’re getting off topic.” Hayes focuses back on me with a gleam still in his eyes. “The point I’m trying to make is that you didn’t just decide to sleep with her on a whim, knowing it wouldn’t necessarily be a one-time thing. You wanted her. You thought about her. You wondered what it would be like to fuck her…”

My pulse spikes as his words all register in truth. “Well, she’s a beautiful woman. Any red-blooded man can see that. That first night at the restaurant had me curious, but…”

“Fuck, I knew it.” Hayes smacks his hands together, which makes his club drop, but he doesn’t even flinch. “You like her?”

“She’s insane, you guys,” I declare, desperately trying to deny what I know to be true. “She’s loud and says whatever the fuck she wants, she fights me on everything, she…”

“Is exactly what you need,” Wes says, stealing the same words I spoke to him once before, forcing me to retract slightly in my stance. “She balances you out, Silas. I hate to break it to you, but lately you’ve gotten stiff, man. You’re a work-a-holic, or you obsess over shit you have no control over. You forget to have fun and live and take risks. And newsflash, once you have this baby, there’s going to be a lot you don’t have control over anymore, but Chloe can ground you, make you see that life is worth living without constantly worrying about what’s going to happen.”

I stare off in the distance. “It was just supposed to be sex.”

“Well, seems you got a lot more than you bargained for,” Hayes replies through a laugh.

“I wanted her to live with me because it would be easier when the baby comes, you know?” They nod. “But now…” I contemplate how things have changed since she moved in. “I look forward to seeing her in the kitchen getting her coffee, and sitting on the couch when I walk through the door. I even shared my gummy worms with her…”

“Oh, fuck. That’s big.” Hayes laughs.

“Has she met your family yet?” Wes asks.

“She’s supposed to next weekend. She has an appointment this week to see if she can be more active, so hopefully that will go well.”

“What do you think Nonna is going to think of her?”

I huff out a laugh. “I honestly have no idea.”

“And your sisters?”

“Valentina had a field day when I told her I was going to be a dad. I think when she meets Chloe and gets sucked into her orbit and quick wit, she’ll understand the draw. And Mia and Bianca will probably love her too just because she drives me insane.”

“Silas.” Wes steps up next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t let your fear derail you from going after what you want. Speaking from experience, meeting Shayla was the last thing I thought I needed, but the right woman can make everything click into place, man.”

Inhaling deeply, I blow out a hot rush of air, feeling my body tremble through the breath. “I’ve always avoided women for this exact reason. I thought my ex would always be the closest I got to settling down, but after that ended, I swore I was done. Work and my family, that would be the only priority.”

“I get it, man. If anyone does, I do. But look at me now,” he says as the corner of his mouth tips up. “And yes, I fear something happening to Shayla or myself and having to live a life without her…but I wouldn’t trade any time I’ve had with her even if I knew it would end sooner rather than later.”

“And we’re not saying rush down the aisle with her tomorrow,” Hayes interrupts, “but at least explore what you’re feeling. Get to know her. I mean, even if things don’t work out between the two of you romantically, she’s still the mother of your kid. You should know who is going to be raising this child with you, and something tells me Chloe is a little off the wall.”

“You think?” I say sarcastically.

“It’s okay. She can just be the fun parent and you can be the tight-ass.” Hayes smiles at me as he lifts his water bottle to his lips.

“I don’t know how to even broach the subject with her. It feels weird. We’re basically roommates right now. Like…do I ask her to go on a date with me?”

“Is that what you want?”

Do I want that? Won’t that seem kind of out of left field if I just ask her on a date out of the blue?

I reach up and tap my chin in thought. “Maybe I can bring her to the restaurant opening in two weeks with me. We can have dinner and then I can feel her out between now and then, see if she’s on the same wavelength as me.”

