My Unexpected Family by Harlow James
Chapter 7
Chloe
It takes a lot for me to feel guilty, to feel like I’ve made a mistake and need to own up to it—not because I think that I don’t make mistakes or bad choices and shouldn’t apologize for them, but because most of the time I have a good reason for why I say or do something that could piss someone else off.
But this time—I don’t have an excuse that even makes sense to my own brain for why I haven’t picked up the book that Silas took upon himself to purchase for me—for us. And now, I’m lying awake as my mind spins with all of the reasons why I’m putting it off, but I think it all comes down to one issue—knowing what’s going to happen makes this all real. It means I have to make plans for the first time in my life, that I have to think about the future, which is something I’ve always avoided or never allowed myself to do because I had no idea what my life was going to look like from day to day growing up.
The only time I allowed myself to dream was when Shayla and I decided to leave Los Angeles to move to Santa Barbara. But that was more of an escape from our lives there, an adventure we embarked on together, and it was exciting.
Having a baby with a man I barely know but also find incredibly attractive and alluring is terrifying. And then knowing that once this baby comes, I am responsible for its safety and care for at least the next eighteen years has my body humming with nerves and denial even though intrinsically I already feel very protective over him or her.
But the look in Silas’s eyes last night when he realized I haven’t been reading—it sliced through me, made me feel unworthy more than I have in a long time. I felt his disappointment radiating off of him, and what did I do? I fought back because that’s all I’ve ever done with anyone who tries to tell me what to do, who tries to control me and my life. And now, I feel like scum, especially knowing that he had been reading every chance he gets.
He really is in this. He truly cares in his own neurotic way. I can’t believe that I got pregnant by a man that actually wants to do this with me and I’m taking it for granted.
And that is precisely why I’m up at three in the morning, sipping decaf coffee, and reading about the fourth month of pregnancy in the book that now has bent pages from where it landed incorrectly on the floor. I snuggle into the plush chair by the couch, flick on the lamp on the side table, and flip open the book that’s been taunting me for a few weeks now.
“During your fourth month of pregnancy, you will be able to feel the baby move for the first time.”
“Well, yeah, that makes sense now,” I speak lowly to myself.
“You also may experience new symptoms such as heartburn from various foods you eat and ligament pain across your belly.”
“Lovely, something else to look forward to.”
“By the end of your fourth month, your baby is about six inches long and weighs about four ounces.”
“Jesus, Silas’s dick is way bigger than that,” I mutter before taking a sip of my coffee and continuing to move my eyes across the page.
“What about my dick?”
“Jesus Christ!” I jump in my chair, causing my coffee to spill all over my white pajama top, my heart racing uncontrollably.
“Fuck, Chloe,” he says, moving toward me quickly as the hot liquid seeps into the cotton and burns my skin. “I’m sorry.” He’s shirtless and wearing only a pair of black sleep shorts, the sight distracting me from the matter I should be paying attention to.
“What is it with you and scaring the shit out of me in the morning?” I stand, set my cup on the coffee table, and then move to take off my shirt, careful not to get coffee in my hair as I do so. Once the fabric is clear of my head, I look up to find Silas staring down at my bare chest.
“Oh shit.” I quickly move to cover up, even though I know I have nothing to be ashamed of and Silas has seen it all before. But I legitimately forgot I wasn’t wearing a bra.
He clears his throat before finding my eyes once more. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I need a shower now, but I’m good.”
“What are you doing up at this hour?”
“I was…reading,” I admit, watching his face for his reaction.
“Reading, huh?” He stands tall and clasps his hands together, clearly amused with my change of heart.
“Yes, Silas. I was reading, okay?” I move to throw my hands up in the air, but think better of it before I flash him again—although seeing his heated eyes on my breasts did make my body warm up too. “I felt like shit when you walked away from me last night. I’m sorry I haven’t been reading. I tossed and turned all night knowing that you felt like I’m not taking this seriously, and I’m sorry that you feel that way. I just…” I stare off to the side as I debate how to explain my reluctance to him.
“Hey.” With his thumb and forefinger, he lightly grips my chin, forcing me to look up at him again. “I couldn’t sleep either after how I acted. That’s why I came down here, but I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you.”
“You definitely threw a bit of a tantrum. And if our kid inherits that from you, then we’re both in for a fun time.”
“Seriously though, Chloe. I just want to know that you’re in this with me, because I don’t want to resent you down the line.”
He would have every right to resent me if he felt like he was the only parent who cared about our kid. But that’s the last thing I want, and the closer we get, the more I get to see these intense and caring sides of him, the more I want to do this right alongside him.
His fingers leave my chin and then swipe my hair from my face as he studies me, and then his eyes fall to my lips, so I stare back at his—lips that I haven’t tasted in months but remember exactly how they felt against mine.
And then I realize we’re both bare chested, standing less than a foot apart and my breasts are aching at the thought of reaching out and grazing my nails down his abs, pulling him into me, and losing myself in his strong arms and massive body, and of course that glorious dick of his too.
“Chloe?”
“Hmmm,” I say dreamily, still envisioning us lying on the couch together, him nestled sweetly between my legs and hammering into me until I’m seeing stars.
“You should go clean up.”
“What?” I lift my eyes to find him smirking down at me. “Oh, yeah.”
“And maybe put a shirt on too.”
“Then you have to.”
“Not the same for men, sweetheart.”
“That’s a sexist double standard, Silas. If I wanted to walk around topless, why couldn’t I?”
