Jax by E. M. Moore
15
The house music reverberates through me. The bass is like a fist beating against my ribcage, egging me on. I stride right up to Jax and the girl, Jax eyeing me the entire time like he knew what I would do. Maybe he did. Maybe he’s watching and waiting for what idiot shit I might do next. I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m not going to let him use another girl to get to me. He can hate me or not but just not this.
When I step up to the two of them, I eye her like she’s shit. Like she means nothing in the grand scheme of things. It’s akin to a look I’ve been given a million times before from various people, and I hate myself for doing it but this is Jax we’re talking about here. “Fuck off,” I growl at her.
She stares me up and down then peeks at Jax who’s apparently happy to sit back and watch the show. “Are you with her?”
He shakes his head, and my heart pings but it only strengthens my resolve.
“Then I think you should fuck off,” she says sweetly.
She returns to her dance partner but I’m certainly not through with this yet. Maybe I didn’t fight for me and Jax back then but I’ll certainly do it now. At least he’ll know why I’m still here. Still standing in the middle of his club even though it seems like he wants me anywhere else but here. “Yeah, I’m not going to do that,” I deadpan, bringing her attention back to me. I place my hands on my hips. “This big guy and I go way back. He may not know it yet, but I’m under his skin and I’m staying there. So, the answer to your question asking if I’m with him... It might be a no now but it’ll be yes later. It’s best you fuck off before you get your heart broken.”
Jax’s jaw ticks, and I swear he’s grinding his teeth together inside that beautiful mouth of his. The girl chuckles. “This is far too much work for a girl who just wants a little action. Have fun you two.”
She turns and walks away, her tight dress clinging to her. Despite that, Jax doesn’t look her way once. He’s too busy eyeing me. “You’re under my skin like a rash.”
I blink at him. “Huh?”
“You told her you were under my skin, making it sound all romantic and shit. It’s not. You’re under my skin like an itch that won’t go away.”
“Get used to it,” I tell him as I work my hands up his chest and around his neck. He doesn’t push me away, so I take that as a cue to keep going. I settle my thumbs on the veins popping out of his neck. “I hear rashes are hard to get rid of.”
“You’re not going back to the delinquent then?”
“I’ve been forced to do a lot of things,” I tell him, trying to open up. Trying to give him everything he wants so he can see me. The real me. “I want to take control for once.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It is if you’re looking for it.”
He shakes his head as the song changes. I start to move with him, hoping beyond hope that he’ll give in to the magnetism between us. We fall into an easy rhythm like the old days, except now, I fit into him like a butterfly in a cocoon.
“What if I don’t want you under my skin?” he asks, his chest vibrating.
I shrug, moving up to my tiptoes so we can continue our conversation without yelling over the music. “Sometimes we don’t have a choice.”
“That always seems to be the case with us.” Jax works his fingers into the back of my head, pulling my hair just slightly so I know he’s in charge as we move together. My scalp burns from my injuries but I don’t care. He grinds against me, hips moving with ease. “I hate the way I want you.”
Blood boils in my core. Hate and love are two sides of a coin. In order for him to hate me this much, he must have loved me even more once. In my mind, that only brings me hope that I can get him back. “Do you think you’re punishing yourself? Or me?”
“Both, I hope.”
I work my fingers into the short hairs of his neck. “What if I want it? What if I crave it?”
“Then I’d say the world fucked you up when you left.”
“You have no idea,” I grind out as I lick a trail down his corded neck.
He stills momentarily before regaining his senses. “Fuck, Sadie. Sometimes it’s like you never—” He breaks off his thought with a groan like he doesn’t want to think about what we were. He pulls back a little, examining me. “Who was the guy you were dancing with?”
I swallow, wondering if the truth is best in this scenario. When people say truth is always the best, they’re fucking liars. Or they have no sense of self-preservation whatsoever. You wouldn’t tell a robber that you’re completely helpless and have no idea how to fight him off. No. You’d tell him you’re a black belt in karate and that if he tries anything, you’ll fuck him up.
But with Jax, lying is what got us in this shitstorm. “One of Psycho’s friends.”
“Psycho is...?”
I nod, knowing he only needs confirmation.
“You sure can pick them, can’t you?”
“More like they pick me.”
He surveys the room, most likely looking for Tiron. “What did he want?” This is why I know Jax hasn’t completely given up on the idea of us. If he had, he wouldn’t care where the possible threat was.
“Checking up on me. For Psycho.”
His fingers tighten around my hips. “Will he come here?”
“Doubt it. It’s not his style.”
He’s still inspecting the sea of bodies, so I reach up to place my palm on his cheek, making him look at me. Those blue eyes have always centered me, and right now, the truth about why I’m here ripples under my skin like tacks. If Jax and I get too close, I’m liable to hurt him with it. Psycho isn’t someone who’ll just sit back. He thinks I’m his, and I’ve been a loyal soldier for a long time. He’ll fight for me. Bringing Jax, Finn, and Leenie into this hot mess is not something I can do lightly.
Jax drops his gaze to my lips, and they buzz. He hasn’t kissed me yet. Whether he ever will again remains unknown.
“Why do I think there’s more about you coming back than you’ve said? A guy like Psycho… He doesn’t strike me as letting you stay with us. He’ll come for you, won’t he?”
“I told you they want the Ring,” I answer, skirting the truth, dressing it up so it looks better than it is.
“I saw where you live, Sadie. They don’t have money to buy the Ring. Not that it’s for sale, anyway.”