“Or maybe just try to get to know her a little more in between now and then? I mean, we all know how crazy she is, but there has to be more to the woman than her ability to make your jaw drop with the words that come out of her mouth.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“I think that’s a good plan, especially wait and see how meeting the family goes. But if I know Nonna and your sisters as well as I think I do, I don’t think it will be a problem. Your family is growing, Silas—you just need to decide if Chloe will just be the mother of your child, or something more.”

* * *

“Chloe?” I close the front door behind me as soon as I return home from our golf game, my mind reeling with everything I discussed with my friends. I know I’m not ready to bombard her with where my head is at tonight, but I did think about making us dinner and trying to talk to each other a bit more, and not just about the baby and how her pregnancy is going since that seems to be all we discuss when we speak, but more about who she is.

I hear the door on my pantry shut, the squeaking hinges giving it away, so I traipse through the living room into the kitchen just in time to see Chloe standing in front of the pantry door with her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk.

“Whatcha eatin’?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest as I watch her with amusement.

“Nutthin’,” she replies with a mouth full of food.

“Really?” I cross the distance between us and lean in to catch a whiff of my gummy worms. “I think you’ve been in my stash, Chloe. Is that true?”

She shrugs and continues to chew, but then multi-colored saliva escapes between her lips and falls to the floor. “Uh ma gerd,” she cries, rushing to the sink to finish chewing over the counter. When she swallows, she turns to me in mortification. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spit on the floor.”

But all I do is laugh. “Rookie mistake, Chloe. You put too many in your mouth.” I reach for a few paper towels and then bend down to clean up the mess since I don’t want her to do it.

“I freaked. I heard the door and wanted to make sure I had enough so I just started shoving them into my mouth, but then I couldn’t close my lips.”

Chuckling, I finish wiping the floor, throwing the towels away and then reaching for the sponge to clean up the stickiness left behind. “I told you that you could have some, as long as you left some for me.”

She sucks her lips in and then looks away from me.

“Chloe?” I stand, placing my hands on my hips. “Did you…did you eat all of my sour gummy worms?”

Her eyes travel up to the ceiling and over my head, avoiding my gaze at all costs.

“Chloe?”

“Gah! Fine! Yes, I ate them all!” she shrieks, throwing her hands in the air and then pointing a finger at me. “But in my defense, this is all your fault. You’re the one that let me try them, and now I’m addicted. Those things are like crack for pregnant women!”

Laughing out loud again, I deposit the sponge back in the sink and stand much closer to her now so she has to tilt her head back to look up into my eyes. And her eyes—the dark forest green with flecks of gold around her irises that I could see our child inheriting, sparkling every time the light hits them—they hold me captive for a minute before I clear my throat and remember what we’re talking about. “It’s okay. I can get more. If they make you happy right now and you can keep them down, then I’ll make sure to have a truckload delivered.” As I stare down at her, I fight the instinct to reach out and touch her stomach, her soft belly that is currently growing our child—and that thought alone, I think that’s part of the draw to her. This woman has a part of me in her, and I can’t wait to watch her belly grow as our kid does—a realization that has me wanting to run away from and toward her at the same time.

Her eyebrows lift and then her bottom lip trembles slightly. “You…you are…I mean…” A tear trails down her cheek and now I’m baffled why she’s crying, but I’m sure it’s mostly hormones. “Thank you, Silas.”

“Of course.” I reach up to brush the tear away and her eyes close from my touch. I truly wonder if she relives our night together as much as I do. “You okay?”

Shaking her head, she steps around me and then heads for the couch. “Yeah, I’m fine. So how was golf?”

My eyes focus on her ass until she’s turning and plopping down on the cushion, reaching for the remote to turn on the television. “Oh, it was…enlightening.”

“Enlightening?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s been a while since I played and it was clearly obvious how rusty I was.”

“Ah, I see. Were Wes and Hayes giving you a bad time?”