“Because your breasts are perfect and lickable and I’m having a hard time restraining myself right now.” He reaches down to adjust his cock that is visibly hard at the moment. And there goes the throbbing between my legs.
“They’ve gotten bigger.”
“I’ve noticed. And that’s why I need you to walk away from me right now.”
“You don’t want to…” I’m fully prepared to offer them up for him to play with, but I can see the conflict in his eyes.
“Jesus, Chloe. Please, just go get dressed.” He spins around so he’s not looking at me anymore. “Thank you for apologizing and opening up the book. It means a lot, but I can’t keep standing here with you not wearing a shirt.”
My shoulders sag in defeat. For a moment there I thought for sure Silas was about to give in to me again and I would be handsomely rewarded with multiple orgasms. But it seems Mr. Live-My-Life-By-The-Rules has no intention of crossing that line ever again and it’s probably best that we don’t. My poor vagina.
“Okay. Sorry.” I begin to walk away, but his voice stops me cold.
“Do you think you could get to month six by tonight?”
“What?” I look back at him over my shoulder.
“The chapter on month six. Maybe we could have dinner tonight and talk about what we read?” His back is still turned to me, but his voice sounds much more hopeful than it did last night.
“I can do that.”
“Alright. Yeah, that sounds good.” He twists to smile at me quickly, then turns back around.
Grinning to myself, I finish walking to my room and hop in the shower, fully intent on bringing myself the pleasure that Silas won’t fulfill. As the hot water cascades over my body, I slide my hand over my stomach with one destination in mind, but I freeze the moment my fingers move outward from my belly button. One glance down and I see it—the small bump protruding from my body, the bump that was not visible yesterday, but now is unmistakable.
My baby. Our baby is growing and now the world will start to know as I only get bigger from here.
A rush of emotion hits me—excitement, fear, pride—and then purpose. This baby is my purpose—an aspect in my life that I was looking for just months ago—and it’s time to jump all in.
* * *“Oh thank God, Doc.” I sigh in relief as Dr. Wilson announces I can resume physical activity.
“Your scans look great, your blood pressure is fantastic, and you seem much more upbeat.”
“I feel like I can eat again. The medication is really helping with the dizziness too.”
“And believe me, she’s been taking advantage of it,” Silas mutters sarcastically beside me.
“Hey, no uterus, no opinion, alright?” I point a finger up at him standing at the side of the exam table. “I have been living off of buffalo wings for weeks because it was the only thing I could stomach. Now, the grocery store is my oyster, Silas. I need all the food and anything this baby wants.”
Dr. Wilson laughs at me. “Just remember to eat in moderation. Too often women get that ‘eating for two’ mentality, which will only result in more weight gain.”
“Got it, Doc.”
“I still want you to take it easy though, Chloe. You shouldn’t be walking dogs at the pace you were before.”
“She hired someone to help her now, so she won’t be as active,” Silas adds proudly. After the temp quit last weekend, we found an eager college student looking for work. Daniela is bubbly and willing to help as much as she can, which took a lot of stress off of me. And the fact that Silas insisted on helping me with my business just made me swoon a little bit harder for the man.
“Fantastic. Just keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll see you in a month.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
Silas and I leave the office and make our way back out to his car. After he helps me settle in, he rounds the front and then slides into his seat, taking me back to his house. “So, do you have any clients lined up for this week?”
“A few in the mornings, but I didn’t sign on to do too many. Plus Daniela was available, so I figured I would let the clients meet her and get acquainted.”
“Good idea.”
“We still have dinner with your family this weekend, right?” My heart starts to race when I remember that my clearance from the doctor was the deciding factor on when I’d get to meet them.
“Yes. I’ll call Nonna later and let her know for sure that we’ll be there.”
“I mean, we could skip it, you know. I’m sure they’re all very busy.”
Silas chuckles and then reaches for my hand, the gesture so natural I’m not even sure that he realized he did it. But I’m fully aware as his strong hand envelops mine, his thumb stroking over my skin. “It will be fine. You have to meet them eventually, Chloe. They’re going to be a part of our child’s life.”
“I know.”
“Are you scared?”
“A little. I didn’t have a big family growing up. The idea of having three sisters sounds exhausting.”
Silas full on laughs this time. “Oh believe me, it is. And they will have plenty to say and questions to ask. But I know you’ll be able to handle yourself.”
“You know I don’t have a filter, Silas. What if I say something that offends them?”
“I doubt you will. My family is very open and sarcastic as well. Plus, if you don’t come for dinner, you’ll miss out on Nonna’s meatballs.”
I twist in my seat to face him. “Are these the same ones that you serve at your restaurant?”
He leans over in his seat and glances at me quickly. “They’re better.”
“Oh, fuck me. I’m there. If anything, I’ll just stuff my mouth so I can’t speak.”
“Gotta train our kid to love Italian food now, Chloe. He or she won’t have a choice in the matter once they’re here.”
* * *“She’s free!” Shayla throws her hands in the air as I walk over to the table where she and Waverly are sitting at the restaurant we chose to meet at for lunch.
“I flew the coup, guys. I’m allowed to venture out in public again.” Setting my purse down on the table, I lean over to hug both of them and then take a seat in the booth on the other side of the table.
“We figured we’d let you have the booth.”
“I appreciate that.” Reaching for the glass of water already there, I take down half of it, and then settle into my seat.
