Clearwater’s Redemption by Tiffany Casper

Chapter 6

Fiona

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I chanted again and again, had I really just done that?

Was I really standing in front of Knox in my underwear?

Would he really expect me to give him everything and expect me to not receive everything in return. But then I thought about all of the little things that he did. Maybe I could change that, not right now, not this day, but maybe another day, after all Rome wasn’t built in a day.

He crooked a finger at me for me to come closer.

“Take off your bra.” I hesitated for a split second before I complied. No one had seen me this naked except for at the orphanage when I had to be bathed until I was four.

Trembling as he advanced towards me I walked backward, trying to take cues from him, then when my back hit the wall Knox growled out, “Put your hands against the wall. Don’t move them or I’ll stop.” Goosebumps raised all along my skin.

I felt his lips run over my collarbone, as he nibbled and sucked. I wanted his lips on mine but given that he didn’t want me to touch him, I guessed that was out of the question.

But was I going to ask him to kiss me? No because, I never wanted him to stop, I never wanted to lose his touch, sure this was probably the only time I was allowed to have his skin on mine, call me stupid, but I would take whatever I could get from this man.

“Dreamt of these.” I wondered what he was talking about until he pulled a nipple in his mouth, I almost dropped to my knees.

His hands never explored my body, but his mouth did. He let go of one nipple, then he attacked the other nipple. When my body was at a fevered pitch, he let go of my nipple.

I looked in his eyes, seeing something there that should have frightened me, but it excited me.

Suddenly, Knox dropped to his knees as I felt his mouth at my waist. He fucking growled as he grabbed my panties with his mouth and pulled them off with his teeth.

“Step.” I stepped out of my panties.

And then before I could even think, Knox had his mouth between my legs.

It took everything in me to not react, to keep my hands on that wall. I wanted to run my hands through his hair, scrape his skin with my nails. I dug my fingers into his skin to feel his muscles as they pulsed and strained.

As his tongue moved from top to bottom of my pussy I felt my legs quivering. And then when he brought his tongue to my clit, I saw stars. My head lolled back as it smacked the wall but I didn’t care.

The only thing that mattered was what Knox was doing to me.

And then I felt my climax as it rose and rose, higher and higher.

My body started to shake, and at his moan, I orgasmed, hard.

Knox didn’t stop as he sucked my clit through my orgasm.

When the last of the shakes stopped, he stood, licked his lips, then unbuckled his belt, unsnapped his jeans, lowered his zipper, reached in his boxers, and pulled out his cock.

I looked down. The man was extremely well endowed.

I felt my eyes widen at the sight of him. He was gorgeous all over.

“Turn. Hands-on the wall. Bend forward until I tell you to stop.”

I did as he said, hearing what I assumed was a condom wrapper.

“Stop.” I stopped immediately.

Then I felt his fingers as he inserted one thick finger in my pussy, shoving it in, making me moan.

Then he inserted two fingers, I felt myself stretching around his digits. And then when his fingers left my pussy, I felt his cock head at my entrance. Ever so carefully he pushed forward an inch. “Stop?”

“No. Keep... going. God Knox. Please... don’t ever stop.”

Then I heard it, he had said it so quietly that I thought I had been imagining things, “Never.”

Inch by inch he moved inside of me, moving in then backing out. He did this a few more times until I felt him stop. “Ready?”

I nodded my head, “Yes.” I was panting.

Then and only then, did he push the rest of the way in. I felt a little pain as my hymen broke while I adjusted to the size of him in my pussy.

He stilled when he was buried full inside of me. Groaning, he started to move in and out of me. Hitting my g-spot with each shove. I was moaning and panting. The pain had ended, and now, I only experienced pleasure.

“Come.” He demanded. It was as if my body was an instrument, being played by his hands alone, I came. My second orgasm ever given to me by Knox caused my back to bow as I moaned, my toes curled as feelings I have never experienced washed over me.

Then Knox moaned with me as I felt his entire body still. Looking up into his eyes, what I saw there, I wished I had a camera right then to capture that very moment.

“On the bed. Back.” I walked over to the bed feeling the wetness as it ran down my thigh, climbed on, and laid on my back.

“Goddamn Fi.”

I froze, “What did you just call me?”

“Fi.”

I smiled, “Never had anyone call me that.” I told him honestly.

As his eyes seared into mine he muttered, “Good.” I watched as he took off the used condom, tied it, tossed it in a wastebasket beside his dresser, then grabbed another one, ripped into the condom with his teeth, I watched as he rolled it over his massive length so that I could have him inside of me again.