Taking a seat on the chair across from her, I settle in before answering. “Something like that,” I reply, instead of telling her that my two best friends think we belong together, and I’m beginning to question our relationship too, so perhaps we should try dating while you’re pregnant to see if this could work out long term? “How was your day?”

“I called some clients to reschedule some of the appointments I missed that first week. Took a nap. Ate all of your candy. It was very productive.”

“That’s great. Oh, by the way, Erica ended up filling in for your temp today who apparently quit.”

“Shit,” she mutters. “Tell her I said thank you and I will send her a big basket of cheese as a gift.”

“Cheese?” I ask.

“Uh, yeah. Everyone knows flowers are out and cheese is in, Silas. Ask your old buddy Wes about that one,” she says with a wink.

Turning to look at the television, I watch the Philadelphia Eagles jog out onto the field in the Dallas Cowboys stadium. “You watch football?”

She nods proudly. “Yeah, I do. I don’t know everything about the game, but enough to enjoy watching a game from time to time, and the Eagles and Cowboys rivalry always guarantees a good show.”

“Really? When did you start watching it?”

“When I was about fourteen,” she says before adjusting herself in her seat so she can see the screen better. “I had no idea what was going on, but the men had asses you could bounce a quarter off of slathered in tight spandex, so I was curious.” She shrugs.

I laugh and then push her further for information, knowing that this is what we need to talk about if there’s a future together—the things that make us who we are. “Your dad a big fan?”

Her smile drops and then she slowly turns to look me in the eyes. “Um, no…well, at least I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

Silence rests between us before she finally admits, “Because my dad wasn’t around either, Silas.”

“Oh,” I reply, shocked that we share some commonality there. “An uncle then?”

“Nope, just people that I lived around at the time.”

What does that mean? A neighbor used to watch football with her?

But before I get a chance to press further, really get to know her more, she changes the subject. “Did you have plans for dinner?”

“Oh, well, not really, but I can whip something up really quick if you want.”

“Do you have any pasta? That actually sounds pretty good. I swear, some of my appetite is coming back for other food besides buffalo wings.”

I smile and stand from my chair, walking into the kitchen to wash my hands. “That’s good. Let me go change first and then I’ll come down and make us some dinner and we can watch the game.”

“Who’s your team?” she calls out to me over the back of the couch as she rests her chin on it—and she looks utterly perfect right now as she does it—the move so natural and casual, it catches me off-guard for a moment.

This is the shit that is fucking with my brain—how natural it feels with her here.

“Well, my nonno always cheered for the 49ers, so I guess you could say I favor them.”

“Nonno?”

“Oh, it means grandpa in Italian,” I reply, realizing there’s much more than just names I’m going to have to explain about my family to Chloe before she meets them next week. I know I should have just explained things to her a few weeks ago, but she hasn’t exactly been forthcoming about her family either, up until a few minutes ago when I actually learned a little detail about her.

“Will I meet him next weekend?”

“Uh, no. Unfortunately, he’s passed.”

“Damn, I’m sorry, Silas.”

“It’s part of life, Chloe. I’ll be right back,” I reply before heading upstairs while trying to dull the ache of loss that rests in my chest from time to time when I think about Nonno or my parents. You’d think that grief would get easier with time, but instead it comes in waves and hits you harder at more moments than others. Just knowing that Chloe is going to learn about the loss I’ve experienced in my life has me on edge again like I was earlier before golf.

After I make us dinner and we watch an entire game together in which Chloe screams at the television more times that I can count, I catch her yawning several times.

“You getting tired?”

“I’m always tired now, Silas.”

“That should get better in the next few weeks, if not days,” I explain based on what I’ve been reading.

“Okay,” she says, but in the next second she’s gasping and then staring down at her stomach with worry.

I instantly leap out of the chair and brace for action. “What? What’s wrong?”

“I…I just felt this flutter sensation in my stomach, kind of like bubbles floating across my skin,” she says, flicking her fingers in the air.

“What?”

“Yeah. It was weird. I thought I felt it earlier, but that time I definitely felt it.”