“So, how’s it going? Last time I saw you was the weekend I stopped by after you moved in.” Shayla takes a bread roll out of the basket on the table and starts tearing it into pieces, plopping one in her mouth.
“Well, it’s been fine. Silas’s house is amazing, and he bought me a new mattress which I have trouble getting out of most days.”
“That was nice of him,” Waverly states.
“It’s amazing. I almost didn’t leave it,” Shayla adds.
“Yes, it was, even though I didn’t ask him for that. But he’s been very helpful while I’ve been sitting around picking my nose in boredom, adamant about resting and taking care of myself.”
Waverly leans forward, resting her chin on her propped up arm. “So are you getting to know each other more?” She waggles her eyebrows.
“Um, not in that way. We actually had a fight the other night.”
“About what?” Shayla chimes in.
“A book.”
They stare at me dumbfoundedly. “A book?”
“Yup.”
“What book?”
“What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”
“Aw, Silas is reading that?” Waverly croons and Shayla smiles.
“Oh, he’s very serious about it.”
“So what was the fight about then?” Shayla asks.
I sigh and then fiddle with my thumbs. “He was pissed because I haven’t been reading it.”
Both of them furrow their brows. “Why wouldn’t you be reading it?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “It’s just a lot and something about reading that book makes it seem more real.”
“You do realize this is very real, right Chloe?” Shayla questions.
“Yes, I’m aware, Shayla. Thank you for the biology lesson, although with the way I pee every ten minutes these days, I’m not sure I needed the reminder.”
Waverly rolls her eyes. “So he was pissed?”
“He yelled at me. Like, super frustrated and then stormed off.”
“Wow. I can see that from him though. Silas is the type of man that takes things very seriously.”
“Yeah, I’ve gathered that. I felt like shit after he walked away, so I woke up early the next morning and started reading,” I admit as Shayla tilts her head at me. “And Silas walked in while I was.”
“Good, Chloe. I’m glad. I know you’re scared, but it’s important to be prepared, I am sure Silas appreciates that too.”
“It’s terrifying to read about the things that are happening to my body and what could happen, you guys. Like, did you know that I could shit myself during labor?”
Both of their faces scrunch up. “Ew!”
“Yup. Just what I need…a room full of people staring down at my who-ha while I drop a deuce.”
Shayla snorts. “Jesus. Well, what did Silas say when he saw you?”
“First he scared the shit out of me and made me spill my coffee on myself. Then I stripped my shirt off in front of him, flashing him my out-of-control breasts while doing so. Seriously, look at these things!” I point down to my boobs that are popping out of my shirt. Time to go bra shopping. “Then we stood there and had a conversation while both of us were topless.”
“Oh my God. And he didn’t do anything?”
I shake my head. “Nope, and believe me, my body wanted him to. But he actually turned away from me.”
“What?” Waverly stares at me confused. “He obviously wants you. Anyone with eyes could see that.”
“I thought so too, but he almost looked like he was in pain standing with me like that. I’m telling you, you guys…Silas has no intention of being involved with me beyond having this kid together. And I’m beginning to think it’s just better this way.”
“No, I’m still calling bullshit. If he looked like he was in pain, he was fighting it, Chloe.”
“Well, he did have a boner. And called my tits perfect.”
She snaps her fingers enthusiastically. “Exactly. That man wants you.”
“He’s so confusing. One minute we’re talking about the baby, the next he’s joking around with me and offering me his sour gummy worms. Then he’ll barely say two words to me when he gets home and walks straight out into his shop in the backyard and I won’t see him for days.”
“He has a shop? What does he do out there?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I have no fucking clue. Watch porn and drink beer?”
Waverly shakes her head. “That doesn’t sound like Silas.”
“Whatever it is, he’s super private about it.”
“He’s just closed off. Always has been according to Wes,” Shayla offers. “But I’m telling you, it’s only a matter of time before he gives in to what’s going on between the two of you.”
“This is so messy, you guys. I mean, do I want to fuck Silas again? Absolutely, especially with the way my hormones are fluctuating. But isn’t that going to make our situation even messier?”
“That’s just a risk you’re going to have to take,” Shayla says. “But it could be worth it. I mean, look at us.” She flicks her thumb back and forth between herself and Waverly. “We gave Wes and Hayes a shot, and it wasn’t easy, but it was definitely worth it.”
“I don’t know. I’m supposed to meet his family this weekend. That’s a big deal.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Hell yeah, I’m nervous. Silas thinks I’ll fit right in, but what if they don’t like me? Or keep asking why we aren’t together? This is the kind of shit I always hear people complaining about regarding their families and on one hand, almost considered myself lucky I didn’t have to deal with it.”
“That’s none of their business,” Waverly declares. “But you have to at least get to know them—not only for you, but for Silas.”
“I think the big question is, what do you want to happen between the two of you, Chloe?” Shayla prods and my heart races from her question.
What do I want?
“That’s what you need to ask yourself in all of these aspects. Who do you want to be as a parent? What do you want your family to look like? What do you want to happen between you and Silas? And you have time to figure that out, but it seems to me like you need to start making decisions.”
“When did my best friend grow up and start asking all of these difficult questions of me?” I wink at her and then contemplate what she just said, ultimately landing on the truth that hits me square in the chest. “I just want to be who I needed when I was young,” I say barely loud enough for them to hear me, but the words just come out on their own.
Shayla reaches over the table and rests her hand on top of mine, Waverly following.