“Of course it’s not,” I tell him, a smile turning my lips up. It’s crazy to think that Jax owns the building we’re standing in. This crowded, vibrant place is all his. “You did it,” I tell him. Pride sneaks in on me once more, and I can barely hold back the heart-warming emotions filling me. “What you always said you would do, you actually did it.”
Jax swallows as he stares at me. The lines around his eyes tighten and ease like he’s going through a myriad of emotions. But like the old Jax, he’s keeping them inside.
“It was fun to see you fight again.”
“Liar. You hate it when I fight.”
I shake my head with a sly grin. “You still don’t listen, do you? I hate when you get hurt. There’s a difference.”
“To fight is to get hurt.” He glances away, the same spot in his jaw ticking like crazy. “Everything is like that. The threat of getting hurt is around every corner if you’re doing something that matters to you.”
I close my eyes and lean my head on his chest. Beneath his Elite Boxing shirt, his heart pumps faster than the current rapid beat of the song playing overhead.
Jax places his finger under my chin and makes me look at him. “What do you want, Sadie?” he begs. I’m at the end of my lifeline with him. I might not have realized it before but from the look he’s giving me now, he’s been throwing me life preservers since I came back. Sure, he’s taken them away, too, but that’s what happens when two people have complicated pasts.
“What do I want? That’s easy.” I swallow the thickness in my throat. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
I stare into his eyes, trying to read him by finding the Jax I fell in love with. I see him. Deep, deep down, hovering underneath the surface. I move to my tiptoes, getting closer and closer to his lips. His hot breath hits my mouth, and my pulse flutters at my wrists. Just when I’m about to kiss him, he takes a step back, chest heaving in front of him as he watches me. It takes him all of a few seconds to grab my hand and lead me away from the dance floor. The crowd parts for him. As big as he is, it’s like a knife cutting through soft butter.
He tugs open the corner door and leads me down the hallway in the opposite direction of the locker room and office. We pass a couple of guys with black shirts that state Security over the chest. He doesn’t stop pulling me until he turns the knob on a non-descript door. Entering, he pulls me into the dark room after him. The smell of cleaning products assaults my nostrils.
A blue dot in the corner blinks on and off. From the sparse light coming in from beneath the door, I spy shelves filled with jugs and small boxes. Before I can complete my perusal, Jax walks me backward until my ass hits the door. “You don’t want to hurt? I’ve got a plan for that. First, let’s get you out of Leenie’s clothes. It’s killing it for me.” I snicker, and he gives me a look. “I love that girl like a sister.”
I gulp, knowing he means it. Jax doesn’t like many people, so when he opens up to others, it means something. Just from this ringing endorsement, I like her more and I already liked her well enough. “I’ll buy different clothes.”
I bite my lip as he tears the shirt over my head. “With what money?”
“Know anyone hiring?”
He laughs. It’s all deep and throaty and sends sparks through me. “If that’s your way of asking if you can work for me, fuck no. I don’t trust you enough for that.”
Though he doesn’t say it, I suspect he held back a “yet” at the end of that sentence. Before I can call him out though, he grips my breasts in his hands, kneading them. A low moan escapes my throat.
He skims his thumb over my nipple. “Here’s what’s going to happen, Sadie. I’m going to get down on my knees for you. I’m going to make you not think, and in the same vein, I’m not going to either. This is just sex.”
He unclasps the button on my jeans and slips the material past my hips. Following them down, he kneels before me. I spread my legs because I know he’s telling himself that it’s just sex. He wants this as much as I do, only it’s easier for him to handle it if he says it doesn’t mean anything.
My panties come off next, and I tangle my fingers in his hair while he lifts my leg over his shoulder. He nuzzles my cunt, sniffing me. The first touch of his tongue on my sensitive flesh has me crying out. “Shit, Jax.”
Instead of telling me to not say his name this time, he groans and circles my clit with the tip of his tongue. A move he knows I fucking love. He spent one whole day learning my every desire when it comes to oral. I’d never come so many times in my life but Psycho may have stolen that achievement when he used the vibrator on me.
I push all thoughts of him from my mind as Jax moans into me. “This scent is so uniquely you.”
He steamrolls ahead, knocking me back against the door. My nipples peak, brushing against the lace fabric of my bra as he works his magic. He starts flicking his tongue back and forth, and I cry out. “Jax, fuck. You remembered.”
“I know you inside and out. I know everything about you, Sadie.”
I lie my head back against the door, enjoying everything he’s willing to give. Euphoria sets in. A bliss I don’t often have when it comes to sex anymore. In my world, it’s a tool. A bartering system sometimes but usually punishment. Right here, right now, it’s so much more than that. Tears form in the corner of my eyes as hot as the blazing sun. They track down my cheeks while he works me over. “Jax, goddamn,” I breathe. “Like that.”
He parts my folds and inserts two thick fingers into my pussy as he focuses on my clit. I suction onto him, and he groans into my pussy before starting a rhythm he knows I can’t resist.
I tighten my hold on his hair. “Wait, Jax. Don’t.” He peers up at me, brows furrowing. “I want it to last,” I explain, my voice catching. When he doesn’t move, I snap my jaw shut. “Please.”
More tears spill over involuntarily, and Jax’s face hardens. He slows his rhythm, taking his time. I can almost fool myself into thinking he’s enjoying me now, and that’s the thought that does it. It doesn’t matter how fast or how slow he’s going, I come. I come so hard I nearly scream, ending my orgasm with a sigh of his name. Something I haven’t done in a very, very long time.