“That’s the baby moving, Chloe,” I say, smiling like a fool.

“It is?”

“Yeah, didn’t you read the chapter in the book about the fourth month of pregnancy? Movement starts to be more apparent around this time, especially for a first time mom who doesn’t know what she’s looking out for.”

“Oh…oh yeah,” she says nonchalantly, but it has me narrowing my eyes at her and my adrenaline spiking.

“Chloe? You’ve been reading the book, right?”

“Well, you see…what had happened was…”

And I’m instantly shaking my head, fueled with disappointment. Here I am, listening to the audio book because driving is one of the only times when I can absorb the information, and the woman who’s actually pregnant and has all the time in the world right now can’t be bothered to learn anything.

“Seriously, Chloe?” I question her, raising my voice a tad louder than I intended. “What the hell have you been doing all day then? I figured you’d be done by now.”

Her icy glare could cut diamonds, but I feel her fire coming. “You are not my boss, Silas. I can do what I want with my time.”

“But you should be reading, learning about what is going to happen to your body. What if those flutters were a sign that something is wrong, and you didn’t know?”

“I’m fine. In fact, when I go to my appointment on Wednesday, I’m fairly certain the doctor is going to lift my limited activity ban!”

“Okay, but that’s not what I’m talking about.” I start to pace, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. “You’re carrying our baby but don’t know what that entails! The things you should and shouldn’t be doing…Why don’t you care?”

She leans back in her chair, perplexed by my words. “You think I don’t care? When I fell down, I was terrified that something happened.” She reaches over to the coffee table and picks up the book we’re currently arguing about, holding it in her hand.

A book.

I’m having a goddamn argument about a book.

“Really? Then why don’t you want to know what to expect moving forward? Why aren’t you reading about child birth, and postpartum care, and what to do after the baby comes?” I shake my head at her.

She stands, launches the book across the room at me, and then plants her hands on her hips. “You read it then if you’re so worried!”

“I am!” I bellow. “I’m listening to the goddamn audiobook in my car on the way to and from work!” She stands there, stunned from the volume of my voice. “But apparently I’m the only one who finds it necessary. And here I thought we were in this together…”

Chloe stares at me across the space, her jaw laxed now and her eyes wide. “Oh.”

“Oh? That’s all you have to say?” Silence and then her eyes disappear to her lap. “Fine. Then this conversation is over.”

Leaving the living room, I stalk up the stairs and slam the door to my room before throwing my body down on my bed and taking deep breaths to get my heartrate under control.

The woman can be so selfish, I swear. I know she cares, but all of these weeks she’s been home and she couldn’t be bothered to pick up the book? I’m over here trying to learn everything I should expect—not only because I’ll go crazy if I can’t anticipate what’s to come—but also because that’s the responsible thing to do. That is what being a parent is all about.

I’ve never had a child before, obviously, and the same goes for her. I’m freaked the fuck out about how much my life is about to change, but I’m trying to be proactive about it. However, it seems that Chloe doesn’t want to accept that this is happening, or she’s just planning on flying by the seat of her pants, which makes my stomach churn at just the thought of that.

And here I am thinking that we could work together, be together in more than a platonic way—but then she goes and does shit like this that has me questioning just how different we truly are. How are two people who think so inversely supposed to raise a kid together? How am I supposed to trust her to make smart choices regarding our child if I can’t trust her to read a goddamn book? And why does my chest ache knowing she isn’t taking this as seriously as I am?

Maybe I’m overreacting, but my mind is spinning, the flight or fight response kicking in so swiftly that I feel the whiplash knocking me back and forth between my feelings for her. Wes and Hayes may think they see a future for Chloe and me, and a few hours ago, I was highly optimistic about it as well. But now…well tonight was just a glaring indication that maybe Chloe and I aren’t on the same wavelength in more than one way in our lives, and I’m not sure what to think of that.