“If that means I’m a single mom, then I’m okay with it. But if it involves Silas, then I want to make sure that I’m making the right decision and he’s doing it for the right reasons too. I don’t want him to feel like we have to be together out of obligation. Although, I wouldn’t mind being exclusive with his dick.”
The girls laugh and release their grip on me. “No matter what you decide, you know we’re here for you,” my best friend adds, and then we order our food and enjoy the rest of our lunch, limiting conversation on what to do about the hunky Italian man that is now a permanent fixture in my life.
* * *“My vagina is sweating.” I fan the bottom of my dress out as we stand on the front porch of Silas’s grandmother’s home.
“Maybe try to refrain from vagina talk this early on in the evening.”
I swat my hand at his arm. “I’m serious. I’m nervous, Silas.”
He peers down at me and grins. “I’m nervous too, Chloe. If it makes you feel any better, you’re only the second woman I’ve brought home, and they didn’t like the first one.”
I stare at him, dumbfounded. “That’s supposed to make me feel better?”
He stares off in contemplation. “It sounded better in my head.” Shaking off his fuck-up, he grabs my hand and squeezes. “You’ll be fine. You’re good with people, easy to talk to, and highly entertaining.” He grins, which has me smiling.
“That’s true.”
“Plus, you’re carrying my baby and if they ever want to see that baby, they have to be nice to you.”
“Oh, using the baby as leverage? I like it.”
“See, we have the upper hand here, so don’t stress.” He lifts my hand, kisses the back of it, and then knocks twice on the door before opening it up.
“Nonna?”
“She went to the bathroom.” A young woman who I recognize from family pictures around Silas’s house comes walking up to us standing in the front door way. “But she’ll be back in a minute. Hi, I’m Bianca.” She reaches out to shake my hand.
“Chloe. Nice to meet you,” I reply, placing my hand in hers.
“So, this is the woman that my older brother knocked up with his super sperm,” she says, smirking from ear to ear.
“Chloe, this is Bianca, the youngest of my sisters, and the millennial who thinks she can say whatever the hell she wants and is determined to save the sea turtles.” Silas motions to where she stands.
“Hey, someone has to, Silas. Plastic in the ocean is depleting the population of many species, not just turtles.”
“I appreciate a woman who can speak her mind, being one myself. But to answer your question, yes, your brother knocked me up. At least the sex was dynamite if I had to end up getting fat over the next six months.” I wink at her as she widens her eyes. “And if you want to save those sea turtles, you save those turtles. Don’t let this grump over here make you feel bad about that.”
Bianca peers over at Silas and then back to me. “I like you. You’d better marry my brother for no other reason than the fact that you make his face look like that.”
I look over at Silas who is just shaking his head in amusement and disbelief, his cheeks slightly pink in embarrassment, and I choose to let that comment about marriage slide for now.
“You’re here,” Valentina, the oldest, says as she comes around the corner. I know this is her based on pictures as well, and her small pregnant belly gives her away too. “I never thought I’d meet the woman who could tie down my brother.”
“Well, a baby is a sure fire way to do that,” I answer. “But we’re not together.”
“Oh. I just thought…”
“Don’t just assume, Valentina,” Silas interjects before taking me by the elbow and leading me toward the kitchen, and I’m not sure if his irritation is directed at me or her.
“What?”
“Don’t start butting in, okay? We all know that’s what you’re good at.”
“True story.” The last sister, Mia, comes around the corner snacking on a carrot while wearing a Crown Point Vineyards polo. “I’m Mia. Nice to meet you,” she says as she turns to face her brother. “She’s pretty. Too beautiful for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Silas rears back in defense. But before Mia can reply, the matriarch of the family comes into the room.
All three of Silas’s sisters have long, black hair and dark eyes like him, but as soon as Silas’s grandmother steps in the room, I can tell where these genes come from. “Is she here?” She strides toward me with a gleam in her eyes. “You must be Chloe.” With a soft smile, she reaches out for my hand, clasping it between the two of hers. “Welcome. We’re so happy to have you here.”
“Oh, thank you…”
“Just call me Nonna. Everyone does.”
“Okay. Thank you for having us.”
“Nonsense. We have dinner together quite often, but this is the first time in a long time that Silas is bringing someone along.”
“Well, technically two people,” I chide, reaching down to stroke my small belly I’ve become weirdly attached to.
“Yes, yes. How are you feeling?” She reaches out and touches my stomach, which takes me by surprise, but doesn’t necessarily bother me.
“Better now that I’m well into my second trimester.”
“The first one is horrible, isn’t it?” Valentina interjects.
“Let’s just say that if they put the warning labels of pregnancy symptoms on penises, I feel like more women would contemplate having sex.”
The women all share a look as they fight their laughter, but Silas is just standing there watching the conversation unfold. Shit, I’m being too Chloe right now, aren’t I?
“Nope, wouldn’t deter me. This is my second,” Valentina says while gently patting her stomach.
“I for one am not scared of being pregnant, just not ready,” Mia adds.
Bianca pipes up. “No one is going to keep me from…”
“Dear God! Okay! Enough, please!” Silas shouts mercifully. “I’m begging you, please stop talking about this before I have to wash my eyes out with soap, burst my eardrums, and never speak to you all again.”
“Oh no, we’ve riled him up, ladies. Time to give Silas a break,” Bianca declares while smacking her gum, and then everyone starts invading the kitchen once more, leaving Silas and I alone for a moment.
I turn to face him, finding his face contorted in discomfort. “You okay?”