“Hands-on the headboard.” I did as he said.

The moment he got on top of me, I moved my legs to accommodate him, with one brutal shove he pushed his way into me. I cried out as my pussy stretched yet again, but I was still so wet from what he had just done while he had me against the wall

With his fists planted in the mattress on either side of my head, he pounded into me. I lifted my hips meeting him stroke for stroke.

He pounded into me harder and harder, his eyes never left mine. With another thrust, my orgasm overtook any rational thinking. Within minutes, Knox came, groaning. “God fucking damn.”

Smiling, I laid there underneath him, his skin still not touching mine. I would never regret Knox being my first.

I watched as he inhaled a few breaths then he slid out of me. I got up from the bed, headed to my own room and showered.

Just as I towel dried my hair, I walked out of my bathroom to see Knox in a pair of pajama bottoms standing in my open doorway leaning against the frame.

He nodded his head for me to follow him, curiously, I did. When I followed him into his bedroom it was to see that a line of pillows had been placed in the center of the bed.

“You sleep here. Move your things tomorrow.”

Over the next few weeks every night Knox had me in some position or another, I still wasn’t allowed to touch him. Even lying-in bed, he kept the pillow barrier up.

Sitting at the clubhouse one night I watched as Garret and Valerie had a little moment to themselves. The way he looked down at her, the way Valerie was allowed to touch him wherever she pleased, I wanted that. And when they kissed, I sighed. I’ve only ever kissed Cole. And even that didn’t elicit the kind of passion that those too shared.

I knew I could have that with Knox, yes the sex with Knox was magical, but there was so much lacking that it wasn’t even funny, and I wanted to experience it all.

But I also knew that Knox did things in his own time. I couldn’t rush him. Even as badly as I wanted to.

I felt a shadow fall over me and looked to see that it was Phoebe.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked as she sat down.

I looked over at her. Then I looked around us to make sure what I was about to say couldn’t be overheard.

Whispering, I asked, “How well do you know Knox?”

She chuckled softly, “I know as much as he will let me know.”

Unsure if she was aware of this, “You know he doesn’t allow anyone to touch him right?”

“Yes, but he only allows Bash and Pebbles to give him hugs.” That was true, I had witnessed that on occasion.

“Well I mean, sex with him is all kinds of great don’t get me wrong I’m so not complaining about any of that, he won’t let me touch him but… well… he won’t kiss me. It… I don’t know…”

I expected Phoebe to show me pity and sadness but she just smiled, “Sweetie, the things I have seen that man do around you, are things I’ve never seen him do. That goes for everyone here. The fact that he even allows you to stand so close to him, that says a lot too.”

“I know, he does a lot of little things that mean the world to me, but I just can't help but wonder why he won’t kiss me.”

“Ask him. You’re the only one he really even talks to. Everyone else either gets verbal nods or one-word answers and even then that’s a lot from him.”

“I’m scared to push him.”

“Why? Knox would never hurt you.”

“Oh I know that. I’m just scared of pushing him too far and we lose the ground that we’ve made. Besides, there’s so much more that I want to experience with him.”

“I know what you mean. I gave birth to Maddox and I was still technically a virgin. My first time with Xavier I had been nervous, but I trusted him. He didn’t break that trust. Trust in Knox. Maybe there’s a reason why he won't kiss you, just keep giving him your trust and see where that leads you. Seems to me it's working okay so far.”

However, when I had checked around us, I hadn’t known that Knox was behind one of the wooden beams, listening to everything.

That night I sat on the porch swing with Kida lying beside me while I sipped on a  Mike’s Hard Lemonade, I rolled Phoebe’s words in my head.

I had been watching the lightning bugs as they lit up the night sky when I heard the front door open.

Kida picked his head up and looked like Knox stepped out of the house and onto the front porch.

He took a sip of his whiskey as he walked over to me.

Kida immediately jumped down so he could sit and he went off to chase the lightning bugs.

The moment Knox sat down I took another sip of my drink. “Want to tell you something.”

I looked over at him to see his eyes on me. “If you still want me, follow me after I’m through.”

I nodded, “I’ll always want you Knox. I doubt there’s anything you could ever say to change that.”

I heard him let out a deep sarcastic laugh. He tossed the glass of whiskey back and swallowed the rest of it. “Do you need more?”

He looked back at me, shook his head, and then when he spoke, he caused my heart to skip a beat.