“I knew this was going to happen.”
“What?”
“You were going to fit right in.” He sighs and then grabs my hand before leading me toward the food.
“Chloe, have you ever made meatballs?” Nonna asks as I take a seat at the counter. Silas fills up a glass of water for me and slides it across the wooden surface. The kitchen is not very modern, but you can tell it’s well-worn and the smells coming from inside have my mouth watering.
“Um, do the frozen ones from the grocery store count?”
Nonna’s face falls as her spoon follows and smacks the counter.
“Nonna, not everyone makes meatballs from scratch. We’ve talked about this,” Silas replies while stroking my shoulder, as if telling me not to worry about her reaction. The man has touched me multiple times since we’ve been here, but there’s so much going on I don’t have time to process it.
“I will never understand that. I’m fairly progressive about a lot of things, Silas, but you know how I feel about meatballs.”
He chuckles and rolls his eyes at me. “Yes, I’m aware.”
“I mean, you’re having a baby out of wedlock with a woman you barely know. Most Italian grandmothers would be pushing the two of you down the aisle of the church and planning the christening, but I get it. Times have changed. However, everyone should know how to make a homemade meatball.” She directs her gaze at me. “Perhaps next time I can teach you.”
“Oh. Um, okay. That would be great.” I smile, but inside I’m having heart palpitations. I’ve been in this house for fifteen minutes and already Nonna wants to give me a cooking lesson? I’m not sure how to even react to that. No one has ever offered to teach me how to cook, let alone something as sacred as a family recipe. “I tasted some at the restaurant in Vegas, but Silas says yours are better.”
“That’s right, mio nipote.” She nods appreciatively and then turns back to the stove, depositing a loaf of bread into the oven.
“So, Chloe, when are you due?” Valentina asks as she dips a cucumber in some dip.
I reach for the veggie tray as well and start loading up a small plate. Thank God I can stomach these things now. “March twenty-sixth. What about you?”
“The nineteenth. Oh boy, our kids will be very close in age. I’m so glad. So many of our childhood memories were playing with our cousins.”
“You have cousins?”
Silas nods and the girls laugh. “Uh, yeah. My dad was an only child, but my mom was the youngest of three.”
“Where do they live?”
“Mostly in San Diego. We don’t see them very often now since we’re all grown and living our own lives. But before my family moved up here to Santa Barbara, we hung out all the time.”
“Oh.” My pulse races as I absorb that information. Silas’s family is huge, way bigger than I thought, and that thought is terribly overwhelming. “Do your parents live down there too then?” I ask as the room falls silent. Silas’s sisters share a look and Nonna questions Silas with her gaze.
“So this is your first baby, right?” Valentina continues to speak, completely evading my question.
“Um, yeah. Never really planned on kids, but this guy’s super sperm kind of changed all that,” I joke.
“We never thought Silas would have kids either,” Bianca adds. “At one point, I truly wondered if he was gay.”
I snort, thinking about how heterosexual and commanding I know for a fact that he is. “Yeah, I never got that vibe.”
“Glad to hear it,” Silas whispers in my ear, which has goosebumps breaking out over my skin. And I hate that my body is reacting this way in front of his family, but I can’t help it when the man touches me, especially lately. These hormones are making me crazy. “I’ll be right back.” He kisses my temple and then leaves me in the room with his three sisters and grandmother, but my eyes are on him as he walks away. Did he just kiss me?
“So do you want a natural birth or do you plan on taking the epidural?”
“What?” Valentina’s question catches me off-guard.
“I had the drugs with Enzo, but I’m thinking I want to try this one naturally,” she states proudly.
“Why?”
“Well, I hear it’s better for you and the baby. Are you guys gonna find out what you’re having?”
I swallow while her questions keep registering. “Yeah, in about a month actually.”
“Us too. What about breastfeeding? Co-sleeping? I’ve done both so I’m happy to answer any questions you have.” I feel like she’s being sincere, but a part of me is taken aback at how hard she seems to be drilling me for information right now as well. Her smile is potent as she sits there, rubbing her belly that is much larger than mine for only being a week apart, waiting for me to answer her.
“I’m not much of a planner. I figure we’ll just sort of wing it.” I shrug, but her eyes grow wide.
“Does Silas know this?”
“Why does it matter?”
“Because my brother is the most OCD person on the planet. He will probably want to plan your delivery right down to each contraction.”
“Yes, I’m aware, but it’s my body,” I reply a little more snarkily than I intended, but I’m starting to get pissed off. “You know what, I think I need some fresh air.” I force out a smile as I stand from my chair, grab my glass of water, and then find the nearest door outside, which just so happens to be directly to my left. I can feel their eyes on me as I walk away, but if I stay in there for one more moment, I’m going to lose it.
When the cool air outside hits my face, I feel my body start to calm, even though my pulse is racing.
Why do people insist on asking all of these questions that I don’t even know the answer to? And more importantly, why do they feel like it’s any of their business? I’m finally jumping into this and then someone else’s opinion has me questioning everything.
And why does Silas keep touching me, showing me affection that a couple would display, especially in front of his family? I’m so damn confused right now, the anxiety creeping up my spine.
“Chloe?” I spin around to find Silas closing the same door I just stepped out of, walking toward me. “Is everything okay?”
“No, Silas. Everything is not okay.” My voice sounds hoarse and my breathing uneven as I fight with my body to calm down. I briefly veer my eyes back to the window that looks into the house and then back to him, realizing I should probably keep my voice down.
“What happened? All I did was go to the bathroom, and when I came back, my sisters and Nonna looked worried and you were gone.”
I shake my head, fighting off tears, reaching down to my belly on instinct, as if just placing my hand there will protect my baby from the ridicule that I’m feeling.
“What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I entered this house optimistic, and fifteen minutes later I’m being bombarded with questions about childbirth, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping!” I whisper shout.
“Okay…”
“Why aren’t you more annoyed by that?”
“Because that’s how Valentina is, and she’s had a baby, so I’m sure she was just trying to help.”
“I don’t need anyone’s help. I can make these decisions on my own.” I cross my arms over my chest and then stare off into the lush green yard and pristine green grass.
“Oh, I’m aware that’s what you think. You’ve been pushing me away this entire time.”
“What?” I turn to face him again and see annoyance now on his features, but it’s directed toward me.
“What kind of childbirth do you want, Chloe? And do you plan on breastfeeding? Do you want the baby to sleep in bed with you, or are you set on having them sleep separately? These are questions we need to be talking about.”
“I…I don’t…I can’t…”
“What?” He raises an eyebrow at me, and that sends me over the edge.
“I feel like I’m being asked to make a life plan, Silas, and I don’t think that far ahead!”
“Well, you need to! We need to. This baby is coming. Why aren’t you registering that?”
“Because it makes this real!” I shout louder this time, and then huff through the silence between us before more words start spilling from my lips. “You wanted me to read the book, so I’m reading the book, but these questions are things that are going to happen months from now, choices I’m just not ready to make.”
“Time is going by fast, Chloe. It’s better to be prepared for what’s coming. What are you so afraid of?”
And then the truth just comes tumbling out. “I never had a family growing up, Silas. I grew up in foster care because my parents overdosed on drugs when I was ten.” His eyes bug out, but I keep going. “I never allowed myself to dream about the future because I never knew what tomorrow was going to bring—a new family’s house to live in or a lack of necessities, and imagining something more always resulted in disappointment. I don’t know how to think about my future, I don’t know how to dream or plan, I don’t…”
My words are cut off by Silas’s lips on mine, an urgency behind his kiss that has my mind screeching to a halt, but my senses igniting in an instant. He pulls me into his arms and licks my lips, forcing me to part mine to welcome his tongue into my mouth. And the moan I let out is embarrassing, but only an audible indication of my approval, even though I have no idea why this is happening.
Silas controls my head with his hand on the back of my neck and my arms encircle his shoulders, as he tilts my head to the side to grant him better access—and I submit right there, allow him to own me with the kiss because it has my entire body splintering into tiny pieces.
I remember our kiss in Aruba being magnetic, but there was also a shit ton of alcohol running through our veins that night. This is a completely sober and raw experience, one that has our connection magnified with each nip of my lips and lashing of his tongue.
Silas slows down the kiss, and then we part—our chests heaving, our breathing quick. His forehead rests on mine, but I have so many questions that I can’t wait to speak.
“Why did you do that?” I mutter breathlessly.
“Because it was the only way I knew I could get you to shut up.”
A small laugh escapes my lips but I’m frozen in place, afraid to move or wake up and realize this was all a dream. “Silas, I’m serious. I’m freaking out.”
“Yeah, but now it makes a little more sense.”
“What does?”
He takes in a deep breath and then kisses me chastely before leaning back and letting it out. “Why you’re reluctant to think about the future.”
“It’s the truth, Silas. I didn’t have a family growing up, and the moments I remember with my parents weren’t happy ones.”
He sighs and then shoves his hand through his hair, messing up the slicked back style. “My parents are dead too, Chloe.”
“What?’
“That’s why they aren’t here, and they won’t be. They died in a car accident when I was sixteen.”
I’m shocked, not only because he wasn’t forthcoming about his family issues as well, but because we actually had this in common. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. So I get it, I do. But I guess where you decided not to think about the future as a reaction to your parent’s death, I did the opposite. The future is all I think about—how to prepare for it, how to anticipate it, how to avoid loss like that again. And a baby? That requires planning,” he whispers, cupping the side of my face and then placing his other hand on my belly, feeling the proof of what we created together. I can feel my heart pounding against my ribs as I stare down at his hand on me, the first time he’s made the effort to touch my stomach—and I’m mesmerized by the connection. “We made a human together, Chloe, and regardless of our pasts, this baby is going to be loved. I’d just like to know how to keep you and him or her healthy in the process and what our life is going to be like once he or she is here.”
“It’s just a lot for me to take in, Silas.”
“I understand that better now. My sisters, especially Valentina, can be overbearing, but they mean well. And she has done this before, so maybe take what she says to heart, but at the end of the day, what we choose to do for our child will be the best choice.”
Bouncing my eyes back and forth between his, I see him asking me to trust him—and I do—intrinsically, I trust him and believe him. I know that I don’t have to, but my heart sure wants to. But then I’m truly risking getting hurt as well.
“Everything alright out here?” Nonna peaks her head out of the back door.
With one more kiss on my temple, basically turning me into a pile of mush, Silas turns to face his grandmother. “Yeah, just getting some fresh air. Chloe had a hot flash.”
“Ah, yes. One of the many wonderful side effects of pregnancy and menopause. Guess what you have to look forward to after you have children too?” she says.
“Joy.”
“Silas, can you go finish up the pasta, please? I’ll be right in,” she says to him as he glances between the two of us. “Go. Chloe and I will be fine.”