“When I was four my mother let her pimp into my room, she locked the door. That was the first time I was raped. I had screamed, cried, and pleaded for him to stop, but he never did. Every other Wednesday I grew to hate. That was the day that man would show up. I would bleed for hours afterward. Teachers never gave a damn, grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. And then when I was six, the man brought a friend. I  ran away after that, however, that pimp had the cops in his pocket, every last one of them turned a blind eye. When I was seven I killed my first man. I wrapped a wire around his neck when he walked into my bedroom after my mother locked the door, she just wanted her next fix. The moment the last breath left his lungs, there was no other feeling quite like it. I went to my mother’s room naked as the day I was born after that and smothered her in her sleep. Doctors ruled it an overdose.”

Tears were running down my cheeks as I listened to him. I wanted to find those two, find a time machine, bring them both back and commit my own murder.

“Went to juvie for killing that man. Was there until I turned seventeen. Got out. Met Cotton. Told him the basics. He invited me to prospect. So here I am. The crows on my arm represent a life I have taken. When I had been sitting on the steps waiting for the cops to come I had seen a crow attack another animal. I felt a connection to them.”

While he was telling me his story, Kida had sensed his duress, he had padded over to him, leaned his body into Knox’s legs and gave him his support.

“Because of what that bastard did, I can’t stand for anyone to touch me unless I touch them first. It makes my fucking skin crawl. But your touch. Your touch feels like a soothing balm. When your hand was in mine that first day, I had waited for the cringe, but it never happened. I’ve been with women, I ain’t no saint, call it punishing myself, but I haven’t been with anyone in seven years but you and I never allowed them to touch me, I never allowed them to go down on me, and I never went down on them. I always did them from behind. Never went back for seconds. I haven’t kissed you because I don’t know-how. Never done that.” With that statement  I knew that he had heard what I had told Phoebe.

I sat there as he stood, grabbed his glass, walked back into the house. I waited until I couldn’t see Knox anymore, then I buried my face into Kida’s fur and cried for him. What he had gone through. What he struggled with on a day-to-day basis?

If everything I gave him helped ease away his burden and sorrow, then he better be ready to take everything I have to give.

I grabbed my bottle, walked inside, locked the front door, on the way to the bedroom, I tossed my bottle into the trash can, then I walked to the bedroom.

Seeing him sitting on the edge of the bed, his knees bent, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands were on the back of his neck as he seemed to be lost in thought, it tore my heart to shreds. I also saw he hadn’t put the barrier of pillows up yet, if that was what he needed then that’s what he would get.

I walked over to him, dropped to my knees in front of him as I whispered, “I’ll always want you Knox. Anyway I can get you. Your past doesn’t define you.”

After a beat he lifted his face to look into my eyes. I saw his eyes as they seemed to be searching for something, something that I wasn’t sure of.

He nodded as he offered me his hand. I placed mine in his, he took a breath, then ever so carefully, he pulled my hand to the side of his face.

I watched his eyes close, felt his body tense underneath my palm, after a few seconds his body softened.

“I’ve only ever kissed Cole and I hated it. I know with you; it will be magical.” Taking a deep breath I asked, “Do you trust me?”

He opened his eyes as he said, “Wouldn’t have told you all that if I didn’t.”

Nodding I leaned in, made sure he saw what I was doing, I ran my hand over his cheek. “Do what feels natural Knox.”

Without breaking eye contact until I was a mere breath away from his full lips, I closed my eyes as I kissed him softly. I felt his lips kiss me back, I couldn’t help the smile. He pulled away, I saw his throat as he swallowed and the sight of my smile, had him bringing up his hand to run his palm over the side of my cheek, down to the side of my neck, and then he leaned back in.

He nibbled on my lips, exploring, I opened my mouth to give him better access and when I felt his tongue entire my mouth, I moaned. That was all Knox needed as he wrapped another arm around my waist, lifting me onto his lap.

I saw stars. My entire world felt like it had stopped spinning and it only consisted of him and me. Our make-out session didn’t end until he pulled away.

“Sleep.” I nodded as I climbed off his body, changed into my pajamas, and when I returned, the pillow barrier was no more.

Seeing him lay there with his arm out to his side, I looked at him, seeing what I was asking him, he nodded.

The moment I laid my head on his chest I sighed in contentment. “No one else but you Fiona.”

Smiling, I nodded, “No one else but you Knox.”

I didn’t roam his body with my hands. Not yet.