“Be nice, Nonna. You De Luca women can be overwhelming, alright?”
She waves him off and once he’s retreated into the house, she motions for me to sit next to her on two of the Adirondack chairs on the deck. The panels of wood are lined up perfectly, slats of light oak that provide a beautiful sitting space above the wide open backyard lined with rose bushes and covered in the grass I was admiring earlier.
“Silas and his grandfather built this deck, you know.”
“Really?”
“Yes. My boys were always good with their hands.”
I want to respond to her comment, but what I have to say is definitely not appropriate. Still, knowing Silas helped build this gives me a small perspective on him I didn’t have before. My eyes drift down to the deck below me as I admire how beautiful it is.
“You okay, dear?” she asks as we take our seats.
“Yes and no.” My heart is still pounding from that kiss, which also opens up another slew of questions to think about.
“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?”
“Which part?”
“Oh, becoming a parent before you were ready. Meeting a bunch of loud and outspoken women…”
“I’m loud and outspoken, so that’s not a problem.” Although Valentina’s questions were overwhelming.
“Caring about a man that wasn’t supposed to mean anything to you,” she says with an intense gaze over her shoulder at me.
“I’m not sure I’m following.”
“I think you are.”
Sighing, I attempt to fight her thoughts. “Nonna, I know that it would be so much easier if Silas and I were in love, but we’re not.”
“Love isn’t something that hits all at once, Chloe. For some people, it does. But for most, it’s a slow build of small moments that add up to one big one. And you and Silas—I see it.”
“See what?” I ask, full of trepidation.
“The spark. The balance you two create for one another. I’ve never seen my grandson look at a woman like he looks at you. And when he spoke of you when he told us you were pregnant…I could hear how he cares for you in his voice.”
My lips fold in and I twist away from her while I process her words. “Well, I don’t usually hang on to a man this long either, but we’re kind of stuck together at this point. Doesn’t mean there isn’t anything else there besides mutual respect and an attempt at being civil for the sake of our unborn child.” My hand finds my belly again as I focus on my bump instead of her.
“Did Silas tell you about his parents?”
That question catches my attention as I cast my eyes back in her direction. “Just now actually.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I guess he and I share that loss.”
She reaches out for my hand. “I’m sorry that you’ve experienced a life without two important people as well, Chloe.”
“Well, my parents weren’t exactly role models, so I think I was better off this way.”
“Still. What happened to you when they died?”
“I was ten and had no close relatives so I was thrown into the foster system.”
She shakes her head. “I’m so sorry.”
“It is what it is, but I’m beginning to see that it’s affecting me, especially as I embark on becoming a mom.” It feels good to acknowledge that, even if it is with a woman I barely know. But I feel like I can be honest with her, which is a little startling.
“Losing his parents affected my grandson more than he realizes, I think. A part of him felt the need to be the man of the family because he was suddenly the only one. And then another part of him shut off when they died, but I can see it coming back when he’s around you.”
“That’s a pretty bold statement,” I reply, shaking from how hard my heart is pounding from her observation. And not just because apparently I’m affecting Silas, but he’s affecting me too.
“Well, I’m not the type of woman to sugarcoat things.”
“I can respect that.”
“You know, I met Silas’s grandfather at a young age and got pregnant by him rather quickly.”
“Really?”
She nods. “And back then it was a lot more taboo to have a child out of wedlock.”
I scoff. “I can imagine.”
“But we didn’t stay together just because I got pregnant. There was a reason I was drawn to that man, and when I allowed myself to explore it, that’s when I realized that he was the person I was supposed to be with all along. Our story just started in a non-traditional way.”
I stare out into the yard again. Maybe Nonna is right. Maybe I ended up pregnant far quicker than I would have liked or at all, but I will never forget the way my clit lit up for Silas that night. It wasn’t an experience I had before, and maybe there’s a reason for that.
“Thank you for talking to me, Nonna.”
“Anytime, Chloe. And I know our family can be a lot, but I think you can hold your own.” She grins at me as she stands.
I debate saying something in return, but I opt for a tight-lipped smile instead. Once I feel ready, I stand from the chair and make my way back inside, where I find Silas tickling a small boy that wasn’t here earlier.
“Who’s your favorite uncle?”
“Zio!” he screams through his laughter.
“That’s right.” He relents as the boy and him fight to catch their breaths. And the sight of him playing with his nephew steals a piece of my heart, handing it over to him at that very moment.
It’s the first time I’ve been able to envision Silas being a dad, playing like that with our own child someday—a vision I didn’t allow myself to dream, a dream I’ve never allowed myself to see at all.
He catches me watching him and then stands up straight to face me as the little boy scurries away. “You alright? She didn’t give you the Italian inquisition, did she?”
“No, more like Italian wisdom.”
“And?”
I reach up to stroke his hair, running my fingernails down the back of his neck as he groans only loud enough that I can catch it. This level of affection we’re giving each other out in the open is confusing, but also a lot of fun—like we both know it’s crossing a line, but neither of us is admitting to it. And if Silas is going to do it, then why shouldn’t I? “Your grandmother is very smart.”
“Don’t let her hear you say that. She’ll never let you live it down,” he whispers.
“Too late,” Nonna leans in and speaks right near Silas’s ear. “Time to eat you two,” she declares as she walks to the table with the biggest plate of spaghetti and meatballs I’ve ever seen.
“Oh my God, I can’t wait to eat. I hope you all aren’t that hungry because I’m about to demolish this plate.” I go to slide out my chair, but Silas reaches for it first, waiting for me to sit before scooting me closer to the table and taking the seat right next to me.
“Not if I beat you to it,” Valentina replies from across the table, seated next to a man I can only assume is her husband. “Chloe, this is my husband, Oliver, by the way.”
“Hi.” I wave at him across the table as Silas passes me a bowl of salad.
“Nice to meet you, Chloe.”
“And this is our son, Lorenzo.” She wraps her arm around the boy sitting beside her stuffing his face with noodles. “He went to work with Oliver and Mia at the winery today. He’s almost five.”
“Hi, Lorenzo. I’m Chloe.”
“You have a baby in your belly like my mom?” he asks blatantly.
“Yes, I do.”
“You’re going to have a cousin, Enzo,” Silas adds as he squeezes my thigh under the table. And the way he says it is with an excitement I’ve never heard in his voice before.
“Cool. Can they play monster trucks with me?”
“Uh, probably not for a few years at least.”
“Aw, man,” he whines as we all laugh at him.
“So what is it that you do, Chloe?” Mia asks from the other end of the table as she twirls noodles around her fork.
“I have my own dog walking business.”
“Oh, interesting,” she says enthusiastically. “How did you get into that?”
I can feel Silas focus on me too as I spoon a large helping of pasta and three meatballs the size of my fist on my plate. I’m sure my eyes are bigger than my stomach, but I can always take it to go, right?
“Well, Shayla, my best friend, and I had just moved to Santa Barbara shortly after we turned eighteen. I was working at a local cupcake shop and the owner was telling me about what a pet friendly town Santa Barbara is. There was a frequent customer that would come into the shop, Mrs. Harrison, and she moved rather slowly but she always brought her dog in with her. I asked her if she walked him every day and she said she couldn’t any more. Their trip to the cupcake shop was as much as she could handle but her dog needed it more, so I offered to do it for her. She was my first client, and then she started telling people about me and it just kind of grew from there. Now I have over fifty clients all over the area who have me walk their dogs from once a week to sometimes daily, depending on the breed and what they need. But being pregnant has definitely not been kind to me in my line of work.”
“Chloe had to take some bed rest this past month. She was having a rough time.”
“I can sympathize. So are you back at work now?” Valentina asks as we all start to eat, the entire family listening in on our conversation. I can sense that she’s trying to make up for causing me to freak out earlier, but that wasn’t her fault. That was all my shit bubbling up inside.
“Next week I can start walking again, just a lot less than I was before.”
“That explains why your legs are so great. You must walk ten miles a day,” Bianca adds.
“Just about,” I reply. “And thank you.”
“You definitely have great legs,” Silas whispers in my ear, forcing me to look over at him in confusion. Why is he being so flirtatious and touchy-feely with me right now?
“Do you have favorite dogs?” Mia asks, pulling my attention back to the group.
“Of course. And least favorites. But they all bark and they all shit, so at the end of the day, they all make me earn my money.”
“Well, at least you’ll be no stranger to the amount of poop that’s about to inhabit your life. Once your baby comes, you’ll wonder if there was anything more exciting in your life than poop.”
“As long as the little girl or boy doesn’t smugly watch me while I change them, I think I’ll be fine.”
A few hours later with full bellies and much less tightness in my chest, Silas and I prepare to leave. Once we’ve said our goodbyes and get comfortable in the car, I catch the loud exhale he lets out as he drives. “Is that you feeling like you can relax now?”
“A little. How are you feeling?”
“Better. Not as stressed as earlier. Your family is pretty awesome, Silas.”
He smiles wistfully. “Yeah, they’re okay.”
Watching Silas interact with his sisters, grandmother, and nephew, although he seemed more annoyed with them than not, gave me a glimpse into why he is the protective and caring man that he is. It was written all over his face. Those people are his joy, his circle of people he can trust and depend on. I’ve never had that, and part of me wants to be included in that now too, even though I thought I wouldn’t.
“So, I’ve been meaning to ask you, but I wanted to wait for the right time.” He adjusts himself in the seat of his car as he exits the highway. “The Goleta location is opening in a few weeks. How would you like to accompany me?”
Shock and awe floats through me. “Really?”
“Yeah. My employees are going to know who you are eventually, and I thought it’d be a nice night out of the house.”
Is this a date then? Or am I reading too much into it?
“Um, sure. I’d love to go. Free food, right?”
“Well, you are accompanying the owner, so the tab is covered.” He smirks over his shoulder at me.
“Damn, these baby daddy perks just keep on coming.”
The full-bodied laugh that comes out of him has me smiling from ear to ear. The man is so strikingly handsome, but more so to me when he’s not so intense. Silas De Luca seems to have two modes—one is harsh and overbearing, totally alpha which I am all for in certain circumstances—and then the other is the carefree, light-hearted man who deep down has the soul of a saint and the heart of a God. And well—he may have the body of a God too.
“Glad I can accommodate.”
“It’s the least you can do for making me get fat.”
“You’re beautiful, Chloe,” he says so easily that the words shouldn’t affect me as much as they do. But then he clears his throat and grows serious again, almost as if chastising himself for saying the words out loud.
“Thank you. And thank you for earlier.”
“No problem.”
And that’s the last thing we speak about regarding the night before going to sleep, even though lingering thoughts of that kiss haunt me in my dreams.